Jess

"David! David! Get in here! We need your help," she cried out.

I jumped up from the couch and found Josie and Rose carrying Jess in. When I looked at her, she had a bloodied face and a developing black eye.

"What the fuck happened!" I cried out.

"Some asshole beat up Jess," Josie responded as they helped her walk over to the couch.

I ran into the kitchen to grab an ice pack and some towels and bolted to the couch.

"Jess, are you ok?" I asked her softly.

"Guys fucking suck," she muttered back at me.

I gently cleaned the blood off her face and put the ice pack on her eye. Josie and Rose also crowded around her, rubbing her shoulders and patting her hand.

Jess began crying softly as her forehead pressed lightly into my chest.

"Tell me what happened, Jess," I asked her quietly, gently rubbing her shoulder and the back of her neck.

"I met a guy. He seemed really nice. We really seemed to connect and after a while we started kissing. I got nervous and told him I was trans because I didn't want to lie to him and he lost it. He spit on me and called me a freak..." she paused to collect herself before continuing, "He yelled at me and then he punched me twice in the face before he ran out of the club."

She continued crying. I could feel her spirit breaking in my arms.

"The motherfucker called her a shemale freak. It was so awful," Rose added.

A red hot, blind rage blew up inside of me. I wanted to find this guy and murder him. Literally murder him. He had hurt Jess and he had to pay.

"I'll fucking kill him. Tell me who it is and I'll kill him. He'll never hurt you again," I said angrily, on the brink of losing myself.

"I just want you here with me, David. Just be here with me please," she replied desperately.

My rage was suddenly cooled by a deep need to protect and comfort Jess, to make sure she was ok. I pulled her close to me to comfort her.

"I'm sorry, Jess. Of course, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you," I replied, realizing my anger was not helping anything.

After a while, Jess had mostly calmed down and we realized the blood on her face was mostly from a cut above her eye. Rose, Josie and I delicately cleaned her up. We sat with her, comforting and consoling her for the next hour. Eventually, the girls decided that I had things under control.

"Are you going to be ok, Jess?" Rose asked.

Jess nodded at her friend. Rose and Josie hugged her and told me to call them if we needed anything.

I sat with Jess on the couch for another hour or so. She would cry occasionally, which only melted my heart further.

"I'm really tired David. Can you help me into bed?" she asked me after her tears had dried up.

I got up slowly from the couch as did she. I then reached under her legs and scooped her up into my arms. Her arms wrapped around my neck as her head nestled against my shoulder. I carried her into her room and laid her gently on the bed. I was about to walk out of her bedroom when she stopped me.

"Will you lay with me for a while? Maybe until I go to sleep? I really don't want to be alone right now," she asked.

I nodded and approached the bed.

"Will you take my heels off for me?" she asked in a sweet, soft tone.

I proceeded to take her heels off. She then sat up briefly to pull her dress up and over her head and unclasp her bra, tossing them both to the floor.

"Can you grab my night shirt over there," she said, pointing to a long pink shirt on her hamper.

I grabbed it and brought it over to her. She put it on and laid down on her right side. She then looked at me and patted the bed behind her back, a sign she was ready for me to get in.

I took the blood stained t-shirt off and tossed it to the ground. I crawled to the spot she patted right next to her. She immediately grabbed my arm and pulled me against her, holding my hand tightly and wrapping my arm around her.

I placed a soft, gentle kiss on her head - a gesture to let her know I was there for her and everything would be ok.

"I'm so lucky to have you, David. You're my everything," she said to me in an exhausted but appreciative voice.

Within minutes we both fell asleep.

The confidence that Jess had been building took a significant hit after that experience. Not only had Jess not dated before, but by the time she was even remotely interested in someone it backfired in the most horrific way possible.

For the next several days, she called in sick for work and slept in late. She mostly sat in silence around the apartment and barely ate. I nearly had to force feed her every night just to make sure she had something in her system. I also came home from work a few times and found her sleeping on the couch.

By the time Friday rolled around, I knew I had to do something. She was not getting any better and I was growing incredibly concerned about her mental state. I called in sick for work and when Jess got up around 1PM, I sat her down on the couch to talk.

"I want to take you out. You and me. Let's go get dinner, see a movie, whatever you want Jess," I told her.

"I'm sorry David. I really don't feel like it," she replied meekly.

"I'm not taking no for an answer," I replied in a playful but semi-serious tone.

"It's ok. You don't need to try and make me feel better. I'll be ok," she said.

I grabbed her hands and made her look at me eye to eye. Her sad expression melted me and I knew I had to convince her. I was incredibly worried about her and my eyes unexpectedly watered as I began to talk.

"Jess. I want to take you out. Just you and me. No strings attached. No expectations. Just us having fun. I'm worried about you. Deeply. It kills me to see you like this and I'll be damned if I'm not going to do everything I can to help someone I love," I said.

The words escaped my lips before I could pull them back. I had never said anything like that to her before, so this was definitely not the norm. Yet, I knew I meant every word of it. In that moment, those words ended up being a revelation to me. The only question was whether she noticed.

Yeah, she noticed.

For the first time in days she smiled. She scooted next to me and gave me a tight, long hug and kissed me on the cheek.

"Ok. I'll go, but only because it's you," she said softly.

"Good. That's what I wanted to hear," I replied.

"I don't know what I'd do without you. You're always looking out for me, taking care of me. I don't deserve someone like you. You're my everything," she said, her head resting gently against my chest now.

Those words never grew old.

We sat there together for a few minutes, her head resting against me and her arms wrapped tightly around me. I could have stayed there forever. We made plans for the day, discussing where we'd go and what we'd do. I promised to buy her some turtle tracks ice cream while we were out and even take her shopping for a new outfit. I listed off a long string of things we could do, and she seemed to like them all.

We did eventually get up and get dressed. She put on a nice floral summer dress while I wore my go to outfit - jeans and a t-shirt. She looked radiant and full of life again as we made our way out the door.

The evening together was perfect. The dinner. The shopping. The ice cream. The conversation. The time together. It made me realize just how lucky I was to have her in my life. Except, I now knew clearly that I wanted her as more than just a friend. My feelings for her went far deeper and she needed to know.

She would always tell me that I was her everything. In reality, she was mine. She was the person I woke up thinking about. The person I thought of when going to sleep. The girl I dreamed about at night.

After we retreated to our rooms that evening, I decided I needed to tell her about my growing feelings for her. I decided I would tell her the next day, as soon as we saw each other. I knew we belonged together and that would start first thing tomorrow.

An unfortunate surprise

The very next morning I got up early and began cooking a nice breakfast for both of us. When Jess came into the kitchen, her eyes lit up at the spread I had laid out.

"Wow, what's this for?" she asked with a bright and beautiful smile on her face.

God, she was so beautiful. She was always so beautiful.

"Oh, I just wanted to do something nice for my girl," I responded.

She walked over, gave me a big hug and sat down. We mostly ate the breakfast in quiet for the next 10 minutes or so. By that point, I was dying and had to say something.

"So, I wanted to talk to you about something, Jess," I started.

"Oh, I wanted to talk with you too," she responded with excitement.

"Oh, cool. You go first, then," I offered.

"Well, first off, last night was so amazing and perfect. I know I was really down after the incident last week, and as always, you were there to rescue me like you always do. You don't know how much that means to me," she started.

I smiled.

"In fact, last night made me realize something. After being out with you and having fun, I realized I can't go through life afraid someone is going to hurt me again. I need to be out there, dating, having fun. Last night gave me the wake up call I needed. I'm going to get out there and try to date again," she said enthusiastically.

Those weren't the words I was expecting. My heart dropped upon hearing them. Had I misread everything? Was I just put in the friend zone forever? My mind ran a million miles a second, trying to figure things out. I knew I needed to say something, so I mustered as much willpower as I could to formulate a response that didn't seem disingenuous or outright false.

"I'm really glad to hear that, Jess," I responded.

Liar.

I wasn't. I was devastated. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and how I wanted us to be together. The thought of her dating other men was torturous. I still wanted to tell her, but the smile on her face told me she was in a different place.

I guess it wasn't supposed to be me after all.

I loved her. I knew that without question. I would do anything and everything for her. More than anything in the world, though, I just wanted her to be happy. For now, my hopes and dreams would have to go on hold.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" she asked me.

"Oh, it's nothing actually. I can't even remember now," I replied.

A large part of me died in that moment.

We talked for a few more minutes, though I can't remember any of what was said. Before long, we both went our separate ways. Jess called Rose and Josie to go out that evening. I stayed at home, a fool lost in his thoughts.

I knew deep down that Jess would have no problem finding guys willing to date her. She was incredible. She was gorgeous, flirty, confident and incredibly kind. Anyone who spent more than 5 minutes with her was bound to fall in love. Just like I had.

Of course, the next 6 months bore that out.

Jess had far more success than she had before. As it turned out, her being trans was not an issue for quite a few guys. In fact, it seemed like she was talking about a new guy every other night. She brought several back to the apartment in the first few weeks alone. So many, in fact, that I had a hard time keeping track of them.

Was this Johhny, Eric, Brad or Harry? Or is this Eli, Samuel, Anthony or Mike?

On several occasions, I came back home from work to find Jess on the couch making out with some new guy I hadn't seen before. I would just quietly sneak into the kitchen, grab a drink and retreat to my bedroom for the night, my crushed heart in my hand.

Each new guy was like a dagger in my chest. My feelings for Jess hadn't subsided. If anything, they only intensified. I had never loved someone like this before and time was not healing these wounds.

Day after day, week after week, month after agonizing month I watched as these men came and went. Came and went. Her giggles and laughter and kisses were being directed to this endless parade of good looking men, and I was dying inside.

Jess seemed happy, though. She was vibrant and carefree and completely uninterested in settling down with just one guy. Most of these guys were only around for a week or two at best, with most only lasting two or three dates.

She and I still talked during this time, but I resorted to keeping our conversations brief. Our talks weren't like they were before. I couldn't take it. I couldn't handle hearing her talk about each of these guys and asking for my opinion on her dating life. Every time she showed off her incredible body in one of her new dresses, my soul felt crushed. Every time she said "bye David, don't wait up," I wanted to burst into tears.

As the time passed, the relationship between Jess and I became more and more distant. It was all because of me and my inability to get over her. I knew she could feel it to some extent. She asked me all the time if I was ok. I always had a convenient set of excuses lined up that would temporarily put her off the true source of my depression.

After over six months of this living hell, though, I was given some encouragement from an unexpected source.

Keep your head up

On one particular Saturday, Rose came over to pick up Jess to go out for the evening. I was on the couch reading when she came over and sat next to me. Jess was still in the shower and wouldn't be out for at least 20 or 30 minutes.

After a couple of minutes of quiet, Rose decided to speak.

"Hey David, are you doing ok?" she asked.

"Yeah, why do you ask?" I responded.

"You've seemed down for a while now. Jess and Josie and I are concerned about you," she responded, adding, "Jess brings it up all the time. She's really worried about you, sweetie. She's come to Josie and I crying many times because she's afraid something is really wrong and you won't open up."

"I'm fine. I'm just having a tough time with work and stuff," I told her, knowing full well it was a lie.

After a brief moment of silence, Rose hit me right where it hurt.

"You love her, don't you," Rose said.

I looked at Rose and made eye contact but didn't respond. I was frozen.

"I know that look. You DO love her. You've loved her for a long time now. Don't lie to me, David, I can tell," she said in an assertive tone.

I slightly nodded my head to affirm it.

"Look sweetie, she's growing up right in front of our eyes. She's needed this time to find herself, to figure life out. She's been so repressed for so long that this is the natural consequence of being free for the first time. I know it must be killing you, seeing her with all of these guys. But let me tell you something - they don't mean anything to her. Nothing at all. It's a phase and she'll grow out of it," Rose said reassuringly.

Her words hit me hard. Tears started streaming down my face, despite my best efforts to stop them. I closed my eyes to try to hold them at bay with no success. Rose reached over and gently wiped them away.

"Listen to me, David. When she's done with all of this, she's going to come running back to you. I know this in my heart," Rose said confidently.

"I don't know about that," I replied.

"I do. She loves you. More than you even realize," she responded.

"Well, we've been friends a long time," I started saying.

Rose cut me off, saying, "No. Not like that you doofus. Listen to what I'm saying. She LOVES loves you. Every single guy she's dated has had the misfortune of being compared to you. Every single one. There's a reason none of these guys are sticking around very long. None of them are you."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Whenever Josie and I ask her about the new guy she met, she always compares them to you. Always! She probably doesn't even realize she does it. What about Gary, Jess? 'Oh, he's ok but he's not as nice as David.' What about Sam? 'He was ok, but David is funnier than him.' What about Mike? 'Great guy, but David is better looking than him.'," she responded.

"There isn't a single day where she's not talking about you. Believe me, I know! These guys she's dating never measure up, sweetie. For one reason or another, every single guy fails to meet her standards ... because her standard is you."

I was floored, but also incredibly confused.

"If that's the case, then why doesn't she say something? Why aren't we together then?" I asked.

Rose responded softly, "Because, David, you are her world. You mean more to her than anything or anyone. She's scared to death of losing that. She doesn't want to make a move or say anything because she's afraid it would change things between the two of you forever. Right now, she knows she has you in her life, even if she doesn't realize what it's doing to you. You sweet, sweet boy. If she knew exactly what her dating was doing to you, she would shut it all down in an instant just for you. You're the center of her universe."

"I just want her to be happy, Rose, that's all," I responded sincerely.

"Oh, sweetie, I know you do. The thing is, Jess wants you to be happy, too. I'm just waiting for the moment the two of you realize it together," Rose replied.

At that moment, the bathroom door swung open and Jess came out. She was so gorgeous, wearing a tight red dress with a low cut neck that showed off her substantial cleavage and hugged her perfect, tight bubble butt in the back. It was no wonder every guy wanted to date her. She was an image of perfection.

Jess turned and looked at me. She could see something was wrong. With a puzzled look on her face, she turned to Rose then asked, "Rose, what have you two been talking about?"

Rose jumped up from the couch and quickly escorted Jess to the door. As she opened the door, I heard Jess ask her "Is David ok? He doesn't look ok. Do I need to stay with him, Rose?"

I heard Rose reply to her right before the door closed, "He's gonna be fine, honey. Don't worry. He'll be just fine."

I was. I was going to be fine. Rose had given me an incredible gift.

Hope.

Hope that one day Jess and I could be together. For now, it was enough.

The Catalyst

Just a few weeks later, I was coming home from work late. As I walked in, I saw that Jess was on the couch making out with yet another stranger. As was my custom, I quietly made my way to the kitchen for a drink and retreated to my bedroom.

I settled into bed, grabbed a book and put my headphones in to block out the world. The music isolated me from whatever was happening in the living room, because I really didn't want to know.

After a few minutes, though, I could hear some loud voices over the music in my earphones. I pulled one of the pods out and could hear what sounded like Jess yelling. I jumped up from my bed and cracked open my door to see if I could clearly hear what was going on.

"Get the fuck off of me! Stop it! I said no! David! David!" I heard her screaming clearly now.

My heart exploded! I swung open the door and rushed into the living room like a bolt of lightning.

The stranger was now standing over her as she laid on the couch. I looked at Jess and could see her dress had been slightly torn. A red hot fury ignited inside of me. An unquenchable rage filled every pore of my body and I made a b-line straight towards him. All I could see was red. I was going to kill him, whoever he was.

"David, no, don't!" Jess yelled out.

BAM! With one quick strike, my body hit the floor of the apartment so hard our neighbors on all sides heard and felt it.

"He's a blackbelt," Jess finished.

By some miracle, I didn't completely pass out as my head slammed into the floor, but I could tell I would be feeling this for a long, long time.

"Get the fuck out of here before I start screaming rape you son of a bitch!" Jess yelled at the guy who just dropped me.

"Fine! Fuck you, you god damned freak," he said as he angrily left the apartment.