It Had to Be You

Lauren sat at her desk in the small office that allowed her to look out over the studiously tidy salon of a niche women's fashion boutique that was her life. She owed so much to her stepfather, a property developer who continued to be supportive of her endeavours as they each came to terms with what had happened and had turned over their lives.

Jack was alone now, just as she was, following the loss of Carola, a wife and mother. They had met some fifteen years ago in a small hotel overlooking the Aegean Sea and an intense love affair had ended with Carola and Jack marrying and putting behind them Carola's abandonment by an errant husband, and Jack's loss of his wife in a car crash. That she had been pursuing an affair had only become known to him when the news was brought to him, that Jenny had not been alone but with her lover.

There was a strange symmetry that had brought them together, but neither Jack nor Carola had reckoned on the place that Jack soon held in her life and mind. Her feelings for him had gone unrequited but the bond had remained close, if not obsessive, on her part. It persisted, throughout the years that Jack and Carola lived and loved together.

Now Carola was gone and her fashion shop, 'Be Beautiful' or 'Beebe's' was for her to run on her own and not as a devoted assistant to Carola. She had her apartment in Cheltenham, close to BeeBe's, and Jack lived not so far away in The Cotswolds, in a stone manor house that she looked on as a second home and visited frequently.

'It won't be long until I see you,' she had told him when Jack called to say that he was on his way to attend to some business in the town and that he would call for her as soon as it was finished and they went to lunch.

'I look forward to it, I always do...'

'And promise me that you won't rush away again, Jack, please? We don't have to live parallel lives anymore.'

'No, I guess not, but I'm still getting used to the idea.'

'And I'm here to help you, I always have been.'

Once more, and in her direct ways of speaking to him, she had let him know that her bond to him remained as tight as ever.

♥

Jacques van Sommeren, or Jack as he preferred, was a man who loved women but possessed none of the bravura or the arrogance in his character that would accurately describe him as a 'ladies' man'. Instead, his pursuit of a relationship was muted or carefully considered, the choice of a companion achieved after a period of assiduous wooing. No flamboyance would show him to be a man possessed of unwavering self-confidence. On the very rare occasions that he had given in to an impetuous liaison, it had been accompanied by guilt -- as if a flaw in his character had been revealed and that he had been reckless and selfish. His conscience would make him pay for a moment's impetuous, yet pleasurable, behaviour.

He stood tall and proud in a posture that described good health achieved through regular exercise and careful, not obsessive, attention to his diet. He had little inclination for alcohol and drank only at social occasions, or when he entertained family and friends. Otherwise, the stock of wine in the cellar of the house he had rebuilt with his first wife remained untouched for long periods. That house had become the home of Carola, the woman who had saved him from the long months that had followed a period of mourning for his second wife, Carola Baines, a flaxen-haired beauty with a fulsome figure and a passionate heart.

Paying attention to his appearance had become a habit, a matter of routine, and only rarely was he to be seen in casual clothes that were not coordinated for color or style. For him, grooming made the man and his hair was cut short but not, in the fashion of the time, cropped close to his scalp. The cut was sportive, easily manageable and it was strikingly fair, almost bleached white when the time had been spent in the sun. He was restless, impatient to remain active, and his skin retained a deep tan, a colour that he was told his father possessed in his younger years.

He could indulge himself and took holidays that afforded opportunities to pursue his main interests of sailing, swimming, and most of all, running. They were an outlet for nervous energy that drove him to work long hours when a project was in its early stages but left, as a result, extreme mental tiredness. Relief from the effects of his work could usually be achieved by the injection of adrenaline, that invigorating buzz achieved when he was out, alone, running through the fields and over the paths that surrounded what had been the family home.

A life-changing holiday in Greece had been the start of turning his life upside down all over again. He had met a mother and daughter, Carola and Lauren Baines, women that had found a way into his life and receptive mind only too easily, and when the moment came for them to part, after the holiday, they knew, suddenly, that their lives would never be the same again. Oh, how lives had been changed after one look, by just one look, that they had exchanged when they had first met.

Lauren had been the first to use them in the context of their relationship with each other. Intuitively, she had, it seemed, recognized a man whose character matched her ideal. It was the open affection that he could express, his discreet touch upon her, the interest shown in his eyes for both of them that told her he was the man to be in their lives. Above all, he gave time and commitment to loosen the ties that held them to a former existence. It helped that he combined this propensity for showing affection with good looks and his indifference to what others might regard as his understated, and unfashionable, choice of clothes for the beach. They were on holiday, after all, and Lauren in her precocious ways had blurted it all out, much to Carola's embarrassment and his dismay.

'People can think what they like about us, but I know that meeting you has changed how I'm going to deal with the future.'

'A future with us!'

'Lauren!'

'No, I think that she may be right and time will tell.' He had spoken out without a second's thought.

Lauren had been seen to rush to Carola's side and had disclosed that they had each found their man, a devoted kindred spirit; she just knew it. He would take them both with him on their journey together; he would lead when they needed his guidance; he had said that he loved them and she had needed to hear that most of all and to hear the words, often.

And that was how it had always been where in concerned Lauren. But for Carola he had been too tactile, too eager to express his feelings and to admit that he could restore the life of love and companionship she thought was lost. Lauren had no objection to these traits in him, far from it. She knew that they had 'clicked', in their own particular and special way.

Whereas Carola came to represent the calm and order in his life that he needed, Lauren's lively and unpredictable spirit matched his own suppressed inclinations to take a risk, to break the shackles that kept him in a conventional routine. Carola would take time to convince; she had allowed Lauren to be with him and relied upon an instinctive assessment of Jack, a family man, that he would not take advantage of her. If Lauren approved, learned of him, and discerned that he would accept them both, then Carola was prepared to relent in her denial that she welcomed his advances. She reserved her judgment, but Lauren's assurances soon spoke of her trust in him and the wish to discard the protective shield that they always seemed to build around themselves when a stranger entered their lives.

'We've met a wonderful guy, we both have!' she had cried out and Carola had told him of later. 'Time's just whizzing by too quickly to learn just about everything about him...about Jack. We're on holiday...so let's just live for the moment!'

And they had done until their lives together, a devoted trio, had been changed and now left them to pick up the pieces and to move on and do that together. The way to do that seemed to be clear in Lauren's mind. Not so in Jack and the tension between them had to be broken, somehow and soon.

♥

They drove to her home which was part of the high-quality development that Jack had pursued and retained an interest in and that went beyond her apartment.

'Are you sure you don't want to go out to lunch? It's not too late to change your mind.'

'Yes. I'm sure. Let's go to the flat. I want it to be just the two of us so we can talk.' Her fingers entwined with his for a moment and their eyes met as he drove, his hand on the gear shift and his Jaguar convertible cruising smoothly. 'It used to be so simple, seeing you or being together...now it seems as if I have to make a special appointment.'

'Hardly...an appointment,' he retorted. 'We're both busy people.'

'Not too busy to be together, and that's how it seems to me, Jack.'

'Easy, just go easy, just for me,' he smiled and saw her nod in reply. He could delight in her even as he drove through the crowded streets until the entrance to a treelined avenue was turned into. Lauren wore a chocolate brown blouse, with billowing sleeves and a ruffled collar that hung loosely above her breastbone, matching trousers, and a wide, studded belt. It was an image of perfect sophistication, Latin in style, and complemented perfectly her blonde hair with its auburn highlights and lightly tanned skin. She held him in rapt attention even as the electric gates responded to the key fob he held out of the window, pointing it at the receiver. Her appearance continued to be a livid reminder of Carola.

'Go out on the balcony...I'll bring us a drink.'

'Okay...fine,' he replied, shrugging off his jacket and putting it over a chair. The penthouse apartment had its views over the city's roofscape, potted palms and shrubs studiously placed by the railings or against the walls. She had made much of her home, with his help and Carola's. They created a restful atmosphere, offering intimacy that they could both exploit if they were minded to do so.

'Here you are, a glass of Prosecco...'

'Thank you,' he smiled. 'I haven't been here for a while...'

'No, but we can put an end to that now the worst times are behind us.' She continued to sense his restlessness but Jack was with her now, in the apartment that he had created for her. Now, finally, they would confront all that existed between them.

'Yes, that's true...'

'Jack, you knew how it was, how it is, and how it can still be?' she suggested.

'I hoped it would be otherwise, for both our sakes.'

She had given Carola an explanation, only once, for her failed relationships and never asked her for help. Instead, she turned to Jack who restored her belief that she would find someone to be happy with. They did so through shared moments, telling a joke or offering a touch, that told her that she could rely on him. Only, the way he often consoled her hinted at relief that a special moment had not yet arrived for her.

Now, as they stood in the sunshine, she felt her pulse quicken. She had waited so long for the look in his eyes that expressed an attraction to her and a restrained recognition that his desire be acknowledged.

Lauren flinched as Jack broke the spell.

'I was too old to make it right, even then, or too vain to deal with it an infatuation with you both, Carola in particular but never leaving you alone with that.' He laughed in dismay at even speaking of it with her, but it was the honest thing for them to do. 'Now, look at me! I'm sounding like an old and self-obsessed fool!'

'No, you're not! Shut up! Don't say that!' she yelled, provoked into anger that he could say such a thing. 'No, you're not...old!'

She slapped his face, hard, gasping at her behaviour and feeling a rush of anger that he should dismiss his emotions, and her feelings for him, on such a flimsy pretext.

'Don't you...' he glared but she stopped him from speaking.

'Don't you dare go and deny anything about what we feel or love about each other! Yes, Jack, what we love! You're not too old! We dealt with that, long ago on a beach, you and me, just the two of us together! It was your skin held against mine! I don't give a damn about all that age nonsense!'

'What?

'It was all about how we felt, really felt about each other, even then!' Lauren stared, fearful of his reaction to her slap and the ensuing words of explanation.

'What?' he asked again in disbelief at what she had told him and done.

'It has never mattered to me how old you were...or, how 'young' I was to even feel the way that I did about you. We could talk and laugh...we could just be together and share a private moment! I felt closer to you, always closer to you, than with anyone else or that anyone else could ever make me feel.'

Her hands shook as she held them out to him as if to make good what she had done. Jack seemed to waken from a moment's confusion and spoke out harshly.

'Never do that again! Never hit me, again...do you hear me?' His arms went about her waist as he held her roughly against him. 'Never hit me again, never!'

'No, I won't do that, ever again.'

She felt weak with fear as his expression changed. Anger vied with uncertainty as Jack confronted everything that lay at the heart of her confession. His breath was on her lips.

'Don't you ever lift your hand against me again...ever!'

'Jack! Oh, Jack?'

Her voice faltered. She shivered in expectation as his fingers moved over her thin blouse. She then gasped in surprise and longing as he traced the outline of her breasts, moving slowly down onto her hips.

'Lauren...Lauren.'

His lips caressed her mouth before he released her as if he had awoken from a trance.

They looked at one another following a moment of sudden and deeper intimacy. The heat of his kisses was a shock to them and they saw in the other's eyes recognition of a change in how they behaved towards each other.

'Sorry, I...I shouldn't have done that.' He now spoke with a softer disbelieving tone and pushed her away with a determined shove. 'I shouldn't have done that...I should go.'

'Jack, please, stay with me!' she asked feebly trying to restrain him.

'No, and it can't or shouldn't happen, not for us.' He left her and picked up his jacket. 'I'm going. Call me, soon...later, this evening say, please?'

Lauren ran to him and grabbed Jack's arm but he pulled free of her sliding clasp upon him. She met the look of doubt that he cast her way. 'Stay, the time is for us now.'

'I've got to leave you...sorry for what I did. I made a pass at you!' He even managed to smile in acknowledgment of what he had succumbed to.

'Jack...my darling...my darling man. Stay...you know that you can stay by me? We've taken so long to accept how it could be between us. We have both lost someone we loved. Now we can make a life for ourselves and do that together.'

He gave a long sigh, in concession to her overt disclosure, a physical expression of their infatuation.

'Lauren, what we're saying and doing...how can we even speak of it?' He shook his head, temptation in the shape of the young woman stood before him and he could succumb and not hurt the woman he had loved and lost.

'We can speak of it now, darling,' she said, across the short distance between them. 'You can tell me and you can show me! You can show me how you truly feel, so do that, please? Show me, please...show me, Jack?'

He continued to stare with those expressive eyes, standing very still before her with his arms folded; those strong hands clenched tight against his chest, like a shield against the temptation to finally submit to her.

'No, it should never find full expression. Just know that I care deeply for you and that I always have.' He went to pick up his jacket that had dropped to the floor. Lauren followed him, her heart beating furiously. Being with him had taken a wrong turn.

'What we have said and done, in the past? It's never been enough, has it?' she now challenged, her voice sharp, the words she used summarising perfectly how it had sometimes gone between them. Jack looked up. Lauren had the boldness to speak out on what he could only hint at with his eyes and by the kissing caresses he had offered, so briefly.

'No, it wasn't but you know the reasons why.' He stared back at her and resolutely pressed shut his lips to stifle any further confession of how it had been for him to be in the company of two women who claimed his attention, but in unequal measures.

Lauren knew at once that she was on the crest of the roller coaster ride before the dizzying fall she had dreamt of so many times. She ran her fingers through her hair as she looked at him and saw Jack follow every movement that she made; she felt the beat of her heart quicken.

'Jack...oh Jack,' she whispered through barely parted lips

'Lauren?' He stroked his forehead, a look of uncertainty in his eyes.

'Jack, please, kiss me again?'

'Help me as only you can, it seems.'

His hands made only the smallest movement as an invitation to her, in acceptance of what would follow. His jacket fell to the floor once again.

'Yes! Oh yes!'

She ran to him and flung her arms about his neck; there was only a moment's hesitation, a look of acquiescence between them before they met in deep, noisy, and gasping open-mouthed kisses, their tongues swirling and their hands clamping the other's body.

'How can I? Lauren!' He continued to kiss her lips, then her hair, moving his head as she kissed his throat in response to her touches. 'Lauren...Lauren! How can I do this?' His hands clasped then released their hold upon her in acknowledgment of his turmoil, the feelings of lust and restraint.

'Darling, oh you are my darling, Jack!'

'Don't! Stop! I know...I know...I know how it is! I know...but...we can't give in!'

'Oh Jack, darling. I can't bear it any longer. Help me with this, help me too!' She sought his mouth and kissed him deeply, moaning as he sucked her tongue gently in response.

'Lauren!' He drew his mouth away from her kisses. 'Lauren, how could I have let this happen?' The words echoed, sounding hollow in his ears. He stared into her eyes but there was no deliverance to be found in them.

'We can, darling, please? We can...we can! It's between us...us! No one else matters now, no one! Not now and we're together! Here...here! Like this!'

He attempted to push her away, but she felt ensnared by a longing for each other that she knew would finally overtake them. Drawn against him, this time she felt in Jack's caresses on her skin a deepening arousal of her senses, soliciting the responses that would finally satisfy his desire for her.

'Lauren! My darling we have to....'

'No! Don't stop,' she gasped as his mouth pressed down onto her lips. 'Jack, I've always known, now you can show me! Let me show you too how it is.' His lips moved to the swell of her breasts and she held his head to them, moaning as she felt the rushes of anticipation coursing through her belly, the ache for him that only being taken to bed, to share in tempestuous sex and release would bring to an end.

'Lauren...Lauren,' he kept whispering her name. 'What am I doing?'

Conceding to his baser instincts required so little; the veneer of respectability so thin although he believed it to be otherwise; his surrender had been met by Lauren's joyful response.

She stroked the back of his head tenderly. At last, soon, she would hold him against her naked skin but he struggled with his emotions and she held him as the warmth from his breath spread to her body, through the thin fabric of her blouse as she provoked his exploratory wondering kisses.

'Yes, it can happen, my darling man...it can, now.' She kissed his hair as tears filled her eyes. She felt so close to her fulfilment, but he eased his hold on her. 'You can be with me and no one needs to know, no one.'