Joel & Mrs. Vale 01

Joel & Mrs. Vale 01

I had to skip the grand opening of the Antique store in town because of that whole bat crazy Head Society Club Mrs. Tanner thing, but I made a point to visit the store after things chilled out. I am not so much about antiques, but the store looked nice from the outside and I wanted to keep my outstanding community member status, so I popped in a few times.

Well, the first thing I noticed was the owner, Mrs. Vale and not just her. Her hair stood out. It was silver and I don't mean aging gray, I mean hair saloon silver, which really caught my eye. And yeah, yeah, yeah hair experts, maybe it's actually another color, but it was silver to me and it curl flipped just above her shoulders and best of all, her hair wasn't MILF hairstyle #1, #2 or even #3. It was classic Mrs. Vale and I liked it and it was one of the reasons that I kept returning to the store.

LOL, that was the good side of things.

On the negative side of things, I was a man, so I was the devil. I mean, Mrs. Vale never asked me to leave the store or stab me, but believe me, I was a man, so I was a renegade of the devil. But, to her credit, I must have been one of the lesser devils because after I swindled my first coffee from her, well, she seemed to take over from there, which allowed me to kick back and smirk.

"Don't even think about reading too much into Joel, but I do appreciate your kind comments about my hair. I also appreciate how you don't bother my cashier Marci much. I mean, there seem to be so many man devils running around town these trying to get every 20 something pregnant and I can tell that you are not way, so thanks. So, a double-double bold for your kind comments and your good behavior."

Now, y'all write that down. Joel may be a man devil, but Joel has good behavior. Got it? Also, I may refer to Marci as the peanut gallery from time to time because she pretty much stays behind her cashier counter, you know, scanning bar codes and painting her nails.

"Besides Joel, you're just a man, so it didn't take me very long to figure out how you like it, your coffee I mean, so get that out of your head because that's never going to happen buster. I mean, I'm just an old antique who happens to owns an Antique store, so forget it."

"(From the peanut gallery) and don't forget about those antique undies, oops."

"Mind yourself Mindi, mind yourself. Anyways Joel, you were saying something about putting the word out to the local nerd crew to help me unload that collection of old Super Hero stuff in the back corner? And by the way, wipe that smirk off of your face young man."

"Because your collection of undies isn't antique??????"

"Or I'll wipe that smirk off of your face with a swift kick to the devil nuts, you know, before I set you on fire."

Yup folks, that's the lady I am trying to hustle. I mean, yay me, right?

"So, Joel, shouldn't you be pushing some buttons on your phone to spread the nerd word on your social media?"

Oh, I'm pushing her buttons alright and from what I heard, I'm breaking her down.

"And that's another thing you can forget about. I'm sure you are quite capable of pushing your own buttons, so forget. And by the way, we should keep our voices down going forward. Marci is the voice of youth and you and I are may not be the best influence for her."

Cool, that's put me one year older the than the voice of youth and by the way, that statement clearly stated that things would be moving forward, going forward. Not to mention that Marci wore ear buds most of the anyways, so whatever.

And that's about how it went for the next week or so. It was a nice balance though. On one hand, the coffee became basically the normal and on the other hand Mrs. Vale reduced her threats to kick me in my devil man nuts by at least 50%.

And yeah, yeah, yeah, I spread the nerd word and I think Mrs. Vale sold most of her old Super Hero stuff, which raised my status from a man devil to still a man, so still a devil, but a nice one. I mean, the card didn't fit into any of the slots in my wallet because it was so big to carry such a title, but it was worth not getting kick and then set on fire.

"Oh, well, keep going Joel because I think that makes you 0 for 3 because I have zero plans to make you a Sunday morning coffee, even though the Antique store is closed on Sunday's, which would seem to give me extra time to be able to serve you a double-double bold in bed. Besides, Marci already called me out in front of you a few weeks when she accidently "oops" the status of my undies. Antique was the word she used I believe and I promise you that you don't want to see that! But thanks for the nerd crew. They bought a lot of stuff."

"Alright, Mrs. Vale, let me ask you a question and if you can't answer me with 100% honesty, then there is no point in me even asking."

"Hah, I honestly want you to take a nap in the middle of Main Street so we can get this over with! But I owe you, so I promise to give you a 100% honest answer."

Alright then, let's see. Everyone knows that 10 minutes is actually 20 minutes in girl time, so let's see how her 100% honesty thing goes.

"Mrs. Vale, with our relationship on the line based on your honesty, did you or did you not wear those blue jeans for me today?"

Well, sometimes people squeeze their hands tightly together when their bodies shake and convulse, right? I mean, like their bodies vibrate and stuff?

Also, pause for 3 minutes while her vibrations subside.

Ah, pause for one more minute, please.

"Fine!"

"Ah, ah, ah, I asked a yes or no question, Mrs. Vale."

"Fine, I may have thought of you when I went shopping, but I also thought that if you were to ever try to share a kiss with me, I'll bite your tongue off and set it on fire!"

Ahh, true love, right? I mean, I have to put a ring on it, right?

"(From the peanut gallery) and new modern undies too."

"Marci!"

"(From the peanut gallery) electric blue, oops."

"Well, well, well, Mrs. Vale, well, well, well I say."

Well back at me, I guess, because it didn't take me long to figure out that I was supposed to follow her into her back office, which had been a great place for me over the past summer and fall and I thought that things might work out for me, LOL, until I entered her office, which was crammed full of antiques and having sex on a bunch butter churns didn't sound right.

"Fine devil man, I thought of you and I wore these jeans for you and then you had to open your smirking mouth and then Marci had to dish about my lingerie, so even though we were never together, we're broken up. Pack up your coffee to go and leave."

Well, for one thing, she could have said all that on the store floor and for another thing, ah, is it possible for someone to break up with another person if they were never together? Not that such a question haunts me at night.

"But Mrs. Vale, I was just super excited to see you in such nice fitting jeans and all. I mean, you look great in them and I'm betting that you're the hottest devil killer in town."

"Yet you're still smirking and you've haven't apologized."

"Well, I like the way that I can read the date on the coin in your back pocket, so the smile is plaster to my face, but I do apologize if I have upset you."

"(From the peanut gallery) bang, bang, bang, hey, I can't hear what's going in there!"

"Go paint your nails, Marci."

At least I knew our conversations were private.

"Joel, I think we should probably stop this right now, so?"

"I like to sleep on the left side of the bed, so?"

"Well, that's over, but Sunday mornings are my only chance to sleep in, so?"

"Then all I have to do is sleep just a little longer than you to get my coffee, so?"

"Hah. Anyways, the voice of youth texted me just now and she makes a good point about how our relationship bed should all new bedding, so?"

"Well, I'll give my account number to the voice of youth because she actually might make a better selection than I would, so?"

"Regardless of my new jeans, lingerie and relationship bed bedding, I'm still an antique, so?"

"And you of all people should know that antiques still have parts that work, so?"

"Hmmm, I'm not going to be the best at some stuff, so?"

"(From the peanut gallery) bang, bang, bang, what the hell am I missing?"

"Ugh, the voice of youth! Anyways, so?"

"So, so is not a no, so?"

"Fine, I'm so lost with our so's, so are we spending the night at your house this Saturday night so I can sleep in just a little less than you so that I can make you your morning coffee?"

"Sold, Mrs. Vale, sold."

"Oh, well, if you're going to squirt your devil man juice in me, maybe you should call me Vivian. I mean, I'm assuming that there will devil juice, right? LOL, I have this vision in my head that your devil juice is squirting everywhere like a cartoon."

"(From the peanut gallery) holy fuck! What am I hearing from under the office door?"

"Mind your mouth Marci and jack up Joel's account with the best bedding available."

And mind you that all of that went on without one kick in my man devil nuts or the threat of being set on fire.

End Joel & Mrs. Vale 01