Jacking Ch. 02

"You know," JD rolled over the story in his head, wanting to sit on it for a minute. "You still haven't told me why everyone calls you 'Tags.' Which, all things considered, is the most normal sounding thing anyone calls anyone else."

Tags told him, simply, "'Cause it's my name." When JD didn't seem to really understand, he continued. "I meant it when I said that the things you felt while you were in the Matrix were real even if the world wasn't, but... this is the real world. Who I was then is a part of who I am now, but that's all. No one's the same here as we were there. Everyone else is just attached to their 'cool' hacker names," Tags made air quotes, "'Cause by the time they were freed, they already felt like that was who they were, and the names their parents gave them were another thing that didn't feel right."

"Yeah, but you didn't have a 'cool hacker name,'" JD didn't repeat the air quotes, he just let the sarcasm in his voice speak for itself. "You just added XXX to your name on social media, so that still doesn't explain 'Tags.'"

"Yeah, I," Tags forced the words out; talking about it was weirdly difficult. "I didn't think anything of it at first, may as well stick with 'Ty,' once I was out I sure as hell felt that was more who I was than my given name. I guess I just... went through the same thing everyone else did, delayed. It started feeling more and more wrong. The first time I was in the Construct like you just were, when Residual Self-Image was explained to me? I had my tags around my neck. My dog-tags from when I was in the military. I'd tossed 'em when I got out, wasn't attached to them like some vets are. Except, apparently I am, in some way. So..."

"So," JD nodded, "'Tags.' Do you, uh... do you want me to call you that, 'cause I'm not sure I can get used to it."

"I don't mind either way," Tags shook his head. "It's not like, taboo or anything, like I said, these just are our names. Kinda wonder if you'll be like me or if you'll stick with 'JD,' actually. Hell, no reason you can't just be 'Danny.'"

"Oh, I think that's off the table, I understand exactly what you meant, my real name isn't me, after this. Feels like it never was," JD shook his head before scrubbing at his face. "I guess... I guess I need time."

"Well, barring an unfortunately sudden end to the war in the Machines' favor, you actually do have a lot of that," Tags chuckled. "No one's gonna tell you you're not coping fast enough. I'm not gonna say this life cured the human race of assholes, but... some things are big enough even for the assholes to keep their mouths shut. Whatever you choose to do, you won't be judged."

Almost before Tags had finished the sentence, JD blurted out, "I want to stay here with you."

"Uh," Tags' mouth opened and stayed that way while he waited for more words to come. "That's... that's not a decision you should make without a lot of thought."

"It's why you took me out, isn't it?" JD glanced around his bunk. "That's why this room is mine. You said the ship that freed you didn't have space for more crew, this one needs someone, right?"

"That... wasn't the main reason," Tags tensed up a little. He had to force his shoulders to go down. "We took you out because you were looking for me, and we... we weren't sure what would happen, someone looking for one of our old names if we ignored it, if they'd ignore you or if I'd go inside on an op one day and find you with a gun to your head, or anything in-between... so Reaper made the call even though you weren't... standard. You're right though," it felt like a confession, "She's hoping you'll be fit to sign on with us. She can conscript you, but it's not her style, I don't think she wants someone on her crew who doesn't want to be here."

"Ty... Tags," JD put his feet up onto the edge of his bunk, pulling his knees as tight to his chest as he could, looking at Tags like he was physically incapable of looking anywhere else. "I can't do this alone. I can't handle this... all of this, alone, I can't!"

"That's," Tags paused, again needing to think of the right words. "That's not unreasonable, but it shouldn't be the only thing you think about. Being here is dangerous. Being free is dangerous, but it's a lot safer in Zion than it is on a ship."

Having a question distracted JD for a moment, if a short one. "Zion?"

"Home," Tags said. "You'll see it soon. We live underground, we use geothermals for heat and energy, it's... living in a city of a quarter-million that's been built into a cave isn't exactly living in the lap of luxury, but you'd live better than you would on a ship. We live in the salvage and ruins of the old world, but the old world wasn't the one you know, it was a world that could make thinking machines, hell, even flying cars; even slumming it, there's tech for creature comforts."

"How well I live doesn't really matter to me right this second," JD answered.

"It might, later," Tags said. "You don't have to decide now. You don't really have to decide for real until the next time we dock at Zion, that's about the limit of any crew wanting to cart someone around who isn't sure they want to be here, I think. If you want, I can start training you, maybe it'll help. Maybe just help you decide you want off this ship ASAP, there's still some shit you don't know, about how we operate..."

"What would I even do otherwise?" JD shrugged. "Sit in here?"

"Mostly," Tags shrugged. "And get grabbed by whoever could use an extra pair of hands at any given moment."

"I just have to do something, anything," JD stood up, with more energy than he'd displayed in a long time. "You're, uh... you're really gonna teach me to... be in the military? I guess it's good I'm used to going to the gym..."

"Thinking you never even considered the idea and you can't possibly handle it?" Tags' grin grew a little more devious. "Don't worry, it's not what you think."

Tags handed JD off to Fluke and, once Fluke had JD jacked in, shoving things into his brain, Tags left. He knew JD wouldn't be able to pay any attention to him during the process. JD not being able to miss him was a window of opportunity, so he told Fluke to just come get him when they were done.

He needed real rest that wasn't passing out up against a wall. He needed a goddamn nap, and his rack was such an upgrade over the corner of JD's room that it took him roughly ten seconds to pass out.

"Tags... Tags!"

Tags' eyes opened slowly, lazily. His brain refused to move with any sense of urgency, and the first thought he managed to formulate was that he actually didn't realize how tired he was. This became evident when he finally realized he wasn't shaking because the ship was pulling several Gs, he was shaking because Fluke had come into his room and started shaking him awake when banging on the door hadn't done the job.

"I'm up, I'm up, stop already," he groaned. Once he could think enough that he realized it must've been time to get back to JD, he could finally sit up and stretch. He couldn't help the yawn, though. "You done?"

"Will be in ten minutes, figured you'd want some warning," Fluke said. "Clearly, I was right."

Standing and stretching again, Tags bent down to un-lace his boots, absent-mindly wishing he hadn't slept in them. "Good, just enough time to grab a shower. Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Fluke left him without a fuss, satisfied he didn't need to do anything else.

A quick shower and shave later, Tags felt good to go for the day, or whatever time it was; he didn't bother checking, he just got dressed and carried his boots with him to the core of the ship rather than mess with putting them on without being able to sit down.

He realized he'd probably taken more than ten minutes when he saw JD sitting up in one of the chairs, waving his arms back and forth like he was trying to jazz himself up.

When JD saw him, he hopped onto his feet, and practically started bouncing. "Ty, holy shit, dude, I know stuff!"

"I figured," Tags smiled. Seeing JD in good spirits lifted his own, maybe more than he realized. He sat in the adjacent chair and pulled his boots on, not bothering to lace them up. "How long have you been at it?"

"Oh, he got it all in one sitting," Fluke yawned. "Took twenty hours, got HABIT to take over for me in the middle, but he didn't take a break."

"Better start while you're still wired, 'cause that's gonna catch up with you soon," Tags grinned at him. Surprise at how long he'd slept was relegated to the back of his mind.

"Right!" JD hopped back onto the chair and waited for Fluke.

Fluke plugged JD back in first, then Tags. As he walked back to the Operator console, Tags turned his head as much as he could and said, "Hey, Fluke, don't give us the usual training environment, I fucking hate that whole dojo thing."

"Roger-dodger," Fluke called back, not looking up from his monitors as he started entering commands.

The familiar rush came, and when it passed, Tags realized Fluke had put them in a standard urban setting. He adjusted his leather jacket and looked JD over; his RSI had changed since his first time in the white void of the basic Construct. Purple chucks, jeans somewhere between loose and baggy, a flannel jacket over a blue V-neck, a full head of hair, more than Tags ever remembered him with... "You look different... better."

JD looked down at himself as well. "I feel... less helpless. A little."

"It's a process. That's a good start," Tags nodded. He looked around; they were on a short street, the nearest building had an open door. It was a commercial area, with storefronts and apartment buildings on top of some of them, but, as he expected, no people. "Where do you think we are?"

Looking for relevant details, JD decided Tags wasn't looking for an in-depth answer. "A city, obviously? I don't recognize the area, but... this is the same as when you explained everything to me, right? The computer is just set to 'city' instead of 'empty space.'"

Nodding once, Tags said, "Very good." He was actually impressed with JD getting that so fast, but he decided not to say so yet. "The laws of physics don't determine the rules of this world, its programming does, which means you're not as beholden to those rules as in reality. I'm gonna help you understand that more. What else is different about you?"

"I know how some of the tech works now," JD bounced a little like he had in the real world. "I know how to fight, man!"

"Excellent," Tags said, even though he knew it already. "'Cause this isn't a video-game where you get to trample all over the computer, you're gonna fight me."

JD became a little more apprehensive at this. A little nervousness worked its way into his voice, and he stilled. "We're gonna fight?" After Tags nodded again, he said, "It's okay though, right? Because it isn't real?"

"Well, I'll put it to you this way," Tags's grin turned into a full, devilish smile. "I'm not pulling my punches." He shifted his weight, one hand behind his back, one hand out, ready to go. When he saw JD lean back into a more defensive stance, Tags motioned him over, taunting JD just enough. "Get over here, and hit me."

JD flopped onto the floor and groaned, his back covered in dust. The wall he'd left a dent in kept dropping small pieces of concrete on him.

"That's good technique," Tags didn't wait for him to get up before he started talking. "You're not trying the same thing over and over when it doesn't work, you're using the environment..."

Looking up at Tags, JD shook his head and finally started dragging himself up. Frustrated, he snapped back, between heaving breaths, "Don't fucking patronize me, Ty, I didn't lay a damn finger on you..."

Tags took JD's anger in stride. "I said you have good technique, I didn't say you're not doing anything wrong. Why's it so hard for you to land a hit on me?"

Trying to work a kink out of his back and regain his breath, JD said, "Because you've been doing this longer so you're better than me?"

This not being an answer Tags expected, he made a face and thought of how to respond for a moment. He finally said, "Well, yeah, that's how it is with anything. Specifically, though, what am I doing better?"

"You're faster," JD said, "You can stop everything I do before I connect, I can barely keep up, and you haven't broken a sweat!"

Oh, that's perfect, Tags thought. He flashed JD another grin. "Well, that makes sense, I'm laying down on a chair, may as well be taking a nap. Why would I break a sweat?" He let that sink in for JD, and when the beginning of realization showed in JD's eyes, he added, "Come to think of it, that's what you're doing too, kinda weird that you're out of breath."

"Well yeah, out there," JD answered. "But we're in here..."

"In 'here?'" Tags said. "Did we go somewhere after we sat down? What's 'here?'"

"In a computer," and so, JD began the journey towards freeing his mind. "Set to 'city.'"

Moving his head to one side and then the other, getting a good crack from his neck, Tags bent his knees and raised his hands. "Hit me!"

This time, when Tags helped JD to his room, there was very little dragging. JD's arm over his shoulders was almost a formality... almost. JD was still limping, and nursing a spot on his jaw with his free hand. "Christ, you could've warned me it'll hurt for real."

"Sorry, but," Tags stopped in front of the door, and carefully helped JD swing his arm off of him. "It's honestly better if it smacks you in the face, so to speak. Drives the point home."

"Yeah, I guess." JD leaned against the door. "When you said being out here is dangerous, you didn't just mean the, uh... the Machines."

"Yeah," Tags nodded. He expected that to be it, but the way JD was looking at him made it hard to say 'good night,' and a pregnant pause settled. Shuffling his weight a bit, Tags made a show of glancing at the door. "Well, this is you. I know you could use some sleep-"

"Ty," JD looked almost panicked. It wasn't like the shock of reality when it shut him down completely, his eyes suddenly glazed over with fear and he reached out like it would physically stop Tags from leaving. "I... you... would you... could you... stay with me again?" Seeing Tags suddenly become a deer in headlights, JD said, "Please, I... you've done so much already but I can't," his voice lowered, "I can't be alone..."

"JD, that's," Desperate for a way out, Tags actually glanced up and down the corridor, hoping for someone to come to him with a sudden emergency. No such escape presented itself. "I don't think that's a good idea... I... you..."

"I remember what you said to me," JD told him. "When I was on the table and I couldn't move, when you started fixing me."

Tags found his voice cut off by an enormous lump in his throat, and he was sure he felt his heart speed up. When he finally said something, it was all he could do not to fall over. He felt like he'd been busted with another forty days in jail waiting. "I, uh... I figured... you just didn't remember any of that..."

"I actually remember it vividly," JD said, calmly and clearly. "All the times I was awake, I mean. I dunno, I guess stuff just gets into my long-term memory quick."

Another strange moment of silence passed. Tags nodded, though his eyes were turned down. He motioned for JD to open the door, and followed him in.

JD sat at the far end of his rack, back against the wall, one leg hanging off, the other pulled close. Tags sat at the other end, cross-legged, trying to take up as little space as possible while they just looked at each other for a moment.

Tags felt like throwing himself off of the ship and forced himself to talk, to get this going so he could get it over with faster. "JD, I'm sorry, I just... I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry I made this harder..."

"Harder, are you kidding," JD let out a laugh. Now that he didn't have anything keeping him occupied, he looked tired. The bags under his eyes were more obvious. He talked slowly, he hardly moved. "You don't realize how much I just keep thinking of you, you're just... you're something familiar in all this, I needed you, to stay sane. I need you, I... learning stuff was cool, but, fuck, man, I'm so lost..."

"I guess... if nothing else, the captain was right," Tags pawed at one of the plugs on his arm. It started to itch, and he started rubbing his thumb around the edge. "It was a good idea for me to... well, handle you."

When Tags didn't say anything else, JD became more direct. "How long have you... you know..."

"It's complicated," Tags blurted out, before he really thought about what he was saying. "Well, maybe not complicated, just... I, uh... after we did our shoots together way back when, I had... feelings for you."

"Okay," nodded JD, hoping Tags would go on, and would realize he was listening.

Now picking at the seam between his skin and the plug, Tags said, "I didn't say anything 'cause that's just asking for trouble right? Fucking drama. Plus it was probably just... it was a little surprising, I was a horn-dog, I still am a horn-dog, doesn't matter to me what anyone has in their pants, but I never saw myself actually feeling anything halfway deep for another man. I figured you just... set off some hormones for my brain to swim in, so I just ignored it, got over it and moved on."

"Guess you didn't," JD chuckled.

"No, I did." Even Tags didn't think he sounded believable, but how else was he supposed to say it? "I know how stupid that sounds, but I did. I went on with life, or I tried to, but my big problem was... well, I told you how I felt about everything. You asked if I thought it was worth it, well, yeah, I did. I do. I was so fucking lucky to be freed, JD, and then, you weren't just in the past, you were in a different world, you and everyone else I ever felt anything for or so much as railed. I didn't think about you every day, I didn't feel like I'd lost my soul mate or anything, but then... then I ran into you."

"Literally," JD nodded. He sat back, head resting on the wall, eyes heavy. He'd have fallen asleep right there if he hadn't had Tags to talk to.

"Yeah... it just came flooding back. You were standing right there, and I... I guess I just lost my fuckin' mind. I thought that would be it, it was over and done with again, then you started looking for me..."

"I made myself hard to forget," JD mused. "Yeah, like I said, when you didn't think I could find you, it just made me want to."

Tags swallowed hard as he thought back, wishing he'd been smart enough to get more detail out of the Oracle. "I'm sorry," Tags spoke without thinking once more. "I'm so sorry. I should've told you something different, I should've just told you to forget about me, I should've just kept running, and you'd never... you'd never have..."

"Hey, I made the choice to be here," JD leaned forward, putting a hand on Tags' knee. "You were right, I really had no idea how serious you were... but I made my choice and I'm not sorry. I'm just... I'm scared, Ty."

JD's hand on his knee suddenly felt less like a comforting gesture and more like JD was holding on for dear life. Tags put a hand on top of JD's, feeling like it was the first time he'd ever touched another human being. "This isn't... you're vulnerable right now, I'm the last person who should be with you..."

"Does it really even matter," JD's eyes were soft as he looked into Tags.' "Fuck, if we're talking about getting feelings for someone under crazy circumstances... well, you're not the only one."

Tags broke eye contact and looked down at his hand over JD's. His thumb was moving around, tracing circles. He wanted to remind JD that, really, they barely knew each other and circumstances were just making it feel like they were old friends, but it didn't come out in so many words. "If you can say that out-loud, you know what you're feeling isn't real, it's just the stress..."