All Comments on 'Jacksie & Jess'

Skipped through page one then skipped right to the end

If the rest of the story was full of crap like page one then j guess this maybe could of been a good 2 page story ???

Good story!

5

Fuck........,,fuck...........fuck ...............fuck

With some kind of story in between.

You are a good writer, no doubt about it. Only a relatively few wrong words and errors that show you rely only on computer spell checks and not slow proof reading. You story could have been just as good if not better at half the word count. You drag on when you drag us through the cliche lawyer/PI silliness. I end up thinking he messed up by losing this hottie.

Seems like novel, not a story for literotica.

Writing is good but not for sure this section.

Dont know what you are upto.

Anyways only I appreciated your writing.

Sorry fot wasting my time to read your boring story.

played hockey growing up, that part was spot on. Glad you had main character honestly feel pain but also took care of business.

Great story.

Authors need to stop with the husband vomiting and blubbering. It's an inane, not-true-to-life LW cliche. Other than that it was a very good read with occasional insights and correct pronoun usage, which is something that eludes most authors here. 5

I couldn't get past the first page. I skimmed to the end and read what I expected. Horrible writing. And why 6 pages when it wasn't worth two.

"Very old, but lovingly restored 2005 Jeep"? A 2005 is old?!?! And restored? Did he replace the tires and call it "restored"? Also "mam" is spelled ma'am, just like "yah" is spelled yeah.

Yeah, l liked it, good enough to give it 4/5. I think the cheaters should’ve suffered more for a 5.

good story. 5⭐

Thanks for thé sharing.

You misspelled Bob Seger’s name at least twice. That’s what editors are for.

Cardboard characters and stilted dialogue. Cliché plot.

For the anonymous that skipped from the first page to the end and wasn't impressed. You are a fucking (keeping up with the hockey lingo) idiot and are probably a sissy that couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag. You have no appreciation of any writer that lays it out there and exposes their vulnerability. For the author.......I enjoyed the story because I married a bitch once and she was just as bad as the bitch in your story. Thank you for your effort.

3 stars for a standard run of the mill BTB - nothing new or unique. You forgot to add the word 'CUCK' to the tags.

Although, I did like the advice he got from his relatives - that was reasonable and well thought out.

Given all the crap in the news media about Hockey Canada and their sexual harassment scandals - no one in this country appreciates hockey here. It will be decades before they dig themselves out of that hole and that is good because I really hate hockey, or for that matter any other organized sporting activity, including the olympics.

Decent story....by the way, we Detroiters hate the Avalanche too. ;)

Great story! Well told!

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About the only real weakness was the dearth of exposure until the denouement at the end for how rotten Jess was. Yeah, “Gramps” had her figured, but readers never really got enough of a sense of it until the end. This small deficiency, combined with a lack of any real post divorce summary of what happened to Jess — did she learn anything? was there even a little remorse? — had me wavering between a 4 and a 5.

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But 5 ***** it was! Great job!

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

This was light-years better than most of the crap posted here recently!

5 stars! My thanks to you. Keep up the good work.

Come on Boyd. How can this be a good story when it's a mess? The story seems to be in first person but that's only when its in third person? How the hell can the husband know events and dictate them when he isn't there? The theme and plot may be reasonable but the execution leaves much to be desired. I know you tend to offer high praise easily but come on.

I'm surprised it took Jess as long as it did before she cheated. Just another self-entitled cunt who thinks she can have what every she wants with no consequences.

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Cheers

Behind acquainted with a narcissist or two, this rang true. well done.

He tells pretty much the same story over and over, but he tells it quite well.

You described Beautiful Woman Syndrome perfectly.

Good story. Loved the hockey bits!

Pretty good. Jimmy Soul said it best. 'If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.....' D

Enjoyed the tale. Well written and engaging.

i like mikey

I really liked it. Not a whole 5-star review but close enough so I rounded up. The only thing I didn't like is the simple mistakes, mistakes that make me think you don't care or your just in too much of a hurry to care. Me where it should be my, like I said, simple mistakes. Maybe it is just that when you proofread your story you know what you wanted to say so your brain just automatically auto corrects so you don't realize your mistake. That said I still liked it.

Boyd Percy...every fucking story you read is "good" .Do you kiss everyones ass??

u dont put sounds in " marks

First Person Narrative

In general, sounds in fiction are formatted using italics. If the context requires the sound to stand alone for emphasis, it is usually recommended the author use the sound on its own line. If someone is describing sound in first person narrative, there are instances where italics might include dashes.

Okay for Avs can, fuck em!

Great story. I loved it. Thanks for the story and keep writing.

South Park!

woo u really went happy with them quote marks huh

so the beginning really was the end. i mean at least give him something a new girl or a new hobby or lifestyle or something. so an editor and a diff format. the in-between part was good and didnt lack emotion so enjoyed it for that. the opposite of love is hate. indifference is the lack of emotion the opposite of love emotion cant be no emotion.

Excellent! Love it when the cheating slut receives her just reward. My X was so humiliated she had to move 7100 miles away to Brisbane, where nobody knew her. Her brother told me recently that she's still up to the same old shit. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING NOVA STARS for the excellent story!

Average at best. The last confrontation on page 5 is so scripted like a guy trying for n-th time in front of mirror talking to himself. This is so typical of LW mediocre writing.

More, the rape of Jess on the last page is truly idiotic end, it is obvious no normal person in his/her right mind would do that for a "buddy". Hockey wives? Sure.

And does that square with "the opposite of love is indifference" when it is obvious you are pulling that for a rage and hate? Hypocritical, isn't it.

In fact school environment was far better opportunity to concoct a solid revenge plot but one needs to think about that. I guess the author was too tired and spent after lengthy sermon on the 5th page to try anything else.

Not the first time Seger used that line

"You were born with a face that would let you get your way

You had everything you wanted child, that is until today

Your much to fine and free, Ivory"

Ivory by the Bob Seger System 1968

I really don't get going easy on her. The settlement is more than fair? Also, hockey guys don't have the patience for such a plan.

Good story. Some POV issues, a couple other things, but a good read. The beautiful person thing is very real and can definitely cause problems when the good looking spouse is immature. The hockey angle helped because the outcome was pretty obvious. I liked it.

So true….the more beautiful they are the more entitled. Some figure it out and turn into nice trophy wives.

'Yes, I actually became a lumberjack, so now you can make the connection.' No, we can't. Not everyone is privy to lumber jargon and lore. That paragraph and the whole first third of the story contained a lot of extraneous information that just bogged down the story. I mean, who cares that hockey players drop an eff-bomb every breath. The endless backstory that included most of the people in the Greater Denver & Adams County area, killed the story. I skipped to the top third of page three and didn't feel like I missed much. Yeah, they met, they dated, he was a lumberjack... Mom's cautionary conversation is where the story starts. There's a good story beginning at that point, so the first third needs an aggressive edit. The words from the PI were inane. Only online gamers and LW commenters/writers ever use the word cuckold. Managed to include vomiting and crying, which are LW staples. Also, the degrading pillow-talk... the love/hate/indifference line...check and check. Finally, changing POV at the end was just awful. First person has limitations. "This is not Nam, this is writing, there are rules!" (apologies to Walter Sobchak) Great overall story, too many rabbit holes. Edit, edit, edit. Three stars.

Women like Jess are a dime a dozen. Thing is, they are about as hard to spot as a wart hog in a puppy show. You know that ugly that goes all the way to the bone? Yeah, that's kind of hard to hide to any man who has the brains and the maturity to look. The cucky hubby in this story was deaf dumb and blind; so who's fault is that? Too many taps to the head with a hockey stick? Jess was true to her nature throughout the story and throughout the marriage, so the cuck got what he deserved. Maybe he'll spend more time thinking with his big head when the next woman comes along. Once a cheater always a cheater, true. But then some people claim you can't fix stupid. So Jess will keep fucking around, and the cuck hubby will keep getting fucked over. Darwin laughs. Hey, somebody has to occupy that end of the bell shaped curve. Thanks for the effort.

I give 5 fucking stars for this fine story; it gave me a few chuckles and the cheating bitch got what she deserved. The only gripe I have, and it's a minor thing, but I really don't care for stories where the husband discovers the betrayal and then spends months in some overly elaborate scheme to make her pay.

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They're being cuckolded and yet they take forever to do anything about it. I'm more of a meat and potatoes kind of guy. "Oh, look there! My wife is having sex with a teacher from school. Okay, I don't like that, so, here's a mouth full of knuckles for Mr. Math Whizzer and now you two fuckers can get out of my house."

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And, yeah, there are ways to punch a guy in the head without spending your life in prison. Glad she got served, Well done, thanks for posting.

Pretty good story, but it felt a bit cut and dry. An attractive woman thinks she can do anything she wants and smile her way out of any trouble. A blind guy, dazzled by her looks and the ensuing fallout. It would have been more fun to read a more explosive ending, but you can't have everything.

Do not care for hockey but loved the story!

I guess it wouldn't have been as entertaining and would be a lot shorter, but I thought the story and the relationship should end at the time of the incident involving Wayne. Marrying her after she's shown her true colours was not thinking with the head that is above the shoulders.

Pretty solid tale but a few things were missing that prevented me from really getting into the characters. I "get" the premise that a goddess can do whatever she wants, but you never draw us in to Jess' character to explain WHY she would do what she did. In fact, your character development buildup prior to marriage presents a decent woman that does love Jacksie. Not explaining that transition is a big plot miss. The other miss is you wind the story up too quick in the end. Again, decent story but still work to get done on your craft. 4*

A great story, told in an amusing way and gets to the heart of the important issues. Selfishness and narcissism are dangerous traits that can bring distress to any partnership. It is always important not to leave your own clear line. 5*!!

Good one. At times it went off tangent, but was well written.

Unlike many LW stories, the author took pains to provide background that makes the cheating almost inevitable. (No Martian Slut Ray here.) The writing was generally good, but far too many minor errors. This author continues to show promise, so I look forward to future stories.

This went off the rails by the end. Chuck is first presented as not especially charming or attractrive, but by the end he's both. It's like the writer forgot parts of his own story.

"How do we handle Thomas' absence tomorrow? Tess will be looking for a phone call from him or expecting him to be home by early afternoon."

It should be Jess, not Tess.

Good job. I plan on "stealing" some of the phrases in the near future.

This was very well done until you got to using Jessica's point of view and threw in all that moralizing.

Follow on part 2 please

I liked the story. Though the proof reading could be better., Seger (which si correct), Seager and Segar? That and ma'am not mam...lol Minor picky complaints.

At least you didn't use skies, they is only one...LOL

Thank you for writing.

D

Was she even bothered? Upset by the divorce? Have an epiphany and realise that she was a the cause of the divorce?

We have no idea because you just jumped 8 months ahead.

Poor.

I don't mind swearing, but the amount of fuck... Fuck... Fuck added absolutely nothing to the story.

It was fucking A emotional.

Well done.

Fair story, i'm more a nuke them till they glow, then nuke them again person. The husband being that wimpy and playing hocky, being a lumberjack, riding a hog? Bull-fucking-shit. He would have turned Chuck the Fuck into Fucked up Chuck, then filed for divorce.

Oh, he got pass that “beauty is skin deep, finally.

good story though the end felt a bit rushed and it would have been good to see Jess suffer a bit more, but overall a solid 4

Not bad... better editing knight have changed the '4' to a '5'...

EastCoaster

Blue collar, hockey playing, lumberjacking guy kept going on these fucking monologues that read more like someone writing a thesis than how someone would talk. oh well, outside of that it was a fine story. nothing groundbreaking but nothing atrocious

Great story, could have been expanded a little bit at the end otherwise a really great read

God forbid I ever hook up with a Jess. I wouldn't be able to leave.

Ending was rushed, would have loved for mama to show up and pitch the bitch out. Oh well can’t have it all.

Good story right up until the last half page. Should have taken a little more time to end it properly.

Nice.

I really enjoyed this one.

Plot was well made and well played.

Well done writer!

Top ratings from me.

Thanks for a great story! 5*

Jess will lack for nothing... women of her beauty will always find another sucker... there is plenty of type A suckers out there that believe they have the right to the Jessies of the world and will hook up thinking they own her, only to find out latter on that they don't... she will then jump to the next one and the next until her looks and gin run dry.

It was really good until you got to the physical revenge part to placate the lurkers on this site. It was a 4 or 5 star tale until then. Now a 3 because this kind of crap just doesn’t happen in absence of consequences in the real world.

Pretty good story but I have to say the dialog was very preachy. Each tine he spoke, it was paragraphs worth of words. I only know one or two people like that, and no one likes them. Aside from the long speeches, I like the ending for Jacksie. He doesn't have some cliche hot woman just waiting in the wings for him, he just goes to reinvent himself.

As for the writing, I think it was good work. The only heartache I have is the part where focus shifts to her at the school, and then back to first person with the husband. He would have no way to know her thoughts in order to tell that to us, so you switched to third person. That kind of thing is always off-putting to me. I prefer a story stay in the same tense throughout.

Thanks for sharing.

Rnebular

Good story. The portion of the story in which he expressed that he wanted his wife to talk about him reminded me of Toby Keith's song, "I wanna talk about me". Perhaps you could have worked in some lyrics from it, since you did for another song. I'll look forward to your next post.

First, great story - I loved it. I agree with the comment(s) made that as described, she will suffer no long term hurt. Sooner, more likely that later, she'll find another sucker that will think he found pot of gold and succumb to her flirting. The only thing she is likely to have learned is that she needs more stealth to prevent getting caught, or perhaps locate a cuck who would put up with her occasional shit.

It's not fair, but vain, selfish, very pretty women easily move on. Perhaps she'll have to physically move a few miles, but the guys there will line up for her. *****

Except for me not liking hockey, it was a great story (obligatory swearing? I don’t think that speaks highly of the field of ice puckedness…). I agree with other commenters that the wife is narcissistic and will land on her feet in the future and post rationalize the whole marriage. Time is ticking when you depend on your looks to get what you want, though: she’ll either find a marriage that works for her, or spiral downward to ever more sad and tawdry affairs as she gets older. She actually needs to take a masters class on reciprocal conversation, and be sure to feign interest in her mate’s work and hobbies, etc. That’s real tough to do when you don’t actually care.

There are a few honest and faithful people in this world and they are not wearing suits and ties. They are the 'real' people that have built our society since Independence Day. They wear gloves and Carhartts and hard hats. They are the guys that build your cars and keep them running. The ones who heat your home and make the roof over your head. Some may call them rednecks because they say what they mean and mean what they say. Our MC was a nice guy as many of us are but there are some women who are never happy with their choices. Good story and deserves 5 stars.

This is a brilliantly crafted, authentic story, blessedly devoid of the usual, predictable cliches and staple tripe. The dialogue is unbelievably good and realistic, like real life conversations that actually would take place if the participants were as smart as the protagonist’s family members here are. The story also is profound and grounded in everyday reality but told in a deeply personal and non formulaic way. A compelling, profound, and illuminating story, brilliantly told without the usual unrealistic saccharin drenched outcomes. The dialogue among the men of the family is deeply found. We should all be blessed and surrounded by such wisdom. Brilliant take on a human condition that has vexed humans since the beginning of time — we are too susceptible to being influenced by compelling physical appearance. In other words, good looks matter too much, and personal accountability too little.

I noted that some commentators don’t think the dialogue was how “real

People” talk. I would remind those commentators not to try to remake the world in their own limited images. I thought the dialogue among the men in Jacksie’s family was thoughtful, and certainly how smart insightful would and should talk, especially in view of the lyrical themes from Dr. Hook and Bob Seger.. As for the length of their talking, they were giving advice. That usually takes a bit more than a few grunts or terse “fuck the bitch” alloqutions.

4 stars - this is a good story and about the only negative comment is the length of time it took to serve the divorce documents to the SLUT. Yes, hockey players, military, police, first responders, firefighters and just soo many groups ALL TALK the same language - fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything and have a nice fucking day.

Enjoyed it, except for the gratuitous rape of the ex-wife at the end. No good reason for that to be included, and odd for "mild btb" to be listed in the tags under the circumstances.

Story is actually quite boring.

good story, but the ending was flat. Especially about Jess

I liked the story, ending was to little. Story reminded me of another “your 10 to my 5”. If your looks score is more than 2 points apart the lesser will always lose.

highschool is a bubbling cauldron of testosterone at the best of times. he should have arranged for a few of the mor compromising photos to be found in the locker room, that would have ruined and humiliated them both.

Ah, how often are men fooled by attractive women. Sometimes it takes a while to get past the vision and see the soul. Nicely written, great family and friends support group. 5*s.

You had me liking the story right up until you implied they raped her as punishment. That's sick.

Good story

Beautiful women are evil until proven not so! Pretty poison, etc....

Well... let me just say that there are a lot of very stupid, deseperate, wealthy men out there looking for a Jess... so she will have company soon enough... probably won't be the kind she hopes for but, for some, enough money makes up for a lot of dashed hopes.

You kept changing the spelling of Seger. Lol

Yes, I enjoyed it up to the point of the kidnapping and lesbian gang rape. Wow, that fucking jumped the shark. That could be another fucking 6 divorces right there as well as prison time. Not well fucking chosen. If I were one of these "ladies" significant others, that would be bye-bye.

This story might be a learning for us. It simply says, if you ever felt in your heart that your partner is out of your league, just stop then and there and take a U turn otherwise the same thing may happen to you. Just don't forget the word, PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE...

Plenty of “lit” here, but no erotica. A pretty dreary tale. I kept slogging through it, waiting for the erotic parts to happen. But it never got there.

I loved it. On my dark side maybe someone could ruin her good looks...as pentance.

A good confrontation, but no real hope or joy for him. It might've been better than average if you'd left us with an upside. Just punishment for the wicked isn't enough to salvage the emotional wreckage.

Most of us should not swim in the deep end with the sharks. Or, find out the hard way what your natural depth is...

The longer your stories the more awful they are!!

Your wimpy cuck MCs need to burn the cheating skanks

Not much emotion or suspense