All Comments on 'James and Nora and Adrian Ch. 01'

I saw what it was and honestly I don't like the one sided stories. Why should the wife experience the extramarital sex and not the husband? How does that help or strengthen the marriage? She can now tell the husband what she wants based on another lover but the husband can't tell the wife what his lover does for him?

This is not a marriage, This is a business arraignment where they share expenses. Sex between the two is a benefit.

No comments. Big surprise. You have excellent English skill and the chapter is well written.

And it's as boring as paint drying. This line is typical: "I took out your dick and I put my mouth around it and moved on you until you came." She's sucking his cock for Christs sake and that's the description of the action? "Moved on it till you came?"

It reads like two Engineers talking about putting a bridge together. I put page 2 through a grammar checker and it came out with something like one out of every three sentences was difficult or extremely difficult to understand. That is not good. It should be 8-10% max or less. Your adverb usage was off the charts.

Let me tell you a story. My wife and I were in a local park. I grabbed her and dragged her behind some bushes and screwed the shit out of her. She complained there were people around and there were. I noticed she was dripping in spite of that. We didn't stand around and have long winded conversations about it. And those long winded conversations are where you're going wrong. It's boring. The lack of comments and low score are an indication of that.

If the rest of the story is like this you might want to consider dropping till you can rewrite it.

He is now seemingly happy for his wife to have sex with others, why? Seems unlikely to be a sixth anniversary.

Nice story, lots of details. But allow me to offer some constructive criticism.

Work on your dialog.

The first paragraph on page two made me laugh...

James is recounting to Nora a erotic memory from the past which occurred at a test in NYC..a place with "erotic murals done in the '30s by James Chandler Christy".

In real life he might have mentioned the murals to help refresh her memory, (remember that dinner in New York with the erotic murals?" ) but he wouldn't have given the date or the artist's name.

Especially since she is an art expert.

That would be like my wife saying today she saw a favorite car of mine.." A Mustang, introduced by Ford in 1964" .

Detail is nice, but don't let the tail way the dog.

I'm looking forward to reading more of the series.

What we have here is a failure to commiserate.

Nicely done, the main problem is that Nora likes her new experience so much, she is gone James, you have got to know, she is gone, gone, gone, a whoa, a whoa, O.

Have you considered Nora might not have time for you.

Brilliant erotic writing. This author is obviously very talented and highly promising.

yes, and especially well-crafted sentences, BUT: these qualities do not make up for a sophomoric and even juvenile theme played out by three totally insipid characters.

Please turn your great literary talent to subjects worthy of you.

Wonderful exploration of fantasies for the couple. For once there was no reference to a 12inch cock that cld be swallowed with ease...

love it