All Comments on 'Jack's Rebirth Pt. 03'

Maybe your best story yet!

5

Nice ending! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Great story. Thank you Bear.

Great story, as always. Worth the wait.

worth the wait, loved it 5 Stars

Great entertainment. I chuckle all the time at the local landmarks. BTW, Room 717 of the Doubletree IAH, when I worked there eons ago, had a 4 ppl Jacuzzi. The Room Service Mgr from a sister hotel was spending his wedding night there. We filled the Jacuzzi with ice and put their bubbly on the backside of the tub.

Keep up the great entertainment!

So what happened with the bronco. He adapted the seat for 1 kid but got 2? Just a car guy lol. Loved the story.

Top. Top. Really too funny.

I've only read the first page so far, but it's laugh-out-loud funny.

The guy knows everything, the guy buys everything, the guy knows everyone, but the autographed photo, wow I almost pissed myself.

Bear, you've got an incredible sense of humor.

Now back to reading.

The father's stitch mentioned is illegal (considered malpractice) causes more pain & can lead to scarring, possible deformity & in the past usually done w/out consent of mother. Please dont perpetuate bad medicine as "fantasy storytelling fodder"

well worth the wait great story

what did he do with the bronco after having the twins and having to deal with the 4 child seats?

just kidding great story!!

Cliche-orama.

Know this- I will never give you anything that's not good for you. As he gives him soda.

You continue to write well, except it is LOSE, not loose.

I write anoon. in the comments section as I do not have an Email so your story is very beleivable and exciting. As your opening comments stated and apologized for the slow writing, YES IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH but you have been forgiven by your many loyal readers. Keep up the good work and try to keep the promise regarding submission of your next exciting adventure

Great read. Long live the Bear!

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One quibble….would have liked to have seen a final verbal exchange between Jack and Lauren at some point. Just to satisfy my need for catharsis for Jack.

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5 *****

Underneath all the schmaltzy melodrama and hyperbolic writing, there's actually a half-way decent story hiding in all this. But it's really not improved by such things as having a defense present its case before the prosecution in a trial (which simply doesn't happen), the idea that the videos of the abduction would somehow come as a surprise to the defense, which is ridiculous, and the truly cartoony bad guys, who not only apparently can't do a single thing right but who also manage to pretty much always be right where the main character happens to blunder along. Not to mention the whole goddess of karma thing, which is totally unnecessary and doesn't really add anything. Gloria is an interesting character and at times is explored nicely, but emotions here all go from zero to a thousand and back again in a couple of seconds, and it gets rather repetitive and tiresome, as opposed to using less acceleration and drama. Interesting enough to make me work through to the end, but frustrating along the journey.

Why does a goddess or whatever Karma is have to travel by commercial jet?

So pleased to see Al Kaline mentioned. Could have thrown in Gates Brown and Denny Mclain—and Ray Lane and Ernie Harwell. Good story.

Worth the wait. A fun read. I do enjoy willing suspensions of disbelief at points but loved the story. A definite and well deserved Five Stars.

I am disappointed that you could not get a better job of proof reading

Great. Annnnd bonus points for Mr. Tiger.

All I can say is more like this, please!

All hat, no cattle!

Good series and the last chapter was the beat. 4.6*

4-stars. The story wasn't bad, really needed good editing, a lot of type-O's. I only mention them in my comments so other writers can learn, because I think I have told you the same thing several times in several comments.

I was going to say “keep the jokes,“ until I read this last one and groaned. OK, I guess I still want you to keep the jokes.

Good story, too. Thanks.

Very fun story. Captivating. Would love it if you continued with more adventures with Karma(who's not a bitch). Thanks for the fun diversion!!!

Unbelievable. You had a cop go into a gun battle with rubber bullets? Seriously?? The Bear is a dumb shit. And the other cop with the shotgun slugs can't hit center mass from less than 20 feet? A decent rabbit hunter can mount his shotgun, aim, and hit a rabbit running 35mph at 90 feet, in less than 3 seconds. And you think getting shot in the both hips with a slug is just "wounding" a person? The slugs are over 400 grains each, with over 3000 foot pounds of energy at that distance. Both hips? The assailant would spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair, shitting through a tube into a plastic bag. If you wanted to convey some kind of compassionate gun fire against a criminal you chose the wrong gun and the wrong body part.

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The story itself has a sound plot, but the execution was just ridiculous. Too wordy, pointless details that contributed nothing to the plot, and all the emotional energy was just weirdly portrayed. I had to skip entire paragraphs to keep any interest in the plot. I suggest you keep at it, A Lot. You need the practice.

You are better off summarizing the results of the trial rather than describing it if you do not understand trial procedure. As has been previously mentioned, what you described cannot happen.

OK story. When you get someone to edit all the first person/third person stuff-ups, have them lose the Karma side story too. It is beyond ridiculous.

🌟🌟🌟

The Bear comes through again!

You rule !

I wavered between a 3 and a 4 for this story. Overall, I mostly liked it. However, it had a lot of issues. First and foremost, the inclusion of Karma added nothing of value to the story. She was simply a somewhat confusing distraction. Further, there were a lot of technical and grammatical issues that further distracted me while attempting to read it. So, overall, a decent read but nothing great.

The Bear always comes through. I loved this so much, thank you. 5 stars, without a doubt.

i don't sweat the details as much as others and i enjoyed this story very much.

Remember friends, most of the contributors here are amateur writers who write for

the love of their craft and not necessarily for money. You might consider easing up on

them a bit.

Please don't lose the jokes. Please also ingnore the comments of anyone hiding behind an "anonymous" handle.

Thanks for writing, I loved it.

Very well done. God Bless America!

Yes it was a long wait in-between chapters, but it was a great ending to the story!

A bit more of a btb story with the fuck bunny left with a broken nose in the back of the car. Could have developed her loose activities with the gang. Maybe another story

Excellent story. I do very much enjoy your stories, even the jokes at the end. 5stars

Part 3 was good with a much likeable sharp MC as compared to him in part 1.

his redemption is picking up another stray?!

Another execelent story dont change anything. Itvwas enjoyed n appreciated. Waiting for the next 1.

It was like a Hallmark movoe, but for men... well sone!

Well developed and sweet story. It didn’t need to be so long so gave it 4⭐️.

A great story. A good romance with a BTB chaser.

Very well written--great story. Thank you for sharing.

G

WoW, did you even proof read this one? So many GLARING typos/ misspells - not your usual quality LT56. Looks like you were in a rush to put an end to this story-line.

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Once again your main story gets distracted with a Mossad agent this time. How the Mossad connects to the main story is never made it only distracts the reader - but for what purpose remains allusive.

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Overall, the jokes are fun but these secondary sub-story kills the quality of the story distracting the reader. You attempts to be overtly cute with these sub-stories - is failing in such a short story.

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You actually had two cops go into a cartel shoot out AND put themselves into a cross-fire with the State PD with non-lethal rubber bullets KNOWING his wife is in that SUV being kidnapped and maybe murdered? And the cartel is shooting REAL bullets. BS, pure fantasy story BS. Jack was a shitty cop, he should have pulled his Glock and only got for head shots - save taxpayers money.

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3.9* hooyah, and I'm being generous

I got half way into and gave up. First person, second person and third person at the same time in the same paragraph. No editing.

This was excellent ending to this series of tales. As usual you hit it out of the park (just saying). We all know linebackers don’t make touchdown (unless they are lucky). But all kidding aside, it was a great read. Consuming this one after the first two was a joy. I can never rate a tale on the grammar or structure. Mostly this is because I could never produce a product that would be consumable without the English critics tearing it to pieces. Maybe one day I will try.

This one did everything for me during my consumption. It had all of the parts I require to earn it an Outstanding Read ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ rating.

But I read all of the comments and cannot understand the criticism. It is a dang story and it followed 2 previous stories/tales. To me you flowed-up with a hell of a finish.

I am looking forward to your next products for consumption.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Captain Obvious alert! I'm a nitpicker. Many find my nitpicks obvious at best, annoying at worst. If that bothers you, please just go onto the next comment, because I won't be changing in this lifetime.

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BTW, if you want to send me feedback about my comments, you might want to tell me which story so that I can look at it. I might even agree with you! I AM capable of learning, or maybe I was just having a bad day, Also, it’s hard to take you seriously when you send it anonymously.

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"I don't think we should keep secrets from each other." - I don't see that as "keeping a secret" from her.

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"sergeant", then "Sergeant," then "Sargent?"

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It's Deion Sanders, not Saunders.

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"Tell him Jack Stone says to call 911 and tell them there's a robbery at the jewelry store." - Um, didn't he just do that himself?

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I KNOW this is fiction, but in reality, would a cop be allowed to participate in a bust that would likely involve his ex-wife?

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POV! Jack is narrating, we get a bunch of "I" statements, then this, "Jack grinned and wiggled his eyebrows." That should be "I grinned...wiggled my eyebrows."

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The "father's stitch," while being questionable at best, has NO place with a c-section.

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"Gloria rose and walked to the bench." - Are potential witnesses allowed in the courtroom to watch the proceedings before being called to testify?

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"After I filled up, I got back in the car" - If you were in New Jersey, you wouldn't be filling up, New Jersey doesn't allow self-service gas stations.

Childish writing, I couldn't get past half way either. But for the explicit content, could be suitable for teenage fairytale!

What was the connection of the mysterious woman?

To add to sbrooks103x nitpicking, the garage video would have been made available to the defence. They can't spring new evidence at trial.

Loved it man

This chapter was chaotic. Why was a drug cartel in cahoots with an advertising agency? Not even good fir money laundering. Didn't get what the 17 fr rentals and repainting and driving back with 2 tons per truck of goods. They weren't hiding the names of the trucking company and they paid of custom border patrol. Why did the asshole Santos have so much rage and hostility and need for pay back against Gloria. With the traffic blockade and gunfire, he and his partner rammed the Cadillac Escalade from behind and ahot them with rubber bullets, then manhandled the bad guys. Doesn't that put them in the line of fire? Some funny monetw and scenes between Gloria and the MC. I know Lauren was depicted as a caricature of a cheating wife, but how the heck did she fall to become a drug gang's f**k toy, getting ridden so hard that it was obvious to Gloria when she saw her. Hadn't been more than a year. What Lauren and Jason were into constant gangabangs. Again why is Jason in an alliance with Santos? Minor things: New Jersey has no self service (still). Father's stitch is illegal. No doctor wanting to keep their license will perform it.

I loved it and enjoyed it. I also gave it 5 stars. One thing you might want to keep in mind is that Texas doesn't really have a "state police". It's called the Texas Department of Public Safety, or Texas DPS for short. That's their state police. They do have county sheriffs, and local pd's. I only mention it as a former resident of Texas, it took me a while to learn that coming from another state. Other than that, I enjoyed the read, and following the plot twists was fun too. I didn't really mind the mis-spelling, as sometimes it's hard to keep track of. At least you were able to keep the character names straight, and that's hard to do when more people are added to the story. Good job overall.

Nice. A couple of minor quibbles. Anyone intimately familiar with the Conroe-Woodlands area knows where to find a Krispy Kreme, so why on earth settle for Daylight Donuts, as good as those admittedly are. Someone else already pointed out the DPS thing, so 'nuff said. Both the San Jacinto River and nearby bayous have resident populations of Alligators. Handy when disposing of some sorts of leftovers.

So childishly silly. Unrealistic and cartoonist. You've got to work harder on your stories, the writings not too bad but the plot is just crap.

I just read three (3) comments om y "Jack's Rebirth Stury", Parts 1 to 3. ALL were posted from Anonymous. It may or may not have been the same person. I don't censor nor prohibit Anons from commenting. And I try to read all (repeat ALL) comments. It gives me some feeling about what people like or don't like. And as I've said before, I think the toughest site to write on is "Loving Wives". But sometimes I wonder if they even read the stories, or worse yet, are they critiquing the same story. That's okay. Sorry if this pisses some people off. But I thought it was a pretty good tale. i know the courtroom scene was a little screwed up. Mea Culpa, my fault. But it was my story. It saved Jack from shooting all the miscreants and then trying to convince the authorities that the gun went off 27 times-having to reload twice. So lighten up, folks. I do have Italian relatives.

Sorry, dear. I'll be good.

The BEAR

Great series. I liked the running commentary and the jokes. I've slept on the couch many times during my 32 year marriage, sometimes it's warmer than the master bedroom. Especially after I sold the Ranchero.

Wonderfull story, I loved it. But "MichEAl?

Michael UK

Hadn't realised Americans had 'Grammar' schools. I would have hoped that they would have taught the difference between frig and fridge, as where kids are involved that can be the difference between a cold coke in the comfort of your own home and a warm cock forced into your rear in the prison showers.

If the twins weren't obvious by the 10 week mark something would have been seriously wrong. Maybe having kids isn't something you've experienced but at 6 months they can exist outside the womb, with a little help perhaps. So fully formed and quite obvious to even a basic ultrasound.

Great story and happy ending. Thanks.

Love a happy ending 5*****

Nice story. Great happy ending.

What a delightful, well written story. So very well told. 5*.

@Anonymous Re: "frig and fridge," - While I personally agree with you, I've checked, and BOTH are considered correct shortened versions of "refrigerator."

10 stars aren't enough. Wonderful series, as expected, from the BEAR!!

The best story I've read in quite some time! Following now but the Author needs Text Aloud to help write his submissions. If you need some help get in touch with me. Another 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS!

very injoyable thanks

The correct spelling is Michael.

I loved that Karma kept showing up and doing her thing...

Long but over all, I liked it. At times a little disjointed or maybe I just didn't get it.