All Comments on 'Jack Masters, PI - The Betrayal'

Let her feel the same level of betrayal and pay for it by losing leverage in the divorce.

Good story.

very good story and very good sequel. 5⭐

We learn more about Gail as well.

Thank you for sharing.

Your PI needs better doctors. Low barometric pressure can irritate nerves. This causes hour tendons and/or scar tissue within joints to swell. The aching is inflammation.

And he just happened to have a process server on standby with divorce papers when they , shock horror discovered their infidelity, not to mention the hidden cameras.

Page 4 wés a disappointment ?

The basic bones of the story was interesting. But please, get an editor or self edit better. There were so many stupid word errors, wrong names etc that it detracted from the story.

Loved it, you got their names mixed up a couple of times there, i think the only thing missing is a tete-a-tete with his brother after the fact. Otherwise this was good

Started out pretty good. But it dived into dumb and tne ending was way too hurried. Too bad.

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3 *** . Coulda been a strong 4 or even a 5 ….

Nice revenge story.

Amy fully deserved to get screwed over in the divorce. Having an affair with her husband's brother was despicable.

"wasted", not "waisted". It's a "rec room", as in recreation room, not ...guffaw.. a "wreck room" 4

What does it mean, PartI? D

Hope you're doing more stories about Jack. This was a good one.

good story

You really, really need to get an editor. You mixed up your characters too many times to count. 2/5

Regguy69 is an interesting new writer. First, the handle. Not Reggae69, but RegGUY69. A regular guy, but sure sounds rasta when you say the name out loud. Wonder if there will be more Jack Masters PI stories, along the lines of BillandKate's Karen Roland series. Some editing (or better editing) would have caught the sudden shifts between first person Jack and third person narrator, along with a number of typos. But not letting the perfect be enemy of the good, I gave this a 5, for a satisfying storyline.

Enjoyed the read. I think you were too easy on the cheating couple.

quote Gail slipped he had down between them unquote

You had a 5 going until the rushed ending - 4*

Great story. Could feel the characters. Please keep writing.

one staf gor every word on the last page

Someone else already mentioned the homophones in the story. They are a particular hazard of voice to text programs, and spell checkers do not identify them. My wife frequently reminds me that my home office is in a perpetual state of clutter and disarray. Thank you for the idea of declaring it to be the "wreck room." Hopefully, it will attract less attention since it will be fulfilling its named function...well, maybe...yeah, I guess not. In any event, thanks for an enjoyable story.

By page four this got too fucking cliched and idiotic for me to stomach any further.

Oh and drop making the guy a chcik magnet, that shit gets so old and is so fucking preposterous

Not bad at all. However, I don't think the pegging really worked in this case. If Richie wanted to get at Jack it doesn't make too much sense for him to become Amy's bitch.

Good story-telling skills, but way too many errors. An editor would surely pick up on “Gail slipped he had down between them…” and all the other errors scattered about (e.g., mixing up Amy/Gail)…and caught by casual readers.

Dumb. So many things point to a setup. He ruins his reputation and loses clients when it’s believed that he’s a liar

So, in the end, the "kids" could have cared less and I guess all other family members are dead. Sharon didn't care about him fucking Gail for a few months either, right? Need to get a little shit together, dude, It's all in the details!

She fucked Ritchie because she read a story about fucking a guy in the ass, so she betrayed her husband and her family to have that experience? She could have just hired a gay prostitute and tried it out first. Amy's decision to become Ritchie's slut was kind of Martian Slut Rayish. Their marriage must have already been weak before Amy became a whore. She already had lost respect and compassion for her husband. If it had not been Ritchie it would have been someone else. Sounds like both Amy and Ritchie ended up getting it up the ass. Thanks for the effort.

What a disappointment. In the first story Amy is a loving wife and that story ended with the two of them exchanging loving words. In this story she is cheating with his brother. Why do this except to feed the btb crowd with more of the crap they expect?

Yeah, nobody would question why the video was paused and restarted in the middle of the confrontation.

What nonsense.

3 stars for an average BTB story with a very stilted dialog.

Demander, it's PI as in private investigator.

I liked the story even though all the plotting and planning seemed a bit unrealistic. 4 stars

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Thanks! Not having any resolution in the original really bothered me.

I like the MC hopefully we see him again.

Good story!

5

Love it! 5*

REC room as in recreation

Though wreck room has a certain appeal

Good story. There were some character mixups and some quite bad spelling errors. You need an editor badly

Scores 3/5

Good story! But...

Spelling errors should have been caught.

The ending seemed to be an afterthought. The end. Fade to black.

The dialogue was buggy, as in difficult to follow at times. I often couldn't tell who said what.

I understood what you were trying to portray, but you didn't flesh out whatever mental outline that you were using.

You have really good potential. Outlining, fleshing out your story, and then editing and re-editing need some work. Look for an editor and pay attention to their suggestions.

Really like the MC.

I'm struggling to see the purpose of the story. Is this not a website for erotic literature? For erotic pleasure? Or just plain stories? This is just a plain story. That is, not meant to arouse or give pleasure.

Great story! I love it when fucking cheaters get their just reward. Now a follower and will remain as so as long as you don't start using the dot dot dot's like so many story tellers do. I will now refer to you as an Author! 5 BIG ASS FLAMING STARS!

I really enjoyed the story. I had to re-read a few sections, where he character names got mixed, but still good. Jack is the kind of character you could build on, into a series of episodes. Jack and his trusted sidekick Sharon. Maybe occasionally taking on Gail as a contractor on some cases.

1 star for not being able to keep the names up in your story. It also shows that you didn't check the story for inconsistencies. A cursory read of the story would point out many of the mistakes.

"Gail slipped he had down between them..."

AMY slipped HER HAND down between them...

Really sloppy writing, or at the least proofreading.

The word you missed was “EDIT”. DON’T BE IN A RUSH! Slow down and check your work.

Great story, RG! Loved it!

Okay so Jack never gets into it with Ritchie? The only payback on the cheaters is a fake swap and not coming out well in the divorce? I just wish they had had some more punishment. But still enjoyed the story.

And I thought there were 4 pages.

In court : if Jack did not know beforehand, why did he request a proces-server with divorce papers ?

Need another jack story.

Thought it was a well planned out event. Thanks for your writing.

That's why I don't trust anyone except myself.

For all the talk of betrayal at the end and the situations portrayed, the story lacks pathos. It's desperately missing.

Very good but:

Rec room not wreck room

Jack didn’t have a business his ex could get part of. Best she could do would be get some support based on his extra earnings. If she got his “business” he just quits working. He IS the business. He really doesn’t own a business. He owns his job.

How did they explain the break in the recording?

Anon in court,

Good point. Very good point

Interesting premise. Continuity problem with the process server being there and it was supposed to be a well faked shock. Doesn't compute.

5 stars but to me Rich finally did beat Jack and took his wife away from him. They ended up together, even if she turned out to be a weird dominant slut. :-)

In a fictional world anything can happen - including continuity breaks no one notices.

I enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing. 5 stars from Xluckylee

Having the process server waiting ahead of time to serve his brother and his wife made this totally unbelievable that the Jack didn't know about or had set this up ahead of time... 2-stars for such a big misstep.

The purpose of the video was to get proof of adultery to get a better settlement out of the divorce!! Having the process server there to deliver the papers, not captured on video, was not wwrong or impossible!!

YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE JACK MASTERS PI stories

You need an editor you kept mixing up amy with Gail and Gai with Amy you used the word drug him out instead of dragged him out basic English did you go to school to learn or just to eat your lunch

Wreck room ??? Really why not Rec. (recreation) room?

@oldguy1 drug is used in many parts of the country and can actually be used interchangeably with dragged. Don't be such a cunt.

Well besides mixing up characters using the wrong names like 20 times, the biggest issue was you built Jack up to be a stand up man, with morals and honor. Then you had him throw it all away, for starters having him have sex with his wife after he knew she was a cheating whore is just wrong, a man of his character would have trouble even being in bed with her without puking anytime authors have a virtuous man have sex with a cheating wife it makes me want to get sick, it's disgusting and a huge part of why reconciliation isn't possible. Then the setup having him lie and deceive Amy, yeah you justify it but it is still immoral and just stains his character, when Gail and him could have set them up by planning a fake business trip or something, giving Amy and Rich enough rope to hang themselves, and then having him screw Gail when Sharon was in the wings waiting it's just another immoral action totally out of character for him. I like your stories alot but staying true to the characters you create is paramount.

That was....pretty bad

Definitely needed to be proof read and / or an editor.

Enjoyed. Why do people take everything so serious. This fiction, If you dont like it do better and submit your own. Otherwise get a life.

What a weird story. The revenge made little sense. They could.have easily got evidence of adultery and which few states let adultery impact a no fault divorce? Not many. Not sure why all the effort. Amy was banging his brother for a year. So big whoop he and Gail end up divorcing their spouses! Huzzah! Wow all that efgort for what? And Richie's motivation camee off as dumb. Gail was a moron. And we have no idea why Amy did anything beyond some fetish to peg Richie. Whatever. Meanwhile Gail has pined for the MC for years but when they get together, they both realize no long term future. Sure but wouldn't it take a while for Gail to admit that after years of yearning? Again a trainwreck. The faked swap was anticlimactic. And what is with Amy and Richie getting together in an open relationship while Amy was trying to reconcile with the MC? And weren't their kids? What happened to them? Doesn't sound like Amy had custody. So we're they out of the house. Did they learn about any of this? Meh.

Nope, this was fucked up all the way through, made no sense even in an entertainment perspective. Just plain dumb. No rationale and the sex scenes lacked erotica because it was so fake and dumb. Come on........ a little more effort and reasonable effort. Good griefous...........

Not bad. Entertaining and fairly well written.

Meh. Personally should have left it at the first story. This got really weird. Also the whole setup at the end had zero value. Just get a video if Amy and Richie screwing. Besides what brother does that another? If so then it woukd get highly physical. And bloody. That is a bigger betrayal in some ways than the wife. Amy suddenly became some caricature of a sex crazed nut job. Whatever.