All Comments on 'Jack and Diane Ch. 05-07'

The story is interesting, but I find the jumping in and out of the story most confusing. It does not flow. I'm sure the writer is ok with it, because all is in his head, but I simply don't like the way he is handling the "back flashes". You are in the present in a series of paragraphs, and suddenly in the past in the following paragraps without any notice. You have to read several sentences before you notice you have gone from present to past. Because of this I only give you 50.

Your portrait of Diane is different and interesting to follow. I will look for the new set of chapters seen how this ends up - fit and proper so to speak.

I really like this one so far. Must say that I agree with Hansbwl about the jumping time frame. Maybe do one chapter for her backstory and one for his, including their perspectives on the marriage. Diane is really an immature selfish bitch, it will be fun to see how she reacts to this being highlighted, and finding out that the world does not revolve around her. Looking forward to more of this story.

One was more than enough. Two was too many.

Thank heavens husband is saved from having to invest any more of his life with this heartless woman. He is still young enough to find a real love in his life.

One shouldn't feel too much anger for the wife as she obviously has a mental defect where emotion is concerned. Is it a sociopathic or psychopathic personality?

There really are people like her in the world and it's too bad so many people are hurt by them.

How sad for her that her whole life is play-acting and her whole life has no emotional depth. Does she have any real love for her children? Please address that in a subsequent chapter.

What is her ultimate goal in life? She has a life and a lifestyle better than most.

My preference for her is great pain on her part as a means to connect with the people who love her - her children (they do--don't they?).

I like the story so far. More please.

I generally don't comment mid-way through a story. So far, it's not a bad story but the way you're telling it is getting tiresome. These great leaps back in their histories is - well truth be told I skip over them to return to the story at hand. Why you might ask? Because you simply explain the obvious. Of course Diane's a cold hearted manipulative bitch - dumps husband and moves in lover boy during the sound of front door closing and back opening - really, nothing more need be said about the bitch. I'll probably give the next segment a look - no promises though.

Sorry folks. I had section dividers within the chapters to indicate the change of timeframe but these haven't carried through to the posted version. I'll sort out what I'm doing wrong so it's easier to follow.

I find the story has me entertained yet not engrossed as you skip back and forth. I also feel like it is being fed to me without any real emotion. The narrator tells me Jack is upset yet I don’t hear it from Jack in dialogue and don’t feel it. It is just a little too much of “this happened and then this happened and he or she felt.” I don’t feel like I’m right there seeing it in my minds eye.<P>I am not a writer and I am also not a baker but I do know what tastes good to me, so that is my uneducated view of the story so far.<p>It is good entertainment and I appreciate the amount of effort you have give us and I look forward to more of your story. Thank You<P>PT

and far and away superior to most of the dross that has recently been appearing in this category.She comes across as a cold,calculating woman,and hopefully will get just what she deserves.He comes across as a decent man who deserves better than her.

it's good you explained the disappearing division/separation between different time frames. as it is, man, I'm saying to myself, as I am reading, "why the fuck this interspersing is done so 5th gradishly like this?"... <p>

actually, this sounds like a quick, short story, despite the long gaps between posts. you should not even write it this way, this back and forth introspection: this is usually reserved for longer stories, with ambivalent characters, in ambivalent situations, where we want to find out more about two people who catch themselves, in some midlife crises which look to be final acts from where they never return to a life they had built over decades... <p>

other the fact that the wife, Diane, came from a one-child family and she is very calculated, we have little or no care as to what's going to happen to her (at least I don't); stick to the husband, since most of the story takes place from a first person (although you switch to some third person perspective here and there). <p>

it is terrible when one line was about what a bitch Diane is and how Milla and her husband are working hard to get Jack/John what he really deserves, and the next line was about how Jack first kissed a beautiful twenty something Diane and how giddy they were,,, the transition, IF YOU MUST do this back and forth, must be done better than this. and you simply need a few asterisks or so in between.

This has gotten progressively more difficult to read, understand & follow the time frame changes. And I have to ask, why does it matter what his time in the Navy was like? Or did I miss something, by Chapt. 7, I was speed reading trying to find some common thread or theme, not but finding any except that Diane is a cold-hearted calculating bitch, which I fairly much knew by the end of the 2nd paragraph of Chapt. 1. While time frame changes can be a good writing device from plot development, it takes a really talented writer to master it, & make it work. I'm sorry to say that your writing is not to that standard yet.

First, a month between chapters is too long. Second, it is very hard to keep the time-line of the story in line. However, complaining aside, I do like the Milla character and I think the portrayal of the narcissistic ex-wife (Diane) is very well done.

Disregarding your confusing time frames, I found the story interesting and your character development fascinating. Initially Jack appeared to be a spineless dummy, who just moved out when Diane showed up with her lover and told him to get lost, but now he seems to have become more incisive and decisive with Milla's help. Diane, on the other hand seemed loving at times but now is self centered bitch who only cares about herself.I Would appreciate shorter intervals between chapters,too Nice writing job though.

60 Year old George

Role reversal. Is Diane the husband ?? This story is Awful disjointed rambling but there is almost a decent story here.

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Through chapter 7 we are STILL having flash backs to the wedding and dating periods of their lives?

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<b> we dont know WHY Diane decided to do this to the kids. </b> While Diane is drawn up as a cold self centered cunt she appears to be a good mother. Therefore how could she NOT know how the kids would react?

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Diane's character and actions make NO sense. NONE

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Diana never loved Jack. Not 1 bit. Recall that when the began Diane asked HIM out several times. For her it was all about status and Jack is portrayed as one of the most Obtuse slow witted buttwipe of all time. <b> Since Diana had the all the power in this so called relationship

/ marriage why would she think she couldnt control the affair? </b>

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For a stepford wife like Diane Divorce with 2 young kids is viewed as FAILURE. Jack had not turned nasty meanor abusive. The author has Diane mainpulating Jack from the get go and he never had a clue.

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so why Divorce? why did Diane suddenly think "I cant pull this one off" when she had neen doing that for years???

This is a nice addition to the cheating wives

sub-category. Keep it up but I also wish you coud

submit succeeding chapters closer together.

and if patterns of the past hold true, we are due for the next installment real soon. All I can say is........ It's about time. I like your work. Keep it up.

I love the story for the most part but I have to admit that in the final 2 chapters I really did just skim the flashback stuff. I'm not a writer so I will say I like it for the most part. One of the better series style I have read as I usually stay away from them. Looking forward to the rest of the story now.

Are you going to finish this? I have enjoyed it so far.

Please give us an ending!

I like this story overall, but the jumping back and forth in time is very confusing. It seems especially so when we seem to already have a pretty good feel for the characters to continue to flashback to their earlier times.

Perhaps you're trying too hard to expand the story,and it's ineffective. Well worth the read though, and I'm hooked...Mancelt

Your name suggests very messy endings. I think this might disappoint many readers if they don't see it, but I don't mind because clearly you are a realist and are pretty down to earth. What I would hate to see in the next few chapters is the two somehow getting back together. The title doesn't sound promising, even if there seems to be indications of payback. I don't think you'll reconcile them but I have some caution in my bones fearing that. She never really loved him, but while there's nothing wrong with that (people marry for various reasons), for wanting a man for his genes and social standing, at least some loyalty and respect should be given him! I can't see anything he did wrong, and she just lost control of her life to him, which she should have given up willingly - she is stupid enough to think that one can control their lives from maturity til death!

A gutless "story" by gutless and wimpy Brit ! It just goes round and round saying nothing.Just mindless prattle !!

One of the worst in this genre !!

Tell me where the fuck is the pain she suffered? He listened to his attorney and still got fucked. Only 3 stars from me.

Thanks for the offering.

Diane is cold calculating selfish and manipulative but not very smart.

She thought that she could always get Jack to do what she wanted, but couldn't understand why he didn't give her everything and just walk away.

Is she really so stupid about his motivation?

Of course he had given her what she wanted, he wanted her to be with him and that meant keeping her happy.

Cold calculating bitch...

About Jack and Diane... Another conniving and manipulative woman. And that boys, is why you never fall head over heels in love with a woman that you "can't live without her"

Onwards again

and 2 steps back in the story line. I like the writing but I am skipping so much backstory trying to read the story.

Thegods/devils/nature did humans no favors by instilling both emotional pair-bonding and hypergamy into their sexual makeup.

The backstory has become really annoying and breaks the flow of the plot. We don't need soooo much information about how they meet, how they fall in love, how was their first sexual encounter, etc, etc.

Not a bad story if you skip the jumps back and forth.

Constant back and forth from present to past, to present, to past is tedious and breaks the flow of a story, will know to never read anything by this writer again.

All over the place like a dogs breakfast. Can't get a handle on the husband. 'War Stories' about him reflect a tough, no nosence bloke who had the respect of his work mates, if not a hero, but that's not the feeling conveyed in the story so far!

Diana seems to be a bit of a spoiled narcisist

Peter was not an innocent nor collateral damage. He knew she was married with children and helped to destroy her marriage and break up the kids’ family. He deserves serious punishment.

Not much here.

Just a bit convoluted going back and forth. Good story so far, would like to see her get her comeuppance.