It all Started with a Car Crash

All my spare time was spent going to open homes and inspecting properties with agents. The ones I liked, I couldn't afford. The ones I could afford were horrible.

One night, about two in the morning, I heard my phone buzzing. "Hello?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Charli." A tearful Aroha sobbed.

I sat up, instantly wide awake. "What's the matter, why are you crying?"

"I'm in trouble. I need you." Her sobs grew in intensity. "I fucked up, Sis, Shit, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called."

"Don't be silly. What's the problem?"

Her tears changed in tone, almost hysterical. Nothing she said made sense. "Where are you?" I asked.

"At the flat."

"Where are the girls?"

"Fuck knows. Doing their shit."

"Stay there, I'm on my way." I dressed quickly, the dogs sensing something was wrong meant there was no way I was getting away without them.

We piled into the car, the fog settled in, making it a slow drive. When I got there, I found her curled up in a fetal ball on the bed, crying hysterically.

It was one of the flatmates who let me in. "What's going on?" I asked.

Sherry shrugged. "We don't know, she hasn't been around much lately. She was staying with that dipstick, Todd. This is the first time she's stayed here for months."

We shared a hug, and I walked into her room.

The moment I sat on the edge of her bed, she pulled me down into a hug. "I fucked up, Sis. I fucked everything up. They all hate me. I've let everybody down."

Holding her close, I rubbed her face, wiped away the tears. "Nobody hates you. Just tell me what happened, is it Todd?"

"Kinda, he hates me as well now." Not a bad thing, I thought to myself, but said nothing.

"You have to tell me what's going on, is it school?"

"Yeah, I fucked that up. I'm gonna fail that as well."

She broke down again and I had to just hold her, comfort her.

As we lay there, I heard the dogs barking. Aroha glanced up. "You brought Milly?"

"Had to, she wouldn't let me leave without her."

She giggled, and for the first time, I saw a little of the old Aroha shine through. "We better go and let her in, the neighbours'll go ballistic if she keeps barking."

"Most of that is Miracle. She's way more boisterous."

We brought them inside and after lots of cuddles, Aroha found them some bowls for water and made us a cup of coffee. We sat on her bed, the hot cups warming our hands.

"You have to tell me what's going on, Aroha."

"I can't, you're gonna hate on me."

"No, I'm not."

Our cups were empty when she blurted out, "I'm pregnant."

Thank god my cup was empty. It slipped from my grasp, falling onto the bed. "Oh shit," I mumbled.

Her look was full of guilt and shame. "Told ya, you hate me."

Grabbing her, and holding her tight. I whispered. "I don't hate you. I could never hate you. God, why didn't you phone me, tell me?"

"I couldn't. I wanted to. Fuck, I wanted to so bad. I just knew you were going to be disappointed. I let you down."

"You are being silly. You haven't let me down. Things happen. We just have to roll with it."

"I'm gonna fail, all that money, and for what... Nothing, that's what. I fucked everybody over."

"No, babe, we can get through this. Forget about the course. You have to focus on making sure you're okay. I assume Todd is the father?"

She nodded slowly. "Is he okay with it, does he want this?"

"Haaaa, he wants me to get an abortion. He told me I had to."

The tears were back in full flow mode, and not just her either. My eyes rained tears. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to."

"You didn't see him, he got real agro. Said he was gonna kill it if I didn't get an abortion."

"Don't worry about him. It's what you want that matters. Do you want to abort it?"

She shook her head violently. "No, this is my mistake, but I don't want to have an abortion. I want it."

"Then that's what we'll do. He will have to live with that decision."

Her eyes bored into me. "You're disappointed, aren't you?"

"No... okay. A little, but only because I know how much you wanted to get that degree. The baby will make it hard for you, but not impossible."

"You think I should finish the degree?"

"Yes, one hundred percent yes. You started that, and you told me you wanted it."

"I do." She sobbed, "But how can I do it?"

"Jesus, come on, Aroha. I thought you were a fighter. You're pregnant not dying. You get back to school, you work hard. You do your damnedest to make it. If you give up on that, you'll be just another loser. It will be what defines the rest of your life."

"The teachers are gonna be on my arse."

"So they should. That's their job. They see a bright intelligent young woman throwing away her life. Of course they're going to be angry."

"Todd wants me to chuck it in, have an abortion and go with him."

"Go where?" I spat out cynically. "Look, Aroha. I've tried to stay out of this, he was your choice. I never liked him, he's an idiot. He has been in trouble with the law his whole life. He uses people."

"But I love him."

"If he loves you, he will want to be part of you and your baby's life."

The dogs wandered in and jumped up on the bed with us. That's how we woke up in the morning. My alarm went off at six. I had to ring in sick. Not something I liked doing, but she needed me more than ever.

The house exploded into a chaotic mess as the other girls all started to get ready for Uni.

I made Aroha organise a meeting with the Uni, and I went with her as she explained her dilemma. Thankfully they had provisions for such circumstances. Aroha wasn't the first girl to get pregnant.

Aroha apologised for her absences and had to eat a little humble pie, but they were kind and helpful. They organised for her to catch up some of her missed classes, gave her some flexibility in hours for doctors visits and stuff.

At the end of the day, we sat together at KFC, munching away. "How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Better, I feel better because you're here. I missed you. I'm sorry I ghosted you."

"Hey, it's going to be fine. What are you going to do about Todd?"

She grimaced, and not because her mouth was full of chicken. I could see her gears grinding. "I don't know, Charli. I do love him, but I'm not getting an abortion. I don't wanna be a solo mum. He is going to be a father, I want him in our lives."

Disappointed, I shrugged. "You need to talk to him, tell him how you feel."

"I can't, he gets all agro, starts yelling and shit."

"Would you like me to be there? I could help."

"Nah, I mean I'd love ya to be there, give me strength. He'd just get shitty and take it out on yo."

"I'm a big girl, Aroha, I can look after myself."

She giggled, wiping her tissue across her mouth. "Don't worry, I know that. You can be as scary as fuck."

Driving back to her place, she said, "Thanks for coming; not sure I could have made it without yo." We hugged and she said, "Thanks, Sis."

"No worries, I'll always be here for you. Promise me you're going to finish the degree?"

"I promise," she said guiltily. "I won't let yo down again."

"Are you going to be all right, do you want me to stay another night?"

"Nah, I'm good, but if yo wanted to come for the weekend, it'd be cool."

"I'll be here, but I'll have to bring Millie, and Miracle."

"Choice, wouldn't have it any other way. She's my dog, you know."

"Used to be," I said playfully.

"Nah, still is."

It was nice to have the old Aroha back. We talked every night, the video chats included some study assistance and lots of licks from the dogs.

As promised, I went over for the weekend, and just as well. Todd tuned up drunk and nasty on Saturday night. He dragged Aroha, away by the arm, screaming, "We gotta talk, bitch."

I jumped up, but Aroha waved me away. "Chill, Sis. I got this." They disappeared out into the darkness, I could hear the raised voices. The other girls grouped around, nervous and concerned.

I tried not to get involved, but when I heard him ranting at the top of his voice, "I'm gonna smash your fucking face in, you slut," that was it for me. I pushed open the doors and marched angrily towards the voices. I found them, he had her pushed up against a tree, his hand around her throat. He was that drunk or high, he didn't see my approach.

He sure as hell felt it though. I grabbed his arm and wrenched it away. As he turned towards me, I twisted his wrist bending his hand backwards causing him to drop to his knees.

"Owww, fuck," he moaned in agony. "What the fuck?" he hissed.

"The fuck is this, dipshit. You're no longer welcome here. Take this little bit of advice. I'm going to let your arm go, and once I do, walk away."

Aroha sobbed hysterically, and between sniffles, she yelled, "Fuck off, Todd. I'm sick of your macho bullshit. Charli's right, don't come back."

He stood up, rubbing his wrist. "I'll come back if I fucking want. You got that? I'm warning you, bitch. You better get the fucking abortion. I'm not spending the rest of my life giving you fucking money."

"We don't want your money, dipshit. She's not having an abortion, and your name is not going on the birth certificate. So piss off. If I find you hanging around here, the next time we meet it will be a lot worse."

"Fuck you, pig. You can't tell me what to do."

I dropped quickly, and spun, my leg strike taking him behind the knee, and he went sailing backwards. His head made a sickening thud as it hit the concrete path.

I knelt behind him as Aroha gasped in shock. He was unconscious and the back of his head was covered in blood.

"Call an ambulance," I called to the gathered crowd. "And somebody bring me a towel or something."

I rolled him into the recovery position and wrapped his head. The ambulance duly arrived with a police patrol car in attendance as well.

The two officers walked behind the Ambo's, torches shining around the grouped faces.

"Somebody like to tell me what happened please?"

I was about to speak, when Rebekah, one of Aroha's flatmates said. "Todd turned up and he was drunk. Aroha tried to get him to quieten down because he was off his face. He was that pissed he tripped over on the path, fell down and banged his head."

The officer looked unimpressed. He shone the torch light in everybody's faces. "Is that what you all saw?"

Aroha jumped in. "He turned up because I told him I'm pregnant, and he got angry and started yelling. That's why I brought him out here. He embarrassed me. Like Becca said, he's way drunk, and stumbled and fell."

His torch light fell on me. "What about you, is that it?"

I pulled my identification from my picket and passed it over.

"Yeah, by the time we got out here, he had already tripped and fell. He did try to strangle Aroha; he had her by the throat and was banging her head against the tree over there."

He checked Aroha's throat and saw the red welts and finger marks.

He turned back to me as he passed back my identification. "Seems like he got what he deserved. Do you want to lay charges?"

"No!" Aroha cried out in anguish. "We just want him gone."

The girls all gathered around after they left. Becca hugged me tightly. "Thank you."

"No, thank you. I'm not so sure they would have been so helpful if they knew the truth."

It was a turning point. Aroha was a little despondent. The prospect of being a solo mum weighed her down. "What am I going to do, Sis? Even if I get the degree, I won't be able to use it. Where the fuck am I gonna live? I see women all the time trying to make it on the domestic purposes benefit."

"It's easy, you live with me till you're on your feet. We can do it."

"Oh yeah, right. What the hell do you know about raising babies?"

"About as much as you. Miracle turned out all right."

She giggled seriously. "I'm serious, Sis. What am I going to do?"

"Like I said, once you've had the baby, you move back home. Together, we can do it. We'll take some classes, get Marama to help. We're a couple of bright intelligent women. We will figure shit out."

"Nah, I can't mooch off you. Fuck, you already dome way too much."

"Aroha, I want you to come home. Once you have your shit together you can move on, find your own way in the world. My home is your home."

She jumped into my arms and we hugged. "You're the best, Sis."

The feel of her body crushed against mine, made my heart race. Having her in my arms felt so good, so right. My feelings confused me, I loved this girl like I had never loved anybody in my life, but she had made it pretty clear over time that our friendship was just that. She had tried many times to set me up with other girls.

My love was going to go unrequited, but I didn't care. I would rather have her in my life as a friend than be without her.

The thought of having a baby in the house scared me. Aroha was right, I had no clue. I never saw myself as a mother, or even a parent. I wasn't one of those people who get all mushy when I saw babies. I wasn't even sure I liked them.

Luckily for me, some of my comrades at the station had young children. They introduced me to their wives and their children. I felt my world slowly change. Babies were cute and cuddly, and so adorable.

Aroha had the same concerns and booked us into a night class at Red Cross for young unwed mothers.

Wow, what an eye-opening course. We both laughed at how little we knew. We learned how to fold nappies, how to hold baby, how to burp baby. It was a big moment for her. I could see the consternation, the fear.

"What if I stuff up?" she asked.

"Then I'll help."

"Oh yeah, and what if you stuff up?"

"Then you'll help me. Maybe alone we couldn't do it, but I promise. I'll always be there for you."

It was cathartic, as well. Every Wednesday night we attended our Mummy classes, and little by little, we became comfortable.

Aroha had spoken to my mother many times over the telephone or on video chats. They were friends, although I sensed Mum knew how I really felt. She told me she thought I was inevitably going to get hurt.

I didn't disagree, but I was on this train wreck and I was not getting off until I was thrown.

Mum was great, though, she talked most days with Aroha and helped quell her fears.

Her studies went well; in fact, her life was going well. The girls at the flat rallied around her. It was incredible to watch. The house full of party-loving girls was suddenly holding a baby shower, helping Aroha through her classes.

Me, I had other things on my mind: a new place to live, my own home, something I could call mine. It had been months of searching, but finally I had something I liked. It wasn't big or posh, just a small three bedroom cottage on four acres just south of town

It was one of those moments. As soon as I drove up the tree lined driveway, I knew in my heart this was it. Yeah, it was a bit run down; the elderly couple who owned it couldn't keep up the work and the property, like the house, was in need of repairs.

I wanted Aroha to see it, as well. I hoped it might ease her fears about moving back home. Well, my home.

"Why are we doing this?" she asked as I drove us back to Toke, Saturday morning.

"There's something I want to show you."

"Sis, I love what you're doing for me, but I don't wanna be a burden. You don't want me hanging around."

"Yes, I bloody do," I snapped. "I know you're a bit uncomfortable moving back in with me. Trust me, I'm not going to play big sister. You can live your life, see who you want, date, invite friends over. All I'm offering is a roof."

She looked confused. "You serious?"

"Yeah, serious as."

"What if I brought home somebody like Todd?"

"Then I'd kick your arse. You can do better than him."

She giggled. "God, I hope so."

"You'll find somebody, babe. You just have to give yourself a chance."

"Babe..." She gasped. "Since when am I your babe?"

Embarrassed and blushing, I apologised. "Sorry, it came out wrong. A couple of my mates from the force introduced me to their wives. They have babies, and that's how they speak. It sort of rubbed off on me."

"Fuck, chill, Sis. I like it, you just never called me that before." Her eyes smiled, but her furrowed brows told the real story.

"I was only trying to say I won't be interfering in your private life. Who you date, what you do. As long as it's safe for you and baby, it will be your call."

When I took Collings Road turn off, she said, "Hey, were are we going?"

Touching my finger to my lips, I whispered, "Shush, this is what I wanted to show you."

We pulled up outside the house, and she gasped. "What's going on, Charli?"

"I have put in an offer on this place. If they accept, it will be mine in a months time."

She spluttered silently as she took it all in. "Wow, it's choice as."

We walked around the house, her face not giving much away. "What do you think?" I asked.

"It needs painting."

"Yeah, I know."

"It needs new carpet or something."

"Yes, noted."

She shook her head. "Are you doing this for me?" She sighed, the confusion so apparent.

"No, this is because it's what I've always wanted. I always hated cities. I want a horse and some sheep, chickens."

Her eyes kept glaring at me, and I folded, "Okay, some of it was because of you. I wanted you to be comfortable. This would be a cool place for baby. Somewhere to play, lots of grass."

"It's a sweet place, Sis. I love it."

"What about furniture?" she asked as we looked around the out buildings.

"I have to buy new stuff."

'Shit, that'll be expensive."

"Yeah, I hope there'll be some money left from the purchase for paint, renos and some furniture."

She giggled. "Well, I got my bed. I just gotta get it here."

Aroha was getting close to delivery day when we finally moved in. She wanted to help with the painting, but I wasn't comfortable with her being around the paint fumes. Mum and Dad turned up to help, as well as a group of work mates. Mum got in the food, Dad organised the drinks and that evening we celebrated.

Aroha, not so much; she was feeling pretty queasy.

She had to finish her studies early. It meant getting a deferral till the next year. Again, the guys from the Station came and gave us a hand to move her stuff.

When we got home, there was a pile of furniture in the house. TV, stereo, couch, a table.

When I started crying, the guys all said. "Hey, we all got shit stacked up in our sheds. Giving it to you saved us dumping charges."

We all laughed, and it was no surprise when they pulled out some wine and beers to have another celebration. Those guys were more like family.

Dad was amazed. He had never had much time for the police force. He was a bit of a rebel in his younger days.

Mum and Aroha bonded like they were mother and daughter. Mum absorbed her into her world, and Aroha responded. Over that week I found them from time to time cuddled together chatting, Mum offering her advice. It was a heart warming act of love. Being invited in to share Mum's knowledge about child raising was pretty amazing.

My mother worked as a nurse and early childhood teacher all her life. She loved children. The fact she had become so attached to Aroha was wonderful.

It didn't take her long to bail me up, though. "Charli, please don't take offence, but darling, somebody is going to get hurt. Very hurt. I see it in your eyes, you're in love with Aroha. I know you, and I know how deep those emotions run..."

"Mum..."

"No, let me say this please. Have you spoken to her about your feelings?"

"No."

"Do you have any idea how she feels about you?"

"Mum, we have spoken. She's not a lesbian. We have talked about that. I know she loves me, but it's like the love you and I share. She doesn't love me the way I love her."

She hugged me, "So why are you doing this? Torturing yourself every day."