Jibber 01

Jibber 01

Hey there, I'm known as Jibber and I knew long ago that I was meant to live as a southern belle than as a southern boy, so, that's where I am in life. And one thing a true southern belle does is to always good things and be helpful whenever possible, so, my story today starts out with another story.

Once upon all the time, TV broadcasters wore makeup because the TV camera and TV screens basically demanded, the end, nobody ever says anything about that. But then, tee he, once up sometimes, a TV reporter will interview someone live outdoors and they always look like they just came off a beer bender with messy hair with pasty skin and they look like hell on the TV screen, why would they even do that, the end.

And then, once upon this time, my neighbor, Mr. Wilks, was going to be interviewed by TV3 as part of their "Community Man" segment and he actually deserved that title because he's always there to help out, the end of the beginning.

[Knock, knock and the side door slowly opens]

"Hi, Mrs. Wilks, um, where is your shotgun, hmm?"

"Oh, it's nearby, Jibber and it will stay put away as long as you leave because I have to leave the house for about 20 minutes and you know the rules, so?"

LOL, once upon a lot of times, I'm not allowed in some of my friend's houses.

[Slips inside anyways since the double barrel was not in sight or in her hands]

"So, Mrs. Wilks, where are going for 20 minutes, hmm? I mean, in your mom jeans instead of your stretchy pants because some of the men who lurk around the "Stop & Rob" convenience store where you buy your bottles like you in stretchy pants, so?"

"Hmph! I don't need some fake little girl telling me how to dress, but, um, well, I was going to change anyways, so."

[Drops car keys and purse on the kitchen counter because Mrs. Wilks was on the way out of the door]

"Hi, Mr. Wilks, um, how are the sports going on TV, hmm? And scoot to the middle of the couch."

"Grr."

"Scoot."

"Get away from me."

Not everyone is a fan, right?

[A shapely 40 something in stretchy yoga emerges from the bedroom hallway]

"Harold, I'll be back in 20 minutes, so, keep him-her upstairs!"

LOL, like I have the nerve to visit the nerd cave in the basement. Well, actually, I would, so.

Also, mm, mm, mm, a maturing woman can wear stretchy pants, am I right? LOL, some shouldn't, but Mrs. Wilks pulled them off pretty good.

[The side door swings open and closed]

"Well then, Mr. Wilks, I know that Gale Storms from TV3 News is going to interview you today for her "Community Man" segment and everybody on the street supports that since you help out with literally everything, but I don't want it coming off as "Interviewing the Dead", so, I'm going to highlight your manly face with a tad of makeup, okay?"

LOL, add your own curse words here because as an upcoming southern belle, nope, such language will not come out of my mouth. And I needed a moment to text anyways, so, his ranting and raving was useful to me.

[Weep, an outgoing text to Mrs. Wilks]

"Use Ur hand to make that deep crease, Mrs. Wilks."

[Ping, a shut it prissy missy response text]

"Hmph! I was going to do that anyways, Jibber Mouth!"

Well, it also let Mrs. Wilks know where my hands were too, so.

"Are you through ranting and raving now, Mr. Wilks because your breathing seems to have returned to normal, so?"

"Oh, I'm through with the conversation, Jibber Jabber! And by the way, that means that there is no way in hell that I'm wearing makeup because that's your job, which, OMG, shouldn't be your job!"

"Oh, so, you want to look like that Fred guy from last week's segment then, hmm?"

"First of all, can't you say "huh" like men do instead of saying "hmm" like women do and second of all, that guy from last week's looked dead from a beer bender, so, ugh, you may have point, but I'll still take my chances, so?"

"Good, point taken. So, it's just a touch of foundation and a touch of rouge to bring the color of your cheek bones forward and a finishing touch of concealer to smooth it all out, okay?"

"Where's Martha's shotgun?"

"(Giggles like a southern belle) and I had you scoot to the middle of the couch so I can smooth out both sides of you manly face evenly, but I'm not going to work from both sides because I'm going to straddle your lap and work it straight forward, okay, Mr. Wilks?"

"OMFG, there is absolutely no way in fucking hell that you're going to straddle my..."

[Straddle, scooch, shift, wiggle, waggle, get comfortable, wiggle, ahh, perfect]

LOL, guys, right? At the end of the story, they don't care who is wiggling and shifting around on their laps!

"And I promise that your cheekbone points will not be as pronounced as mine, but they are meant for a little reddish color [two fingers circular application, with manly fanning out] and just a touch of softer foundation [also circular brushing motions] and then, tee he, you're pushing up, Mr. Wilks!"

Finally! He shut it! And pushed up after 15 years! According to Mrs. Wilks anyways.

[Scoot, shift, grind it back, shift, wiggle, waggle, but in southern belle fashion]

"Now, for the concealer layer, Mr. Wilks and I promise it will be light [brush stroke, brush stroke.]"

"I wasn't pushing up, by the way!"

"[Back stroke, back stroke, soft stroke, forward stroke] yeah, you were, Mr. Wilks, but I started it and [feather brush stroke, feather brush stroke] we're almost done anyways because..."

[The side door flings open]

"Where's my shotgun because you're giving my limp dick hubby a lap dance, Jibber Booty!"

[Un-straddle, if un-straddle is even a word]

"[Boing, throb, boing, throb] Martha, it's not what it looks like! I'm innocent! And I unload your shotgun!"

"Well, what's that, hmm? I haven't saw the hubby's shotgun loaded in 15 years, so?"

[Throb, throb, thump, throb, boing, boing, throb]

"Oh, that's your hubby with a smooth and perfectly colored face and something for you to sit on, which you had better get going with because Gale Storms from TV3 News will be here in 15 minutes, so, should I leave now so you can drop your pants, Mrs. Wilks, hmm?"

Finally! Mrs. Wilks shut it! And sat on it! I mean, right there! But I saw sex before on Chang, so, um, that was okay with me. Also, was it weird that I watched? I mean, they didn't care. And I only stayed long enough to see how sex hair is formed, since I haven't yet and apparently, half of it comes from the woman herself! But then, I promise you, I turned my back and kept a look out for the news van.

And I peeked back a couple of times because holy Wyoming style, sex looks amazing! And Mrs. Wilks milked it for all it was worth.

Um, is that expected of me some day? Never mind answering that because it eventually ended.

And I watched it to the end, so what?

And I freshened Mr. Wilks face before he sexed up satisfied stagged out to his front porch, so what?

And LOL, Mrs. Wilks almost passed out into the couch, tee he, without her pants on.

"[Wheeze, wheeze, wheeze] I owe you, Jibber, now, get out and stop looking at my satisfied pussy!"

Well, it was right there and all and she pointed it at me, so.

"Hi viewers, I'm Gale Strom from TV3 News, broadcasting live from east Middleton for the second segment of our "Community Man" series and I'm here with a very handsome, Mr. Wilks, who has a huge smile on his smooth face and..."

[Live feed board ping, ping, ping, ping, ping]

"That's Bill? I have a fallen tree branch in my yard! What nights does his wife get plastered drunk?"

"Oh, oh my, well, Mr. Wilks, it seems that you have a following already and it seems like I smell sex, but that's getting off track, so..."

[Live feed board ping, ping, ping, ping, ping]

"I have a sex scent for that hottie! His mustache will never smell the same! 555-552-8789!"

"Huh, that's my daughter in laws phone number, anyways, is this your daughter then, Mr. Wilks? My viewers love to trash talk family members, so?"

"Oh, no, no, Gale Strom from TV3 News, this is Jibber, my son's up and coming southern belle friend, so?"

[Live feed board ping, ping, ping, ping, ping]

"That's Jim from school! What night is game night? I hit that in gym class! With your own hand! So?"

"Oh, and this the lovely Mrs. then? Staggering out of the front door with her stretchy yoga pants all askew and with sex hair, hmm?"

Well, my work was done and since Mrs. Wilks wasn't holding her shotgun, I mean, I knew where the basement nerd cave was, so. With a forward announcement, of course, by clumping down the steps.

[Clump, clump, clump, stomp, stomp, stomp]

"[Fap, fap, fap] Mom, you know the rules! You have to [shuffles to tuck it back inside of pants] text me five minutes before you come down..."

"Boo, hi, Burt."

"OMG, Jibber, um, I wasn't doing anything, so?"

"LOL, yeah you were and as usual, you were probably doing it wrong, but since I showed you once how to do it right, we're done with that because a southern belle doesn't do that more than once, so."

"Tee he, but you showed me good, Jibber. Also, I forgot everything, so?"

Well, I had a knack for it and believe it or not, there are better angles, guys.

"Hah, nice try, Burt, now, check your conversation menu board in the corner of your video screen."

[Hey, flip, holla for a game, BB15, flip, let's play at your place, BB15, flip, I like your girlfriend on TV]

"OMG, other gamers are talking to me? Did the world end and I don't know it, Jibber?"

Well, every nerd cave gamer on the planet has one of those black clip things to cover the screen camera to keep their private moments private and that's the first thing that I checked for. Well, it was the second thing that I checked for since I didn't trust Burt to stuff his controller back in his pants properly.

"Um, I need a controller and a headset and a seat next to you on the couch and then we'll uncover the camera for 20 seconds, Burt, so?"

Well, that didn't take much. But it took a lot to wiggle out of my activewear shorts! Some of which was actually for Burt.

[Stand, wiggle, wiggle, push, pull, wiggle, wiggle, leg kick, leg kick, holy game day!]

"Bah, bah, bah, you wear a thong, Jibber?"

"Oh, I haven't worn briefs or boxer briefs for a long time, so?"

"[Gulp] and that's your body and booty? In a thong?"

"Well, Burt, what photos of me do you use to jack off over me, hmm?"

"Tee he, the Tug of War photos from Spirit Week, tee he, so?"

Huh, that might have a perfect answer since I risked a lot that day and since my team got pulled through the wet muddy middle spot. PG-13, of course. Well, I was wet t-shirt and shorts soaked, so, maybe it was more TV-17 or something. Which I didn't milk for all it was worth! Tee he.

[Adjusts headset, wiggles tug of war booty a little, grabs controller and plops down near naked]

"You can pull the camera clip at any..."

"Jibber, have you ever given a lap dance because I've never been this close to a southern belle in undies, so?"

"OMG, Burt, southern belles do not give lap dances (tee he). But I'll lay across your body, um, I'll lay my legs across your body, um, across your lap for 20 seconds while I fake it like I'm gaming with you, so."

[Shifts, lays upright towards the left side of couch, plops legs down and Burt almost loses it]

"Turn on your conversation menu and remove the camera clip, Burt, for 20 seconds!"

Um, I liked the reflection of me, um, of us, that I could see in the reflection of the TV screen.

"Well, twist your booty just a little because you're the only one who is ever going to lay across my lap on camera in a thong, Jibber. And next time, can it be red thong, huh?"

What the hell was wrong the bright blue thong that I was wearing, folks, hmm?

[Give the nerd what he wants]

Hah, like that was ever going to happen again!

[Fake gaming, phew, game, phew, phew, game twist for the camera, game, phew, phew, game!]

Well, I should have kept track of the 20 seconds in the first place, so.

[Flip, where U live? Flip, I'll bring the snacks! Flip, touch that booty! Flip, I'm touching myself!]

"Time!"

Well, I thought I switched off the camera, I mean, I didn't milk standing up and leaning in for the camera for all it was worth or anything (tee he), so.

[Flip, OMG. Flip, lean in like this! Flip, U in Middleton? Flip, zoom, zoom, zoom so I can go boom!]

"Talk back to a couple of them, Burt, so?"

"You do the talking, Jibber, by dropping your southern belle face back down on my lap!"

Oh, well then, Burt grew a pair since school then hmm?

"And point your basically bare booty towards the camera, Jibber!"

Oh, well then, Burt grew a big pair since school, hmm?

"And make it look good and sloppy to boost my gaming cred!"

LOL, super balls, Burt grew super balls since school.

But here's the thing, right because he actually gave me a way since out laying across him sideways would put my back and my booty to the camera and as long as I wiggled and jiggled a little bit, I mean, video can be deceiving sometimes, so.

And by the way, experienced people, just what the hell is the science behind "the more cushion, the less pushing" because I don't get that at all. I mean, with Mrs. Wilks, I mean, a man must lose 25% of depth, right? Anyways, limit your comments back to three sentences or less.

And yes, I'm trying to let you know that my booty is small, um, smaller, but blemish free and with a near perfect curl under, so.

Anyways, um, yep, I did it, I laid across Burt's lap and gave the camera nerds what they wanted. In fake, of course.

[Flip, OMG, gaming sex! Flip, move your hips, fool! Flip, U in Middleton? Flip, fap, fap, fap, argh!]

And maybe Burt got what he wanted, a little bit, since that sneaky SOB managed to whip it out while I was adjusting my body to protect the view from the camera.

"(Aha, aha, ugh, argh) where did you learn that technique from, Jibber (argh, ooh, ahh, argh)"

"[Slurp kiss release] tee he, from kissing strawberries, Burt, tee he. Also, do not push forward because this is as far as it goes!"

Well, strawberries are perfect for that.

[Flip, push forward! Flip, switch cameras! Flip, U in Middleton? Flip, wiggle that booty!]

"(Aha, aha, aha) I'm a popular gamer now, Jibber! And they want you to wiggle waggle and push your booty more, like a lot more (argh, ooh, kiss, ahh)."

Well, I couldn't spin around and read the actual comments, right? And the human body does stuff naturally anyways, so, um, I guess they got what they wanted, again.

[Flip, blow wad, blow wad! Flip, U in Middleton? Flip, doggie your girlfriend, now! Flip, fap, fap, fap]

And by the way, strawberry kissing does not need a breaking of the lips seal. But Burt kept challenging that and 10% won.

"(Aha, aha, aha) they want me to fuck you on camera, Jibber (ahh, ahh, ooh, this is nice)."

Is "this is nice" and "my first ever" exactly the same, folks?

"[Strawberry kiss release] that's not happening, Burt, but um, you can nut, I guess, since we've crossed the line anyways, so?"

LOL, Burt should listen to his parents that well, right? And he broke my strawberry kiss seal, so what?

[Flip, OMG, he nutted! Flip, spew, spew, spew! Flip, U in Middleton? Flip, turn girlfriend over!]

Um, I faced the camera and swiped my lips clean, so what? I can be a true southern belle in the next life, so.

[Flip, lick that ooze! Flip, gulp at the camera! Flip, U in Middleton? Flip, OMG, Jim, um, Jibber????]

Snap!

[Ping, incoming text from mom]

"Burt, you have 15 friends at the front door!"

[Ping, a quick follow up text from mom]

"And I need Jibber upstairs again! And turn Ur sound level up! Love, mom."

So, LOL, walking up set of basement steps with about 15 nerds walking down those steps did not work out in my favor! I mean, I made it, but I know a lot more about being grabbed and groped now.

End Jibber 01