Jersey Love: Apple Dreams & Release

"You both put your lives on hold for me. Didn't you?" Raina felt guilty.

"Raina, we're your parents. That's what you do. You'll understand one day when you have a child of your own. There have never been any regrets on our parts. Well that's not true. Our one regret was that we had to keep this from you this long." Jennifer sighed.

"But why?"

"Honestly? We didn't think you could handle more stress in your life. You were so sick and fragile we thought this would confuse you and makes things worse. I'm sorry," she explained gently. "But obviously you are ready, otherwise you wouldn't be experiencing what you are."

"And the girl?" Raina pointed across the room where she was standing. Jennifer could see her too and nodded at her.

"She needs help. Beyond that, I have my own ideas about it, but don't want to influence the situation further. In time, I think she will reveal more to you. So do me a favor?" Jennifer took Raina's hands in her own. "You can tell the doctor about your spider hallucinations, but please, please wait on telling her about the girl. If my feeling is correct, and you know they usually are, then very soon you won't be seeing her anymore. Okay? We can handle this together." She squeezed her hands.

"Um, but you guys said you wanted me to remember each incident to tell the doctor," Raina pointed out.

"We were trying to gain insight into your sighting of the spirit and if there was any rhyme or reason to it."

"And?"

"And I don't want to share or influence anything. Be patient a little while longer. You don't have to fear her or fear your gifts. I will help you understand them. You just have to trust me."

"I trust you Mom. I won't tell the doctor. I hope we get good news today."

"Me too, Rain. I think we will." Jennifer smiled. "Now get dressed so we can go."

***

Logan stood in front of her room. His hand, poised over the door-knob, had a slight tremor to it. He had gotten home from Raina's house at two am. Try as he might, he had been unable to sleep. He was restless and paced the hallway over and over. At four am he made the decision that today would be the day to end the silence. He was glad he didn't have to be in to work until noon today. It would give him time to figure out what he was going to say or do.

Once at work, he watched the clock tick by slower than ever. He'd been unable to concentrate and claimed he head a headache. Finally, his father relented and let him go home early at five o'clock. The house was quiet, except for the tick-tock of his mother's Grandfather's clock in the hallway. He took a few deep, steadying breaths and looked behind him. While he didn't necessarily believe, he needed some sign that it would be okay to open this door. It would be like opening Pandora's box, he knew.

"I'll go in quickly, open her closet, find them, and leave. No one will have to even know I opened the forbidden door. If I don't find them right away, I'll shut the door and never go back in." He spoke these words aloud as he turned the handle and gently pushed the door open.

The hinges squeaked and thought he knew he was alone in the house, he still worried his parents would come home early and catch him. Why almost five years later he still had a boy's fear of his parents' disapproval, he didn't know. Fear of upsetting the family. Fear of ruining the fraudulent peace. Even speaking her name had become taboo, let alone discuss her death. But it sat there in his mind like a weight. And the grief for his little sister, sat in his heart, eating away at hope.

Logan drew himself up and thought about his sweet girlfriend, so vibrant, so imaginative, like his baby sister had been. He thought about how fragile Raina had seemed lately, unable to get out of bed, unable to think clearly. It scared him! He couldn't lie to himself. Every time he saw Raina, his heart wanted to close up and his mind told him to run. Don't get attached. Ever since Alyssa, he hadn't let another living soul into his life.

But Raina had a way about her, a way of putting him at ease. She had charmed him with her innocence, which she had so freely shared with him. Her quirks and imagination had enchanted him. He was completely taken in by her and knew now that he would fight for her.

"This is for Raina and for Alyssa." He said to whatever or whoever might be listening. "They tell me I have to let you go. How can I let you go?" He asked the emptiness. "If I let you go, you'll be gone for good. What if I forget?" But as always, nothing answered him back. Goosebumps arose on his flesh as he stepped into Alyssa's room. He expected a draft, a stillness, something. Instead, a warmth drifted out of her room and the scent of her body spray wrapped around him, inviting him in. Logan gulped.

Everything in the sixteen-year-old girl's room was as she had left it that day. Logan saw her cherry-wood vanity with the ornate mirror sitting on the back wall. Her make-up case was open and the contents were spilled out hastily on the table. He looked to her bed with the shabby chic bedspread. The pillow was on the end of the bed, with her sketchpad opened. He pictured her lying on her stomach, feet in the air, doodling.

He cautiously took a few steps forward and looked down at the page, despite himself. A winged-being was half-drawn on the page. Alyssa's favorite subject matter, fairies. Seeing the fairy reminded him of the reason he was willing to brave the wrath of his family to enter the room in the first place. As Logan turned away from the bed, he heard a thud and looked down. A picture frame had fallen from Alyssa's nightstand. He stared at it, unmoving.

"Lys? Is that you? Are you here?" He should go over and pick up the picture, at least put it back on the nightstand in case his mother came into the room, which would be a miracle in and of itself. She would wonder how it got knocked off the table. But he couldn't bring himself to look at the picture. It was probably a picture of Alyssa's smiling face. He couldn't bear it just now. Logan shook his head 'no' and walked up to her closet. The door was partially open and the sleeve of one of her tunics was peeking out. He pushed the sleeve back in as he opened the door wider.

His sister's clothes were lined up neatly on the rack. He spotted the gossamer-like wings on a hanger and took them off the bar. This was what he had come for. While talking about his Halloween plans with Raina's Mom, she mentioned that Raina had been planning on dressing as a Fairy Maiden this year for Halloween, but that she was disappointed in the wing selection around town. He asked Jennifer if she had a dress already and she had told him she did from the Renaissance Faire they had gone to last year. She did have a pair of wings, but they had been destroyed from flooding during a N'oreaster Storm last summer. Logan told Jennifer he had the perfect solution but to please keep it a secret.

As Logan turned away, something hit his foot. He looked down and felt his heart race. A purple masquerade mask lay at his feet. He slowly picked it up. It had sequins and feathers and Logan could almost see his sister's blue eyes blinking at him from behind it. What the!? He blinked rapidly and the image faded. That was when he spotted the matching ball gown.

"No. The wings will have to be enough. I'm not ready to go there," he told the empty room. He knew that Raina would look gorgeous in the entire costume. It felt like sacrilege that he was even entertaining the thought of letting her borrow his sister's wings. And yet, the two girls were the same size, same figure. Logan shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "Raina already has a dress to wear."

"Logan?!" A shocked, shrill voice made him jump and hunch his shoulders in shame. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" The mask slipped from his fingers. He turned around and stood tall. He wouldn't let his mother bully him or ignore his sister's existence. Yes, Alyssa had died. She had died tragically. But she had also lived!

"Get out now!" His Mother screamed at him as she rushed into the room, entering it for the first time in almost five years. She tore the wings out of Logan's hands. Anguish filled her eyes as she saw the frame lying on the floor beside the bed.

"Why would you do this?" she asked her son, unreasonably. She picked up the frame and trembled, thrusting the picture beneath his nose. There was a crack going across his sister's face. "How dare you!" she screamed in rage. "Why!?" Accusing him.

"Mother, calm down. I didn't do anything. The frame fell on it's own. I think Alyssa might be trying to...." But Logan never finished his phrase. His mother slapped him across the face. A full-grown man being slapped across the face by his mother. He was in shock.

"GET OUT NOW!!!!" By this time his Father had heard the commotion and stood at the doorway, fury on his face.

"You heard your mother. Leave."

"But, I was just... I know she died, but that doesn't mean she needs to be forgotten. Alyssa."

"Don't. Logan, don't say her name."

"My God what is WRONG with you people? You're all insane. She was your daughter, for fuck's sake. It's time to start...." Logan fell back against Alyssa's bookshelf as his Father unleashed his pain and sorrow on his son with his fist.

"OUT or we call the cops," his Father threatened. Logan held his face, ripped the wings out of his mother's hands and fled. He crashed out of the house, threw his helmet on, and tied the wings to the back of the bike. He flew down the road, faster than he had ever pushed the bike before. Sheets of rain started falling, lashing against his body, as tears clouded his vision.

***

Coral did a little pirouette in her costume. "Well, what do you think?" She wore a pink poodle skirt with a blouse on top, and her hair was up in a high pony-tail.

"How did Dad convince you to go so conservative?" Raina asked suspiciously as she took in her sister's cute, but un-characteristic costume. Coral grinned wide, lifted her skirt and flashed her sister the tiny leopard-print skirt she hid beneath. She waved the matching tail, winked and turned around.

"Coral," Raina said with disapproval seeing that beneath the skirt was a matching thong. "You should just be happy that they relented and are allowing you to go the party at all."

"Well it's not like I'm going alone. Ryan's going with me. And it's not the party on the beach that I really wanted to go to."

"Regardless. At least you are getting to do something fun. I'm stuck at home watching silly Halloween movies."

"Mark couldn't get off of work for Halloween, so Ryan offered to take me by himself." Coral told Raina. She smoothed out her skirt as her Mom walked into the room. "Where is Logan anyway?" Her Mom glared at her.

"I don't know. I haven't heard from him all week."

"Aren't you worried?"

"No. I trust my boyfriend."

"Coral, I don't want you teasing that boy with that little kitty outfit," Jennifer said.

"What? Raina, you told her? When did you have time to tell her?" Coral pouted.

"Raina told me nothing. I know your every move, daughter of mine. I've a mind to not let you go if you are going to try and put one over on us, again." Jennifer's hands were on her hips.

"I. fine," Coral huffed. "I just wanted to wear something cute. This poodle skirt is so itchy, I can't take it."

"If you wanted to be a cat, you could have asked for Raina's old cat costume. That one is too risqué for you. Go take it off."

"But Raina's cat costume is old and gross," Coral complained.

"Take off that costume, and we can spruce up the cat costume to something more appropriate."

"But I wanted sexy," she pouted.

"There's sexy and there's porn-star. Let's compromise and you can be cute and sassy, instead," Jennifer suggested, unzipping the poodle skirt.

"So not fair! Last year Raina paraded around in that short-short pirate wench costume," Coral reminded her. Raina's costume was quite sexy last year, but she also had a boyfriend she was in a serious relationship with and they went to a Halloween party at a club. Her boyfriend had dressed as Jack Sparrow from the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean" and had won the entire contest for the authenticity of it. She needed to play the part of his sexy first mate. It had been a blast.

"When you are eighteen, you can wear something more revealing. You're sixteen and these are the house rules. You don't have to go the party." Jennifer shrugged.

"No," Coral grumbled. "I really want to go. I'll change." She walked past her sister, "Geez does she have eyes behind her head or just a spy-cam following me around?" Coral rolled her eyes when Raina chuckled.

"I heard that!" Jennifer yelled. "Go."

Raina smiled as she waved to her sister from the doorway. She had to hand it to her Mom, she really did turn her worn old cat costume into something fun and flirty, but not too sexy. Her sister looked sexy in anything, but her Mom had made just the right alterations in less than an hour to bring out her sister's natural bubbly personality and highlight her features.

"She looks great, Mom. Is she seriously going to go Trick-Or-Treating tomorrow?"

"Thanks. I think she's serious about it. She might be able to get away with one more year of it. Hey, do you want to help me bake apple pie for your birthday tomorrow? While it's baking we can snuggle on the couch and watch Halloween movies together, sipping on hot apple cider. I know it's not the same as a snuggling with your boyfriend, but what do you say?"

"Eh, I don't know. I'm not really in the mood. I think I'm going to go lie back down."

"Raina, I need to do something to keep my mind off the fact that I just let your sister go to a party. Please?"

"Coral's flirtatious and rebellious, but she's got a good head on her shoulders. She won't do anything stupid," Raina reassured her Mom. "Besides, Ryan is so afraid of what you said to him that he will make sure she isn't stupid. Mark's the one I'd be more concerned about, anyway," she added.

"What do you mean?" Jennifer asked, curious.

"Apparently, Mark kisses better," Raina revealed.

"I knew it! That little flirt kissing both boys. Well, I guess it's better than some random boy at the party," Jennifer considered, trying to make herself feel better.

"Also, Ryan doesn't drink or hasn't last I checked."

"That's good to know. Why are you so glum? We got good news from the doctor today. She's going to slowly let you get back on your medications and get you back on your feet again. Are you missing Logan?"

"Yeah I guess I am. I just had all of these plans for this year. I'm bummed because my body is in the way, yet again. And now this, what is it, visitation?"

"It's a good word for it. Have you seen the girl any more?"

"No, not since this morning. I think she was in a car accident maybe. I heard screeching tires, saw glass breaking, shrieking voices. This is just so weird."

"It's possible. Okay, you don't have to help me bake but at least keep me company." Raina nodded and pulled a blanket off the couch as her Mom got up and headed into the kitchen.

***

Logan had no idea where he was going. He just had to get away. He couldn't stand being around people that didn't honor his sister's life or memories any longer. His face ached and he knew he needed to get ice on it or else it would swell. His father could sure pack a punch. While he had friends who regularly got slugged by their fathers, his had never raised his hand or fist to him before. It had been a double blow because of the bitch-slap his mother had delivered just before. It just showed how much the grief was destroying his family.

He thought of calling his older brother Adam, but had a feeling he would side with his parents. They had spoken about Alyssa maybe three times since her death and Adam had become very defensive about it. Logan didn't understand it. It's not like it was his fault she died. He wasn't the one driving that night. He had been at the firehouse already helping his then-girlfriend with decorations. But he knew his family blamed him for Alyssa's death. He should have taken her with him early to help set up. But her preening and make-up applying was taking forever and he was impatient to get things in order. So he had suggested she find a ride and come later. Her friend's cousin who was a senior in high school had driven them. No big deal, right? Wrong. Dead wrong!

A tree loomed in his peripheral and he had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as he skidded through a puddle. "What am I doing?!" He asked the air rushing by as he slowed the bike down. "I'm going to get myself killed the same way." He brought the bike to a stop on the side of the road. He had no idea where he was.

He cursed and dashed the angry tears from his face looking up at the tree. The setting sun illuminated it and gave it the appearance of fire. It was a huge oak tree, the Autumn leaves already changed to a deep crimson color. He fished out his cell phone and snapped a picture. He knew Raina and her poetic sensibilities would appreciate the tree. It was the perfect symbol of the season and yet something seemed sinister about it. The more he looked at the crimson leaves the more it seemed like blood oozing off the branches. Logan shook himself wondering where that morbid thought had come from.

The rain slowed its torrent and he was about to swing his leg back over his motorcycle, when something sparkling caught his eye by the base of the tree. He bent down to inspect the object and clutched his heart as he lifted the muddy, green masquerade mask out of the clump of wet, brown leaves shakily. He knew if he looked a couple inches above where he found the mask he'd fine a simple wooden cross sticking up from the ground.

"Oh God, Alyssa." This was place Alyssa died. He hadn't been back here since the day his father had hammered the cross into the ground. The day he had strung up her masquerade mask to symbolize her sparkling life. This was the very tree that ended that very life. It wasn't the tree's fault, somewhere Logan's rational mind knew this. But nothing seemed innocent about the deathtrap tree. He wanted to cleave the thing in two. Hack at it and kill it.

The rain picked up momentum and the wind began whipping through the leaves of the tree. Logan remembered it had been a night much like this one. It hadn't been the tree. No. It had been the rain. The tree just happened to be what the car had struck. It didn't matter. Logan's head swam.

A smart man would have called someone to pick him and his bike up. But Logan's reason was clouded by pain and grief and he wasn't in control of his body. He clutched the mask in his hand and climbed onto the bike, revved the engine, and raced towards an unknown destination as dusk darkened the sky.

***

Jennifer set the pie on the counter to cool and rejoined Raina on the couch. They were just at the part in Practical Magic when the two sisters are clinging to each other while the other women try to banish the evil spirit of the ex-boyfriend. This part always made Jennifer think of her daughters. She herself had two brothers and no sisters. She reminded her girls how lucky they were to have each other. Despite their disagreements, she knew that Raina and Coral would do anything for each other when it came down to it. This always made Jennifer happy she'd had two girls.

"You're a good sister," Jennifer heard a voice speak. Raina started and looked behind her to see the young, female spirit standing there. "I hope she knows how lucky she is to have you." The girl said to Raina. "I always wanted a sister, too."

"Mo-Mom, she's back," Raina stuttered.

Jennifer nodded, "I see her. Can we help you?" Jennifer asked the girl.

"Soon," she replied. Just then both women heard the screeching of tires disturbing the peaceful night outside the window. Jennifer flew off the couch and rushed to the door. She saw Raina sit up, afraid to move, unsure of what to do. The Spirit was so close to her daughter, she could almost touch her.