Is it Paradise?

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A story about rebirth after death.
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I woke up to a pleasant tickle. A pretty girl in a green bathing suit caressed the tip of my penis with her tongue. When she saw that I opened my eyes, a genuine smile lit up her face. She took my cock in her mouth and began to gently move her blond head, diligently taking it deeper, while making delicious gurgling sounds.

I could not help moaning and finished literally right there, the girl swallowed almost everything, but she still missed a few drops and they flowed down her chin. The laughter of the girl, like the chiming of bells, lit up a spacious room in which there was a sofa, something like a closet and some kind of apparatus with flashing lights.

She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips, her tongue slipped into my mouth, I felt the taste of my love juice... My hands lay on her chest and began to knead and stroke them. She was suddenly distracted and said in a melodious voice:

- Welcome to this world!

- Who are you? I said hoarsely, running my fingers under the cups of my bathing suit.

- My name is Debbie. And you, Sen, right? She pulled back slightly, preventing me from untying the ties of her modest robe.

- Uh...

I suddenly realized that I remember almost nothing about myself. Only a tall building made of glass and concrete, a collision on the highway and a failure. Who am I and what did I do?

Yes, your name is Sen. You do not remember anything? Well, I'll tell you.

She jumped lightly off the sofa and led me to a wide window overlooking a courtyard with sidewalks and a fountain. But all this did not matter too much, since attention was completely absorbed by a huge number of couples making love in different poses. None of them appeared to be over 25 years of age.

- Do you like? She slyly looked at me. My confusion was more than eloquent.

"It's nothing but life after death, Sen. All people go here, there is no heaven or hell. The evil and envious become more accommodating, the kind and sentimental do not change. But, of course, there is a way out of human aggressiveness here.

"But there are only young people here! Where do old people go?

- Don't worry! All people here in the beginning choose for themselves the body and age they wish. This does not depend on how long they lived in the Other World and what physical disabilities they had. The body can be changed at any time, you can even exchange it with another person for a while or forever...

"Body swap?" I mean, for example, I can turn into a girl and... Do it... well, like a girl?

- Well, of course! If you want, we can try right now. I will turn into you, and you into me! Is it coming? She looked at me with chuckles in her eyes and brushed a naughty lock of hair from her forehead.

I just got incredibly turned on by this idea. Despite the fact that I had just finished, the member began to rise again.

Or here! Debbie beckoned me with her finger.

Rising from the sofa, I found myself next to her at the apparatus, winking with multi-colored lights.

"Put your finger here." She pointed to the hollow next to the big red button.

Is ten minutes enough for us? she asked, setting the timer.

I nodded. And then he looked in the mirror, which hung a little further closer to the corridor. A completely naked guy of about twenty, moderately muscular, with a medium-sized cock and an expression of absolute incomprehension on his long face, was looking at me. Debbie, seeing on my part obvious indecision, took my hand and put it next to hers in a special recess. I felt a slight tingle, as if from a weak electric shock, and then everything around me went hazy for a split second.

And in the next moment, I suddenly felt a load disappear between my legs. I looked down and saw only a flat tummy and small green panties - no trace of heavy equipment filled with juices. And even lower - pretty legs with neat feet and nails, not at all like my heavy paws.

Raising my hands, I touched my breasts (or rather, Debbie's breasts, but at that moment I did not see the difference). Incredible sensations were fueled by the fact that Debbie in the body of a guy came closer and a member fell into my field of vision. From the outside, it seemed to me much more, I even doubted for a moment that it was mine.

- Well, how about a blowjob? Debbie spoke in my voice. When you hear your voice from the outside, it seems like a stranger, I have now seen this from my own experience.

"Um..." On the one hand, I was trembling (or rather, trembling) with excitement, but on the other hand, some stupid taboos prevented me from taking the next step. Suddenly I remembered the idiotic children's chant "Once not Arkansas" and still forced myself to kneel in front of Debbie.

Her (or rather mine) cock swayed right in front of my face.

"Come on, five minutes left!" Debbie took his cock in her hands and shook it from side to side.

"Oh, there wasn't," I thought, and leaned forward. I never thought about what a girl feels when she takes it in her mouth, but now I had the opportunity to find out. And the result shocked me to the core.

Firstly (as I later found out, this was part of the transformation) the girls here loved blowjobs as much as other types of sex, so my panties immediately got wet. And secondly, the process itself turned out to be very complicated from a technical point of view.

The thing is, I've always thought blowjobs were pretty straightforward. Take it in your mouth and move - what's so difficult about it? But it turned out that everything is not quite so. The first pitfall lay in wait for me literally immediately.

I gently touched (let's say "touched" and not "touched" in order to avoid ambiguity) a member with sponges. The tense, throbbing flesh of the girl immediately twitched under my caresses. I put my hands on Debbie's hips, who froze in anticipation. And then I opened my mouth and gently stroked the pommel of my partner with my tongue.

Debbie responded to the caresses by putting her hand on the back of my head and pressing. The girl's penis darted into my mouth and that's when the first funny thing happened. Without realizing what I was doing, I reflexively wrapped my teeth around the aroused organ and elicited a plaintive groan from Debbie.

- Hey, Sen! Teeth!

"Profty," I said indistinctly from behind my cock in my mouth, and did my best to keep my teeth out of the interaction. It turned out to be weak. The girl now and then yakala and pulled the penis. After a couple of minutes of such torment, Debbie decided to take matters into her own hands.

She laid me on the couch and settled down at the head of the bed, so that her cock hung right over my chin. And then the girl ordered me to open her mouth wider and her ass was over my chest. Then she quietly put a member in my lips and began to make progressive movements. I just breathed heavily through my nose to the beat of her thrusts, taking the cock deeper and deeper.

To my surprise, I realized that it really was better this way - I made the lips with the letter "o" and my teeth did not interfere with Debbie's enjoyment, and I, in turn, was wildly pleased with the feeling of fullness, squelching sounds and caresses of Debbie, who was rubbing with might and main my earlobes with my fingers. It's better for her to know where her erogenous zones are on her body, I thought with a smile. It was difficult to smile, so I tried to get serious, which was not easy given the situation.

But then Debbie changed tactics a bit and I was not laughing. She decided to go further and drive her cock deeper. I suddenly felt short of breath and coughed, but Debbie did not calm down. She seemed to have decided to get to the neck, her pulsating and smooth cock literally bored me, tears flowed down my cheeks, wrinkled balls already touched my chin at times, and the girl, as if distraught, continued to peck until she began to pump me with sperm.

I felt that I could not hold it all, some of it poured out, I literally choked on it... When suddenly everything blurred again and now I was sitting on my knees over Debbie's face, and she was trying to swallow everything that she herself released into me a second ago. We switched bodies back, ten minutes passed.

Crazy, I looked at Debbie's flushed face, the streaks of tears on her cheeks, the sperm on her lips and chin, my wet cock and could not bring myself to believe that this was not a dream, but the very reality. A million questions that I wanted to ask bubbled up inside me, but instead of bombarding Debbie with them, I suddenly decided to experience a deepthroat, so to speak, from the other side.

My cock was filled with juices, although this was the third time in half an hour. Technically, the second time it was owned by Debbie, but still. I put the penis on the girl's face, she smiled happily and tiredly, and then opened her mouth. I happily dived in, and Debbie began to moo at my every move. With displeasure, I reproached myself for not mooing when Debbie rammed me - because of the vibration, the sensations increased a hundredfold.

I began to do the same thing that Debbie did a minute ago, not forgetting the caress of her earlobes. The girl began to choke, as I had a moment ago, but I did not slow down, slapping eggs on her smooth chin. Then I suddenly thought, "Why the hell is Debbie still in a bathing suit?" and decided to take it off, leaning back for a second. But the reaction of the girl was suddenly not at all what I could have imagined.

She opened her eyes wide and immediately began to cover herself with her palms, preventing me from seeing her breasts and nipples. It was already impossible, because I hung over her face, but Debbie, nevertheless, very carefully covered her breasts. I even lost my whole mood because of her strange behavior.

With a popping sound, I left my partner's mouth and stared at her inquiringly.

Wiping her mouth, Debbie pursed her lips.

"Sorry, Sen, I didn't tell you everything.

"Well, what are you hiding?" Do you have scales on your chest?

- No, what are you! the girl smiled. "They are perfectly ordinary, well, maybe a little more resilient than in the Other World, nothing more.

- Then what is it?

"Look closely at the girls outside the window.

I got up from the couch and went to the window. My eyes didn't deceive me. Absolutely all the girls in the yard in one way or another covered their intimate places and breasts. Someone was like Debbie in a bathing suit, someone in short skirts and shorts, and some in dresses and T-shirts that barely covered the buttocks. Interestingly, all the guys were completely naked.

"Full nudity would make this world a much more boring place." Debbie smiled sweetly again.

- Clothing, by the way, depends on the day of the week. On Monday - a miniskirt and a top, Tuesday - shorts and a blouse with a neckline, Wednesday - a T-shirt without a bottom, but what would cover up, well, you understand, right? On Thursday - swimsuit, on Friday - lace underwear, on Saturday - a short dress or nightgown, and on Sunday girls wear only loincloths and are required to move around in handcuffs, holding their hands so that they cover their nipples.

She showed how hands should be on Sunday and smiled sadly.

- Today is Thursday for me, and every girl has her own calendar.

"But we don't have critical days and everything else," she said.

Sen was about to ask what would happen if he broke the rules, but she beat him to it.

- Disobedience is followed by excommunication from sex and physical punishment.

And all this has no purpose and meaning?

- Wrong, my love! There are families, there is Search and there is Salvation...

- What are you talking about?

- When a couple lives a married life, they make love only at night and sometimes in the morning and evening. The whole day is spent on tests with other partners.

- What? That is, betrayal is in the order of things?!

- Marriage sex differs from the Search in that the girl can be completely naked. And to give someone a blowjob in panties or lift up a skirt for a classic or for a guy to love you in the ass - yes, this is in the order of things.

She said it in such a way that I immediately turned on. I never thought that I would feel this way at the thought of how my beloved takes someone else's penis in her mouth and becomes cancer at the first request from a stranger...

When will I be able to see you without a bathing suit?

"First, you need to register a marriage in the terminal," she pointed to the device that changed our bodies.

"But for that, we need to complete our family.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, we will be matched with a graduate in our daughter! Don't worry, we just need to visit the School, that's all. When schoolgirls turn nineteen, they enter the final stage of education and after the exam they are released to the City, having previously picked up a family. I forgot to say - in all families there are always two girls and one boy, this is due to the fact that here you can freely choose a body, and girls have corny more opportunities for sex - three holes, not two. If the couple is of opposite sex, they have a daughter; if two mothers, they have a son. Boys with boys in their bodies do not have sex - why, when anyone can turn into a girl, and then back, if they want?

"So this girl will play the part of our daughter?"

- Well, of course. We will teach her all the tricks. Of course, they practiced at the School for a year, but in life everything is completely different. When you turn nineteen and go out into the world, you need to know and be able to do a lot.

- Well, let's go. Wait, what is Salvation?

- When you find your ideal partner, you need to marry him and after that, at some point during the climax of pleasure, Salvation occurs - both partners in a cloud of golden radiance rise up and disappear. That's the whole point. My previous husband was so saved with our daughter. And here I am..." she sighed.

- I wanted to erase the memories, but it was painful for our daughter to double penetration well. I turned into a guy, Al stood in front, and I rammed Gaby in the ass. Oh, how she caught orgasms, you should have heard her!

Debbie washed up and we went out into the corridor, where a nice brunette with Asian features was walking towards us. My friend greeted her with a kiss and then introduced her to her future husband:

This is Naya. You can try her...

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AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Literotica does have a Volunteer Editor Program. Have you looked into it?

https://www.literotica.com/faq/volunteer-editor-program

There is also a Writer Resources page with a lot of what appears to be useful links. (I haven't actually visited all of them, so I can't personally speak to their quality.)

https://www.literotica.com/resources/writer-resources

LightbrianLightbrian8 months agoAuthor

Are you now free editors or beta who want to help for free?

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

First, I strongly suggest you focus on quality over quantity. I see that you have posted a lot recently and the ones I have explored are disappointing. It's not so much that your story lines suck, but that you fail to give them the attention they need and post poorly written versions. It's fine to write down the gist of a story as it comes to you, but those are simply notes you use to later craft the story. They are not the actual story. Put the effort into turning those ideas into proper stories before posting them.

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The biggest thing you need to do is learn how to write dialog. I'll give you a hint: It goes inside quotation marks. Obviously, there's more to it than that, but that is more than you appear to know currently. The basics are really pretty simple and should not take you long to master. There are more advanced things, like quotes inside dialog and multiple paragraphs spoken by a single character, but you'll pick those up as well in due time.

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Next, if you can't find an editor, at least find a beta reader. They will help you catch things like this:

"I nodded. And then he looked in the mirror,"

The problem with this is that both "I" and "he" appear to refer to the same person. Shifts in perspective like this are jarring, especially in such close proximity. I had to stop and go back to determine if you changed perspective or if you meant to say "she" instead. There were others grammar problems, such as saying "mine" when the correct word choice was "my". It's easy to skim over them when reviewing your own writing, but having somebody else read it will usually catch these pretty quickly.

.

I don't mean to discourage you from writing, but unless you up your game you are going to get a lot of negative comments and ratings that will, most likely, discourage you from writing.

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