It was Just a Joke

*****

NED AND ALTHEA

Althea couldn't believe that she had finally gotten a reply to her old email to Jeff. She was scared to open it. "If it was a joke, who's laughing?" was all it said and that said a lot. Jeff did run away because he was angry. He did believe that she and Ned were telling the truth when they told him of their idea of a shared marriage. Does he believe it was a joke now just because I said it was? She called Ned with the news. They discussed how to respond to Jeff's email. This is what she sent.

"Jeff, I swear to all that I consider holy that it was meant to be a joke. We know now it was a cruel, mis-guided, abhorrent action on our parts. I swear Ned and I have never been intimate. To say we are sorry doesn't begin to describe how miserable we feel. Please come home and let us start making it up to you. I love you."

Althea stayed up late that night waiting for a reply that never came. She checked her personal email all day at work despite the office rule against that. No response to the email came. Actually, there was a response from Jeff, but it was not another email. She received it at work.

A man in a suit came up to her desk. "Mrs. Goldman?"

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"Accept this envelope. You've been served."

Althea broke down in tears. She took off from work the rest of the day. On the way home she called Ned. He said he would leave work and join her at her house. She said she wouldn't open the envelope until then.

They sat down at the kitchen table. Ned opened the envelope as Althea was shaking too much. As feared, there was a petition for divorce listing Irreconcilable Differences as the reason. Althea was actually slightly relieved. She was halfway expecting Adultery to be mentioned. There was a letter from Jeff included in the envelope along with a picture -- a picture of Jeff and Cynthia in a loving embrace.

"Althea and Ned

"I did not believe it was a joke when you told me of your double betrayal. Your betrayal was easier to believe because I had found out that my father had betrayed his family by leaving my mother. I figured 'Betrayal' became a virus that infected everyone around me including my wife and best friend. I ran away with the only people I could trust not to betray me: Me, Myself, and I.

"I wasn't really searching for anything in particular, but I found it anyway. What I needed to find came in the form of the beautiful young lady you see in the picture attached. Ironically, I went from not being able to conceive that anyone I loved as much as I loved you could suddenly fall in love with someone else. Now, I have found that can happen and, indeed, it has for me. I am filing for divorce because I want to be with the young lady in the picture without committing adultery.

"I don't see where that much needs to be in contention in the divorce settlement. You can have the house and both cars. You probably have already spent most of the money we had in the joint accounts, so I won't ask for half of the assets. I just want to put the part of my life I wasted on you two jokers behind me."

"Jeff"

"P.S. I still don't believe it was just a joke. I think you were trying out the idea and planned to call it a joke only if I didn't respond positively to your proposal."

Althea started crying again. "I've lost him. I've lost my husband." Her sobbing intensified. Ned held her but knew no words that might provide comfort. Althea enjoyed the comfort until she noticed Ned was getting an erection from holding her. "You horn dog. Get away from me."

"Hey, I'm a man with male hormones. You need me more than ever now, including my appendage."

"Asshole!"

Althea told Jeff's lawyer that she would agree to sign divorce papers without a fight if Jeff would come back and talk to her and Ned one last time. Jeff agreed as long as the meeting was part of the final signing of the divorce settlement. Althea consented.

At the conference, Althea and Ned sat waiting. Her lawyer waited outside for the meeting to be concluded. Jeff came in. Normally, Althea would have remarked on how glad she was to see Jeff, but she was too taken with the striking appearance of the girl with Jeff. Althea realized she herself had never looked that good.

Jeff and Cynthia were all smiles as they sat down. "Okay, Althea, this is your show."

"I just want to say one last time: It was supposed to be a joke. Ned and I did not have and do not have anything going on between us. You were so uptight all the time, we thought the joke might get you to see more humor in your life. We were well intentioned, so I guess it's only fitting that we both have wound up in Hell.

"Please believe me, if I had known about your father, I would never have tried the joke. I understand why you left after almost everyone you trusted you thought had betrayed you. I will regret my actions as long as I live. Since you don't want us to be husband and wife anymore, I beg you to let us be friends. I will never stop loving you or hating myself for what I did."

Ned said his piece. "Jeff, I feel like I'm going through a divorce too. You've been the closest thing I've had to a real brother. Heck, we are, were, closer than most real brothers. After my parents died, you were the only family I had left, and now I've thrown it away. I was the one who talked Althea into this so don't blame her. Man, she loves you, really loves you. I would even be willing to let you castrate me if it meant you would forgive her. Don't lose Althea because of a bastard like me."

Jeff and Cynthia looked at each other like there was a secret in play. Jeff spoke, "You just wanted for me to loosen up, huh? I was too uptight. No sense of humor, you say. Can't take a good joke. Party pooper." Jeff sighed loudly before continuing.

"And your solution to 'helping me' was to tell me you fell in love with each other and wanted me to share my wife? What a bunch of horse shit. Cynthia love, can you believe these two?"

"Sweetheart, they don't believe you can take a joke. You know what? I think that they are the ones who can't take a joke."

"Well, why don't we just see?" Jeff took the divorce papers, tore them in pieces, and threw them in the air like confetti.

Althea and Ned were astonished.

Jeff and Cynthia started laughing. They laughed so hard tears came to their eyes.

Althea started cry-laughing herself. "Now I understand. The divorce was just to pay us back for our prank. You bastard. You really had me going. I am so mad, but I know we deserved that. You got us good." All four were laughing and smiling letting the joke set in.

Althea took a long pause. Jeff, I don't care about how much your joke hurt me and Ned as long as you're back. You are back, aren't you?"

Jeff said, "Yes, I'm coming back home."

Althea sighed in relief and reached across the table to take Jeff's hand in hers.

Jeff paused for effect "I do have one condition for coming back."

"Anything Jeff, anything."

"I will come back as long as Cynthia gets to live with us as my auxiliary wife."

Althea chuckled, "Jeff you're really catching on to this joke thing after all. You are kidding . . . aren't you? . . . JEFF?"

EPILOGUE

Should I end it here or continue?