Jonah Falcon - Pleasing Clare

(This is a story in wrote in 2022 and which I've shared elsewhere. Jonah Falcon is an American actor, perhaps best known for owning the world's biggest functioning penis. Nine and a half inches long flaccid and thirteen and a half fully erect, with a girth of some eight inches, it is an impressive organ. Since coming to public attention in a big way in 1999, Jonah has undertaken numerous radio, television and online magazine interviews. Those interviews have, for entirely understandable reasons, focused in large measure on his sexual prowess and the challenges as well as opportunities which go with having a large penis in the bedroom. To the best of my knowledge Jonah has exercised a certain reserve about the urological implications of having such a large penis. That is his right and prerogative. It has a flip side though to the extent that those who have an interest in the urological side will, in the absence of authoritative information, join up the dots in whatever way stacks up or makes sense to them. In common with other stories, I've written featuring Jonah this is entirely a work of fanfiction, even though it contains some elements which may have a little basis in fact.)

Bright early morning sunshine streamed through the bedroom window, waking a somewhat sleepy Jonah. After a transatlantic flight he always felt a little tired and adjusting to the time zone difference took its toll these days. One thing apart from the sunshine had woken him and that was the need to pee. It was hardly surprising since he'd not been since finding a tolerably clean disabled toilet at the airport some eleven hours earlier. He disliked using public toilets and would certainly never have been caught using a urinal. However, at the end of a nine-and-a-half-hour flight it had been a case of either doing that or pissing his pants, which wouldn't have been the best way to start his visit to the United Kingdom.

Now he needed to go again -- and badly. Just as he was about to got up, he heard the door to the communal bathroom at the end of the landing slam shut. Damn! Someone had beaten him to it and, from the sounds he could hear, it was possible they might be in there for the duration. What on earth had possessed him to book a room in a cheap B & B which didn't have en suite facilities? Well, to be honest, he'd never actually checked. He'd just assumed, not unreasonably, that all British B & Bs must have en suite bathrooms in the 21st Century. Now he cursed his neglect of that little bit of due diligence.

Looking around he considered his options. There was a sink but it was set too high for even his cock to reach and even attempting to use it for relief would be futile. Now where was that travel flask he often carried and was designed to hold a litre and a half of whatever he desired? Rummaging through his bag, the grim realisation dawned that it was across the pond in his New York apartment. Clutching his penis and desperate for relief he considered the carpet. It would give the silverfish in this damp, stinking B & B something to swim in. No, he just couldn't do it, fearful that the flood would just be that too obvious. Then he considered pissing the bed. Some guests were bound to do it. No, he couldn't risk some chamber maid going to the tabloids and a headline appearing along the lines of "Guy with the world's biggest penis wets the bed!" If Jonah decided to wet the bed from time to time that was his business, but it really wasn't something he wanted on the front page of one of the Sunday tabloids. His legendary penis was a little like royalty. Much of its magic lay in its mystery. Right now, the magic and the mystery were starting to wear off as his desperation increased and he wondered how much longer he could hold out without pissing all over the place.

Reluctantly he pulled a pair of pants on and ventured into the hallway. Confound it, that bathroom was still occupied. Increasingly desperate, he grabbed his penis through his pants. If he started spurting, he was done for. There would be a torrential flood in no time. As he did so a voice boomed behind him

"Stop that right now, young man. It's disgusting!"

Jonah turned to look and an elderly woman, who he suspected might be a retired teacher, glared at him. Tightening the grip on his penis he answered her.

"Sorry madam but I'm desperate, really desperate."

The woman gave a snort.

"Well, that's not my fault, is it?"

Suddenly the door opened and what looked like a disgruntled businessman emerged. Jonah hurried past him, almost flying into the bathroom, yanked his pants down and flung himself onto the toilet and started pissing uncontrollably for what must have been a full two minutes. The look of shock on that woman's face when she glimpsed his cock as his pants came down, pee already starting to exit it, had been priceless. Finishing up, he examined his pants and they were slightly damp but it was nothing that wouldn't dry quickly. It was, however, the closest near miss he'd had so far without completely pissing himself.

Seven and a half hours later he drained the last of a large cup of Starbucks and consulted his watch. It was now a little after two thirty. It had been a productive morning involving an interview and meetings with a publisher and a film producer. However, he'd not used a toilet since that frantic early morning piss and, he would have to hold it for some time longer. Recently he'd met a woman online called Clare who'd expressed a wish not only that he'd fuck her if he visited her town, but do so with a full bladder too. Now Jonah had fucked plenty of women over the years and he'd quite often done it with a full bladder. It had never, ever, been planned that way or done at the woman's request. It was just the way things had turned out and most of them had never even known until he went to the bathroom afterwards to flush the tubes out.

Clare, however, was in a class of her own. She had specifically requested that he fuck her whilst his bladder was full and even hinted that she wouldn't mind if he emptied it whilst he was still in her. A few years younger than him, she was the antithesis of Susan, a woman he'd known several years ago, who adored his cock but was pee phobic. Until she'd discovered what really happened, he'd pretended to pee every night for a month in exchange for sex with Susan. Clare, however, was adamant that she wanted his cock in her when he needed to piss pretty badly.

Jonah mused that actually, sex was easier on a full bladder than an empty one. He got hard sooner and felt more aroused. However, he'd never before been in the position of deliberately holding his pee before sex and he only hoped that he wouldn't have to disappoint her. Considering his options, he decided that walking would be safer than getting a cab in view of his distended bladder which was starting to ache. He had her address and it was only a twenty-minute walk from here.

Twenty minutes later, as a nearby clock struck three, Jonah knocked on the front door of Clare's flat. It was opened by an attractive woman in her mid-forties. A broad grin spread over her face as she weighed him up.

"Hi. You must be Jonah."

"The very same -- and you're Clare I assume. Even lovelier than in the photo"

"Indeed. Thank you. I don't get so many compliments nowadays."

Clare fixed her eyes on the bulge in his crotch, her grin broadening.

"Well do come in Jonah, or should I say cum in? Would you like a drink first or should we get down to business?"

Jonah smiled.

"Let's get down to business. I'll have a drink later when I've made room for it."

Clare led him through to a bedroom which contained a king size bed, from which the duvet had been removed, and it was covered by a thick, plastic mattress protector. There was plastic sheeting all over the floor too. Clearly, she had expected the action to get wet and, quite literally, covered all bases.

Clare removed her gown and hung it over a chair, revealing her naked body. Lying on the bed, she opened her legs exposing her moist sex. She cast a hopeful glance in Jonah's direction, sure that it wasn't just her imagination when she saw the bulge in his spandex shorts getting slightly larger.

"Come on big boy. Let's see it."

Jonah dropped his shorts and Claire gave an audible gasp as she saw his enormous penis which she judged to be somewhere between flaccid and half way erect.

"Well, that's a woblums and a half!"

Jonah gave her a slightly puzzled look.

"Woblums? I've never heard that one before. It's my dick if you don't mind."

Clare chuckled.

"Sorry. It's just a pet name I used for my late husband's tail. He was on the small side. Also, he was functionally incontinent, bless him."

Things started to fall into place in Jonah's head.

"I see. Well as you can see mine's not small. Also, I'm not incontinent. I've not used the toilet since seven o'clock this morning."

The grin on Clare's face broadened as she gently stroked her clit.

"Oh, I know that. Why do you think I asked you to fuck me on a full tank? Now get your kit off and that top off and come over here. Let the dog see the rabbit."

Jonah stripped off and climbed on to the bed. Clare immediately noticed the visible bulge in his bladder and couldn't resist giving it a gentle prod. Jonah winced.

"Oi!"

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. You must be desperate. Shall we get down to it?"

Jonah ruffled her hair.

"Clare, it takes a while to get fully hard. I love foreplay. Here, have a stroke. Don't worry. Yes, I do need to go - bad -- but I'm practised at holding it. It's not for nothing that I got through High School without using the bathrooms. I will piss but not just yet."

Clare reached over and gently stroked Jonah's gorgeous penis which seemed to slowly be getting stiffer, seemingly sensing how he liked to be masturbated without being told. Jonah sighed.

"Ah that's lovely, having someone else do it for a change."

Stroking a dick that was just so huge, felt great to Clare. Reaching down she began to lick the meatus and began to slowly take in the mouth.

"Careful with those teeth!" She detected a note of slight panic in Jonah's voice.

Clare withdrew her mouth.

"Okay pet, I just couldn't resist. It's not every day I get to sample the world's biggest dick. Look you're getting hard now, hard enough to fuck me."

With that, Clare opened her legs wide to give Jonah the easiest passage possible. Taking a dick that size wouldn't be easy. Jonah entered her very gently and, once he was in, things seemed easier than she'd expected. Kissing her as he did so, he soon established a regular but gentle pumping rhythm. It seemed to go on for far longer than she ever expected.

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me," she shouted.

Everything became suddenly more intense as Jonah's penis pumped too and fro within her. Suddenly he sighed and Clare felt the familiar sensation of cum being released inside her as he ejaculated. It was more of a gentle dribble than any kind of sudden eruption, but cum it certainly was. Before she knew what was happening, Clare immediately sensed another warm liquid, this time pee, exiting his penis and filling her but with rather more force.

Jonah looked at her in panic.

"I'm really sorry. I just couldn't hold it."

With that he slowly withdrew his still peeing cock and, as soon as it emerged, Clare grabbed it and directed his pee stream over her tits, neck and into her mouth. She wanted to drink in as much of the golden nectar as she could. After about a minute and a half his pee stream died away before completely coming to a halt.

Clare let go of his penis and hugged his torso.

"It's okay, Jonah. That's exactly what I wanted to happen."

It hadn't been in his game plan but Jonah mused that this must be the first time he'd given someone a golden shower, albeit unintentionally. He'd assumed he'd about manage to fuck her and withdraw before any loss of bladder control occurred.

"Thank you, Clare. I didn't mean things to happen quite the way they did."

Clare smiled and released her grip.

"Well actually I did. It was amazing. What's the word they use on your side of the pond? Awesome? Look, tell me a little about that hotel you're staying in. I don't want to intrude but maybe I could pop over later."

Jonah wasn't quite sure how to react but at length he found words.

"Hotel! I think that's stretching it. I only managed to get myself booked into a crumby, stinking B & B with no en suites but plenty of bugs and silverfish."

A determined look crossed Clare's face.

"Poor you. Well, you're not staying there tonight. Get dressed young man, go to collect your belongings, check out and come back here. I'll cover all your costs and you can have a cab. In the meantime, I'll get cleaned up here."

Jonah put his pants and T-shirt back on.

"Listen Clare, that's very kind of you, but I couldn't possibly impose. You've been too kind already."

Clare was in no mood to accept a refusal, however polite.

"You can and you will. I'm not having you spend another night in a hole like that. As it happens, I've got a fridge full of food, a full freezer and around ten litres of Diet Coke which, I gather, you're rather fond of. You've got plenty of spare pairs of pants, haven't you?"

"Oh yes I learned early on when travelling to pack plenty of spares."

"Right, well that settles it, because you're going to need them. Tomorrow, you and I are going to have some adventures. I'll show you the sights, such as they are, but we'll be checking out plenty of coffee shops whilst we're at it."

As he left, Jonah pondered the situation. Clare was incredibly generous, more so than he'd dared imagine, but she obviously had an agenda which involved not only his penis but his bladder too. She wasn't frightening though. He sensed that whatever it was would be fun.

THE END