Joanne in Sand

"My pleasure, ma'am, and thank you very much, sir."

Handsome and fortyish disappeared out the door, and I was taken to my room and helped inside.

"Thank you, and I'm good now," I said.

"Very good, then. And you might want to be careful. A lone woman far from home, you know."

"You're right, and it won't happen again."

And it didn't.

On Tuesday, while walking to the beach, I saw Handsome and fortyish walking toward me, a very attractive woman in a white bathing suit with him. I presented him with a half-smile, and he nodded but didn't say anything. I suspected he had a gold band on that ring finger this time.

Later that day, I had my first massage and vowed it wouldn't be my last. Thursday's massage validated my vow. There'd be more back in Ohio, for sure.

I'd received two texts from Tim, one saying he'd arrived safely in California and the second telling me he'd be sculpting sand while I was flying home from the Dominican Republic. I was anxious to see photos.

On Saturday morning, I set my carefully packed luggage outside the door, ready for the airport shuttle, which I boarded soon after. The airport was a pain, as they all tend to be these days, but the flight was uneventful, which was fine with me. I wasn't anticipating all of the condolences I knew I'd be receiving once back in Ohio, but I'd deal with them.

Les was right--the two weeks away had been entertaining and distracting, which I think was very important. I'd received six hundred dollars from the expense fund, which would be fun to spend, knowing its source. I watched out the window as the plane glided down over familiar territory. I was home.

*****

Les and my father met me, each helping to haul my luggage to the car.

"In twenty-five words or less, how was it?" Les asked.

"It was good, and you were right in insisting that I go."

"As long as it was good for you, I'm not worried about being right. The pictures you sent looked great. Beautiful room, sunshine, blue ocean. And speaking of sunshine, you look you you got a little tan."

"I tried to be careful, and I think it worked. Wait till the shipment arrives." I was giggling as I said that.

"Shipment?"

"Yeah, there was an expense fund that Tyson had created, and I wasn't sure where what was left would go, so I tried to spend as much as I could, and the resort agreed to ship whatever I bought from them. It should be here in a couple of days."

"You spent it all?" Les and Dad were both laughing hard at that.

"No, and what was left was mine, so I have a nice slush fund to be silly with."

Finally at my place, we unpacked the car. Dad had places to go, and Les had more questions.

"Before you start, let me show you something." I pulled up the photo of the sand castle and Joanna in sand and showed it to Les.

"Are you kidding me? Is that sand, or just you plastered with sand?"

"It's just sand. This guy I met, Tim, is from California and enters contests there. He did the castles and me."

"I think you mentioned Tim a couple of times."

I knew I'd been frugal with my mentions of Tim in both texts and emails with Les because I didn't want questions that I didn't have answers for.

"He's promised to send pictures of some of his stuff from the contests he enters."

"Nice. Tell me about some of the stuff you did while you were there for TWO weeks."

I covered my activities fairly thoroughly, skipping the two late-night and dead-drunk episodes. Maybe I'd share those later. We talked for a couple of hours, and life seemed to be normal again.

Of course, at work, I got lots of "sorry" and pats on the back. But it was good to be there again, with people I knew and felt comfortable with.

I think I'd moved quickly through the denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and was finally in the acceptance stage of my grief process. Knowing what a crud-ball Tyson and his family had been and were, I felt relieved that I had somehow evaded being swallowed up in something I would have regretted forever.

I found a masseuse and scheduled weekly visits, even though a couple of my coworkers suggested a masseur might be more exciting. That was the kind of excitement I didn't need right now. But the time I spent with her was satisfying and very relaxing, and I seemed to feel better for days after each one.

One of our pharmacists had resigned, and I guess the owner of the pharmacy was having trouble finding a replacement, so I was busier than normal, which was fine with me.

Les had many other friends, several of which seemed to be unattached males close to my age. I was shown photos, given descriptions, and encouraged to go ahead and take a chance with one of them, meaning to say yes if they asked me for a date. I threatened her with beheading if she mentioned me to any of them with my permission.

I knew that I was attractive, as Tim had mentioned, and guys seemed to like me and flirt with me whenever they had a chance, so why was I so hesitant and even reluctant to take a chance?

I finally agreed and had a date with number one and then number two. I'm sure it was just me because they seemed to have a much better time than I did, and there were no second dates. Nothing about them seemed special or had my heart beating faster.

I was working on a flower bed by my front porch when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned quickly and nearly fainted.

"What...?" was all I could get out.

"I couldn't get you out of my mind, so I decided to take a chance."

"How did you find me?"

"There are no secrets on the internet...and can I have a hug?"

I jumped up, and for the third time in my life, Tim's arms were wrapped around me and mine around him. I closed my eyes and buried my head against his chest. I could feel my heart pounding. After long moments, I raised my head.

"How did you get here?"

"Airplane and Uber."

His suitcase was sitting on the sidewalk. I think my eyes suddenly widened.

"Don't jump to any conclusions," he said. "I'm here for two weeks, and we can figure out some arrangements."

There were words in my head, surprising words that I wasn't used to and had really never thought about.

"You can stay here," I blurted out before common sense took over.

Tim just looked at me. "Do you think that's best, Jo?"

"I don't know if it's the best, but I said it, didn't I?"

"You did, and if you're absolutely certain, I'll do it, and it will help with what I'm here to do."

This was certainly a surprise. What was he here to do, and why hadn't he let me know ahead of time?

"And what is that?"

"First, let me say that I didn't tell you because I knew you'd think it was silly and would say no." He had a very serious look on his face.

"Tim, what are you up to?"

"Two things. I'm here to sculpt a new Joanne in sand, only the sand will be mixed with concrete, and it will be a life-size statue...in color."

"Tim, that almost doesn't seem reasonable."

He laughed. "If you were inside my head, it would be perfectly reasonable."

Now it was my turn to stare at him. I could only imagine one reason for his saying those things, and I suppose it wasn't a total surprise. I smiled, and his returning smile warmed me more than expected.

"You haven't asked about the second thing," he said, lowering one eyelid.

"What if I don't ask?" I teased.

"I can be very patient," he responded.

"Can you really?"

"Give me a chance, and you'll find out."

How patient was he? I wondered. He was the Tim I'd spent some wonderful time with just a few weeks ago, and now he was here and would be staying in my house.

"What's number two, then?"

His deep breath alerted me that this was not a simple thing.

"I don't know how this can happen, but I'm anxious for you to come to California."

When I hesitated, he continued.

"I want you to watch me creating sand sculptures. I want to create you in sand, with you right beside it...and beside me."

He was making things clearer with each word he spoke, and I was hearing it just as clearly.

"All of that is pretty ambitious, Tim. How long are you staying in Ohio?"

"As long as it takes."

A cryptic answer from my house guest that could be understood several ways. The thing that seemed clearest was that Tim's heart wanted my heart. And I was in the unique position of loving Tim as a friend but not being "in love" with him. At least yet.

"Grab your suitcase, and let's get started, then." That was as direct as I could be, and I hoped he'd understand.

We settled him into the larger of the guest bedrooms, which happened to be adjacent to mine. I hoped he didn't snore.

"I enjoy cooking," he said succinctly.

"Good. I need to figure out how to have you do that full-time."

"Try asking."

"Tim, don't do that to me on your first day here." I was partly teasing and partly serious.

I could see the uncertainty on his face. "Come here," I said.

He stood in front of me.

"Closer."

He moved so that his body was touching mine. The sensations from his touch were amazing and unexpected.

Tim, you're here and touching me, so very, very close to me, and yet, in some ways, while you're here, a part of you is still in California."

"I know this isn't just a trip, Jo, but a journey. Journeys can take a long time to complete, but if you're faithful and stick to it, what you find at the end makes the journey more than worthwhile. I understand what you've just said, and I knew that when I stepped onto the plane this morning. But I'm here, on my journey, and enjoying it so far."

I knew I was on a journey as well, or at least beginning one. The sensations I was feeling with Tim's body touching mine told me that a part of my journey had begun. I could only hope that the rest of me might catch up if that was meant to be.

To prevent the neighbors from gawking and crowds from gathering, I talked Tim into doing the sculpture in the backyard. He had sand delivered, we went to the hardware store in the evening and purchased cement, then to the art section of the craft store to pick up some paint. He was ready.

We discussed at length how I would appear in the sculpture, and Tim was surprisingly adamant about what he wanted. Since he was the artist and I was just the model, I gave in and posed for a round of photographs he could reference. My one stipulation was that I would be in the blue bikini rather than the green one, and there were no other choices than that.

I went to my job and was anxious to return home to see how he was progressing. I marveled at the progress and was astounded by the colors he was able to create in the concrete. By Friday evening, it was complete.

"Tim, it's amazing. What shall I do with it?"

He laughed. "You have to decide that. I'll help with whatever you decide."

I wasn't about to display Joanne in a blue bikini in the front yard, but it did give me an idea. Tim had been here for a week, and each evening we sat and talked. No TV, no books, just conversation. I so enjoyed it that I could easily picture myself doing it for the rest of my life. There were other things as well, but I was ready to press things a little.

"I'm trying to decide, Tim. Lots of possibilities, but maybe in the front yard."

"The front yard. Are you serious?"

"Well, look at it."

"I made it, so I know what it looks like."

"It looks like me, and I look hot."

"I just made it look like you."

"With it in the front yard, guys will see it, and some may stop to talk."

Tim's expression began to change as I locked eyes with him.

"I might be able to connect with one of them." I forced a smile onto my face.

"Jo."

I could tell he was struggling internally. He looked away and then back to me while I waited.

"I don't want that to happen."

"Which, Tim?"

"All of what you said."

I couldn't keep the smile from my face. "Why's that?"

"Jo, this is difficult."

"You flew here from California to see me. Now tell me why you don't want those things to happen."

He looked hard at me but spoke softly. "If you connect with anyone, I want it to be me."

"Why was that so difficult to say?" I asked, extending my arms.

He moved to me quickly, and we hugged, not passionately but warmly.

"Because it scares me, Jo."

"I'm five-foot-three and not very scary."

"You're redheaded, gorgeous, and just a few weeks ago, you were ready to walk down the aisle and be a Mrs. Someone."

"That's exactly right. I went to the resort and met you and decided you were a neat guy."

"I met you there, and things happened inside me, but I was afraid to let it show."

"You weren't totally successful. But why were you afraid?"

"Jo, you were one or two days past when you were to be a bride." He seemed almost exasperated that I was missing something.

"And I was glad that I had missed it."

The familiar deep breath. "I didn't want you to be...well, on the rebound."

I'd heard of that and knew a little of how it worked. "So you're afraid that the way I feel about you might be because of emotional neediness or something like that."

"I just knew, somehow, that you'd be perfect for me. You fit the picture I'd always had in my mind. And when you showed interest, half of me was over the moon while the other half was panicked. Losing you was something I couldn't even imagine."

Losing me? I knew that, even without having me, it was possible for him to lose me when he went home to Cali and I went to Ohio. We had only hugged twice as friends, but the warmth that had coursed through my body was more than simple friendship.

"You're here, Tim, so you haven't lost me."

"Our time together could almost be expressed as hours rather than days or weeks, and that's why this week has been so priceless. Just you and me talking, eating together, sleeping together."

"In separate rooms," I added, although his face was saying he wished that could be different. We weren't quite ready for that yet, even though my mind was doing its best to picture that. My clock wasn't ticking yet, but...

"We have a lot of things we can talk about during this next week."

"And we need to start it the right way." I took three steps, put my hands on his shoulders, and rose onto tiptoes. My lips were inches from his.

"If we do this, I'm a dead duck, you know."

"What will I be?"

"I know what I'd like you to be."

"Too much talk."

When our lips met, I knew what I wanted to be as well. It was twenty seconds of something I'd never felt with Tyson. Feelings were unleashed that I had no idea were hidden inside me. Tim's little groan didn't help at all.

"You're more than I ever imagined," Tim said, "and that's why it's all so scary. On top of that, you have every reason to be afraid as well."

He was right, but I wasn't feeling anything like that. Somehow Tim seemed to be wide open, while Tyson had seemed mostly hidden. In the space of a few weeks, my life had taken a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree turn.

*****

The next week was something difficult to describe. Being with Tim was exhilarating and comforting at the same time. When he looked at me, the adoration was so apparent, I had trouble concentrating on what he was saying. The other side of that was the caution he showed when he was around me.

I wanted to be touching him, to have his arms holding me, to hear his voice in my ear, and, most of all, to feel his lips against mine. The latter happened, but on a little too much of a schedule to suit me. A small one when I left for work, a more lengthy one when I came home, and a more meaningful one when we separated for bed.

In my heart, I knew Tim was already in love with me, and I was as certain as I could be that I loved him. It had come up before, but he finally shared with me two stories that were hauntingly similar. They involved a family member and a friend who each had a secret love, one was engaged to someone else, and the other was in a long-term relationship. When each one's lover dumped them, the family member and friend were there to take over, but only briefly as their secret lovers just drifted away, leaving a pair of broken hearts.

I understood, but still.

And before I knew it, I was being hugged and kissed at the airport and watching Tim heading through security before losing sight of him. I caught a last wave from a far corner, and he was out of sight again.

wish I could stay he texted me a while later. I knew he had a mural to paint, and the pay was excellent, and there was no way he could refuse to do it.

miss you already came a second text.

miss you more I sent back, hoping it got there before he had to put his phone on airplane mode. There was no reply.

I drove home feeling depressed. It had been a beyond amazing week, partly because of the surprise, but mostly because it was Tim. I needed to do something.

It was nearly eight o'clock when I knocked.

The door opened.

"Airplane and Uber, just like you taught me."

"Jo, I--"

"--I'm here," I interrupted, "and I'll stay here forever if you want me to. Or, I'll take you back to Ohio with me. Whichever, I'm not about to let you away from me again. I'm not bouncing, or rebounding, or anything like that." I could feel the tears forming and Tim's hands on my cheeks.

"Jo, you're serious, aren't you? You're not going to disappear."

"I said forever, and the only way I'll disappear is if you throw me out."

I'd never been squeezed so hard and so satisfyingly, and when our lips met and parted, and our tongues began exploring, it was almost more than I was ready for. Almost. I felt like I was going to melt in his arms. And we were still in the doorway of his apartment.

"Before we decide anything, this place isn't like yours. There's only one bedroom and one small bed here."

"Well, I guess I'd better head back then," l said, looking as disappointed as possible.

Tim grabbed me and dragged my unresisting body inside, closing the door behind me.

"Jo, I can't believe you're here."

"You're not the only one who can pull a surprise out of your pocket."

"But, those things you just said. I sure didn't say things like that."

"You're the one who needed to hear them."

Tim was shaking his head. "I did, didn't I? And about moving to California?"

"My dad can sell my house and send me the money. No problem." I knew that was true, and I knew they had pharmacies in California.

"But you're settled and established in Ohio, and I'm kind of drifting out here."

"Not much sand sculpting in Ohio."

"There's a small contest in two days, and I'm going to create a beautiful mermaid as my goodbye to California."

I was astounded. Tim was a California guy, and he was willing to leave all that to be with me in Ohio? I mean, I was ready to move to Cali but had never really considered that he'd want to move to Ohio.

"Tim, you really want to come to Ohio to live?"

"I'm getting way ahead of everything here, but it's the way I feel. I want kids, and, for me, that's a better place to raise them. Plus, it's lots cheaper to live there."

"Just paying the Uber, I could see that."

And kids? He might be way ahead, but it was what I wanted if we moved ahead together. If he was willing to move away from California, I knew he was trusting me and trusting me even more than I'd hoped.

He chuckled. "With you as an established pharmacist, I can be a struggling artist."

"A stay-at-home artist?"

A big laugh from Tim. "I hope not. Once people see the concrete Joanne, I may be doing more of those."

"Not of babes in bikinis, I hope."

"As long as they're not redheaded, it should be fine."

Of course, I knew there were lots of artists in Ohio, and I knew that Tim was a good one. He was right, too, that I wasn't likely to lose my job.

"If I'm going back to Ohio with you, how long are you staying here?"