Jacking Ch. 02

A day passed... another... then the first needle came out.

A day passed... another... and Tags was there when JD regained consciousness for the first time.

He watched JD's head turn very slightly, all he could manage. JD was trying to open his eyes, stymied by his eyelids twitching instead of doing what he wanted. He had better luck making his voice work. "Where... Ty... help..."

"I'm here," That leaned down so he could keep his voice soft and JD would still hear him. "You're safe, JD. You're safe." He shuffled over and put a hand on top of JD's.

"Everything hurts," JD croaked. "Got hit by a truck..."

"I know," Tags pressed down on JD's hand. "Keep your eyes closed, they'll hurt too. Just rest, while we fix you."

"I trust you," JD murmured.

"I love you," Tags said, and then he heard his own words and froze. He didn't notice his shipmate looking over to him and then shaking his head before going back to removing another needle.

"What," was all JD could say with the last of his strength.

Tags took his hand away and went back to work.

A day passed... another... and another. Tags got to work fitting JD's plugs when his muscles needed a break.

A day passed... another... and another. Tags was on shift in the cockpit when a sentinel found them. He found a place to set down like his own life depended on it, and the squiddie bugged out rather than risk an EMP. Tags watched it fly away through another tunnel with a determined look on his face; he was ready to go outside and fight the thing one on one before he'd let it take JD.

A day passed... another... and another. JD could move a little on his own and open his eyes. He didn't need the food tube anymore but Tags didn't mind that JD couldn't feed himself yet.

"Fuck is that," JD made a face over his first spoonful of hovercraft rations.

Swirling the goop around a little, Tags told him, "Rations, basically. Don't worry, there's better food at home." Thinking about that, Tags said, "I mean... not necessarily good food, but better."

"Oh," JD groaned, and he was out like a light. He needed to sleep off the medication and sedatives; escaping the food was probably good motivation, so Tags stuck JD with a needle that had a saline bag on the other end.

A day passed... and Tags carried JD to the empty bunk room. He stayed there like he'd stayed in the infirmary.

JD woke up for real, surprised at his own lack of a headache, or any kind of ache. He looked down and saw the worn clothes he'd been dressed in, pulling at the shirt to get a better look. Worn, but comfortable and warm, at least. A pair of boots had been stuck on his feet before they'd been laced up, and he could feel socks on his feet underneath.

He saw the IV needle in his arm, inserted into what looked like some kind of plug on his skin. He saw more plugs on his arms... then, he saw Tags sitting in the corner of the room, opposite the rack he'd woken up on.

Tags was asleep, awkwardly propped up against the wall. He'd passed out with one knee pulled close and the arm on top somehow had managed to stay there.

Careful not to move his arm too far from the saline bag, JD shuffled a little so he could reach over. "Ty?" Shaking his leg a little, JD slightly raised his voice. "Ty..."

His eyes shooting open, Tags sat there otherwise unmoving for a moment. He blinked a few times, reached up to rub the sleep out, and finally leaned forward. "Hey, you're awake."

"Am I?" JD asked him, seriously.

"If you're not, you're dreaming me and I wouldn't know," Tags chuckled. "Do what I do and just try not to think about things like that. It'll give you a headache. Give me your arm, let me get that thing out."

JD watched as Tags took his arm and pulled on the needle. It slid out slowly and cleanly, but the metal needle scraping on the metal of the plug was a sound terrible enough to make him flinch. He looked again at all the other plugs and he realized he could feel that he had more under his clothes... and he saw them on Tags' arms, too. "What... what is all this," he said, his hand going to his head. "What happened to my hair? What happened to your hair?"

"You've just started growing it," Tags mirrored him and ran a hand over his own head. "And I just buzz mine every couple of months."

"Where's 'here' anyway?" JD glanced around the room.

"We're," Tags started, but he decided he'd try to coach his answer a little. "This isn't going to make sense, but, just try to hear this... literally, okay? You're going to be confused about how anything I say is possible, so just... try to accept what I'm saying is exactly what's happening for now, then we'll get to the 'how.'" When JD nodded silently, Tags continued. "This is the hovercraft I serve on. It's called the Damocles. The captain's name is Reaper."

"The hovercraft you," JD cut himself off, "Wait, so... you joined the military again, but... you're also supposed to be a criminal..."

"I joined a different military," Tags looked up to the ceiling, stretching his arms before he put his hands behind his head to rest against the wall with a little support. "Do you remember anything? Anything after you took the pill I gave you?"

"The room, the chair, the weird... whatever it was I coughed up," JD's mind went through the events until they turned foggy, but he wanted to remember, he wanted to know what Tags was asking about. He focused on that last moment in the room, with Tags and the other people... and he started to remember. He remembered waking up, soaked in... something. Then the cables jammed into his skin popped out, something grabbed him, there was a chute like a water park from hell, and something at the back of his...

Tags watched JD reach up to the back of his head, slowly, carefully. He knew JD had found it when JD's eyes went wide, so Tags leaned forward again, bending down so JD could see the back of his head, and he tapped at the port with a finger.

"You have one too," JD breathed.

"Told you I went through everything you did," Tags straightened up and got to his feet, offering JD a hand up. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the rest of the crew," he paused, taking a breath. "We'll show you what's going on, and I guess... I guess then, you can decide if you hate me or not."

Looking at the hand Tags had offered, JD took it and let himself be pulled up. "Why would I hate you?"

When JD wobbled a little in his feet, Tags put his hands on his shoulders to keep him steady, to give him a second to get used to walking again. "When I told you there was nothing I could say that would let you understand what it really means to be here? We're gonna show you, and you... you're gonna realize you really couldn't make an informed choice, it just comes down to whether or not you think it's worth it to know." He waited to see if JD wanted to say anything. When he didn't, Tags let him go and opened the door.

JD had caught sight of the ship's name plate when Tags brought him to a larger chamber, and from there he started looking around at the mishmash of electronics and chairs. The sight of this place confused him even more; he couldn't imagine any military looking like this. He snapped back from the distraction when Tags started introducing him to the other people present.

"Fluke, our operator," Tags motioned towards a man wearing a headset JD hadn't seen before, hunched over a workstation with several monitors. "Haze and HABIT, all caps," Tags said this like it made sense, and JD recognized Haze as the man Tags had given the finger to, HABIT was a tall woman who, like Fluke, he didn't recognize.

It took an immense amount of willpower to refrain himself from asking if he was really supposed to believe these were their names, but unlike Fluke, Haze and HABIT actually acknowledged his presence and dropped what they were doing to pay attention. "Hi," JD nodded towards them.

"New guy's finally up?"

Everyone looked behind JD towards the source of the voice, and he turned to see another woman climbing down a ladder. The wrinkles on her face didn't look particularly natural; she was definitely middle-aged, but she was also definitely younger than she looked. She'd been the one wearing goggles.

"And, Captain Reaper," Tags finished. Her presence distracted him from JD for a second. "You don't have to be here for this, Cap."

"Hey, if you're going to do my job for me, the least I can do is be present," she looked JD over. "Looks like reconstruction went well, at least."

"So you," JD couldn't help himself from saying something to her, he was going insane feeling like he was in over his head. "You usually... show people around?"

"Oh, you're mostly done with the showing-around part," Reaper said. "Not exactly much to see, is there? But yes, that and telling you what he's about to tell you is usually something I take care of. Same thing as when we busted you out; we figured since we have someone here you know, that might be easier."

Trying desperately to figure out what she meant by 'busted out,' JD just nodded.

"Over here," Tags had JD sit down in a chair once again, this one flanked by cables, equipment, and a monitor. "Fluke?"

Fluke didn't so much as turn in his chair, but he gave a thumbs-up and called back, "Good to go!"

Grabbing a cable from nearby, Tags watched JD sit down in the chair and lay back, his eyes darting around as he tried to keep track of everything. "Think you're as ready as can be for answers?"

It wasn't lost on JD that Tags apparently didn't think it was possible to actually be ready, but that just lined up with everything Tags had told him so far. "If it includes why you're dressed like a hobo now, then yes." He glanced down at himself before resting his head back down again, keeping his eyes on the ceiling, trying to be prepared for whatever was going to happen. "Or why I am too, for that matter."

Tags tried not to laugh, but he couldn't help a chuckle getting out. "Actually yeah, it does."

JD saw Tags lean over at the edge of his vision. When Tags shoved the plug at the end of the cable into the jack in the back of his head, JD startled at the sensation, at the push against his skull, but the world went white before he could move.

Reaper had told Tags there really wasn't anything he could've done differently. There were no better words to say; the newly freed were basically going to react poorly as a fact of life. The kids took it better, they weren't as attached to the reality they started in, but JD was older. His life had more things in it to be rendered meaningless.

Tags didn't feel better about it. JD had gone near-catatonic, responding to stimuli but very nearly losing the will to do anything that wasn't involuntary.

Before Tags tried to carry him to his bunk, he threw JD's arm over his own shoulders and tried to walk him back. JD's feet did more dragging than stepping, though Tags took it as a good sign that there were attempts, that JD hadn't completely turned off.

JD moved more than an inch for the first time after Tags laid him down on his bunk, silently turning onto his side and curling up into himself as much as he could, facing the wall.

After Tags put a pillow under his head, he looked towards the door, and wondered what he should do. It was just another choice he couldn't know the consequences of ahead of time.

Closing the door as quietly as he could, Tags put a hand on JD's shoulder, lightly. "I'm gonna stay, okay? If you need anything, I'm... I'll be right here."

He stepped back and sat down on the floor, once again with his back to the corner.

After two bites, Tags forced himself to chew more slowly, to truly savor the brownie he knew he wasn't really eating. The taste felt real enough, and the Oracle certainly baked some mean sweets. "Thank you," he tried to say, his mouth full wondering if it would be rude to ask for something to wash it down with later.

"You're welcome, kid. Enjoy it." Maybe the Oracle was reading his mind, maybe she'd already predicted his thoughts, or maybe she just thought it was common sense, but after patting Tags on the hand, she stood and retrieved a carton of milk from the fridge. "You don't need me to tell you you're not what Morpheus was hoping you'd be, but, may as well say it out loud, right? Last thing you need is to have it bothering you because you're just not sure. I don't think you have any world-altering choices ahead of you, most people don't," she took a glass from the nearest cupboard and started filling it, still talking despite her back being to Tags. "Everyone wants to feel special, but it's not what it's cracked up to be. You feel a lot less free when your choices can make the whole world go a certain way, change things for everyone in it, believe me."

The Oracle set the glass of milk down on the table and Tags gulped from it almost instantly. "I guess I'd rather be unimportant."

Sitting back down and picking up her cigarette, she told Tags, "We're all important, kiddo, to someone. It's just a matter of how many someones. Sooner or later you'll bump into one of those someones, and it'll be time to make another choice."

Stopping halfway through another bite on the brownie, Tags put it down on the plate. "What choice?"

"The obvious one," she grinned, looking for all the world like a grandmother sharing some wisdom. "Do you tell them the truth, or tell them they just couldn't understand and walk away? It's like being in love and deciding whether or not to go for it. No easy answers, really just depends on the people involved."

"Who, uh," Tags poked at his brownie, feeling guilty for wanting to get back to it. "Who are we talking about here?"

"Oh, that I don't know," she shrugged apologetically. "I just know you're going to have to make a choice about what to say; one choice they follow you out, the other choice, they don't. It's not an easy thing to get through, but it's easy to understand."

"Huh," Tags picked up the brownie again, inhaling deep, savoring the smell before he took another bite.

Tags wasn't sure how much time had passed. He didn't fall asleep again, he tried to meditate but his concern for JD was too overpowering to let him quiet his mind.

He kept wondering, over and over, if staying with JD had been a good idea. The inability to know what was best screamed through his brain and deafened him. If JD hated him for this, sitting there was just making things worse. If he doesn't hate me... and I leave him... can't just abandon him...

At long last, JD saying something grabbed his attention, though it still didn't help his sense of time.

"Is this real," JD said, without moving.

Tags really didn't know if JD wanted an answer from him, or if JD was just talking to the wall. Still, he wasn't going to ignore him. "Yeah, 'fraid so."

JD moved in stages. He propped himself up on an arm and stayed like that for a minute, still staring at the wall, before he sat up and turned halfway around. He finally got to the edge of his rack, where his legs could hang down. Staring at his boots, he swung his feet back and forth, letting the heels thump on the wall underneath. When he finally stopped, he said, "How... how did you handle it?"

"Cried like a bitch," Tags chuckled despite everything, remembering his own patheticness. "For hours."

"Really?" JD stopped looking down and turned to Tags, eyes wide.

"Yep. I spent a few minutes just... stunned, feeling like an idiot for taking everything for granted... then I cried. And I wanted out, just didn't know what 'out' really meant. Surprised?" Tags almost laughed, but he was so focused on JD it just didn't come out.

"Well," JD looked down again, "Yeah."

He wasn't sure it was a good idea, but Tags got up and sat next to JD on his rack. He left some space between them and fought the urge to touch him, even just a hand on his shoulder. "JD, I might not be a guy who takes shit from anyone, but trust me, having all this knock you on your ass? It's not a sign of weakness."

"I can't even decide what to think about," he grabbed at his own head, tight with both hands. "One minute I'm thinking, it's all gone and my life was meaningless anyway, the world is dead, there's a war because we're slaves, I could die tomorrow," JD took a breath. "The next, I'm trying to remember what I was supposed to do today; is my rent due? Who was I supposed to do a shoot with? Did I miss my mom's birthday? I can't remember any of it, because none of it ever mattered."

"I wish I could say something that would make it okay," Tags kept his eyes off of him. "Your experiences were real, though. The Matrix isn't, but the feelings you felt, the 'you' that you turned out to be, that's real."

Scoffing, his shoulders sagging, JD said, "The 'me' I was? Fuck, Ty, I'm a... I was a porn actor happy I didn't need to find a real job."

"Yeah, like I said, we're not typical," Tags nodded. He shifted his weight, wondering about details now that he wasn't in a rush. "Thought you'd gotten out of the biz before I left, though.

"Yeah, well... like I said, better than a real job," JD said. "I'm even less typical than you, right? You said these people usually go for someone who feels like there's something wrong with the world, right? Then you said, you did feel that. I didn't have a clue, I just thought life sucks, make the most of it, I got lucky and I'll enjoy it. I never..."

"I had the mindset, I didn't have the background, and I was older than usual, too." Tags took a deep breath, eyes wandering around the room. "We don't have the resources to free everyone who just has the feeling, we focus on the ones who go looking for answers, too. Usually aspiring hackers, kids who feel it so much they go looking for answers in places others don't know exist, who can find us, or at least come closer. Plus, it's easy to communicate through electronics, so it makes establishing contact easy."

"I'm not a hacker," JD sighed, before he realized what Tags was actually telling him. "You're not a hacker."

"Well, I am now," Tags smiled, indulging in a little ego. "I wasn't, though, you're right. I was just in the dark place you go when you spend months thinking nothing seems right and you can't figure out why. Not depressed, no problems going from one day to the next, keeping up all the routines... just this nagging sensation that this can't possibly be how the world is supposed to go, driving you crazy.."

When Tags didn't volunteer more information, JD prodded for it, sure that knowing would make him feel better, even if there was no reason to. "So how'd it happen?"

Chuckling, Tags said, "Random chance, for real. The crew of another ship, the Nebuchadnezzar, was tracking a potential recruit. It went bad, the Agents were even faster than normal, they lost the target. Their Operator just happened to catch sight of me while getting them to an exit. I just happened to be feeling so trapped in my own head at the moment." Another deep breath, and Tags continued. "The Neb's captain is this guy named Morpheus, he's a crazy-person. He, uh... there's a lot of weird shit, but, all that really matters is, he thinks he's gonna free someone really important one day. So, his target's lost, his Op just happens to see someone who's got that feeling no one ever should've noticed? He decided to go for it."

Smiling for the first time, if only a little, JD said, "I'm guessing you're not Mister Important."

"Nope, just a random jackass," Tags answered. "It was obvious real quick, yeah? I'm good, if I do say so myself, but I'm not win-the-war good. They took it in stride, well, most of them did. This one guy on his crew seriously needs a vacation, told me to be glad we figured it out fast or I'd be dead in a week thinking I could take out an Agent. Anyway, once I learned to cope they still trained me, treated me just fine... but the Neb didn't have room for more crew so, when I decided I wanted to serve, I got sent to a ship that did, and here I am."