by genkam95
The men in these kind of story are always cowardly and always obedient were you read one you've read them all,kinda boring,you do have talent so keep on writing.
I enjoyed the story from beginning to end. Excellent job. Thank you.
I stopped reading before end of first page. Way too many misspelled or misused words..
it would be interesting to see how this story develops. i think that you have done a good job on it so far, although like some of the other comments about the typos and the loss of an inch. lol it is still a good read
There are a few typos here and there, but you have a well established back story and you are off to a good start! Keep going!
Nice opening for a new world & interested in how you proceed . Like an earlier poster remarked it would be a good idea to get an editor to help especially since it's your first attempt .
ps give Jason a break..he lost an inch of cock in a couple of sentences :) (from 9 to 8)
But you really need a proofreader, not for misspelled words but wrong words.
For example:
Bread is something you eat.
Breed is making offspring.
The world you've layed out has a lot of potential and it reads well, I hope you keep at it because I want more. Peace!