All Comments on 'Jake 01: Meeting the New Neighbor'

He needs to spend the night.

****Slow start but got HOT and Stayed HOT. Hoping Pt .02 is as HOT. Thanks for sharing.

Nice. Pleasantly erotic

Weaving the stories of Natalie and Jake together is a creative concept. It certain offers a good platform to build off. Hopefully we get some more of both storylines and possibly an eventual reunion.

This is what it gives you quote the brown aroma around it unquote

What brown aroma?

Too long of the lead-up then the proverbial “wham bam, thank you ma’am.” Agree with the other comment, smart phone predictive text is atrocious.

Hi there, author here. Appreciate the feedback, even if it's a bit too blunt. I'm very new to erotica and writing in general, so I apologize for the mistakes. I will definitely be more careful in the future. Stay tuned, there will be more adventures of Jake and Lorelei coming up...

I haven't caught my breath yet. That was amazing! I don't know where you are taking this story, but I want to go with it. I love the characters. The age difference is perfect and so is the difference in maturity and habits. Lorelei is a hot older woman and her smoking and drinking adds to her allure. Jake is a lucky guy.

Well writen and ignor the comment a bout too slow of build up. it was perfect and gives a great foundation for next chapters

A bit too long and rambling but good

Good beginning!

4

Really good. I’m a fan now. I’ve read your Fae College Fap-Fest. Good stuff. I’ve read some of your Incest story. That’s good too. If you have a formula, it’s a Female-Driven story with a male power-fantasy as the backdrop.

I like Jake. He’s a nebbish. But he’s an attentive lover. Generally kind. Not overly demanding or rapey.

Lorelei is delightful. She’s sad and has troubles. She’s challenging. Not perfect. This is a winning start.

I wish the sex scene with Natalie had been fleshed out. I hope Lorelei gets to meet Natalie. That would be illuminating.

You’re a very good writer. But, I don’t think English is your first language. Every once in a while you make very minor grammatical errors. In this chapter, it was “thrusted.” You should just use the word, “thrust.” “His cock thrust into her pussy,” sounds better to my ear. If I knew grammar better, I could tell you the difference in the verb tenses, and why one is preferred over the other. I don’t know grammar that well. So, I just play it by “ear,” so to speak.

Thank you for allowing me to kibitz. You are the best author I have stumbled across on this sight in MONTHS! I would subscribe, but in a fit of depression, I threw away my account a while ago. Ha!

You make me want to dig through the trash and rescue it! (shrugs) Maybe.

Oh well. Formerly—GrantLeeStone, now just, AnonyMouse

Thank you for the feedback Anonymous/Grant! You are right that english is not my first language, and I'm still a beginner writer who is learning my chops, so there will definitely be mistakes. If I were professionally inclined, I'd hire an editor to handle this, but I'm only doing this for fun in my spare time, so... Hopefully it will still be good enough!

The sex scene with Natalie is actually quite fleshed out as it were, in Natalie chapter 02 :)

Good story, but please write some more chapters.

Nice one :-)

Smoking is a thorough turn-off