All Comments on 'Jenna & Jason'

Two great stories under one roof---Thanks

getting the persons correct with each other might be a good idea. robert and jessie, jason and jenna.

it happened at the evnd of the story.

it's marred by spelling and a few syntax errors. A spell checker will not flag a valid word in the wrong context.

A good proofreading by another person should catch most of these. Perhaps a volunteer editor from the site would be willing to look over your work before you submit it. Good story - just a few irritating, minor gliches.

I'd like to have more detail of the sex and love between the brother and sister. Otherwise the story is good. Can't wait to read the rest of the story.

greatest story i ever read. i would like to read other story wiith same subject. can anyone tell me the name?

at the end, you changed jason's name to Robert

was that intentional?

The emotional quality gave the story an almost cheesy feel...Seriously marred by grammar, syntax, and spelling. I would completely proofread, and have an editor look it over, before you submit. Other than that it wasn't really bad.

I am so amazed at the response. This was my first attempt at a story. I am thrilled that ya'all liked it! :) I will use an editor next itme. :) I edited it to fix the character mix up.

I am working on Jenna and Jason Part 2. You will love the storyline twists...

One comment said the storyline was old. It got me to thinking. I would love some new ideas of a storyline you would love to read about and I will fullfill that fantasy!

Drop me a line anytime...

~Hot_n_Spicey~

Interesting and erotic ... other comments have cited the spelling, other miscues that kept this from achieving the highest marks, and your response to the critical comments demonstrated your willingness to incorporate the suggested changes. Will be looking for 2nd installment.

Keeping characters straight and paying attention to spelling will lift you to the loftiest level a writer can attain. The "mechanics" involved will improve over time ... just like in real life ... :-)

Good story! It's an old premise but none the less worth reading. You have a lot of spelling errors and some name mix up. But it could still be followed.

Thanks for writing!

sexmate

great story, you criticize her writing and then in your message you cant even spell end right. get off your high horse, its free, she put in her time and effort and you sound like nothing more than english teachers, i have never read such snobby comments, seriously, i didnt realize that british nobels read literotica.

People please pay attention when you read. The names aren't wronge near the end thats the parents.

Hi Spicey,

You got a lot of criticism in almost every comment. Sure some were most likely helpful. But no one said your story titilated them. That is why you wrote the story isn`t it. Well Spicey, I think the plot was good, the story line was good and your descriptive talents are excellent. And for me it aaaccomplished what it was writen for. It made my fucking prick hot and hard. Thank you. Spicey, keep the stories cumming. John P

Unbelievably bad. These people talk like robots.

the story started out ok but got confusing with chapter 2 you should have introduced the parents at the begining also you seem to be oneof those assholes that can't finish a story if you aren't going to finish then don't start

there birthdays (their)

they new (knew)

fireplace mantle (mantel)

It pained their mother too much to speak about their father so they (never???) brought him up.

miss any thing (anything )

your drop dead gorgeous (you’re)

Her breaths were nothing but short gasp (gasps)

the out line (outline)

Jessie, the twins mother (twins’)

bare the thought (bear)

mouth envelope her sensitive orbs (envelop)

pull him into (her) tits

I am Cumming (cumming)

shipped over seas (overseas)

It set of her hair (off)

message her ass (massage)

running (on) the beach.

Simply because you never damn well finished it.

I hate unfinished stories !

""

Ohhh Jason, but I have always heard that when a guy gets excited and can't finish it hurts him."

"Yes Jenna it does. Don't worry though I will be ok."

""

Bwuhahahaha!! What a hoot!

Oh damn, no second part! ...well, he prolly shouldn't be knocking her up anyway, lol. It was fun while it lasted! One of these days Ill learn to read the comments first!