All Comments on 'Invisible'

Ya got mad skills. Well-written and imaginative, but not even close to my cuppa char. Not even the same universe. Can't fathom the attraction of humiliation... 4/5.

four of your tags were lies

minus four stars

6th Sense Dejan vu

stupid nothing here not a story at all

0 *

This is the best story that i've ever read in Lit. Outstanding! All the Stars in the universe! I can't go any higher than that!

Anonymous Re: "Best story" - This must be the only story you've read here. This isn't even the best cuckold story.

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I suggest you read any of the Hall of Fame stories before embarrassing yourself with a comment like this.

Nice story. Different and not strictly a LW story which will offend a lot of readers. But I liked the idea. Thanks for the story.

What a trip...

I thought it was just another unrealized dead spouse story but nice twists at the end

Regardless of a possible misapplication of tags, this was a VERY different kind of story than usually shows up on this site. Kudos for your imaginative writing. Well done. More please.

Garbage

Clever, fun and something different in LW. You may have spent a bit too much time on the setup (that he was dead was clear very early on), but the barroom scene was outstanding, as was the ultimate solution. 5*, easy.

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But . . . a one deal Hold'em game? At that point, it's pure luck and they might have just as well cut for high card.

Weird shit

Absolutely wonderful story.

Huh?????

DOL

Decent story, but the ending could have gone a different way. What if he became the baby of another family and never had anything to do with Joe and Karen? What if he asked instead to stay in the afterlife, or asked that his soul be permanently destroyed - his depression took over.

Pretty dumb, imho.

No real redeeming qualities.

The conclusion dropped this from 5:00 to 4:00 stars

isle => Island

aisle => a passage between rows.

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Ya lost me with the very first sentence.

I have to give this one 5* for originality!

Author’s Notes:

This is not a cuckold story... Baxter is not the kind of guy that gets off on humiliation, or watching his wife have sex. In fact he hates those things. But when he sees his wife with another man, the oddest of circumstances have left him powerless to do anything about it. In the end, what he saw his wife was doing was not what it seemed, and Baxter finds love and redemption in an unlikely way.

Oddly enough, this story is based on an experience I had with a sink in the men’s room at a membership store. On several visits I tired to use one of the sinks and it never would turn on. Seems I’d always forget that the first faucet in the row of sinks had a faulty sensor. One week I absentmindedly tried to use broken faucet again, and in frustration with myself I joked, “What am I, fucking invisible?”

The guy at the sink next me started laughing. Then he added to my joke, “Either that or you are dead.” Then he informed me that the offending sink had been broken for years.

After I left the store, my thoughts went right to where the laughing man had inadvertently guided them... What if it could really happen? What if a guy was dead and didn’t know it? In my mind, a dead person would feel nothing, which would be akin to having the worst case of depression ever.

Add to those thoughts my love for stories where some clever fellow cheats death, and you can see where all of this nonsense came from. I tried to handle this lightheartedly enough to be enjoyable. The topic of death can be such a downer.

There have been comments about the story tags being wrong. My apologies on that. Those tags came from another story, and I neglected to check them before I published. The comments about the wrong tags are appreciated. That being said, I wonder why anyone would vote or comment solely based on the story tags… which has been done here, and on a couple of my other stories.

Thanks for reading and all of the honest feedback. I appreciate it.

Too bad for him he didn't meet anyone who saw dead people.

Going back as Karen's kid was funny, guess he'll be featuring in another section of this site in about 18 years.

Very Clever

Why switch tenses (past, present, and back to past again)? That is just irritating.

Excellent!

IMHO could've left out the last 4 sentences and left it to each to wonder, but very nice and I say all 5*s.

While this tale was nicely written, I found the ending very unsatisfactory. I figured out that Baxter was dead in the first page, but, I thought he was dead due to suicide. I hope the author continues his writings.

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Pasqual

Could have been in several different categories. But it worked well here.

Boring , repetitive and plain stupid , I was lucky to get to the third paragraph , I gave it a one...

Baxter! Baxter! Baxter! Baxter! OMG! I am tired of that name after you repeated it some many times in the story...... that was very stupid and boring.

I did not expect that. Well told.

Bad POV and a really bad storyline

Morty! Morty! Morty! WTF?

"Trudging up one isle and down the next, dodging busy workers and shopping carts, Baxter made his way unnoticed through the crowded store." -- Right off the bat stars are lost. Trudging along through crowded isles? Which ones are they? Maybe, since he's in a STORE, he should stick to the aisles?

Ha ha way cool little yarn. So folks are so uptight its amazing they can breath.

Technically none of the story tags turn out to be true...except perhaps the one of fantasy.

It's like a middle school came up with a clever idea for story. This is an exceptionally boring obvious and contrived story

Very cruel

Wow what a great story, some really good twists. 5 stars

Difficult story to get into. Choppy sentences, repetitive use of Baxter was annoying and it was obvious he was dead in the first page. A unique unenjoyable story.

It read like a pornographic "The Twilight Zone".

Although the story pretty much gave itself away by the bathroom scene, I was entertaining to see the story play out.

BTW...it is sleight of hand.

Very predictable early in the story.

Are guardian angles still in???

LOVE slap-hapy-papy #9

I kind of liked it, a bit of the Saddletramp vibe. The card game reminds me of an old Woody Allen short story where death comes for a guy, and the guy ends up beating death at pinochle.

And of course doesn't paint God in a good light, if Dexter died because the schlub screwed up. It is still original and I gave it high marks.

GREAT story!!!!!!

Very interesting premise. You wont get the interest you deserve in this time of atheism and disbelief. but was really well done.

Kinda thought it was a recap of the Bruce Willis film, but you changed it up nicely in the end. Sending him back as her kid, “the love of her life” was a clever twist. Enjoyed it.

I wasnt going to finish this story because the premise was so transparent but Im glad I finished it,well done!

I thought that this was a novel approach. Baxter's confusion was written very well, though I thought that all the "cock-sucking" added little or nothing to the story and could easily have been left out. That said, I liked the rest of it - and the neat little twist at end. Thank you for posting it.

Well i have never met a woman that has admitting she was wrong

This one is a gem!!

From the comments it seems that this tale was very much liked, but ... how is it that, that after 27000+ views, tha average evaluation is well under the minimum of 4 stars (3.7) for a good one ? This fact just tells that this unrealistic fetish-cuck tale was not well appreciated, as it happens to most of the same in the LW category.

Brilliant 5&FAV&FOLLOW! More please and thank you