Jac E Ch. 01

Jac E 01

Hi there, I'm Jac E and the couple of things that I would like to start out with are that nobody ever, ever, ever called me Jack and I'd prefer it if you thought of me as weird more than queer, even if they both fit me perfectly.

I will be happy to admit to you that I copied my current flared out hair style from an actress on TV, but that's no different than selecting a hair style out of a hair style magazine while waiting at hair salon and who cares anyways since it suits me, am I right? I mean, at least I put my own twist on things and I've never been arrested for life style forgery, so, I am who I am and that's how you should accept me.

Just make sure that it's me that you're accepting because even though I've developed my own look as Jac E, I can and have experimented with looking like someone else. And it's not my fault that my height and my facial features, along with a good makeup kit and a little bit of time, that I can transform into someone else almost seamlessly. And that's just for fun. And (giggles) because I have too much free time on my hands, tee he.

And I have this stupid dream of being caught up in a situation by someone who couldn't take it anymore and there's a mild struggle and that leads to a tussle, but my dream fizzles out before I know the ending, so, that's all that I can say about that. Other than I'm white washed spikey blonde in my dream, which might make it more of a nightmare since I'm pretty dark up top.

Anyways, I manage to get around and out and I feel quite blessed to have gone 20 plus years without getting lip punched because the haters do exist, but my Cupid Bow's might have been my saving grace from that, right? I mean, just like boobs, who doesn't like a pleasant upper lip Cupid's Bow, especially when it's talking back you and especially when it's a pleasant shade of red, am I right?

And I think that's about enough about me for a while. I mean, I am who I am and I have what I have and that's either for you or it's not for you and hopefully, either way, the daylight comes the next day, right?

So, my story starts today just outside of my apartment building because, you know, there was yet another commotion within the complex.

[About 20 minutes after the commotion at the Brown Brick Apartments Complex]

"What are you doing, Walter? We're not supposed to congregate or mingle until we've officially given a statement to the detective, so, um, you should slither away into the shadows and find your own spot to gawk at the commotion location or we'll get into big time trouble, so?"

"Hush, Jac E, I just want to know if these are your sleeping shorts, that's all, so?"

Well, it's a rule or something that when time is tight because of a commotion, then the priorities are one, eye shadow, two, lip gloss, three, one red hair barrette, four, a change out of your sleeping shorts, but only if there is enough time so you don't miss the aftermath of the commotion. I mean, it's almost like a monthly block party at the complex and just what good is a commotion if you're not seen at the gawking party, right?

[Standing behind Jac E, which isn't a bad place to stand if you like Boi's like Jac E, especially if you like thin sleeping shorts]

"Well, my mirror time took extra this time when the commotion woke me up from my sleep because originally, I swashed my eyes with a quick purple, but then I noticed that the police car lights flash red and blue, so, I quick switched back with blue eye shadow and deepened my red lips, so?"

"Ugh, I mean, Jac E, I'm stepping forward while we half alone and secluded!"

Yeah, that's Walter code for he wants a place to keep his boner warm while we wait to give our official statement to the detectives, which, someone else could say that to me, maybe, but not Walter. And that's not because there is anything wrong with Walter, but sooner or later, I mean, a guy will eventually think with his other head and I don't want to be responsible for another commotion when Walter starts running around an hour later screaming "OMG, a Boi, I did a Boi, OMG, I'm so fag" or some commotion screaming like that. Besides, Walter actually has great hair and I wouldn't want him pulling it out.

Besides, Walter was way to tall for me and stepping forward would have only split the muscles around the small of my back instead of splitting my booty buns like he wanted to.

"Hey, you two! I said no congregating until I get your official statement about the commotion! Split up now!"

"(Tee, he, you heard what Detective Ernie just said, Walter, quit trying to split my Boi booty buns and slither away to your own spot!)"

"(Hah, do you think that by reminding me that you're a sheep in wolves clothing that I would have regrets later then, huh, Jac E?)"

"Hey, you there, I told you to split and you're ignoring me and now, buddy, you're my main perp!"

Hmm, I'll try to let Detective Ernie that Walter is my perv and not his perp, um, later, tee he.

"Alright, I need to establish a timeline for the commotion, so, missy ma'am, are you my eye witness, my side witness, my spy witness or my crying witness, huh? What do you know about the commotion that occurred here tonight, huh?"

"Oh, for one, Detective Ernie, I would like my sworn statement written in Gothic Bold this time and for two, oh, I know everything there is to know about the commotion that occurred here tonight because I live here at the complex, so?"

"Well, what can you tell me about the commotion then because so far, all you've said is blah, blah, blah, so?"

"Oh, for three, I was sound asleep when the commotion occurred and then the commotion woke me up from my sound sleep and then I peeked out the window and saw it all, Detective Ernie, so?"

"Finally, somebody who saw something! So, what did you see when you saw it all then, missy ma'am?"

"Oh, I saw everyone gathering outside on the walkways, looking around and trying to figure out what the commotion was, so?"

"Is that when you started to video the commotion with your phone? I need an official timestamp to establish my commotion timeline, so, I might need to confiscate your phone and not because I think there are sexy videos on your phone, so?"

"Oh no, that's when turned around and sat in front of my mirror for a little bit because that's what I do before I go outside on commotion night and the personal videos on my phone are weak at best, but my stored phone numbers might shock you, but I rarely say "no" when someone wants me to have their number and not everything means something, so?"

"OMG, I'm the Detective and I'll determine what means what! Now, you listen and you listen good missy ma'am because..."

"Detective Ernie, would you like a hot chocolate? I mean, in half of the TV shows, I mean, someone always hands the lead Detective a coffee at the scene of the crime, but it seems pretty late at night right now for a coffee, so?"

So, here's my deal, folks, with my weak ass videos. I'm extremely pleased that I ended up with a smaller and compact body during my transition process, but gracefulness is a work in progress. I can bounce on the balls of my feet, but flirt pivoting on the balls of my feet is more like I'm keeping time for a marching band. But it's a work in progress, so.

"[Grumble, mumble, grunt] I can't ask for a hot chocolate, missy ma'am, but if one was shoved into my hand as I'm taking commotion statements, you know, with little marshmallows floating on top, I mean, we have a new hire in the department who might just know what Gothic Bold font is for your official statement, but I'll have to grunt at you out loud!"

Um, Detective Ernie screams everything out loud, so, whatever.

"Oh, I mean, hey, I mean, hey Jacky, I mean, where are you going Jacky because nobody has been released yet from the commotion crime scene and I mean, hey, Jacky, um, where are you off to then because..."

Oh, Jacky is acceptable from my old school mates, but I shortened it up after graduation.

"Hey, Tyler, um, I've shortened my name to Jac E these days, but I have special permission from the top brass to shake my ass towards my apartment building and make a couple of hot chocolates, so..."

"Tee he, you said "shake your ass for the top brass" just now, Jac E, tee he."

I did not say that.

"Tee he and you're wearing perfect sleeping shorts for that, Jac E, tee he."

Well, that might have been true, but that's kind of nature of tiny sleeping shorts, right?

"Did you want to come with, Tyler? I could use some help with a carrying tray because it looks like I need to make 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, um, 5 hot chocolates for the commotion police, so?"

I mean, that didn't take much.

And I have no idea if my booty shakes when I walk. My eyes point forward.

"Jac E, I mean, I mean, I mean, stove top or microwave for the boiling water, huh?"

"Oh, fill the big green tea pot that's on the stove burner, Tyler because I don't have a plastic pan big enough to hold that much water for the microwave."

"Jac E, can I steal a kiss (and a grope) from you, huh? I mean, we are alone in your apartment and all, so, um, I mean, I mean, I mean..."

"[Smooch] start heating the water now, Tyler while I dig out some foam cups and marshmallows."

So, I've already addressed those guys who want something from a Boi, but then will have regrets later and then there are those who just like their Boi's to be Boi's because people like what they like, but then there is the reverse approach, right? I mean, I don't step forward first very often, but I have in the past, so.

Which, tee he, I'm about as graceful at as flirt pivoting on the balls of my feet.

[Steam, steam, steam, wee, wee, water starting to whistle]

"Tyler, what the hell are you doing here at my apartment complex anyways since you don't even live here, hmm, speak up!"

"Tee he, don't you know that you commotion trend on Chang once a month or so, Jac E? It's almost like you buy sleeping shorts just to have an excuse to stand outside in the dimly lit parking lot and walkways while biting your fingertip and giving your statement, tee he, so?"

Um, I do not do that, um, that's not true and I may bite my fingertip while giving my official commotion statement, but that's just from being nervous, that's all, the end.

[Steam, steam, steam, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, water starting to whistle]

"Tyler, I don't even know if there is a compliment in all that or not, but I'm in no way interested in sex with you, if that's what you're hoping for, so?"

"Fine, Jac E! I mean, everybody should take something to the grave with them!"

[Slam, bam, without the thank you ma'am!]

Well then, folks, Tyler created another commotion while storming out of my apartment then, didn't he? I mean, just how important is sex anyways, hmm, folks? Which he may have been closer too if he had kept up the chase. Or at least helped me carry the tray of wobbly hot chocolates!

"OMG, finally, a cup for my hand like on TV! [Gently snatches a wobbly cup of hot chocolate], grab a beverage team because you all deserve it tonight since we finally caught the perv of a perp who caused all the commotion! Let's celebrate."

"[Grabs a cup] (psst, the perv perp was not your neighbor perv, um, missy ma'am)."

Um, huh, I guess I've role played a server now, so, huh.

"[Grabs a cup] sup? Call me if you need a little other commotion in your life."

"[Grabs a cup] hey, this hot chocolate smells great, but maybe grey shorts next month, maybe?"

"[Grabs a cup] I mean, it's not like I volunteer to work the night shift every third Saturday night, so?"

"[Grabs a cup] hi, stop staring at my..."

"Oh, I mean, I mean, Officer Franny, it's just a balancing trick between the eyes and the hands because my tray was so wobbly with five foam cups and I mean, I mean, if and when I ever fill out more, I want a silhouette a lot like yours, I mean, I mean, your hips are my dream, so?"

"Well, I was just going to say stop staring at my police equipment belt, but I like how a woman still catches your interest, tee he, even if it's like a combo meal, tee he, I mean, ahem, um, thanks kiddo, so, um, I don't ever see you ever filling out this much, but dreams are important, so, um, can I sneak into your apartment and use your ladies room since I'm pretty sure that your bathroom is a ladies room, hmm?"

Well, that seemed uncalled for, but I wouldn't be mad if that police equipment belt hit the floor in my bathroom, which is more like a Ladies room anyways, I suppose.

And nope, there is no way ever that my hips will sway from side to side like that. And Officer Franny did that with a fully loaded police equipment belt strapped on!

"I mean, Detective Ernie, if you caught the perv perp, when will you release the info so all of us can sleep at night, hmm?"

"[Sip] missy ma'am, that is very tight-lipped police business until we officially file charges, but the perv perp may have implicated you in the commotion, so, we're going to have to revisit your statement to get to the bottom of this [sip], so?"

"Oh, geez, was the commotion from Building 3 and apartment 116A because I made it clear to that old geezer that I am not the wings delivery person and that old geezer set it up so his wings were delivered to my place by mistake and it's only a stupid rumor that I walked his wings over to his building while just wearing ebony pantyhose, black bikini style undies, a crop top and a red hair barrette!"

"Ah-hah! And that's how you completely solve a perv perp case team! [Sip] but we're not charging you with anything, missy ma'am, since even the old geezer "perv perp" admitted that only happened once and there is only grainy video available [sip]. Let's wrap it up, team."

"Well, hold on then, Detective Ernie, was the commotion about that old geezer throwing some of his belongings out of his apartment window because there was a lot of crashing and smashing commotion, so?"

"[Sip] oh, that old geezer threw everything he owned out of his apartment window while screaming about sex he couldn't have! Well, he threw everything out of the window except his laptop because he had a grainy video playing on loop of you while you were making a very graceful walk across the grassy areas and he was in the middle of a very personal lewd act when we forced our way into his apartment, tee he and I hope I'm not that wrinkled and limp later in life, um, I mean, team, let's wrap it up team and Officer Franny, double check missy ma'am's statement and if there any changes in it, highlight them in bold Comic Sans MS font for my evidence!"

And Detective Ernie was still screaming everything.

"Name?"

"Jac E, my turn, Officer Ernie, do you have a new respect for your boyfriend now after what you saw inside of the old geezer's apartment, hmm?"

"Oh, that's a big 10-4, Jac E, but that doesn't mean that I left my undies or my bra for you in your Ladies room, so, statement paragraph one changes, hmm?"

"None, Officer Franny, my turn, did you sit backwards on the toilet afterwards and take a quick shave trimming because you're seeing your boyfriend later tonight, hmm?"

"Hmph! Well, I mean, your Ladies room is full of equipment and all and the boyfriend has been pretty nice lately, but that doesn't mean I took a few risqué selfies in your double mirrored Ladies room, so, statement paragraph two changes, hmm?"

"Maybe I answered the apartment door that day dressed a little risqué, but the real delivery guy said I looked nice in sheer and then he passed out, so, I delivered the spicy wings to the old geezer way under dressed, so, what and when will your risqué selfies be leaked out, hmm? Everybody likes "women on the force" and that's a fact, so?"

"[Bold Comic Sans MS highlights] shut it, Jac E. I need to figure out how to add a couple of those filter ribbons first. Official commotion statement paragraph three changes then, hmm?"

"Fine, my walk across the grassy area in ebony pantyhose was not graceful because I'm not graceful at all, the end of my official statement changes!"

"[Bold Comic Sans MS highlights] tee he, it's funny that you think men look for graceful first, we're done here."

Oh, I saw the grainy security video alright and from that distance and with that much grainy, yeah, that was my most graceful walk of shame ever! And my evidence of that is because it was my only walk of shame ever, so, it had to be my best ever, the end.

And ebony pantyhose is way more sheer than one would think, but that's in the history books now. Oh, and for weeks since that happened weeks before this current night of commotion, but I liked how there was a carryover effect, old geezer or not.

Well, I mean, if maybe someone a little younger were to have a mistaken address delivery of spicy wings because I can easily wear pantyhose for an hour or so and since they do fit like a skin on a grape and all and since I pretty much have just a grape to wrap, I mean, mistakes happen, right? Henry. In apartment 121A.

End Jac E 01