All Comments on 'It’ll Never Happen'

More, more, more.

A really good start. You really captured the confusion, fear, trepidation that comes with being "just good friends" when you want more! It's true of all ages.

As someone who has a history of being attracted to women totally different and/or out of my league as well as being "a nice guy" I can attest that it happens at all ages!

Your characters are solid. You write well with a good use of language. (A couple of spellchecker errors but who cares?)

Enough detail to provide a decent backdrop but not so much that you are pedantic and lose track of the story you are telling.

This really deserves a part two.

Great story. Yes, it has it's flaws, but for the first time writer, ya done good. Try to find an editor to catch the flubs.

Oh, get ready for the shit from the anonymous trolls.

Olddave1951

Ukduke, says it well, this is a very well written story. I hope to see much more.

Thank you for sharing this!!!

Yes there were a dozen or more errors, but not so many or so severe that they detracted from the story. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Many friends have feelings for each other but neither wants to make the first move. It is better to take a chance than regret it later. it usually works out well.

And a few grammar errors aside you captured all of the stages such a relationship goes through before it blooms. Hope you plan a few more chapters to this one. 4* for now.

I'm a sucker for these kind of stories, so waiting for the next chapter.

A very good start.

Only because of the errors, otherwise very well written. I would live to read more.

Great first effort.

Try to find an editor in the forums. That would not only help with spelling but also the incompletely reconstructed sentences (He mom expected this even before Ally had called, since she knew James wouldn't let her drive in this, and they stayed at each other's houses all time time, so she had just expected this) and other slightly confusing stuff (walking down to his room and then walking back downstairs to the couch).

I highly appreciate that you didn't use a super rich, omnipotent martial arts and weapons specialist and a should be top model type of woman.

Interesting story

In Feb, 1961 something similar happened with my parents, then both high school sophomores, were tapped by a freak blizzard for several days without their parents. 9 months later i was born. Your story is bringing up some powerful mentors for me

Posting your first story is always a big step. Great job. I look forward to your future stories.

The first one is always the toughest. This was a great start but it really could have used an editor to clean up some little things. Keep after it, the story construction and character development is well done and provides a nice backbone to the story.

He chews tobacco? Just YUK!

More

And then what? Dont leave us hanging....and one time at band camp....5

I second what Bebop wrote. If you're anywhere near Charleviox you probably know my cousins, and/or their kids. :)

Please!!

Could be the start of a fun story... but its unfinished.

I liked the story except for three things: first there are some typos or missed words (I can live with them), second is for being such good friends, I think hormones wouldn't have let it go this far for this long before something happened, and third, I sure hope there's at least another chapter after this. It felt like someone kicked the plug out of the wall socket and everything went black. Looking forward to reading more about Ally and James.

Didn't like James from the start,what the fuck is there to like about him? Then he chews tobacco? How OLD is he? Disgusting habit, stopped reading there.

And please use the same tense. Jumping from past tense to current tense is jarring, at best. Agree with others: you need to use an editor.

Couple comments about not liking James. I didn’t make him any special way. Just wrote him based on my own life. Also, why does everyone hate chew lol. Thank y’all for the amazing feedback. More to come soon

People come to Literotica to beat off. Two pages max with jerk-it material is best. This was three pages and nothing to jerk off to.

A few grammatical errors but nothing that made it hard to read.

I appreciate the way the tension kept building. You're a good storyteller and I can tell you had fun with this.

couldn't deal with the horrid grammar - painful

Get a proof reader, please!

Yes, you need to improve grammar and sort out tenses. Never heard of a "plutonic" relationship - proves spell checker works but surely the wrong word which made me smile. However, these are quite minor and I liked the longish buildup to their first real kiss. Keep it up.

Good, strong first effort. I liked it a lot. Yeah, there were some typing issues, but not as big a deal as some other commenters will no doubt make them seem.

I particularly like the way you built the characters. Good writing.

THANKS

The only grammar errors that threw me off were the random capitalizations. I loved the story, though! Such a great read. Thank you for writing!

MC sounds like a gross pain in the ass. Addicted to dip in high school? It's absolutely disgusting. He'll be toothless by 40. There's not a single thing about this guy that's attractive.

MC sounds amazing, he does things his way and isnt a beta who follows mainstream crap. it absolutely amazing. Everything about this guy is attractive.

I’m going to hate myself for jumping into this series given how far apart the chapters are spaced, but here goes. Bunch of annoying editing errors but love the buildup. 5*

I voting with the "Dump the chaw" crowd. Kising a smoker tastes like licking an ashtray, I can't imagine what a French Kiss with a chewer would be. Revolting at best, totally repulsive at worst - or are they supposed to swap the chaw back and forth as they kiss? I tried smoking a pipe in college and quit when I couldn't stand the way my mouth tasted in the morning - it's got to be worse second hand. My girlfriend at the time (who became my wife) wouldn't kiss me after I'd smoked, and that didn't involve tobacco juice. Have a little regard for your female characters - they have standards! Swapping spit is one thing, swapping 'baccy juice? Just NO!

REALLY???? you write a damn story and then don't go back and proof-read? why even bother then? soo damn many mistakes it seriously detracts from the enjoyment of reading it, much less try and get into some type flow. if you're going to take the time to write then post then take some real pride in your work!! the only reason I gave you 2 stars instead of 1 is you do have an interesting story-line. P R O O F - R E A D!!!!

Seriously, dude! You really need someone to proofread your material before you submit it. A lot of it was one-overish typos like a letter 'i' where there should have been an 'o' (ironically it was a legitimate word so your spell check software wouldn't catch your mistake).

I also couldn't help myself when you were doing the whole "why not me?" thing with James. She doesn't want to kiss you because you dip tobacco and spit in a bottle! No decent girl wants to date that nastiness! She probably shudders just imagining sticking her tongue into your filthy mouth! And on top of all that, his mother the nurse hasn't shown him pictures of guys who get cancer in their mouth and jaw from dipping? Sure, it doesn't happen to everyone, but the casualty rate is still too high to risk it.

I love the whole best friends falling in love trope though. The Taylor Swift song, "You belong to me" is one of my favorites. 4/5

Have to agree with previous commenter… Dip is disgusting and no girl is going to want to kiss a redneck that chews. It’s a foul habit and Ally shouldn’t end up with someone who does it.

I'm with many of the other commenters. I love a good best friends fall in love scenario, but besides being an all around pessimist the main character does dip?! That's so fucking disgusting. I cannot believe any love interest would have any interest in kissing him. Just heinous. That young lady needs higher standards.

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Great beginning!

5

Really good story!!!!!