All Comments on 'Jay'

Your story is not so much too short as it's more of an introduction to your protagonist's life. It kinda reminds me of the first ten minutes of most TV show pilots, when the audience meets the cast and learns the main character's place in the world, why their life is lackluster, and what the show's hook will be.

Jay is one helluva hook. Jasmine's an interesting girl in her own right too. Your writing style is engaging and expressive. I want to read more.

Maybe balancing your story's elements more and developing them further into the arc would help though?

you are right it is a little short, but it is a good start I would have liked to hear more about jay though, like how does she know her and all.

Liked this a lot. I agree, it is short, like a trailer promising of the great movie to come. I hate to pick nits, but the description of her hair as African-American was a bit jarring considering the obvious Brit focused language & setting.

Mostly, i was engaged & enjoying this, & it was over way too soon. I like Jay. A lot. Keep going. Good, good first time story.

You have given us a taste now we are ready for more! I would say for first time writer you did very well! Thanks for sharing the story.

Very good start. Keep writing, you have very good potential. Even though this first part is very short, it got my interest. Am looking forward for much more. Keep up the good work.

SB

Wishing is what many of us do!

I would love to read more thank you... It really is nice for a first submission

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I will write a new chapter soon X x

This is a cool little story. It has good potential. I find myself checking back for part 2. Go for it! This is more than a decent start. Happy writing.

I really liked it. Am looking forward to more of this girl and her crush Jay.

You go girl. Waiting for part two, don't disappoint a femme (no pressure lol)

Really like this story and would love to hear how she gets Jay. Is there going to be any chance of a continuation?

Please add more ❤ I hope she got the courage