Jay's Loelife Ch. 26

I smile to myself. "You can leave as soon as Aidan accepts Carson."

"Why didn't you say so?!" Before he can rush off, the garage door opens and Aidan peeks through with a real annoyed look.

"Baby is cwying."

Loren sweeps Aidan into his arms and talks about how amazing little brothers are and how they should find a super funny cat video and share it with Carson.

Two days later, Aidan is on the couch holding his brother, and he doesn't even look angry about it. He's warming up, thanks to Loren. As a four-year-old, Aidan doesn't care about how many followers Loren has, he cares about something deeper. Proving that Loren has so much more influence than he realizes.

Loren warms up to Carson, too. Not enough to hold him, but he coos at him a few times and even bops his nose. Mostly, he keeps his distance, opting to keep Aidan entertained when needed or making dinner. I follow his lead, doing what he does. Keeping pace.

After a week, Loren's had enough. Everyone's in the living room. The TV is on low, Aidan is tucked into Matt's side as he reads a book, while Seamus finishes burping Little Tater. I'm sitting in our usual spot on the other side, watching. Loren grabs my arms and forces me up. He drags me to the other side and shoves me down next to Seamus. He reaches for Carson, hesitating momentarily. His face looks like he's about to reach into a septic tank. He cringes, then gently plucks the tiny tot from Seamus's shoulder like he's picking up a puppy or a kitten and hands him to me.

His arms flail for a moment as he adjusts to the sudden movement. He stretches really big then relaxes with his hands on his chest. Carson is wide awake, his gray eyes open wide.

Oh my god. A tidal wave of emotion erupts, and my eyes fill with tears. I brush them away with the back of my hand. Still, my lip quivers. "He's so perfect."

Loren leans down and kisses the top of my head. "I'm taking off. I fly out tomorrow morning and I have nothing packed. Call me later, okay?"

I nod‌ and Loren laughs. I don't care. I can't stop looking at Carson. He's not mine but I know how much Matt and Seamus wanted him and I was a part of the entire process from start until this very moment. So much went into bringing this tiny human into the world. I can't believe he's here.

"Loren's right," Seamus says as he pieces everything together. "You haven't held Carson. Every time we ask, you deflect. Why? I thought we'd have to pry him out of your arms."

I continue staring at those little gray, content eyes. "I didn't want to freak Loren out. He'll convince himself that I want kids more than anything and he'll run away."

"He didn't seem to run away just now."

I look up and stare at my clueless friend. "Where is he?" I deadpan.

"He has to get ready for his flight?"

"Mhm."

Seamus scrubs his face with his hand in frustration. "You clearly want--"

"Stop."

"Why? You're giving up--"

"I said stop. It might be hard for you to understand, but I'm not giving up anything. Do I want kids? Of course. But not as much as I want Loren. Not even close. Trust me on this."

Seamus doesn't say anything, but I can see it pains him to do so. I ignore him and focus on Carson. All the legal stuff is done. Carson has a follow up next week. There's a good chance they'll be going home in a week. Which means I need to savor every moment. When he falls asleep, I lay him on the other end of the sectional and curl myself around him. We just...exist.

The cushion dips and little hands grip my shoulders. Aidan's face hovers above me with a face splitting smile. "Can I smuggle too?"

"Get in here." I protect Carson with my arm while Aidan gracelessly weasels his way in until he's wedged between the back cushion and his brother. His smile matches my own. Aido Potato pats his sleeping brother's head before kissing him. "I wuv the baby mugget."

****

The house is quiet. No toys on the floor, no baby bottles on the counter, no empty plastic plates in the sink, or apple cores in the couch cushions. I grab the remote and turn the TV on just to have something in the background. Then I text Loren because I miss him like crazy. I'm tempted to write something gushy but decide to speak Loren instead.

I'm horny

Straight and to the point. Just the way he likes it.

His reply is instant. Can you not be so obsessed with me?

Impossible, I reply.

Four more days until he gets back. Then two weeks until vacation. Mexico will look different this year. We're not bachelors looking for a getaway. We're family men and it's about time the trip reflects this‌. It's one of the many good things happening.

There's really only one thing that is keeping me from enjoying life to the fullest, and it's Lars. Larson McNeary. Some people might say it's not my business to intervene, but if I can't advocate for Loren, then what's the point of being in a deep and committed relationship? It took all Loren's courage to reach out to his brother, and for what? To come up empty? Loren was rejected by his family once, he's not going to stand at the front of that line and be hit over and over. But I'll stand there for him. The only fear I have is the fear that this gaping hole inside him may never fully heal.

Lars can ignore Loren but he can't ignore me. I find his profile and start typing out a message. There's a lot I want to say but little that actually needs to be said.

Loren will be home from a work trip Tuesday afternoon. Either tell him you want to meet up or tell him you're not interested. Whatever you do, tell him something.

Send.

The message is marked as 'read' almost instantly, but he doesn't respond. That's fine. It's not me who deserves a reply anyway.

****

Waiting for Loren is brutal, so I decide to drive over early to Puyallup and visit MB. She's having a rough day, so I entertain her girls for a few hours so she can relax. I leave with only minutes to spare and a promise to be back.

Loren shoulders sideways past me with a bag in both hands. "Stop staring at me and help haul my crap in. It's pouring outside."

"Hi honey, how's your day?" I ask with a flat, even tone.

Loren sets the stuff down, then turns with a humored smile. "Hi honey, how's your day? Mine would be better if you helped get my crap out of the van." Once he sees me, his jaw drops. "Christ almighty, what happened to you?"

I gingerly touch my rouged cheek, then pat my pink hair. "Sav and Suzie had a go at me. I think it's rather good."

He touches the pink in my hair and rubs the remnants between his fingers. "What is this?"

"Blush? Lipstick? Eyeshadow? Testosterone absorbing powder? Your guess is as good as mine."

He laughs and heads towards the door. "I'll grab the stuff. I don't want you to ruin your full face."

I dash ahead of him and grab everything I can, leaving one measly tote for him to carry. On the way back in, he sings, 'what a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man', making me laugh.

I watch as he takes the lids off the totes and starts pulling things out. If he had a choice, Loren would unpack everything right away. But I pull him away. "It's seven-o'clock. All this can be put away tomorrow." I slide my hand under his shirt, feeling his cold, pebbled skin against my warm hands.

Loren sags against me. The stress of being on the road for a week weighing him down. "But if I get it put away now, then I don't have to do it tomorrow."

The man has a point. There are far better things to do tomorrow. I grab his hips, turn him, and set him on the stool. I slide a plate of takeout in front of him, then get to work stuffing the washer with dirty laundry and sorting the gear to be put away. By the time his plate is clean and put in the dishwasher, there's very little left for him to do except to take a long, relaxing shower.

And a quick blowjob.

You'd think I hadn't seen him in months the way I drag him to the living room and tuck the good blanket around him. He smiles softly as I smother him. "Miss me or something?" he asks as he runs his thumb over my cheek. He looks at me like he missed me more than I could ever know.

I lean forward until our lips meet. "I miss you even when you're not gone."

Sated from the shower and the orgasm, we make out a little, but mostly we talk. The TV hums the tune of some mundane show in the background, while Loren tells me all about his adventures. It was his first climb since the accident. They also went swimming in the frigid, winter waters, relaxed in natural hot springs, and raced across the salt flats.

I'm a little jealous I wasn't there. Despite being retired and having minimal obligations, I wasn't sure how long Matt and Seamus would need to stay with me. In hindsight, I could've left anyway. They didn't need me, but I did get extra time with 'mugget', so there's that.

I stretch back casually, giving Loren a little space. "I'm sure you have lots of DMs to catch up on."

"I don't. If I did, they'd have to wait. I'm not doing much of anything except you for the next twenty-four hours."

Hmmm, that sounds like a good twenty-four hours and I hope he decides to do me a lot. But...

"I like reading through your DMs. It's entertaining."

"There are some real winners," he agrees with a hot-as-sin smirk. "But they can wait."

My jaw ticks. I slip my phone out and text Ruby. Any IG DM's from Larson McNeary?

Ruby: Hmm. Lemme check! BRB

Ruby: Nope. Nothing at all in the chat history with that name

I furrow my brows as I re-read the text. No chat history? Loren said he messaged him on Instagram. It doesn't make sense. There has to be a chat history.

****

Overthinking all night makes my eyes feel like lead weights in the morning. I reach out, confirming that Loren is sleeping next to me. I relax into the mattress and let sleep take me again. When I awake again, I'm achingly hard, my balls pulled tight. Cum is boiling to the point of explosion.

"G'morning," Loren purrs in my ear. He's straddling me with his back arched and his chest pressed to mine. "I was wondering when the other half of you was going to wake up."

I spread my legs and grip his hips. "I need to cum," I tell him. Loren slides his arms around my neck and kisses me. I moan as his warm body slides across mine. I pull him tighter. "God, you feel good."

Loren sits up. With his hands pressed against chest, he starts riding me. He looks good with lust filled brown eyes and morning hair. His muscles flex and his eyes roll back in his head. Loren's just as keyed up as I am. I slide my hand between us, squeezing us together. Loren shudders, his hips thrusting erratically. It feels good. I tense and let his body bring me over the edge with a cry. Loren turns feral, chasing his orgasm like a wild west horse race. When he cums, I flip him over and cover him with my body.

"I'm so damn lucky," I tell him. "You're everything I ever wanted and more." He smiles lazily and stretches under me. We lay there, wrapped around each other; teasing and flirting for another hour.

"I thought about Lars while you were gone," I tell him. "I know it would be hard, but I think you should reach out one more time."

"If he wanted to talk, he would've responded."

"Maybe," I say, kind of but not really agreeing. He tracked Lars down. Why wouldn't he want to see him? It doesn't make any sense. "We don't know what he's been through, maybe one more attempt is what he needs." I motion for him to give me his phone.

Loren reaches across the bed and swipes it from the nightstand. Before handing it over, he hesitates. It's a big step. His DMs are flooded. I type Larson McNeary in the search bar. As Ruby said, there is no history.

Loren grabs the phone and quickly taps the screen, switching to a different account. "This is my decoy account. I didn't want him to see I was watching his stories or accidentally like a photo and alert him that I'd found him. I also didn't want the five other people who might read the DMs to see that I reached out to Lars."

My heart quickens. I have the smartest, most amazing boyfriend ever. I can't stop staring at him. As he looks at the phone, the spot between his eyes furrows. He sits up, putting the full weight of his upper body on my chest.

Loren looks at me, his eyes wide; panicked, afraid, relieved. "There's a message," he says quietly. "From Lars. It says 'Wow, Loren, I don't know what to say. I've tried to reply for weeks but it kind of feels like I have one shot and I don't want to say the wrong thing and risk not hearing the truth from you. I don't know if there's a lot for us to cover after 23 years, or maybe not so much at all. Whatever it is, I'd rather not chat over the internet if it's the same to you. We deserve face-to-face. Well, I deserve it. Let me know if you want to arrange something. I'm assuming that's what this is all about.'"

Loren takes a breath and reads the message a few more times. When he finishes, he looks past me into the dark abyss of his thoughts. I give him a moment to process this monumental advancement. I wonder to myself, what a reunion between these brothers would be like. As a lifelong optimist, I can see the good.

He digs his elbows into my chest and types out a response, proofs it, then reads it aloud. "'I'd like to meet up. How about the first week of April?' How does that sound?" He asks. "Simple and to the point. I don't want to type out too much, right? But should I set parameters for what I'd like to discuss?"

"To set parameters is to limit how far your conversation can go."

"No, you're right. Okay, I guess I'll send this?" His finger hovers for a moment. Done. Loren studies his phone, almost like he's analyzing his decision. Was it good? Should he have said something different? His eyes flash. "He's reading it. He's typing. Shit." He puts the phone down on my chest and stares at me as if I can do something about it. My chest vibrates. We both look down.

When he doesn't reach for it right away, I ask, "Do you want me to read it?"

He picks up his phone and reads the message. "Looks like April will work. He wants me to fly there, something about his work schedule. Are there days that work better for you?" he asks me. "I should send him some options, right?"

My heart burst. There's not a question in his mind. I'm going with him. Of course I am. He couldn't stop me. "I'm wide open."

"Okay. I'm going to tell him we'll be there for ten days."

"Ten days sounds good." After he wraps it up, I rub his arm. "You okay?"

"I might puke," he says, half joking. Though he looks a little wrung out.

"This is going to be a long month, isn't it?"

Loren throws himself back on the mattress. "I have a feeling it's going to crawl."

****

I come back from a long endorsement shoot to an empty house. Loren hadn't mentioned being gone, but he's a busy guy, so I think nothing of it. A few hours later, he marches through the house and stops when he finds me cleaning the laundry room. I've got a lot to do before we head to Mexico for two weeks.

He braces himself in the door frame. I can't read his expression. I don't know if he's shocked or amused, but then he laughs. "Guess what."

I wipe the cupboard down, then carefully put the cleaning products back in it. "I really have no idea."

"Guess who's pregnant."

I chuckle because it seems gossipy, and that's not really Loren's style. "MB?"

"What? No."

"Ruby?" I really don't know any other women that he'd react this way about."

"Corey--"

Oh, that is news. I guess he and his girl have been dating for about a year. It's not completely out of left field. Hopefully, they're serious. A kid is a big deal.

"And Isaac."

I freeze. Slowly turn. "I didn't know he was seeing anyone."

"They went on a couple of dates."

"Clearly those dates went well."

Loren laughs. "Yeah, real well."

"How are they feeling about it?"

"Corey's stoked. He would've wanted it to go differently, but he's not upset. Isaac's a little shocked."

"Does he like the lady?"

"Seems to. I guess we'll find out. He's introducing us to her here in a bit. I'm actually getting ready to head out. I just wanted to tell you in person. Holy shit! I can't believe they're both going to be dads!"

"Seems like there are a lot of kiddos around us now. Aidan, Carson, Sav, Suzie, and now two more coming."

"No kidding. Cole is double wrapping his dick now. He wants kids, but not yet. I'm so glad I don't have to worry about that kind of surprise," he says, his expression still fogged by surprise. "Well, I'm heading out."

I smile as I fold the cleaning rags and stack them neatly in the cabinet. "Bye," I say to myself. Loren's come and gone like the energizer bunny. I can only imagine him passing out if he found out he was a dad. He can not want to have kids all he wants, but he's sure warming up to them being in his life, and that's a win for me.

"Oh, one more thing," Loren says, popping back into the door frame and startling me. "Matt texted me. Said he and Seamus have something they want to talk about when we get to Mexico."

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