Janet

Just then we were interrupted by a customer who spent about ten minutes looking at gifts before leaving without buying anything. Those ten minutes we were both stuck with our own thoughts, trying to make sense of everything. I was just desperate by then to feel her fingers tracing circles on the back of my hand, afraid that she would, and afraid that she wouldn't.

When the woman had left I sighed.

"Look this isn't the place for this. I'm going to close up and we can go somewhere else to talk. John and Greg are probably at home and I don't want to disturb them. I suppose we could go back to the pub again." I said.

"It's not good there at lunchtime, too many people waiting to eat and listening. How about my flat, we can pick up a bottle of wine on the way get relaxed and chat for a while."

The look on my face must have been a picture because her grin was back in full force.

Chuckling she said. "Look I'm not going to jump you as soon as we get in the door, I just want to talk to you, try to understand."

I laughed, embarrassed again.

"OK let's go."

I don't know if I expected everyone to see a big sign over our heads reading "Lesbian Assignation." but I was definitely nervous as we went into the corner shop to get a bottle of white wine, stupid I know but even though no one took any notice of us I was just certain it was visible.

I had never been to Mandy's flat before, bed-sit would be a better description. It was pretty run down and in dire need of decorating but it was spotlessly clean and tidy.

"Sit in the chair, I'll perch on the bed. I'll just get some glasses and see if I've got a corkscrew."

"Don't bother, it's a cheap wine with a screw cap." I laughed.

Mandy grinned back at me.

"Just the glasses then."

When Mandy returned we poured ourselves a glass and sat down. We were both waiting for the other to start.

"I Want" I said just as Mandy said "Why do."

Again we both laughed and I waved a hand in her direction encouraging her to start talking.

"I don't understand what you mean by being scared of intimacy. What's so scary about being intimate? it's being lonely that scares me." she said.

"It's not easy to explain. It's just that I have never been intimate with anyone and I find it a bit scary."

Mandy looked surprised.

"You must have, I mean unless John was the immaculate conception."

"Has John ever told you why I couldn't name his father."

"Yeah, he said you were drunk at a party and had sex with someone. Surely that's being intimate, you can't get much more intimate can you?"

I was feeling like I was about to cry and I hadn't done that since my first year as a prostitute.

"You don't understand, I was fourteen and someone got me so drunk I passed out. When I woke up I hurt and I had this gunk running out of me. The once was all it took, I was pregnant." Tears began to roll down my face as I explained John's unromantic conception.

"Shit Janet, that's rape." Mandy was shocked. I could see she wanted to try to come over to me and try and hug me. I held up my hand to indicate I would rather not.

"I suppose that's what it would be called these days, to my mother I was just a slut who had to leave the house to have her bastard."

"Shit, but it's not like you've never had sex since."

"I didn't say that but it's not something I can talk about easily. But I will try my best. " I said looking down at my lap. "I just wanted you to know I'm not turning you down, I just need more time."

"I can give you as much time as you need. I love you." Mandy stated simply.

"You might not want me after I finish explaining this to you. I have never told anyone other than my aunt about this, but you need to know before you say you want to get involved with me." I sighed deeply, this was going to be hard.

"When John was born I couldn't work, I had no way to earn money." I paused, I don't know why I was so worried about her reaction to this.

"And you worked as a prostitute, yes?" Mandy stated it so calmly.

I sat there stunned for a moment.

"How did you know?" I gasped.

"Last summer John wanted to find out who his grandparents were. So when we said we were going for a week in Brighton we actually went to London. John had already found your address at the time he was born and he knew you lived with your aunt. Before we even went to London we had his grandparents address." It was Mandy's turn to sigh.

"He was upset when his granddad refused to talk to him and called you and him every name under the sun. We wanted to know what had caused so much trouble and did a little investigating. We found out that you worked the streets for four or five years."

"Oh Christ, he's known this for a year and hasn't said anything." I was just stunned. "I need to say something to him, he must hate me." I burst into tears again. This time Mandy came over and held me as I cried. At first my body stiffened like an automatic reaction to someone touching me, then I sagged against her. It felt so good to be able to let out all the worry and self loathing that had built up over the years. I had never realised how good it would feel to suffer all of that emotional upheaval with someone there to hold you, to support you.

"He couldn't hate you, and neither could I. You did what you had to do at the time to support your child. And look at what you have achieved since then. If John hates anyone it's the grandparents who abandoned their daughter and grandson and didn't love and support them." She said when I had recovered a little.

"But how can he love me? How could anyone, I've done such disgusting things. Even after all these years I just feel dirty, empty." I said my tears flowing again.

Mandy leant towards me and kissed me softly. I've never been kissed like that before. It was so soft and gentle, undemanding. Our lips moved together as I kissed her back. With our lips closed we kissed for an age, this wonderful expression of her love for me took my breath away. Then memories welled up in my mind, my body stiffened in her arms and Mandy pulled away.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." Mandy whispered, frightened and vulnerable again.

I kissed her quickly on the cheek.

"Don't say you're sorry, I enjoyed it." I said as the tension slowly left my body.

"Did you enjoy it, you were rigid."

I took Mandy's hand and looked into her eyes.

"Yes I enjoyed it, it was feeling lovely until my past intervened. Look this is kind of a big step for me, can we take this slowly and see how it goes." I answered smiling at her.

"Yeah ok, can we have dinner tonight?"

"I'd like that, thank you. I had better get back to the shop now."

"OK I will pick you up half past seven. See you later." Mandy showed me to the door and let me out with a quick peck on the cheek.

Chapter 3

I walked slowly back to the shop thinking. It was hard to let the past go, it had controlled my life for so long. I suppose it was an excuse to keep myself safe, I didn't let people get close because of my past and that kept me from getting hurt by anyone.

The afternoon passed in something of a blur for me then. I had a few customers but not enough to call it a busy day. When I got home I found John waiting for me in the kitchen.

"Hi mum, look I'm sorry about last night." he said as I gave him a kiss on the cheek and took my coat off.

"Sorry for what love?" I asked having forgotten the argument we had the previous evening.

"For being a bit hard on you about Mandy. I was just a bit worried when she rang, I should have thought about how you were feeling. Sorry." he gave me a hug. "So what are we having for tea?" typical teenager.

"Well I don't know about you but I'm not going to be home for tea, I've got a date tonight." I said surprising myself by how excited I was.

"Oh great, where are you going." John sounded pleased for me, but now that he had reminded me about last night I decided to tease him a little.

"I don't know he's picking me up at seven." I replied with a straight face.

"He?" I saw his face fall as I left the kitchen to go and take a shower.

I showered quickly and then stood looking at my wardrobe. It suddenly hit me that I had no idea what I was going to wear tonight.

I quickly pulled on some very functional underwear. It wasn't very attractive but it would give me a good shape. I certainly knew no one was going to be seeing it tonight. I finally settled on a long white skirt and a green silk blouse with a lightweight white jacket.

I spent ages at my make-up, I normally don't wear a lot when I go to work and I don't really go out in the evenings anyway. When I had finished I looked at myself critically in the mirror. Not bad for 34 I thought. My face was still pretty and was framed by my shoulder length curly red hair. I was tall at just over six foot so I usually wore flats so I didn't exaggerate my height. I still had the slender body I had at fifteen after I had got myself back into shape after having John. That wasn't through good dieting or hard exercise I am afraid, I was just one of those lucky people who didn't really put on weight. All in all a reasonable package for my age, but it was still beyond me how a young thing like Mandy could be interested in me.

As I was examining myself in my mirror I heard the doorbell ring and John going to answer the door. I couldn't help grinning to myself as I imagined his reaction. Sure enough a couple of minutes later there was a knock at my door.

"Can I come in mum?" John was asking.

"Yeah, come in dear."

When the door opened my son had a broad grin plastered over his face. He rushed over and hugged me tight.

"Nice one mum, you had me fooled. You look great." he said as he released me.

"Thanks love. Could you tell Mandy I will be down in a minute?"

"OK mum."

When he shut the door I spent a few moments smoothing imaginary wrinkles out of my skirt. I was really trying desperately to quell the butterflies that seemed to have taken over my stomach.

Just as I was about to leave the room I looked back at the mirror one last time and it occurred to me that my outfit looked nice. That is my outfit would look nice on a fifty year old member of some WI, it didn't look right for a thirty four year old woman going out on a date.

I quickly stripped off the jacket and blouse and looked frantically through my wardrobe for something better. I hadn't realised until now just how staid and boring my wardrobe was, didn't I own anything a bit younger, maybe even a bit daring. With a grin I remembered something I bought at a lingerie party I went to a few years back. One of the few occasions I had let myself go and got a bit drunk.

I pulled out from the back of a drawer a hunter green corset along with a matching thong and stockings, all still in their packets. When I had sobered up I realised I didn't have anyone to wear this for and just shoved it all in the back of a drawer.

I quickly removed my boring knickers and pulled on the thong before stripping my bra and trying to work out how to get the corset done up. After a few minutes work I managed to get it wrapped around me and one of the hooks in place, with the corset on back to front I loosely laced up the back then turned it around the right way. I settled my large breasts into the cups and then decided I would need help to finish doing up the corset. Before I could get some help I would need to put on a skirt and put back on my floor length white skirt and the nicest pair of shoes I had.

"Mandy could you give me a hand a minute?" I called then with a wicked grin I covered the mirror and stood with my back to the door as I heard her climbing the stairs.

"Sure what do you..." Mandy's voice trailed off as she saw me standing in the middle of the room.

"Could you be a dear and do my lacing for me?" I asked sweetly without looking around.

"Um. Sure."

I heard her slow approach and realised I was getting moist for the first time in, god I can't even remember how long it has been. When her fingers touched my bare skin just above the corset I jumped slightly but then relaxed as I felt the tremble in her hands as she carefully laced me tightly into my corset. As she leant towards me to tie off the laces I could feel her hot breath scorching my back. I longed for her to touch me, and I was terrified she would touch me at the same time. When she had finished Mandy's hands dropped away from my back and I turned around to face her. Mandy gasped as she took in my outfit, the look of pure lust in her eyes was the perfect start to my evening.

"Do you think this will do?" I asked.

"Oh god Janet, you are beautiful." Mandy whispered as I approached her. I kissed her quickly on the cheek and smiled.

"You look lovely too." I said, and she did. Mandy was wearing a blue dress that fit her like it had been sprayed on. I could see her small breasts were not covered by a bra, her nipples were clearly visible through the tight fabric. I found that my nervousness had vanished. I think it was a combination of the rush I got from my daring decision to wear the corset coupled with the desire I could see in Mandy's face. I felt loved, needed, sexy for the first time ever really. To my surprise I also found myself wondering what Mandy looked like naked, I felt an unaccustomed heat between my legs as I contemplated holding her naked body. I felt myself blush and pulled away from her, picking up my jacket I quickly pulled it on.

"Ready to go then?" I asked her, the slight tremble in my voice was I think more from excitement then nervousness.

"I'm ready, if we stay here much longer we could end up very late for dinner." I could see the hunger in her face. It was so exhilarating to realise that I could have that affect on someone.

As we went down stairs John was waiting for us. His jaw dropped open when he saw how I was dressed.

"Wow mum. You look stunning. Have fun you two. Be good if you can and careful if you can't." he grinned as he opened the door for us. I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and told him I would see him later.

The drive to the restaurant in Mandy's battered old ford was quiet. I was trying to come to terms with these new feelings I was experiencing and Mandy seemed lost in her own thoughts as well.

I had been to the Mill restaurant before, I brought John and Mandy here for John's eighteenth birthday. But somehow this evening the place seemed softer, more romantic. I know logically the place was no different than it was three months ago, I guess my perceptions were different tonight.

We were seated by a waiter and left with menus. Trying to concentrate on the menu I was very conscious of the beautiful girl sitting across from me. Eventually I broke the silence that had gripped us both.

"So my excuse is it's my first time. What's your excuse for being so quiet." I tried to joke.

Mandy looked worried for a moment before answering.

"I guess I've looked forward to this for so long I am just terrified I'll say or do the wrong thing and upset you again."

I reached across the table and took her hand in mine.

"Mandy I said I was sorry about that. I don't want you to feel you have to watch every word you say. You said you've waited for so long, how long have you been interested in me."

Before she could answer our waiter returned and took our order. When we were alone again Mandy answered me.

"I think it was about two years ago, about three months after John had introduced us that I began to realise I was falling for you."

"You covered it up well, I never guessed at all."

"Neither did John. It took me until about four months ago before I got up the courage to admit to him how I was feeling."

"How did he take that?"

"He was over the moon. He has been badgering me ever since I told him that I should say something to you." Mandy said grinning, then her face dropped slightly. "And then when I did I almost messed everything up." she finished sadly.

"How many more time have I told you that was my fault and I'm sorry."

Shortly after that our wine arrived and we stuck to safer subjects for a time. We were still chatting away like we would have if we were sitting at my kitchen table at home when our food arrived. As I looked at the girl that had brought out our meal I was surprised to see she looked embarrassed and her face was flushed. I was puzzled until a movement from Mandy brought my attention to our hands. I had taken her hand soon after we had sat down and sometime as we were talking we had interlaced our fingers and were still holding each other. For a second I almost pulled my hand free, then I realised how comfortable it felt to he in contact with someone. I smiled at the girl and with my free hand made space for the food. After putting down our meals the girl gave us a shy smile and left.

"I doubt we will be welcome back here if we keep embarrassing the staff." I said giving Mandy's hand a squeeze.

"I don't think it was just embarrassment. That girl couldn't keep her eyes off of your breasts in that corset. I can't say I blame her neither can I."

It is probably a bit silly to try and eat your meal one handed, but I was reluctant to give up the contact and Mandy didn't seem inclined to either. We didn't talk much as we ate other than to pass comment on the food, we just relaxed into each others company.

We were sipping the last of our wine as our serving girl returned and started clearing the table.

"I hope you were happy with your meal?" she asked us.

"Yes it was lovely, thank you." I answered although in truth I'm not sure I could even remember what it tasted like. I had been focused on Mandy's face as she ate and the touch of her hand.

"It's a good job you didn't have the steaks." the girl said with a cheeky grin. I couldn't help it and burst out laughing followed by Mandy and the waitress.

"I hope you come back soon." she said as she put the bill on the table and carted away the debris of our meal.

"Well thank you for a lovely evening." I said softly as I looked at Mandy's happy face.

"Thank you, it has been even better than I dreamt it would be." Mandy said raising our coupled hands to her lips and briefly kissing the back of my hand.

"Would you like me to take you home now, or would you like to go somewhere else?"

"I'm enjoying myself for the first time in years. Do you mind if we make the evening last a bit longer?"

Mandy grinned.

"Mind? Of course I don't. If you don't mind I'd love to take you dancing." she said taking my other hand as well.

"Mmm, I'd like that. I think I will ask John to open the shop tomorrow morning then we can relax and not have to worry about being too late. Oh I forgot, what time do you have to be at work tomorrow?" I know the thought that I would be dancing with another woman in public should have felt wrong, but this evening such thoughts couldn't worry me.

"I've got the late shift tomorrow so don't have to be in until twelve. I know just where to take you." Mandy kissed the backs of both of my hands before releasing them for the first time in the evening. We then had a short argument about who was going to pay the bill. Mandy insisted that she was going to pay as she had invited me out this evening. I said that I should pick up the bill as I was older than her and the shop paid better than her coffee shop job. In the end Mandy grudgingly agreed to let me pay, but she extracted a high price for the honour. We agreed that we would go out again on Saturday night and this time she insisted she would be paying.

After I had left the money for the meal and a reasonable tip on the little plate the bill had arrived on Mandy stood and offered me her hand.

I took the offered hand and stood beside of her. Before I could move Mandy pulled me into her and kissed me. I moaned softly and pressed myself to her kissing her back. I was totally heedless of the attentions of the rest of the restaurants patrons. At that moment my universe consisted of the pair of soft lips kissing me and the firm body pressed against me. I could feel Mandy's nipples grow hard as we kissed.