Joan of Snark Ch. 11

"Lay down on the coffee table," Father Ben instructed.

Joan hurried to the middle of the living room and sat down on the low wooden surface.

"Wait," Father Ben said before she had a chance to lie back. "I have something that might help." He got up from the sofa, reached into his pocket and pulled out a thin silver chain. He walked over and stood behind Joan. He draped the small item of jewelry across her chest and around her neck, fastening it at her nape.

Joan looked down and fingered the small metallic object hanging just above her bust. "The Star of David? Shouldn't it be a cross or a saint or something? I mean, this is a Catholic ritual isn't it? Not Jewish."

"You don't think they have demons in Judaism?" Father Ben countered. "I know that you're no longer religious. But don't you remember any stories from the book of Genesis?"

"Well, yeah ... of course ..."

"And wasn't Jesus Jewish?" he pointed out.

"I guess ..."

"So why does it seem so strange that I gave you that particular pendant?"

"Well, I don't know. I guess I just figured it would be a crucifix," Joan shrugged.

"Who's in change of this exorcism?" Father Ben asked rhetorically.

"Fine. Whatever." Joan rolled her eyes as she laid down on her back and looked up at the ceiling.

"Great, let's begin." Father Ben stood to Joan's left. He gazed down at the teenager and smiled. He then lowered his voice a few octaves and started chanting in a language, which most definitely was not English. In fact, Joan had absolutely no idea what tongue Father Ben was speaking. It did not sound even remotely familiar to her.

"Is that Latin?" she inquired.

The young priest ceased chanting and let out an irritated sigh. "We're only doing this for the placebo effect. So what difference does it make whether or not it's Latin?"

"Oh ... right. Sorry," Joan mumbled.

"Now if you don't have anymore questions, I'd like to get through this fake exorcism so I can enjoy the rest of my evening."

"Of course, Father. I won't say another word," Joan promised.

"Now where was I?" The handsome cleric resumed his incantations in the mysterious language.

He's probably just speaking gibberish, Joan reasoned as she looked up at him.

Joan tried to recall different films she had seen over the years that had involved demonic possession. It was not uncommon for her and her friends to watch horror movies at a slumber party. She remembered seeing The Exorcist, of course. She and her friends had also watched Exorcism of Emily Rose. And not long ago, they had streamed The Conjuring.

It was odd, Joan mused. Father Ben didn't seem to be doing anything resembling the rituals that she had seen in the movies. But then again, he was not performing a real exorcism. And the exorcisms depicted in the movies she had watched were not real either, for that matter. However, there was something strange about the way Father Ben was speaking. And looking at her.

In English, he disapprovingly asked, "So you punched your mother?"

"Yes," Joan replied in a quiet voice.

"Wait here, I'll be right back." He quickly exited the living room and walked down the hall to the kitchen. Joan swallowed nervously as she thought back to the violent action she had inflicted on her mother.

Father Ben soon returned holding a bowel of water in his right hand. He mumbled a few words and made a gesture with his left hand. At first Joan thought he was making the sign of the cross. But his hand did not exactly move the way she had expected it to. That was not how Father O'Connor moved his hand when he made the sign of the cross during Sunday morning mass, she observed.

"Did you punch her with your left or your right hand?" he queried.

"My right," Joan answered.

Father Ben dipped his fingers into the ceramic dish and sprinkled some water over Joan's right hand.

"Is that holy water? Will it purify me?" Joan asked hopefully.

"This is a placebo exorcism, Joan. It can purify you if you want it to. It all depends on whether or not you believe it will," he said. "But you'll still need to apologize to your mother," he told her in a slightly stern tone.

Joan silently nodded.

"You said last night you had a nightmare that a snake climbed into your mouth. And you think that it may have been a demon."

"Yes," Joan said solemnly.

The priest smirked slightly as he let droplets of water fall from his fingers onto her lips.

"And in your nightmare, did the snake crawl down your throat and into your stomach?"

"Yes!" Joan emphatically replied.

"Well then, I think you aught to drink some of this ... uh ... 'holy water,'" he suggested as he lowered the bowl in front of her.

Joan sat up slightly and propped herself up on her elbows. She brought her lips to the rim of the dish and took a big gulp.

"AH!" she sputtered. "What is that?"

"Water," the cleric nonchalantly replied. "And vodka," he added with a wink.

"Why vodka?" Joan demanded to know.

"Because it's a clear spirit," he explained. "And isn't that what we're trying to do here? Clear you of any spirits?"

Joan rolled her eyes and groaned at the lame pun. "You could have warned me that you'd spiked the water with vodka," she muttered.

"My deepest apologies, Miss Hubert," he said without a hint remorse. "Shall we carry on?"

"I guess." Joan laid back down as Father Ben took a big swig from the bowl.

"Now, you also admitted that you tried to seduce your teacher."

"Yes," Joan whispered.

"And you let him perform oral sex on you."

"Yes," Joan mouthed. Her lips formed the words. But no sound came out.

"What was that Joan? I couldn't quite hear you."

"Yes," Joan grumbled through gritted teeth.

Father Ben snickered. "I just wanted to make sure before I purified this next part."

"Wait! What next part."

"Joan, pull up your skirt," he commanded.

"What? Why?"

"Like you said, we need to purify you with holy water."

"Is it still holy water if you add vodka to it?" Joan sneered.

"Sure," Father Ben shrugged. Then he set the bowl down next to Joan's hip. He crouched down so that his face was close to hers. "Listen Joan, you punched your mother. So I needed to purify your hand. You think a demon snake may have crawled into your belly. So I purified your mouth and stomach," he expounded. "And now we need to purify the other part of your body that you used to commit a sin."

"But ..."

"You said that your teacher put his mouth on your sex. So we must purify you there," he logically concluded.

I shouldn't be surprised, Joan thought to herself angrily. After the punishment he had administered the night before, was it any wonder that he now wanted to "purify" her private parts?

"Joan, you asked me to perform an exorcism on you, so that's what I'm doing. But if you're not willing to follow my instructions, then I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

Suddenly Joan felt a slight rumble in her stomach, which swiftly turned into a sharp pain. Did the vodka in the holy water not agree with her? Or was it something else? It felt as though something was pushing against the inside of her stomach.

The snake, Joan thought frantically. The snake from last night. Was it real? Was it a demon? Was it still inside of her? Was it now trying to get out because it did not like the holy water she had drank?

"Please don't make me leave, Father!" Joan begged. "I can still feel the demon inside of me!"

"It's probably just indigestion," Father Ben mumbled cynically. "But nonetheless, let's carry on. Lift up your skirt."

"Father, do I have to?" Joan looked up at the priest with pleading eyes.

The clergyman simply replied with an indifferent stare.

Joan inhaled a shaky breath as she slowly reached down and grasped the fabric of her garment. She hesitated, not wanting to expose herself.

Father Ben let out an impatient sigh. "I don't have all night."

Reluctantly, Joan began to pull her cotton skirt up past her thighs. The light material brushed against her olive skin. She could feel the cool air of the room on her flesh as she gradually revealed herself. However, she stopped, just as the hem of her skirt reached the gusset of her underwear.

Father Ben stared down at her. "Keep going," he ordered in a low voice.

Breathing in deeply, Joan grudgingly pulled the bottom of her skirt up over her underwear, all the way up to her waist. Her legs and her plain white cotton panties were now on display.

"Good girl." He gave her a smile of approval. "Now lift up your hips."

"But Father ..."

"Joan!" His expression changed to a chastising frown.

"Fine," Joan said as she felt her cheeks glow red. She raised her bottom up off of the coffee table.

Father Ben leaned down and hooked his fingers into the waistband of her panties. She bristled as his hands made contact with the skin of her hips. He grinned at her. He then began to roll the undergarment down the lower half of her body at an agonizingly slow pace.

What have I gotten myself into, Joan wondered. How could I have been so stupid to trust this man again?

The priest slipped the white cotton panties down her hips. Her dark downy hair was the only thing that protected her naked pubic mound. He slid her intimate garment down her thighs, past her calves and off of her ankles and feet. He then stood up straight gripping Joan's underwear with both hands.

"Mm, moist," he commented as he felt the gusset between his fingers.

Joan grimaced and looked away. "Am I going to get them back this time?"

"Maybe ... if you're a good girl. But first let's get this so called 'demon' out of you."

He put the panties down on the end table next to the arm chair. He then grabbed Joan's knees and pulled them wide apart. Joan's breath caught in her throat and she gulped. He knelt down between her feet and picked up the dish of water and vodka.

"So where did your teacher put his mouth exactly?" Father Ben asked as he stared down at her private parts. He then brought his gaze up to meet Joan's eyes.

"Um ... down there ..." Joan mumbled vaguely.

"Down where?" Father Ben insisted on knowing. "Show me." With his free hand, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her right hand down below her waist. "Show me exactly where his mouth was."

"Uh ... here," Joan meekly replied as her fingers lightly brushed against her nether lips.

"Hm," the priest replied skeptically as he dipped the tips of his fingers into the dish of water and vodka and sprinkled some of the liquid over Joan's sensitive flesh. "Where else?"

"Uh ... he touched me ... like ... in here," Joan said as she gestured toward her womanly entrance.

"He touched you inside of your cunt? With his fingers? Or his tongue?"

"He touched me with his fingers inside. But he put his tongue ... uh ... here." Joan took a deep breath as the tip of her finger made contact with her clitoris. She shivered as she touched the nub at the top of her feminine folds.

"So he licked your clit?"

Joan nodded yes.

"And he made you cum?"

Once again, Joan nodded her head in the affirmative.

Father Ben brought his lips to the brim of the bowl and took a sip of the mixture. He swished it around in his mouth. He then leaned down and brought his face right between Joan's thighs. Joan could feel the breath coming out of his nose on her delicate tissue. He pursed his lips forming a spout. With control, he gently spurted the fluid down onto Joan's clitoris. Joan sharply inhaled as her hips lifted.

Father Ben once again took a swig and held it in his mouth. He brought his face back to Joan's crotch. But this time he put his lips to the entrance of her sheath and squirted the supposed "holy water" directly into her.

"Ah," Joan exhaled.

"Did he make you cum because of his tongue on your clit. Or because of his fingers in your cunt?"

"Uh ... both," Joan honestly replied.

"Like this?" Father Ben asked setting the dish down on the table. He placed his hands on her thighs and craned his neck down so his face was at her crotch. His breath was hot. Almost unbearably hot. As the moist tip of his tongue made contact with her tingling kernel, Joan could not help but cry out.

Father Ben began to expertly lick her at a pace that she did not know was possible. "Oh my god!" Joan gasped. The young priest chuckled smugly as his slippery tongue made it's way over her flesh again and again. Why was he doing this, Joan wondered to herself. This was not part of an exorcism. But her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as he moved his tongue from her clit down to her slick opening.

"OH!" Joan cried as his tongue entered her. He began licking her from the inside. She could feel it deep inside of her, filling her up. How was is possible for his tongue to be so long and thick? She felt the tip pressing into her g-spot. "Why is your tongue so big?" she panted.

Father Ben only let out a muffled laugh in reply. He then slowly slid his tongue out of her passage and brought it back to her clit. At a breathtaking pace, he lapped away at her nub. His tongue flicked back and forth over her flesh with shocking speed.

"How can you do that so fast?" Joan exclaimed as her entire body tensed up. But she was soon at a loss for words as Father Ben's tongue fluttered over her womanhood with the quickness of a hummingbird flapping its wings.

Joan went silent as she threw her back head and arched her back. Father Ben's mouth enveloped her nethers as if he was devouring her. Sucking in her flesh, he feasted on her mildly salty flavor and drank in her juices. Joan's fingers clawed at the surface of the coffee table as her body stiffened at the moment of climax. As her pleasure burst forth from between her legs, Joan let out a labored exhale, but could not catch her breath. Her body convulsed with the pulses and contractions of her feminine core. As the sensations continued to ripple over her, her vision blurred and darkened as everything soon faded to black.