It was Just a Joke

IT WAS JUST A JOKE

JEFF

"He found himself walking down a country road trying not to remember and trying not to think. He didn't care where he was going as long as it was away, far away from his wife he had loved more than anyone else and his best friend since they were kids. "I guess I need to make that my ex-wife and my ex-best friend."

He didn't clean out the bank accounts or cancel the credit cards. Money was not causing him to hurt. He was hurting from a loss of love, respect, trust and faithfulness. Jeff lamented that there is no ATM for those things. Eventually, he figured on stopping some place and get a job. He would need money for food, water and shelter. Jeff concluded he was not ready to die yet, but he thought he might be before too long. Yes, it was that bad.

When work had ended that day, he had come home as usual right after stopping at an ATM. Ned's car was in the driveway. That wasn't unusual. They were almost brothers and he was practically part of the family. Jeff didn't realize he might have wanted to be even more part of the family than he was. Ned was sitting on the couch with Jeff's wife, Althea. They were smiling, not a 'happy to see you' smile. More like a 'swallow the canary' smile. Jeff asked, "So, guys, what's up?"

Althea spoke and delivered an obviously rehearsed speech. "Jeff, we have some news that may surprise you. As the years have gone by, Ned and I have become closer and closer as friends. Recently, Ned and I have become lovers. We didn't plan on it happening, but it happened. We debated what we should do so you won't feel so hurt. We both love you and I don't want to get a divorce. What we propose is that Ned move in with us. He practically lives her anyway. As far as sleeping arrangement, we can alternate who sleeps with me. We just . . . Jeff, where are you going?"

"I need to splash some water on my face." He headed down the hallway to the bathroom. Once he got there, Jeff went over to the bathroom window, raised it and squirmed out. He ignored his destruction of the flowers planted below the window. Jeff chose to walk north towards the wooded park.

NED AND ALTHEA

As soon as Jeff went into the bathroom, Ned and Althea started laughing. Ned said, "Did you see that look on his face? He totally believed it. You sure are a good liar."

"With three siblings growing up, I had lots of practice."

"Well, he does need to learn to loosen up a bit. He's so straight, they could use him as a level. I can't think of many times I have ever seen him laugh."

Althea responded, "I sure hope he doesn't get too upset at our prank. I bet he's already figured it out. He knows I love him and would never betray him."

"Hey, he knows I wouldn't steal his wife. . . . I would like to borrow you some time though."

She punched him in the shoulder. "He's taking a while in the bathroom. Why don't you go check on him?"

Ned went down the hallway trying not to laugh. He knocked on the door and then tried opening it. It was locked. "Jeff, buddy, you okay? Come on back and finish our talk." Silence. Althea joined him.

"He's locked the door and isn't saying anything."

"Ned, you don't think he might have done something stupid, do you?"

"Not, Jeff. I think he's just letting us suffer."

"I don't have a good feeling about this. Jeff! Please come out. It was just a joke. You know we wouldn't betray you. Come on. It's a joke." Silence.

Ned threatened, "If you don't come out, I'll break the door down and damn if I'll pay one cent to fix it." After no response, Ned cried out, "One -- two - three." Ned paused and then kicked the door. It didn't give. It took him three kicks to get the door open. Althea rushed inside. No Jeff. She ran to the open window and looked outside and saw the trampled flowers.

"He's run away. We need to go find him."

"Althea, calm down. He's probably just having a snit fit. I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"I don't want to take the chance. Let's go look for him."

"No, you stay here in case he comes back. I'll take my car and drive around the neighborhood. He couldn't have gotten very far."

JEFF

He walked to the wooded area that formed one side of the subdivision. There was a park on the other side. Jeff came across a couple of bikers who were taking a sex break in a secluded area. Given the betrayal the woman with whom he had wed, the sight of other people having sex irritated Jeff greatly. He saw their bikes on the trail out of sight of the lovers. He took the man's bike. After the bottom had dropped out of his world, stealing a bike meant nothing to him. He took off riding.

Being a man in a suit and tie riding a bike, he realized he was too conspicuous. Jeff rode until he got to a Dollar General store at the northern edge of town. He went in and bought a college logo sweatshirt and pants. When he came out of the store, he saw the Coca Cola delivery man getting ready to pull out of the lot. "Hey, can I hitch a ride?"

"It's against company rules. Sorry."

Jeff held out $50. "How about now?"

"It may be against company rules, but it's not against mine." He took Jeff's money and they left.

The driver continued, "I'm headed to Madisonville. That a problem?"

"Nope."

"Don't guess you want to talk?"

"Nope."

"You look like I did when I caught that cheating bitch of a wife of mine in bed with our damned preacher."

"Yep."

They rode the rest of the way to Madisonville in silence. His second stop was at a truck stop next to the interstate. Jeff thanked him and went over to the truck park. He waited for a trucker getting ready to leave. There was a large man getting into a Peterbilt. "Excuse me, could you give me a ride?"

"Where are you going? I'm headed to St. Louis."

"Doesn't matter. St. Louis is fine."

"The law or the wife?"

"Wife."

"Been there, done that. Hop in. It's cost you a meal at the next stop though."

"No problem."

The trucker was an easy man to talk to and persuaded Jeff to unburden his story on him. He asked Jeff what he was going to do.

"Disappear. They don't care for me. I don't care for them."

*****

NED AND ALTHEA

"Sorry, babe, no sign of him. Did he call you?"

"No. His phone goes to voice mail. I have left messages telling him it was a joke and I apologized."

"That's all we can do."

"What about a Missing Person's report?"

"Too soon. We have to wait a couple of days. I bet he's back by bedtime. Maybe he went to a bar to get drunk."

"Are you kidding? Jeff, get drunk? I've never seen him drink more than one beer at a party. He only had one glass of champagne at our wedding."

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight? At least until he comes back."

"No, Ned. Go home. If he's angry, I think seeing both of us might make him madder. Damn, I wish I had never listened to you."

"Hey, you were the one to say you wanted to do something to loosen him up. You're as much to blame as I am."

Althea got little sleep that night. When she woke, she searched the guest bedroom and living room couch for Jeff. No luck. She began to really worry. At least his car was still here. Surely, he wouldn't go far without his car. Ned called before lunch to ask if Jeff had returned.

"Ned, what are we going to do? What if he doesn't come back?"

"Take it easy. It hasn't even been 24 hours. Why don't you check your bank accounts online? That will tell you if he's serious about running away. He'd take a bunch of money if he was."

"Good idea." Althea checked. No unusual withdrawals. There was a recent ATM transaction, but that was before Jeff came home. It was not enough to leave for any length of time. She told Ned.

"I have an idea. Put a freeze on your ATM card and your credit cards. That way Jeff will be forced to contact you when he runs out of money. It's easy to freeze and unfreeze the accounts."

"I'm glad one of us is thinking straight. I'll do that right now."

*****

JEFF

"St. Louis, we are here."

"I appreciate the ride and counseling. I think my feelings are too raw at this time to contact them. I got angry just telling you what they did."

"Good luck, Jeff. By the way, you should think of changing your name if you want to disappear."

"Thanks."

Jeff started walking. He was hoping to get ideas on how to get more money and a place to sleep. After about a mile, he came to a nursery. They were doing a brisk business. People were lined up to purchase the flowers, shrubs, trees, top soil, potting soil, pots and garden implements. The person at the cash register looked frazzled. He was shouting at the Mexican looking men who were helping him. They didn't seem to understand him. Jeff intervened and translated for him. The man thanked Jeff and asked if he wanted a job. Jeff said he did if he could get paid in cash, off the books. That was no problem for the owner. Jeff started immediately.

Jeff's high school and college Spanish had been handy on the job he used to have. He became the person to contact the vendors in Latin American countries. Jeff guessed he was doing okay as the workers at the nursery didn't make fun of his accent. The workers were also helpful in finding him a temporary place to live. They were renting a house with two bedrooms where eight workers lived. Jeff fit right in.

The experience he had with Althea's garden paid off. Soon he became sort of a foreman and planned the workday for all the men except the owner and his family who helped out. The owner's family consisted of his wife who was the salesperson. She was good. Most women that came in there were talked into buying a lot more than they had originally intended. His son did his best to hide from work unless a pretty girl or woman was shopping. Their daughter joined the rest of the family a month later after the spring semester of college was over. She had frizzy, blonde hair and a very fit, slim body. Deep blue eyes were the highlight of a pretty face. She was a breath of fresh air. Evidently, she earned her college money by helping out with the family business. She was motivated, therefore, to help the business succeed. She did her best to keep her brother working in between his hitting on girls.

The first time Jeff met her, she came up and asked, "Who are you?"

"I'm Gerald. Gus hired me because I spoke Spanish and I knew a little about gardening."

"I'm Cynthia, the owners' daughter. Can you teach me?"

"Teach you what?"

"Spanish. I already know about gardening, Duh."

"You just interested in knowing how to speak to the workers here?"

"That first, but I would like to know more. Several teachers at the college have said it would be useful. Something like, 'If you are applying for a job and there is someone else with credentials identical to you, but you can speak Spanish, guess who gets the job?' I've taken Spanish classes, but I need to practice using it."

"Sure, can we talk about it later?"

"After work. Take me out to dinner and we can discuss it over some Mexican food. We can practice restaurant Spanish. We'll go Dutch."

"Aren't you the fast worker."

"You got that right guapo." She winked at Jeff and went back to work.

*****

NED AND ALTHEA

"Hello."

"Mrs. Goldman? This is Althea."

"Althea, so good to hear from you. I hope this is good news about you being pregnant."

"Sorry. I'm not pregnant. I called to see if Jeff was there."

"No honey, what's the matter?"

"Well, Jeff and I have an issue we need to resolve, but Jeff left the house before we could finish. I've been looking for him to apologize."

"No. I haven't seen or heard from Jeff since his father left."

"His father left? What do you mean? Is he on a trip?"

"His father found someone else he would rather be with than old wrinkled me. Someone young with bigger breasts. Jeff was very upset at him. They said some really nasty things to each other. He said he was going to wait to see if his father came back or not before telling you. Jeff told me he was glad he had a wife and friend he knew he could always count on especially since the man he thought he could count on the most had betrayed his family. Now what is it that caused Jeff to leave you?"

Althea was devastated. His father had cheated on his mother and she had told him that she and his best friend were cheating on him. No wonder he ran away. "Nothing significant, Mrs. Goldman. If you hear from Jeff, have him call me please."

It took several minutes of crying before she called Ned. "Ned, we've really screwed up. Jeff's father has dumped his mother for another woman. Our little play has probably pushed him over the edge. We've got to find him and soon."

"Let's start calling everyone we know. Tomorrow you can try to reach him at work."

"Okay. Can you come over and call with me? I don't want us to call the same person and I don't want to leave the house."

"On my way."

Their calling yielded no results other than to alert many of their friends that there was a problem. Althea called Jeff's office the next day.

"Hello, can I speak to Jeff?"

His secretary answered, "Althea? We were just going to call you. Jeff didn't show up this morning and his cell phone voice mail is full. We were worried something had happened to him. It's not like him to not show up without calling. Is there something the matter?"

"Yes. I did something cruel to him and he took off. I don't know where he is right now. I need to find him to make things right. Please call me if you hear from him."

"Okay. Hang in there. You know Jeff is not going to do anything crazy."

After she hung up, Althea said, "He already has. He already has."

*****

JEFF

Cynthia and Jeff met after work. Cynthia had cleaned up and changed clothes. Jeff had not. He asked if they could go by Goodwill on the way to supper. He went and bought some clothes and cleaned up in their restroom. Cynthia approved of the change and they went on to dinner.

"Okay, Gerald, if that's your real name. I may only be a college student, but I know that you're not a nursery man. It looks like you're on the run. Are you wanted by the police? That would be so cool."

"Actually, it's Jeff. And sorry to disappoint you, I'm not a wanted man. My problem is that I'm not wanted by anyone. Except maybe my mother."

"Ouch. Girlfriend or wife dump you?"

"Wife, best friend, and father all lost their moral compass in the last month. I decided to let them deal with the mess they created without consulting me. They didn't ask my opinion when they betrayed me, so I didn't feel any obligation to stick around and clean up any messes."

"So, what are you looking for?"

"I'll know when I've found it."

"I think that is sooo cool."

"What? Are you making fun of my situation?"

"No. The idea of starting life all over again from scratch. No obligations. No promises to worry about breaking. No rules. You've escaped! You're free!"

A usually stoic Jeff chuckled, "I can't believe that you just found a reason for joy in my predicament. You are something else."

"You haven't seen anything yet. Now teach me some Spanish."

They got together frequently for a couple of months. Several of those times were study dates. Cynthia was a quick study and her fluency in Spanish increased. They went out to eat occasionally. Jeff could not afford to pay for his meal that often. Cynthia demanded that she pay for her own meal when they did. He refused to let her pay for his meal even as payment for the Spanish lessons.

Over the months, they evolved in becoming more physical in expressing their affection for each other. There was a lot of rubbing, kissing, and hugging. It was Jeff who set the limit on their contact.

After one particularly hot petting session, Cynthia whispered, "Jeff, I really like these times with you."

"I feel the same. You're a very special young woman."

"Jeff, you know what would make it even more enjoyable for me?"

"I'm scared to ask. What?"

"If you were to fuck me senseless tonight. I have this thing for handsome, older men."

Jeff paused. "I think you're right and you're wrong. Fucking you probably would be enjoyable, to me at least. But you're wrong about me being able to fuck you. I'm still damaged goods. The last thing I'm looking for right now is to form another relationship where I can get hurt by trusting someone else."

"I think you're too late if you feel the same way about me that I feel about you."

"I still need some time. Are you okay with that?"

"It's not my preference but okay, a raincheck on the fucking then. Now, teach me some more Spanish and maybe a little French."

When Cynthia dropped Jeff off at the house where he was staying, she pulled him over from his seat and kissed him. "Remember the raincheck." She reached down and squeezed his bulge.

*****

NED AND ALTHEA

More than a month had passed since Jeff ran off. His boss reluctantly accepted the email resignation Jeff had sent. His last paycheck had been deposited in their joint bank account where most of their bills were paid automatically. Althea became aware that the joint account would eventually be in trouble without any more income from Jeff. Savings would cover the bills for a few months after the checking account was empty. Ned offered to help with the bills, but Althea wanted him to use his money for another purpose -- hire a private investigator. He agreed.

Two weeks later, the initial report from the PI had some information. A man in a suit was seen in the park on the other side of the woods. A man in a suit was seen riding a bicycle away from the park. A man in a suit left a stolen bicycle at a Dollar General and he bought some clothes and left with the Coca Cola delivery man. He was last seen at the Flying J truck stop in Madisonville. He probably hitched a ride with one of the truckers. There the information ended. He could have gone in any direction from there.

Althea and Ned were advised to wait for more information before paying an investigator anymore. Althea didn't know what to do next. Ned said that maybe it would be a good idea after all for the two of them to live together, to save money, of course. Althea gave him a 'Yeah, right' glare. Then when Ned suggested she divorce Jeff for abandonment so she could get in better shape financially, she screamed at him and threw him out of her house -- her and Jeff's house.

*****

JEFF

Jeff now had a small one-bedroom apartment. Cynthia was a frequent visitor although she never stayed late, much less the whole night. Just before she was to return to college, she and Jeff were once again kissing and rubbing body parts together, but their clothes were never removed. Cynthia was the one to finally express concern about what was happening in their relationship. "Where are we going Jeff, you and me as a couple? I think you still love your wife too much to start a new life. You've got to do something about your marriage whether we become an intimate couple or not. In case you're wondering, I want to be with you most if not all the time and I'm still holding that raincheck. But I'm not going to date you when I go back to school unless you do something about your marriage."

Jeff acted on impulse, something again contrary to his nature. He asked to borrow Cynthia's laptop. For the first time since he had left, he checked his personal email. It was full of messages from Althea and Ned. He read the first one: 'Jeff, honey, it was a joke. We wanted you to loosen up. There was no and still is no romantic connection between Ned and I. Please come home. We are both sorry.'

Jeff stopped. "A joke? Right. More likely a ruse to trick me into coming back." He did a scan for the word divorce in any emails. None were found. That answered one question -- there was probably no divorce in process. He could not resist answering the 'it was a joke' email. He asked, "If it was a joke, who's laughing?"