All Comments on 'It Wasn't the Only Time'

Auth6.... are you like retarded?

There's an axiom in writing: Don't tell, show. Instead of a long commentary, create your story with dialogue, scenes, conflict, drama and rising/falling action. You're working in your readers' minds, and we need to see what you write within the 'theater of the mind'. This is a decent story, but it's a version of an oft used plot, and you need to set it apart from the others. As it is now, it reads like an essay.

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Interesting, this is the same guy that wanted counseling to save his marriage to his slut wife. After his divorce he sought counseling on his own for trust issues. Only now, he has decided it’s just better not to talk to his new wife about his fears. She’s just supposed to read his mind!

I give this new marriage about a year and a half. Best guess is he ends up alone but his children are OK. We’ll never know because they are just stick figures with no names.

I don’t understand this story.

Good outline for a story but never really got going. Needs filling out a great deal. Just bland and emotionless

What do you want to tell us with this story? That you married a woman who turned out to be a whore? Or that she has not developed any maternal feelings? Or that your protagonist has become a wimp for all the "doing right"? There are so many questions about what this story is supposed to do! One thing is for sure, she is neither sexy nor exciting nor entertaining.

This was a good read, but it felt more like an outline for a story. Why did Larry abuse his friendship with the protagonist. What was his name?

Why did his wife cheat?

I'd like you to write a follow-up story exploring the emotions of the characters, their motivations and so forth.

Also, dialogue between characters is your friend and the friend of your readers, also.

Was this actually a “story”?

Stories on this site are supposed to erotic. This just seems like a whiny husband who couldn't satisfy a sexy wife.

The end ruined it all: "We just don't talk about it. It's better that way."`...2*

Hank is married to Mary, then she's his long-time lover?

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Some of the women took Mary's side?! They're not afraid that she might go after THEIR husbands?

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No dialog makes for a dull story.

I don't understand how he could not tolerate the first wife cheating, but did not want to know if the second wife was also cheating. Trust but verify.

A little bland and clinical. She never really stated why she chose to cheat and when did it all really start? He knows when Hank started and Larry if the new england trip was the first for them. How many others?

Also, marry 12 years so maybe this began when she was possibly early thirties or mid thirties if she was 20 or 24 at marriage. Now fifteen years later she would be late forties and she is still happily being passed around to any guy in the commune?

Pretty bad. Oh, the bones of a decent tale were in there, but this thing read like a rough outline that was nowhere near completed form. Total lack of dialog made it worse.

2 ** …. and that’s being generous.

kinda fizzled at the end...and in the middle. It read like some half-literate man wrote a diary. no reasoning beyond the physical gifts--large cock, curved cock, different cock--which really doesn't say much. I'm really not into BTB but this is just boring, like reading someone's grocery list.

Perfunctory.

Perhaps the author should try writing technical instructions instead. The style

would be perfect

There was actually a story in there but you failed miserably at bringing it out. Zero dialogue, zero emotion, zero excitement, zero interest, zero anything. I gave it two stars and felt that was being kind.

Dont marry an attractive woman then

Fits and starts, feel there was a good story in there somewhere, it just got rushed, shame

Rather herky jerky story. no real emotion to it or in it.

This gave away you just wanted a total all out slut story (hint there are few as bad the women most of the guys write about in LW) But Wendy refused saying she had every intention of continuing to see and sleep with other men whenever she chose.

That removes all investment in a story, at least for those with critical thinking skills (no the cucks do not have that skill, they'll cheer a fart that fucks other men) a woman banging everyone literally only appeals to the little minded weak males who lean into misogyny. Try calming the wife down, put some effort into bringing the characters to life so that we can feel something for or against them.

Empty, idiotic and stupid characters will turn off more readers than you think. Yes the knuckle draggers are easy to please, but one should aim higher than those folks. Goo dluck.

He should have beaten her lovers and drove a ball bat up that thing she pees out of. Maybe, she'll get run over by a bus, after she has many incurable diseases...

This is a good basis for a story but the execution is lacking. Developing skill as an author is a difficult task so try not to become discouraged. It is essentially impossible to write an engaging LW story without dialog. Narrative alone has far less power to draw the reader into the story and get them invested in the characters' actions and fates.

***Borderline boring. Sorry!!

Unfortunately aside from the commune cheating and divorce happens at an alarming rate. He got lucky because she was more interested in a variety of cock than her kids so he his gain

Dialogue could add some clarity and emotion to this story.

May have been a story in there somewhere but I failed to find it.

Dryer than a cracker.

It was like reading an article in the newspaper

Why did you feel the need to write this? It's not a story. It's not even a footnote.

1 star - Author needs a lot more practice and maybe remedial writing courses.

Not sure what message you are conveying

I assume that none of the children are his / being the F-en wimp he is /and how in the hell do you have time to date other women with three kids , why do you even feel the need you already did your damage / raise your children and enjoy the ride / they will be out of the house before you know it.. I raise two and The only time I got layed was if the ex = took them for week on vacation . And even then it was a hit and miss situation / not a necessity , And getting remarried why . what's the point / women notoriously do not like ex's children they deprive her of your shared love / and the real bond never happens / a life of jealousy and envy. Very limited and excuse for poor existence . Vacation's become an issue / when are we going to get away by ourselves ???????????

Incomplete and too-short a story - not enough to be interesting reading.

Piss poor reaction to finding himself a cuckold and an even more piss poor action afterwards. What a wuss.

What is this crap? A therapist specializing in marriage counciling being a complete cheating whore. Boo on this story.

1 star

Far too short of a story to address such a complex course of events. "Author" is not a term properly attributed to the source of this submission.

Never marry a psychologist. 😁

Author comes up with great storylines but way to short. Needs to put meat on the skeleton...

I thought it had all the meat it needed.

Good story - needs more fleshing out. Also, how’d it go with the new wife?

Your MC is a homosexual that is why he has no self-respect, honor, or courage. These stories read exactly like profiles for psychotic men like Dahmer or Manson. When men have no virtues they tend to behave like moralless animals, it's sad that society refuses to acknowledge that woke self-entitled narcissistic feminized ideologies is the major cause for them being broken, and turn around and blame men who warned everyone that this is what you get when you demonize masculinity, from where all male virtues come from.

I know it's supposed to be fiction but it needs a huge injection of realism. She's a psychologist, presumably of reasonable intelligence. So stop and think for a moment before you put fingers to keyboard:

Married women do NOT write all the lurid details of their affairs in a diary. They just don't. And if one in a million dares to - she does not leave that diary lying around for her husband to find.

Now take a look at the information she puts into her entry. The blowjob, looking up into her lover's eyes for fuck's sake. In a normal sized diary that would taken up three pages!

There's a state called 'suspension of disbelief'. It allows us to enjoy Starwars or even Harry Potter without constantly reminding ourselves "This isn't possible". If you want to break the rules with this drivel, at least have the good manners to submit it under Fantasy.

Much as I like the plot, it doesn’t hang together with the way you wrote it.