All Comments on 'Jason Jarvits'

Read pretty much like an outline. Would've liked to have seen characters fleshed out because they were pretty one dimensional (especially the two women) That made the story pretty unbelievable.

Good luck on your next story.

What a sac-less dweeb.Husband catches his wife cheating on him,and he basically punishes her by fucking her? Uh-huh....I REALLY don't think getting fucked was her problem. Fucking OTHERS was her problem. Print this cuck shit somewhere else. -BGunns

This was... clunky. Your sentences were... clunky. The structure was... clunky.

Someone once said that the first draft of a story is always shit. I got the feeling I was reading a first draft.

this is wimp story 1*

Your characters are silly and you can't construct a sentence. The only way is up.

As has been said before this reads like a first draft rather than a finished work.

The characters are undeveloped, not much reason to care about them.

24 years together or not you didn't convince me that his flip-flopping on what to do was a viable option. He didn't have the heart to kick her out but did have the heart to fuck in front if her? There is much that doesn't make sense here.

" I then took a glob of lube and worked her ass. I then slipped my cock in and proceeded to pound the shit out of her." The visual for that one is not erotic!

i got my glock out and told him to fuck her again as I wanted to watch and join in."Here Drew can you hold this glock while I have a wank. oh by the way dont let your slimy finger slip and shoot me, you would be doing us all a favour."

not erotic not realistic just nothing. but hey thanks for posting it.

"harsh revenge", that was so funny I'm laughing my ass off. (2)

It was an hard revenge, but also funny...I hope his wife has learned the lesson...The other cheater has...

Not with him pointing a gun at him. There are so many holes in this mess I don't know where to start. It wasn't any good as a BTB story since he didn't divorce her. It wasn't any good as an erotic, jerk off story since your descriptions of the sex were boring at best. Given that every character in this mess was thoroughly unlikeable the story was neither interesting or entertaining. In the end, I didn't care what happened to any of them. This was simply a waste of time to read. No stars.

..and with a juvenile mentality!!!

Lack of development of your characters. You describe emotional reactions without the reader getting pulled into the story. The shortcuts you took really hurt the story's effects. I wasn't connected to the husband's reactions. It was like a Stepford Robot family.

Checkout the writing of some others here like Huedog, Ohio, etc You might hate or love their characters. But either way you definitely feel something.

Good luck JJ.

AMerryMan

doesnt work

Go away fool.

This story was total trash.

Your story is rough around the edges and needs further development. See if someone online will read your next story and act as an editor. I salute your attempt and hope your next project is a success as you hone your literary skills.

JJ - Heed SOME of the public comments. I don't know how much time you spent on this story, but for your next story, spend the time necessary to get a good idea re your full story and re what your characters are really like. Then put it together, put it aside, and then come back to it to decide what, if anything, you need to change. Then give it to an editor/proofreader.

Keep working at it - we need more LW authors who can score better and tell good stories.

A good plot overall, but would enjoy more explanation. A year of cheating implies a significant relationship and commitment. If he had no clue after a year of cheating then how can he be sure she stopped? Mailman, UPS driver, grocer, lawn boy, meter reader, so many opportunities. He had a loving wife, and now he has a talented cheating slut. And that's better? Time to reboot.

The last one so that you realize that you dump a cheater, not keep her.

....came off crude and indifferent.

It reads a little like the evening news.....lots of bad narrative and poor dialog, unlikely behavior, all from plastic characters we cannot care about, because we know nothing personal about them.

Finally, get editorial help and work your story over like your hero did his slut wife before submitting another one. If you've got something to say, at least have enough self respect to put the effort into it to say it well.

For the read.

who knows for sure...probably not. TK U MLJ LV NV

she was at least smart enough, and had enough self respect, to move on.

If he had no reason to suspect anything why drop back and follow her? What was this fit young man doing while jj opened the gun safe? How could Drew not know he had call his wife when he took the phone.

I love retribution stories but this was a waste of time.

I didn't totally like the idea of revenge fucks. They don't work if you're trying to save a marriage. However in fiction where anything is possible this is better than many other scenarios. No wimps here.

Revenge fucks are not for reconciliation but should best be reserved for part of the nuclear option.

In other words when you have already decided that there is no saving it and you want them to get their share of the suffering.

Would have been a four but I didn't cars for your weak reason for keeping the piece of shit.

To all of you who posted that it sucked and gave a good reason, thanks for you input. I have submitted a new story and it is much longer with I hope is better character development. I have taken much more time to proof read that as well.

To all the anonymous posters who called the story trash or said it sucked but gave NO constructive criticism, please don't bother. If you did not like the story, that is OK but please say why. Lack of character development or hard to follow is OK. It tells me and others where to improve. Constructive

Criticism is always appreciated, insults not so much.

JJ

perhaps this is JJ's auto-bio of a willing enjoying cuck life.

1 star

An editor would help. The story didn't read smoothly. A lot more back ground would have made for a more interesting and plausible story. And I'm uncertain as to why he would except his wife cheating just because they had been married a long time. What does that have to do with trusting her in the long run? More importantly if she could cheat on him in such a despicable manner, why would he want her back?

There's way too much of you telling the readers what is happening instead of you showing the reader what's happening. You need more dialogue to show the readers events. This would also add more emotion to the supporting characters and make the events flow a lot easier.

WIMP story!

recycle, dump the slut and get a younger updated version

After discovering his wife has been cheating on him for a year, Mr. Jason Cuckold Jarvits decides to keep the slut.

Cucky boy will certainly deserve being cheated on repeatedly in the future. He however will NOT have a clue, April has learned her lesson, DON'T cheat at home and cover her tracks a little better.

Good luck Cucky J. Fucking Wimp.

Did you people read the story? The "cuckold" got the last laugh. He does whatever he wants to Kristy whilst humiliating his wife as she watches, gets his wife to be his personal slut. He Wins in the end.

I see light psychological D/s elements were included for the cheating wife's punishment. It's sort of implied by walking naked and getting pissed on, but that's not good enough, however funny it may be for this story. I mean, if that's not her thing, she'll eventually realize a divorce is better. But she may discover something about herself she never knew. Either way, everybody wins. A year punishment is slightly gratuitous, so the only way I can enjoy the story is reading it as if it was meant to be ridiculous.

Won in the end is devoid of any value. He has lost what he can never regain his innocence and trust in himself

The grammar was too poor to be taken seriously; I had to give up on the tale LONG before the end

So 6 " average, 3" around (a bit smaller than a broom handle) a pencil dick! LOL! , Anyone could take anal from a pencil dick. AND!!! blow jobs and anal (the domain of gays) the fucker is a closet GAY!!! OK back to the story, 1 star for a WIMP story...

Very, very weak BTB.

...but the humiliation of making her watch, not wearing clothes, etc is only destructive. It doesn't fix anything. Better to leave her wondering where be is when he's not home. That will eat away at her.

Standard run of the mill stuff. Very sophomoric in content and grammar.

Loved his revenge

Authors story have the same theme. He must really have terrible anger issues. Would guess he got royally fucked by some woman to have this much hate and anger.

Just had a good laugh at this.

Taking revenge is ok but why stay with her

The WIMP must be gay to want anal so bad. No wonder wife strayed, a cock 3" around is what we call a pencil dick. Small broom stick is about 3" around. THAT said there are no terms except divorce for a cheating wife or husband. Anything else is a WIMP out...

Absolutely disgusting. The worst ever on this site. So much anal fixation??

Drew should have taken it up the ass as well. If that would be too far of a stretch for the MC, Kristy certainly could have buggered him with a strap on

This author is sick. He wants more punishment than the crime demands. It's always the same sick fantasy of fucking an innocent wife.

hahaha love it!!!

If you write another story give the guy some fucking balls

Bullshit

I laughed out loud at Kristy pissing on April's face.

eh! Unlikely and disgusting!

Just another juvenile fantasy, after all nothing on this site has any basis in reality so with that in mind…meh!!!

Another piece of disguised cuck shit!!!not worth the ether wasted !!

THIS WAS JUST SILLY...

Now that's what I like,a guy who think 🤔 fast when he's pissed.I'll bet it ain't fun &games now.They were getting paid back of what they were getting way with.Both JJ and April made it a point that needed to sink in.For Drew to watch his wife's ass getting plowed is the ultimate mind fuck,fuck him.And Kristy being hit with golden shower from April tells it in a nonverbal way( you messed with the wrong bitch). To the writer! Good stuff man good stuff.

Really stupid. And the sex was boring.

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