Jane, You Ignorant Slut

*** This is a new kind of story for me. I am trying new things and different styles. I would love to hear your thoughts about it and if you would like to see more stories like this. I hope you enjoy. ***

"Oh my GODDDDDD!!!" I scream out loud as his large and VERY thick cock is suddenly thrust into my tight butt hole. I have to ask myself, "Why the FUCK didn't I resist him putting that cock in my butt???" Because I didn't have it in me... Get it? Give it a minute... My humor is sometimes like a Ninja. It silently sneaks up on you, LOL.

OK, so I am one of those weird types who can't stop her mind from thinking strange and inappropriate things at some of the absolute worst times. Yes, I know. MANY Guys have told me before, that laughing when they are fucking me is NOT an ego booster. Hey, what can I say? I am one of a kind. I beat to the drum of a different marcher... And that marcher fucking LOVED the way I beat him... off. And my GOD the way he beat my drum... WOW.

Speaking of drums, this guy's big cock has my butt hole stretched tighter than a snare drum. GREAT, now all I can think of is my butt hole making sharp RAT TAT A TAT TAT sounds every time he thrust into me, LOL. And of course, when he pulls out, it feels like he is sucking me inside out and I have to stop myself from making sucking sounds out loud, each time he pulls out of me. Really sexy picture, yes? I am bent over this foot stool with my big round ass sticking in the air. He is pounding away into me. My butt hole feels like it will tear at any moment. And still I can't stop myself from laughing, as I hear RAT TAT A TAT TAT... Whoooosh.. RAT TAT A TAT TAT... Whoooosh... over and over in my head.

Lucky for me, this is not the first time this guy has fucked me, so he knew what kind of weird he was getting into... Literally. Of course, the promise of me letting him put that battering ram into my ass for the first time, probably had something to do with his decision to put up with me. That and my great rack. I am not the hottest woman around, but I have amazing tits. They are 36DD, all natural, and still so firm and stick out so proudly on my cheat, that most people think they are fake. Nope, these babies are original equipment Baby. Of course, on my five-foot nothing frame, they look almost cartoonish sometimes. Before my butt filled out and balanced me out, the jealous girls I grew up with would shout, "Don't touch her! She'll tip over..."

I'm not gonna lie, for a long time those kinds of taunts hurt me and made me ashamed of my big boobs. That was, until I discovered how much I liked guys touching them. I say guys, but there were also a LOT more girls that wanted to touch them, than you would think. So, as I leaned into having big boobs... yes, I meant that pun... Those jealous taunts became free advertising, which enticed more and more people to want to tip me over... so to speak. And my GOD do I love being tipped over.

Yes, the first time a guy put his cock into my pussy it hurt, and the blood covering the guy's cock kind of freak me out a bit. However, it also started a fire inside me that no matter how hard I try, I can't put it out. It is the kind of fire that, no matter how hard you try to beat it out, the hotter it burns. Mmmm, and I have had quite a few guys beat that fire hard... sooo fucking hard. In fact, I once had as many as 6 "Firefighters" beating that fire at one time before... But that is a story for another time.

Right now, I am sure you are all wondering about this lone smoke jumper, using the biggest axe I have ever seen, to SMASH a fire break through my thick forest... And my GOD, SMASH is the word for it. I fight another bout of giggling, as I think about him shouting, "Hulk SMASH... Hulk SMASH butt hole... Hulk SMASH intestines..." Ok, now I can't stop myself from laughing out loud. I mean come on... You would laugh too, if you heard "Hulk SMASH butt hole," in your head.

Apparently, this is too much for the guy trying to smash a shortcut from my butt hole to my lungs. He releases his hands from my swinging tits, and CLAMPS them over my mouth, to shut me up. His hands are so large that they don't just cover my mouth, they also cover a lot of my nose. As a result, I discover that I can barely breath, and my tits are now free to bounce around wildly and SLAP back and forth between my neck and chest. Although, my flopping and flapping tits make me feel self-conscious, it is the whole lack of air thing, which REALLY concerns me. As I start to desperately gasp for air, my whole body tenses up, and my butt CLENCHES around the guy's invading tree trunk. He screams out "Fuck YEAH... GRAB my cock bitch... Take it... Take IT..."

I realize that I am not dead or unconscious when I feel his already large cock, swell even bigger, start to twitch uncontrollably, and spew the hottest cum I have ever felt, inside me. I mean this stuff is lava hot. Fucking volcano man just spewed magma into my butt hole. What is even worse than being burned alive from the butt hole out, is that I have not been able to cum yet, and I am sure that volcano man is NOT likely to erupt again anytime soon. Oh my GOD!!! Why did I just think about Krakatoa... in my crack???? That was a famous volcano... look it up.

Yes, I am laughing again, and Mount Doom here is NOT happy about it. Yanking his big cock out of me so fast, that I think he will pull my intestines back in time, he walks around to where my head is still hanging over the edge of the ottoman. Grabbing my face, he shoves his still semi-hard cock into my mouth telling me, "Jane, if you can't keep your fucking mouth shut, at least use it for something worth a damn." As I taste the worst parts of everything I ate for the last two days, I realize that I am supposed to clean my poop off his cock. I have read about "ass to mouth" and seen some videos with it included. I am here to tell you, they lied to us all about it being pleasurable. I have no idea how those adult actresses can smile with THIS taste in their mouths. Is it a smile or a shit eating grin? Hey, I can actually laugh while choking on a cum and shit covered cock. Ah, if humor and fucking were superpowers, I could kick Wonder Woman's ass. Hmmm, but I really, really would LOVE to have her tie me up with that lasso... Again, that is a story for another time.

As my anal invader is dressing silently, I am wondering if it would be inappropriate for me to get out my dildo and fuck myself to completion, since he left me hanging here. Then, without even a, "Thanks for letting me fuck up your guts," he heads for the door. "Call me," I shout after him. "Yeah... Whatever..." he tosses back to me as he walks out and slams the door. "Hmmm, I get the feeling he will NOT be calling me," I think to myself, as I reach into my bedside drawer and pull out "Mathew McConaughey". That is what I named my dildo. "Alright, alright, alright," I say out loud, as I plunge Mathew DEEP into my needy pussy.

Half an hour and three orgasms later, I realize that this is definitely NOT going to be enough. What to do? What to do? Hmmm, Jenny Rawlings... No, that is not the name of my vibrator. That is the name of my lesbian neighbor, who has a SERIOUS crush on me, and is always ready for a booty call. She is a sweetie, but it is a stretch to call her cute. However, she REALLY knows her way around a vagina. She like a vagina whisperer. And I REALLY need her to talk dirty to my cootchie.

I swear I just hung up the phone after suggesting that Jenny come out to play, when my doorbell rings. Not even covering my still sweaty, naked body, I answer the door. Opening the door, I see the shocked look on her face, that I am shamelessly naked, standing in the open doorway. Cutting off any comment she might make, I say, "DAMN Jenny, did you run over here? I guess it is good for both of us that I am already dressed... or should I say undressed appropriately." Then I reach out and grab her by the neckline of her top and pull her into the house.

She starts to say something, but I smother the words with my mouth. As I shove my tongue into her mouth and kiss her passionately, I feel her hands reach around and cup my ass. I GASP into her mouth as she SQUEEZES my ass cheeks and lifts me off the ground. I should tell you that she is a BIG girl. Not fat, in fact she is very muscular and strong. She is also like 5 foot 10 inches tall and can toss me around like a rag doll. Right now, she is holding me completely off the ground with her hands under my butt cheeks and can still reach a couple fingers under me to tease my pussy and clit. Without breaking our kiss, I throw my legs around her and wrap tightly. This allows her to slide her hands so that she can put more fingers into me. As I moan out loud, she slips her tongue into my mouth.

I am so lost in her kiss and how she is finger fucking me, that I don't even realize that she carried me all the way into my bedroom. This becomes clear to me, when she tosses me like I'm a throw pillow, and I land bouncing on my bed. My legs splay wide as I hit the bed, and before I can even move, she dives on top of my thighs and holds my legs open, as she STABS her tongue into my desperately needy pussy. As she continues to kiss, suck, nibble and BITE on my swollen pussy lips, I feel vibrations as she coos, "Mmmmm, you have been fucking yourself, I can tell... I can taste your cum... I can taste your desperation." Then she resumes stabbing her tongue into me.

She is going back and forth between frantically tongue fucking me and softly, gently kissing, sucking and blowing on my overstimulated lips and clit. She has me frantic and so on edge, I feel like I will explode. Knowing that I can't take any more, she pushes two fingers inside me and curls them forward, stroking my G-spot. As she does this, she sucks on my clit and BITES. I SCREAM in a language I think I made up on the spot, and cum so hard I feel like I will burst a blood vessel in my head. I don't even realize that I am clawing Jenny's head so hard, that I can see the nail impressions. I am surprised that I didn't draw blood.

Laying completely spent on my back, I don't even think I have the strength to lift my arms up. I feel her crawl up and lay partly on me and partly at my side. I feel her lips on mine and I can taste my cum on her lips. "Mmmm," I coo out loud as I tell her, "That tastes WAY better than shit." She lurches up and looks at me with a "What the FUCK???" look on her face. I laugh, and explain, "No it has nothing to do with you. It was the guy that was here earlier. After he fucked my butt, he made me lick my poop off his cock."

She laughs out loud and says, "Well, THAT explains what happened down there. I wasn't going to say anything, but I couldn't help noticing... while I was down there... that it looks like your butt hole was turned inside out."

I burst out laughing too, and tell her, "It sure as Hell FELT like he turned me inside out. You know when you see a Doctor take off his rubber gloves and they stick to his fingers and then SNAP, when they pull loose? Well, THAT is what was going through my head, when he yanked his big old dick out of my butt."

"You poor thing," she says, as she strokes my cheek. Then she playfully asks, "You want me to kiss it and make it better?"

"YES, please," I enthusiastically respond, as I toss myself onto my stomach and spread my legs wide enough to give her easy access.

She does not disappoint. Immediately, I feel her warm breath on my VERY sensitive and probably very red and swollen butt hole. She teases me with light kisses, so gentle that I am not even sure she is actually making contact. I feel myself push my butt back and up slightly, as I get more desperate to feel her lips. I feel her plant a big wet kiss right on my tender butt hole. Well, my butt hole was definitely puckered up to meet her puckered lips. I am not prepared for how amazing this feels. She is kissing my sensitive ring like it is my mouth, and I can feel the passion in her kiss. She grazes her lips over and around it, driving me insane in a completely different way than I have ever felt before.

I realize that I have pushed my butt up so much, trying to chase her kisses, that I am on my knees with my face still pushed into the mattress. I feel her strong hands lightly rubbing around the full globes of my ass cheeks. She palms them and holds me like that, as she suddenly dives forward and thrusts her tongue into my butt and starts wiggling it around. "FUCKKKKKKKK!!!!" I scream into the mattress. As I literally start biting my quilted bed cover, I try to find words to describe just how fucking amazing this feels. After being battered into submission by that big club of a cock, my poor butt hole doesn't know how to handle the soft, warm, flexibility of her tongue. My butt hole and my mind are short circuited by overwhelming electric shocks of pleasure. I am pretty sure I actually hear Angles singing.

Then, I feel two of her fingers reach under me and start rubbing my clit. The Angels are still singing, but now they are play playing electric guitars and belting out a rock opera. I must have been moved to join in, because I am singing, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, OOOOOOOOOOOOOH," as my body twitches and spasms in a dance that would impress Elaine from Seinfeld. Yes, DAMN IT, I do actually get that visual, as I am thrashing around in an epileptic orgasm. Then I collapse on the bed and pass out. No shit, I actually passed out from cumming so hard. Maybe it was all of the build up from my boy McConaughey earlier or maybe it was just something really freaky from having my butt hole French kissed. Either way, the results were satisfactory... and by that, I mean mind alteringly, fucking amazing.

I don't know how long I am in that shell shocked, completely wrung out state, but I realize that Jenny is leaning over me, grinning like the cat that ate the canary... or in this case, the cat who ate my butt hole. Yes, I like saying "butt hole" a lot. It is both cute and very fucking naughty at the same time. Try it yourself, "Butt hole... Butt hole..."

OK, back to Jenny and her smug look, knowing that she just rocked my world. I shake my head as I look up at her grinning face and tell her, "You are quite pleased with. yourself. Aren't you?"

"Yes... Yes, I am," she tells me. Then adds, "You should have seen yourself. You SLAMMED your legs together and piked your whole body. I am surprised that you didn't knee yourself in the face. And don't get me started on your butt hole (yes, she actually said butt hole also). I am pretty sure it SLAMMED shut as you came. I am lucky that you didn't chop my tongue off... And what the FUCK were you saying? I wasn't sure if it was English or some foreign language, and what the fuck was that about Angels???"

"Did I actually SAY that???" I ask, wondering how my internal monologue became an external monologue. I am used to my crazy random thoughts, but if they start leaking out of my head without me even knowing it, people will start to think I am weird... Well, weirder.

We start laughing out of control and she gives me a body crushing hug. My GOD she is the best "man" ever. If she had a nice big dick, she would be perfect, I think as I snuggle my face into her neck.

I feel her kiss my head. Then she kisses my cheek and nose. She is looking into my eyes lovingly as I see her move to kiss my mouth...

"Don't you DARE!" I scold her, and add, "Do you know where that mouth has been????"

She looks at me stunned and maybe a little hurt.

I burst out laughing, and she realizes that I am busting her balls... errr pussy?

She laughs with me and say, "You can be a REAL cunt sometimes... You know that?"

"I am what I eat," I tease back, as I wag my eyebrows up and down lecherously.

Grabbing my head, she rolls us both over and I end up laying on top of her. As she pushes my head downward, I take the hint and start kissing my way down her strong muscular body. I linger at her tits. They are quite small compared to mine, but her nipples are enormous. I take one in my mouth and lick and suck and BITE it. Mmmmm, I love the way she GASPS and visibly reacts to the pleasure I am giving to her nipple. I make sure to share time with her other needy nipple. I go back and forth, my tongue and lips dancing over each nipple. Each nipple is so big, it is like I am sucking my thumb.

I love sucking these nipples and stop just long enough to tell her, "I love your nipples. If I had nipples like these, I would suck them ALL the time. I would never get anything done. I would just be sitting around sucking my nipples."

"HAH," she scoffs, adding, "You see how small my damn tits are... Unlike YOU, my nipples can't reach my mouth."

"Hmmm," I say as I take my boob in my hand and bring my nipple easily to my mouth and suck on it. "You're right... I guess there are some benefits to having big ole titties," I say teasingly as I wink at her.

"CUNT!" she exclaims, as she pushes me by the face. I am not sure if she is telling me that I AM a cunt or if she wants me to continue on my way to HER cunt. I choose the more pleasurable interpretation and move quickly down her tight stomach, to her clearly moist and swollen pussy lips.

Thinking about how gently and lovingly she made out with my butt hole, I try to do the same with Jenny's cootch. I graze my lips over hers, kissing lightly and letting her feel my hot breath. In response, she GRABS my head and crams my face against her snatch, like she wants to fuck herself using my head. "NO, eat me! Tongue fuck me! FAST... HARD... NOW," she demands as she grinds my face up and down her wet slit.

I do as the lady asks... demands? I lick and suck and thrust my tongue into her, as best I can with her palming my head like a basketball, while trying to rub the nose off my face, with her gash. Clearly, she is NOT in the mood for romance. She doesn't take long to cum. I wish I could say that it is because I am such a talented cunilinguist... but in fact, I feel like she was just using me like a sex toy... and I liked it. Sing THAT Katey Perry.

As I emerge from between her strong muscular thighs, I can feel her cum all over my face. I am seriously soaked with her cum. I am sure my face must look like a glazed donut. As I crawl up her body until I am looking down at her face, I can't help myself from saying, "What the FUCK Noah??? Flood much???"

Seeing my wet face and damp hair hanging in my face, she burst out laughing. "You look like a drowned rat," she blurts out, confirming that I do in fact look like I had my head held down in a toilet as my favorite bully flushed it. Yes, DAMN IT, I do know what that feels like. Thank you very much Mary Jenkins. You CUNT. OK, I will save that for my therapist. Funny story though, Mary Jenkins was one of my very first girl-girl sexual experiences. Of course, that was after she figured out that it was more pleasurable holding my head in her pussy than in the toilet. You could say it was a win-win. I didn't love her pussy, but it was a HELL of a lot better than the toilet.

OK, back to Jenny and my near drowning... death by pussy... gash gushing...OK, I will get on with it, but seriously, do you really want to hear the rest? It is mostly cuddling and girly emotional shit... Well except the part where she licks her cum off my face. That is kind of hot... But be honest, most of you just want me to tell you more about what happened with Mary Jenkins... Don't you?

*** I hope you liked this story. It is a bit of a departure from my regular stories. Please let me know what you think and if you would like to hear more of Jane's stories. Yes, even the one about Mary Jekins. ***