All Comments on 'It Never Works'

For a state crime? Only 15 years. He would be in for life. In a state prison. What was the ending. I have no idea.

Please continue writing. I see improvements in this story from your first and I'm sure your next will be even better.

If I may offer some advice, you might want to see if you can find a beta-reader or two. They are a tremendous help to any writer.

Certainly much better than your first effort. But you put in the obligatory bbc predator to the wife to just go nuts for. If Bryan was such a scary man, why didn't he the care of Jarome while he could? Why did the cheating bitch want to stay married, she didn't even think of him while she was with her human dildo. Finally, why the hell would Bryan ever take this cheating whore back after Jarome? You pulled it together enough for a decent story.

That story turned to crap on the second page. The wife cheats, but it's the husband's fault for her cheating.

going into a 8 year fugue over the death of a cheating whore you should have divorced is prime cuck materiel

Also was th whore narrating from beyond the grave?

You cant have a 1st person narrative character who starts the story with a warning to others reading HER narrative die

After all if she dies then who the fuck did she relate the narrative to others?

It was going so well until...

"the affair was as much my fault as hers."

Wtf? He didn't force her to fuck the black guy!

1* for that garbage and for leaving the husband mourning a whore for 10 years.

But her affair was not his fault, not even partially his fault.

He didn't put a gun to her head and force her, he didn't even suggest it.

If anything, being a typical guy with typical wedding vows to 'forsake all others' gave

the opposite signals.

I feel badly that he internalized some blame, when it was never his fault. She cheated on him because she wanted to, and so she did. That's usually why cheaters cheat. Hate to bust everyone's bubble. Everyone is afraid of people being that selfish and stupid, but they exist. Everyone is afraid that THEY could easily be that person. Everyone wants to think there's some insidious outside motive to blame. That, at their core, people are decent. People can GROW to become decent, but the capacity for cruel and selfish behavior exists in all of us. Just own up to it. It helps to fight it.

A normal response would be to kill , not taser someone murdering a family member in your own home.

I did read the whole story and was entertained by it.

I know i am cold hearted but this was the best ending. She had no guilt about affair and couldn't come up with a single reason why she cheated. It was not a quick one night stand. It was overnights of sex. Only when caught she felt loss.

Divorce would have cost this guy big time. Then she would date others and he would again feel anger and sadness when he picks up the kids or writes those monthly checks. But with cheating bitch dead she is gone, he keeps his money and house, gets his kids full time, and gets the life insurance money and any civil suit cash if possible.

Just wish other guy got way more jail time.

(Foghorn sound) Dooooowwwwn.....eeeeeerrr

It is the equivalent of an honour killing without it being at his hand. And this whole “friendly” wager with his dad and the P.I.? How fucking lame was that.

The one time she has an affair is the one time there is a P.I. Investigating her? Why not buy a lottery ticket while you’re at it.

And if she died, how did she tell her story to us? Does she have a ghost writer?

It uses too many coincidences to move the story forward. Why not have her investigated a week before the affair. Or a week after it ended? But no, it was that specific day.

Independently wealthy and wants to "contribute?" Taking a job from someone that NEEDS one isn't the way to do it! Volunteer or something.

Of COURSE the lover is black. At least not BBC! Gentlemen don't fuck married women,

Why did she care about Jarome's job? He was there on probation after having an earlier affair, it's quite likely that, while she was obviously receptive, that he seduced her. He deserves NO consideration.

Of COURSE his dad is a detective and know a PI, sheesh, what a cliche!

These stories always talk about Red Lobster like it's this great place. Maybe it's because I'm from New England, where good seafood is a birthright, but Red Lobster sucks.

We start out with her telling us her story, but how can she, she's dead!

I had gotten permission from one of my favorite righters to barrow one of his characters to right a part two of this story. Thank you for your complements and I will find out what a batá righter is asap.

Really good.

Congratulations.

The low hanging flaws:

Don't lie to the reader. You created the whore, so you know why she fucked Jerome, we all do. So its just stupid to have her keep saying she doesn't know why she fucked this handsome strong virile arousing piece of fuck meat, when no one was around and she thought she'd never get caught. And while the first fuck session was spur of the moment and impetuous, the second fuck session was entirely planned and instigated by the whore. Yeah, we kinda' know why she did it. Why doesn't the author?

Was there a subconscious agenda portraying the physically impressive but mentally deficient black bull? Jerome knew he was transferred for fucking his married coworker(s), which transfer must have been instead of termination, with a warning. So at his new location he again starts fucking his married coworker(s)? So Jerome is brilliant when it comes to diagnosing and correcting his clients' problems, but can't keep his dick out of his mess kit. Just another dumb . . .? Just cheap and stereotypical. Hey, you're the one who decided the Lothario should be a black man.

You pretty much used the rest of the family as stage props. You included no logical meaningful interaction with his or her parents nor their children. And why was he only spending time with his children at the hospital? Is that what you meant to imply?

In the end Jerome did them all a favor. First he revealed the stupid whore, then he eliminated the stupid whore. Too bad you ended the story before Bryan finally meets a decent woman to share the remainder of his life with.

Keep trying, but definitely get some objective logical beta readers to help you.

You shift from past to present which doesn’t work especially when one of the narrator is dead.

The ending sucked.

Coworkers wife died some years ago. Wife found out he had an affair before he died. Told me she wished he was still there. Loved and missed him.

Easy for us to pass judgment. All I have to say.

But your POV needs work. You need either an editor or a better proof reader. Still a lot of mistakes. And you lack clarity on any level. The ending was a train wreck.

1 star

All in all, things didn't work out....no closure, no nothing. Too final..?

FWW

I don't understand the wife's actions and I don't think they are explained, but the husband's reaction is very clear. From his perspective, it reads true. Sad tale, but far too believable.

"I had gotten permission from one of my favorite righters to barrow one of his characters to right a part two of this story. Thank you for your complements and I will find out what a batá righter is asap." - Please tell me that this comment is satire!

I thought the same way you did until I read that he owned the business and provided many people jobs.

anon.1

Making her die turned the plot simpler to end, but the story weaker...3*

the wife was a slut. BUT you seem to think only black guy are the ones white wives cheat with. If I'm not mistaken, that's less than 20%, look it up. Most women cheat with guys the are closer to their husbands type. So shove your stereotypes up your ass.

There was no ending, so it could not suck. However, no ending is worse than an ending that sucks. This just stopped mid-thought. 2*

a Federal prison and why not upgrades the charge to homicide and receive more than 15 years?

Only the innocent are hurt by the wife's actions. She is dead so will never feel the pain that she has caused. So, I would have preferred that she live and see the hurt that she created.

The story is a nice example for any person making such big mistake in their life.

The whole family is destroyed just for enjoying few moments of lust. The script is well written. I really liked the character of Bryan...thou was slow in His process to come to some positive aspects....was too late. The children lost their mother...they have lost their real love that cannot be replaced. Nice story...thanks.

So Lil-benton, Loving Wives doesn't seem to work out for you. It's understandable the comments can be difficult to accept or even understand, lol.

I believe you should write something that makes you happy 😀.

Incest stories seem to be much more satisfying to you. Your response to comments are joyful. And the story written in that category gets much higher scores ⬆️.

So follow a path that brings you satisfaction, write incest. Not a course that brings struggles and dissatisfaction by writing in the LW category.

Good luck 👍 Lil-benton, l'm the original

AMerryman

Concise, meaningful, well written, and better than 90% of the stories here. Great work!

His wife was one of those that dressed to attract, just the way she was. But we never saw her ever do anything really. Then one day the paper came, the headline was they drove out onto the nearby jetty. I suppose to talk, but it ended with him shooting her in the head and then himself. It was a few days later when they found her lover, shot in the head also.

There can be consequences.

This story was a bit different from the "run of the mill" either BTB or reconciliation story with an ending where nobody gets any redeeming restitution or revenge. Everybody gets burned. Another good example of the human equivalent of I. Newton's law for every decision there is a consequence.

A bit uncomfortable but well-done.

T.T.

The thing about affairs is you're dealing with a lot of unknowns. You think you know the person you're cheating with until you find out you don't. She played and payed.

The fact of the matter is she was a cheating, white trash, skanky whore who enjoyed cheating on her husband. Worst was the horrible effect this had on her husband. Can you imagine her husband watching her kiss their children after finding out about her sex life to her BBC boyfriend?

And what about her children? Mommy was a whore who was murdered by her black boyfriend. The humiliation they would have to endure would be never ending. They'd had to move away.

On the bright side, it look like she didn't have time to pass on any STD's to her husband before she died. And at least she was no longer able to humiliate her family anymore. Better yet, her influence on her children ceased with her death. 5 stars

...in that, not only can you not predict the consequences, but they may be a whole lot more than you bargained for. You can not control the actions of others, so you roll the dice at your own peril.

I understand how Bryan could feel that it was partly his fault, any human being may have those thoughts. But if he were a real person, I would tell him that he is wrong. He was doing everything a man should be doing in his own reality.

Even the very best of us can be betrayed, and that's the only thing that happened here.

Even if there was something to it when she lashed out, saying that she was stuck at home with the kids while he went away, she was doing nothing but redirecting the blame in her own mind. Her dalliance commenced upon wrapping up a big work project that culminated with her being alone for the weekend. There is no chance on Earth that she would have gone, or wanted to go with her husband.

The reality was that she was selfish, entitled and simply flat-out disrespectful. Unfortunately for her, it meant that she paid the ultimate price. Guess what? That can happen in the real world too.

This story was short and to-the-point. It didn't flesh out the characters, or wallow in the affair and the angst to any great degree, but to be honest, it covered everything needed to tell the tale.

Thanks for the read.

Not only very little to do with the meat of the story, but your assumption is incorrect.

Just because someone is wealthy, should they abandon their post in control of a business? Many people in that position CREATE work for others, as did this character, it's even written in the story.

Without him at the helm, it's a fair possibility that the business would not have done nearly as well.

I get what you intend, but your idea smacks of socialism, and not only is socialism often a failure, it actually leads to many evils.

My two cents on an aspect that really has little to do with the story in the first place.

Just because his business provides many jobs, doesn't excuse him taking one for himself.

puts the main characteristic of the bull as his skin color outside of the interracial category we should give them at least one less star for laziness and using a cheap underhanded way to bring dislike to the interloper!

How was it his fault, she cheated without a second thought . Plus kids and a pretty sound marriage she could have communicated better. Plus he could have found another women to marry and raise the kids .

First of all, my remark about his job was ONE thought in a comment with five other things.

Second, I'm not saying that he should give up leadership of the company. Of COURSE he should keep running the company! Actually, I DO need to stand corrected, I misread Janice's intro. When she said that he was still working, I thought she meant that he was still out physically working on the job sites. Reading it again, I believe she meant that he was still working at running the company, which I agree with.

Third, I don't have ANY idea how you get socialism out of this!

Same as all the other garbage cheater apologists' stories.

Writing by numbers.

Perfect husband. Wife still cheats. She can't explain why' she did it. Kept going back again and again, even though she doesn't like the guy. Gets caught. Husband files for divorce. Ordered to go to counseling or jail, (which happens nowhere). Counselor blames husband. He gets sulky and quiet, instead of showing ANY emotion. Wife is so sorry, wants to save marriage she destroyed, yet still defends the lover, wanting to save his job. Then either forced reconciliation, or wife dies and half-man husband blames himself for being a perfect husband with a whore for a wife.

To say this was formulaic would be an understatement. In all these stories the wife in a slut and a selfish bitch, yet the husband always gets blamed or is the sad pathetic loser at the end.

Try something original, like not writing the EXACT same 'All men are bad and must be perfect gentlemen that don't shout or get angry, women can do no wrong and shoud always be forgiven for ANY offence' stories that everyone else is writing.

I enjoy your stories and you are as talented writer. But there were a lot of holes in the plot as others have noted and I do not appreciate at all the crude racism that writers far too often insert into cheating wives stories. And why oh why are they always named Jerome?

To provide a completely unique and different ending to this story

The thing about these stories is the wife cheats for no reason and is only remorseful when she gets caught that in it self tells me she is very selfish and can never be trusted again. The second thing is why didn't the husband take care of Jarome way before things got out of hand, you fight for your dignity ( as in most of these stories the author makes the husband a loving wimp} However not badly written keep it up.

Brain Dead Bitch.

No time or reason.

Didn't care for this one. Your slut was stupid and two dimensional as well as her fuck buddy being too stupid to be believable. If he was a street thug, maybe.

You turned your husband into a bitch as well.

Did not care for the murder angle.

Just makes your heart ache for Bryan. Regardless of what she did, Bryan and the kids living through a murder like that is awful. You almost wish he had killed Jarome but it wouldn't have changed anything that came before. Bryan seemed to lapse into a waking/functioning coma of his own.

I'm betting the kids werent his, I'd have arranged for the boy to have an "accident" and turned the daughter into my private cum dump

5 stars

I am so glad that you have never made a mistake. Pair of heartless wankers.

Must be single or so up their own arses that they are heart dead.

SAD STORY, I would have not taken her back but I also would want my kids to have had their mum.

JJ

Was done here. Till death. 15 years for a 40 year old...and rape is thrown in. Bubba got his dream.

saved from being a confirmed cuck by her death. And...we have the stereotypical "hypermasculine" black male, which is a ridiculous myth.

Usually, it's the husband. At least he's free to raise the children without the negative influence and distracted attention of his wife using her spare time finding her next BBC.

Coal burners get burnt.

Several very realistic points here. Wife was completely wrong but notice hubby was no paragon of virtue either. We don’t know what wife thought was missing from her life, but there almost had to be something, or she would have shown slut tendencies much earlier.

Many husband characters in these stories and almost all Anonymous commenters advocate a scorched earth policy, but do they really think they have no sin? “DO TO OTHERS LIKE YOU WANT THEN TO DO TO YOU,” always has been a good rule to follow. At least this husband finally realized his mistake before he died and hopefully he had a chance to make things right where it really mattered.

Notice also that things didn’t turn out all roses as we so often see; there was no beautiful young woman throwing herself at his feet.

So, I gave you a 5!

5*s, but the ending just plain sucked. You gave closure in the ending, but it was rushed, awkward, and truly unfulfilling. Up until that point, it was eloquent, compelling, and emotive.

The trolls' comments indicate they are incapable of love, forgiveness, and consideration of others. You have that by the truckload. Relax, enjoy creating your stories, you have a gift and great talent. Your mind works well, very good story.

Better story

She never felt guilt or remorse until after she was caught. In fact she was quite smug and pleased with herself. It was clearly stated in the story. She was only sad later because she was losing her husband and great life, not for what she did. So no empathy for her. His crybaby act at the end made no sense. He can miss his wife, but I don't see him pining for her, after the way she treated her family.

Your plots on several of your stories are solid as fuck. It's the rest of it that fails.

As soon as Cumminginsideher actually posts something, I wouldn't worry about that asshat's opinion.

sad ending

A mistake is one moment of weakness followed by guilt, she had neither. She followed it up with planned affiar over the weekend. Only sad her comfy life was ruined after being caught, not sad for what she did. One cannot possibly claim to love someone with all their heart while spreading their legs for another.

Jerome should have been strung up by the nuts and lowered into a gator pond.

While Jerome would be worthy of the death penalty, this is also an example of grave consequences to cheating, when lives are ruined. In this case it was a slimy predator who took out his anger that he caused but in many other cases, the spouse is so destroyed feeling they have nothing to lose. Then you see incidences of murder suicide that results after affairs. Risk vs reward.

Powerful. Not fun……but powerful.

.

4 ****

lol... Classic

Doing good, until you killed her off. Must have gott bored or tired with the story, huh?

I always get a laugh out of the line, describing a man involved with a married woman, that he was "a real gentleman". It's almost as funny as "you would like him if you got to know him".

I read it again and it is still an excellent story! Sad, but excellent. 5*****

Jerome's assault on her makes no sense and is a weak point in the plot. After all, she was begging their employer NOT to fire him even after learning of the reason for his transfer to her location. If someone mislead him into believing she was trying to get him fired, that was omitted from the story. If he blamed her and became violent based on nothing but his own suspicions, such character defects should have become clear to her during the time they worked together so closely.

Naturally, infidelity *requires* death for a proper revenge that satisfies the He-Man Woman-Haters club! Life is so much better when the bitch is dead, right boys?

What’s a little odd is that we don’t often see a male cheater’s corpse dressing up the parade now, do we? I guess men are just better than women, right boys? Even when they’re cheating scum. Sorry, that came out wrong, should have said, ‘misunderstood and struggling’.

Terrible story line, awful ending.

5* for the hoe dying, i'd have hated it if he got back with that slut, but at least she's too dead for that haha

Why was be standing trial in federal court? The slut died, that kept me from pulling out my hair and cussing the author for wimping out the MC.

So sad..............Life is a bitch. Good story for someone who has everything but still wants more of what she shouldn't have. Infidelity is a sin, a curse. Don't do it. Want someone new and exciting? Divorce first.

Liked the story until he got soft in the head. Better that she passed and lover boy went to jail.

Huh?

Went from what to what?!

I couldn't really tell.

Stand don't sit.

She chose to go out

No no

She chose again.

Not 3 strikes.

One mistake two choice and dumb enough to get 3 WOW he is pictured in dictionary next to stupidest

Sheesh

Others may like this, but I doubt that very many will bust a gut over it. Almost made watching paint dry seem productive to me!! - I felt a little cheated, in that the time taken to read it was time wasted, stolen from me on the back of an unfulfilled promise.

Going through this author's library and almost all of his stories are the same. They start out great, characters start developing, have really good build up, the story starts to explode, shrapnel flying everywhere, then he shits the bed on the endings.

We hate the pain and suffering and loss!

We know this happens and we know people are human!

We also know that forever and ever loved ones lose sight of their hearts and indulge in self serving pleasure and fantasies until……..

Hopefully the survivor finds another love or a needed heart finds his!

Good story, you are a good author, disregard imbeciles commenting.

lbenton seems to like unfinished stories. I find them disconcerting.

Most of this writer's stories are pretty shitty, but this one wasn't bad.

Yep. Another murderous, out of control black man. They seem to be everywhere.

Nothing interesting here.

thank fucking GOD that bitch died

And....

Cdrlaw... Yep...we're everywhere...shooting up schools... Murdering children... Oh wait...

How bout kiss my ass you racist piece of shit...

-jaye-

haha .... lol too funny

Mostly well written but thoroughly unenjoyable story.

3 stars, Im ok w/ protecting her especially if it gives me the chance to do some hand to hand counseling w/ her lover. I can do to him what i cant to the slut. Now im going reread the beginning of the story but her not knowing why she did the cheating is BS. Any cunt that cheats and dont know why is lying to herself, trying to figure out a way to justify it to the world while rationalizing her actions and reasons so as to not hold herself responsible. She was unhappy w/ her life, hubbys fault, sex not good, boring samo samo, ALL hubbys fault, not enuf sex, hubbys fault altho cunts control the frequency of sex in every relationship i know. Not happy at work , hubbys fault, cuz hes cant provide w/o her help. Women are irrational, ignorant, arrogant in their stupidity and assumptions, self centered to an incredible degree and selfish and evil. there are more faults but im tired of typing. Only good thing was no overhyping the big blk dick trope, finally a normal hung but angry blk man. From de getto where de thugs think they're entitled to women drugs, whores, free housing(which they trash, like they lives)free med treatment for their overdoses, stab and bullet wounds. They dont need mental health treatment cuz theys got no brains, just feelings. rk

Ended much to abruptly

Stupid ending. Are we supposed to feel sorry for her? Don't think so.

It was ok. There was a flaw in the legal aspect. Murder (in general) is not a federal crime in the US and would not be prosecuted as such. Jarome would be in a state prison. In Louisiana for example, the minimum is 10 years at hard labor up to life in prison.

No mystery, she cheated because she could.

It caught me by surprise great story