Jay's Loelife Ch. 29

The rattle of my phone against the counter has me sprinting across the house. I hurdle over a few boxes and then slide around the dining table. I almost knock the thing off the counter, fumbling it in my hands before finally getting a grip.

My heart is about to beat out of my chest as I unlock my phone.

Matt: What time does your flight land?

Mother fucker. I completely forgot I'm supposed to be in Denver tomorrow.

****

I offer to crash at a hotel. I thought it would be less awkward than staying at the loft, especially since Jay isn't here and I don't know how much he told Seamus about our current situation.

Judging by the mean mugging I'm getting, he knows enough...

The thought of being around Jay's friends without him, talking about a business I may or may not be a part of, is weird. But I have some good ideas and a solid direction for the business. They need to hear them, even if Jay ends up dumping my ass.

Aidan pushes the bedroom door open and comes in as I set my bag on the luggage tray in the corner of the room.

He crawls up on the bed and starts digging through my carryon. "Hi Uncle Lowen." He's grown so much since I saw him six months ago. It's crazy. He's practically a big kid.

"What's up buddy?"

"Do you have candy?" He completely ignores my question. Before I can tell him where it's at, he finds it and turns to me with those big blue eyes, begging me to have it.

I smile. "Go ahead."

He quickly unwraps it and shoves it in his mouth. He's not even done eating when he asks where Jay is.

"He's in California working."

"He said he'd take me to Disneyland."

I laugh and continue to straighten some of my clothes. "He did. You should really talk to him about that."

"Just me and you and Uncle Jay, ok?"

"What about Carson?"

Aidan rolls his eyes. "He's so bowing."

"He's still little, but...we'll see."

"Okay." Then a second later. "Can we get McDonalds for dinner?"

I ignore him and hold out my hand so I can help him off the bed, but Aidan wants a piggyback ride. I turn around and back up to the bed so he can mount up. When I try to drop him on the sofa, he clings to my back. I guess he's staying. Matt smiles. He seems happy enough to pawn Aidan off for a bit.

****

Matt leaves the meeting giddy as fuck. He's so endearing. It's refreshing. He loves my ideas. He's also excited because this is the first big thing he's doing with Seamus from its conception. Seamus pretends to be indifferent because he doesn't want to admit that I'm amazing, but it's obvious he secretly knows I'm a fucking genius. He's built some solid businesses, but he's not very creative, or original.

"I love the camper-van theme. It's so fitting for the area. I think we should do a play on your name. Something like the Loelife Cafe. Since Loelife drink of the week is already established, it would be a perfect segue," Matt rambles as we head down to the lobby of their lawyer's office.

I don't know that I want a play off my name. I'm not looking for that attention, but it's not the dumbest idea since it's an established brand.

"We found a couple locations in the greater Denver area that would be good for expansion," Seamus adds.

Matt nods. "You guys will need to come up for a while so we can get this thing off the ground."

Seamus looks at me. He knows ‌Jay hates me right now.

"I'm sure we can pencil it in."

Half way back to the loft, I tell them I'm going to run a few errands when we get back. Aidan pipes up from the back seat. "I wanna go! Pweeease Uncle Lowen, I go?! I'll be on the best behaver. I won't even ask for McDonalds. I pwomise."

It's no skin off my back. It's Matt and Seamus' call.

Turns out I could have killed Jay. It wouldn't matter. They're desperate for time away, even if it's just one kid. They can hardly get me out the door.

****

Jay loves Denver. It's one of the few places he's excited to travel to and I don't think it's just because his friends are here. He genuinely loves the town. It's big with a small-town feel. It's growing, which is good for us and our budding business idea.

With McDonald's fries strewn in the backseat, Aidan and I drive around town. No GPS, just good old fashion cruising. We get lost a few times, turn around in a few industrial areas, accidentally leave town, come back again, and pass through a gated community whose gate is being worked on.

"Can we go to the big feater place? Plweeeease?"

I look out the window and find a neon cinema sign. He doesn't miss a thing. I turn the wheel and pull in. After shooting off a quick message to Matt, we head in.

I learn five-years-old is not old enough to sit through a movie. Aidan runs around the theater like it's his own personal playground. I guess, it kind of is. The movie has been playing for a while. Anyone who wanted to watch it already has.

Then we head back to the loft. I don't know that I got anything accomplished but driving around with Aidan was fun. As soon as we get back, Aidan runs into the loft while I shrug off my jacket.

Matt rushes to the door. "I'm so sorry to ask this of you, but is there any way you could watch the kids for an hour? Seamus and I need to run to work and—" Matt doesn't need to say more. Carson is screaming his damn head off in the living room. A clear reason why they can't take the kids with them. Matt frowns. "He gets like this sometimes at night. I know you guys just got back, but car rides help a lot."

I sigh and shoulder my jacket back on.

Seamus pauses as he straps Carson's car seat in the minivan, eying fries everywhere. I glare at Aidan, who thinks that getting caught is funny.

"This is why we can't do fun things," I whisper in his ear as I buckle him in.

For the second time today, we cruise the streets of Denver. It really helps. Carson quiets down almost immediately.

"Can we get mewkshake?" I look out the window as we pass a Dairy Queen and smile, but I learned my lesson with the fries. Fool me once...

Ten minutes later, both boys are passed out, their heads lolled to the side. It's kind of cute. I'm not positive I'm great with kids. I'm definitely not as good with them as Jay is, but I don't hate them. Derek and Danielle are having a baby. Surprise. Corey and Lily are about to pop. I think Taylor and Niki are waiting, but at the rate things are happening, who knows? I try to picture having kids. I can definitely see Jay as a dad, but it's not for me.

I can totally do the uncle thing. It's a role I see myself growing into. I wonder if it's enough for Jay? I hope so. It's pretty much the only thing I can offer when it comes to tiny humans.

With the boys sleeping, I keep driving, staying close to home base. Matt and Seamus live in a nice area. It's close to a nice-looking school and several solid neighborhoods. One particular area catches my attention. They're big homes, not McMansions, but large nonetheless. What I like best is that they don't look like your typical cookie cutter homes, even though I'm sure they have an HOA. They're unique with their own personality. There's even a little park for kids.

The phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out, hoping it's Jay but happy it's Lars. I glance back. The boys are still sleeping. "Hey." I'm quiet, not overly interested in waking the beasts.

"Hey yourself, you've been kind of MIA lately."

"I know. It's been crazy since getting back from the wedding."

"I heard."

I roll my eyes. "Isaac?"

"Mhmm."

I'm not sure what to say. When Lars sighs loudly from the other line, I can't help but smile. He is me. For some reason, that is all I needed.

"I made a fucking fool of myself. I got in my ‌own head about stupid shit. Jay left me."

"What do you mean 'left you'?"

"I mean, he left the island. Every time I've seen him since, he's told me to go home. The only reason I know we're still together is because Jay hasn't told me we're over. He'd tell me if we were over."

At least I think he would. I can't be sure of anything, anymore.

"Okay." He's quiet for a moment as he analyzes the situation. "Do you know why he's upset?"

"Yes."

"Does he have a valid point?"

"Yes."

"Is there a solution?"

"Yes."

"But it's not that easy, is it?"

I sigh. "No."

"If Jay's the one you want to be with, then it kind of is," he says. "When Court and I got together, she was upfront about what she wanted. Kids. That was something I didn't want back then, but it wasn't a big enough deal to prioritize. I'm glad because I now realize I want that with her."

"I don't want kids. That was a non-negotiable from the start. That one is a hard no for me."

"Is he asking you for kids?"

"I mean, no, but it's clear he wants them."

"Sure, but is kids the thing that's driving him away right now?"

No.

"He wants to move in together."

Silence.

Lars clears his throat. "I'm not judging. Every person's cross looks different. Cohabitating, or life without Jay? Only you can decide if that's the cross you want to die on." There is noise in the background. A doorbell and then voices. "Shit. We have some friends showing up. I actually called for a reason, though. Court and I just started trying to get pregnant. She's four days late."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. But the best kind of fuck. Well, the second best kind of fuck. Anyway, let me know which cross you decide to bear. For what it's worth, I hope it's Jay."

"And you let me know how that pregnancy thing goes."

He laughs. "I will let you know how the pregnancy thing goes. Later."

"Later."

I hang up just as Carson wakes up, so I whip a uey and head back to the loft before all hell breaks loose. I get him out of the van and put him on my hip. Carson stares at me the entire way up. I can't help but laugh at his stone-faced expression. There is zero trust here.

"You were six-weeks old the last time I saw you and you really liked me then." It's been what, five or six months since then?

The elevator doors open. Aidan decides he also wants to be carried now. There's only thirty feet to the front door. Why not? We work as a team until I have a kid on each hip. Even though Aidan's huge, it's actually harder to carry Carson because he doesn't cling to me like Aidan does. Carson is a limp noodle whose sole purpose in life is to stare at me like I'm a fucking alien. It's unnerving, if I'm honest.

I knock with my foot and then hike the boys on my hip. The door opens and...

Aidan puts his arms out and leans forward. "Uncle Jay!"

I didn't know Jay was coming. He's supposed to be in California. His schedule is packed for the next two days.

Jay's face is equally stunned. "What are you doing here?"

I look past him. Surely his friends would've told him? But Matt and Seamus are conveniently not looking our way. In fact, they seem oddly interested in something in the other room.

It's for the best. If Jay and I don't figure things out soon, there won't be a future for us. I don't have all the answers, but I have some ideas. I switch Carson to the other arm, then I take a deep breath and look Jay in the eyes.

"I've been doing some thinking."

I think back to my house and the promise I made to myself not to squander what I had.

I really fucking hope I get things right this time.

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