Jordan Ch. 01

Jordan 01

So, I'm Jordan, which is universally a "gender neutral" name and that's just about where I live, right down the middle. I like my concealers and my blush to soften and smooth my cheeks and all eyes are meant to pop a little, so that's what happens there, but to keep things as neutral as possible and under the radar, I highlight my lips with a clear gloss more than with a tinted lip gloss, but nothing is ever over the top. I like living just under the radar.

And thanks to all that and clothing and human nature, I'm mostly noticed when people have to take a double take on me if they know me already, which is actually a great ice breaker. And trust me, just as long as someone else makes the first effort, I don't care if they noticed my face, my clothing or even my body, just as long as I'm the one saying "hey" back in second place. And I really like that so far, nobody has made a first effort with the intensions of punching me out for portraying the wrong the gender. Those people usually do that when you're innocently walking past them, LOL, just kidding. I hope.

Erm, I don't want to talk about my body a lot, but I work at it. Not for you, but if it's to your liking, then I guess I like the icing on the cake as much as I like it when people have to take a double take on me. And I really like the people who take a double, double, spin back, twist take on me! And I know how to treat a swollen ankle, so that might be my response to your first effort.

Oh, and I also love my double bold, double shot, double squirt, double foam, double half, half and half, coffee from the Lava Java Coffee Shop too! Which I quietly sip in the shadows on the Strip.

"Ahem! Step out of the shadows, Jordan! You and I have a few things to discuss!"

Oh, and even the girls on the Strip make the first effort.

"Well, I don't see the need to yell about it, Makayla, so what now?"

"You, you, you ironed my step brother's pocket t-shirt last night that he's wearing today during the Car Cruise up and down the Strip? Just how the hell is that living quiet, under the radar and in the shadows then, hmm?"

Oh, and sometimes the radar screen has a glitch, I guess, but it always comes back.

"Well, have you seen his laundry, Makayla? I mean, it's like he buys wrinkles at the store and in the large size box! Even if the large box of wrinkles isn't on sale!"

"Ah, no, I haven't seen Chet's laundry because that would mean that I was in his bedroom where he keeps his laundry basket, Jordan!"

Well, sometimes radar gets confused when there are mountains in the way, so.

"Well, I don't know why you're making such a fuss about things, Makayla since Chet has approached me first on two occasions for chit chat, he approached me first a third time to buy me a coffee and then he approached me first just two nights ago to buy me an ice cream and that makes us legit friends now, so?"

"Hmph! Well, Jordan, I'll apologize to you if I'm falsely accusing you of rolling up the empty box of cigarettes in his sleeve to complete his hot rod car look, but I still don't know why you were at his house in the first place, so."

"Oh, wait, MaKayla, are we speaking in code then? I mean, I did roll his empty cigarette box up in his sleeve, but I didn't roll anything else up his, um, well?"

"OMFG! Enough! I don't want to hear anything about how just because he approached first like four times, that it's legit that your hand slipped off of the hot iron to straighten out his other wrinkles! Sheesh! All I want to hear from you is that he is wrinkle free for his women, like the Prissy Petite crew then and not for or from you, Jordan, so?"

[Vroom, vroom, beep, beep, "hey, sis" beep, beep, vroom, vroom]

"Well, there goes the proof then! A hot rod car filled with petite women, so? And a "hey" for you and nothing back for me, so?"

LOL, guys so don't need a hand slipping off of the hot iron to get rid of those wrinkles! I mean, it helps, but blood flow and nice legs in questionable shorts does that automatically!

Also, SOB, did that guy, who approached me first like four times, just dis me as he drove past? I just towel dried the guy off fresh out of the shower the night before to keep his skin from wrinkling, for Pete's sakes!

"Are we cool now, Makayla, hmm?"

"Well, ask me again next weekend, Jordan. Or at least later when Chet disses you like four more times tonight as he cruises up and down the Strip, so, go ahead, retreat back to your quiet life in the shadows where the radar can't find you then."

Well, the city of Middleton had repaired all of the street lights on the Strip just prior to the big Car Cruise weekend, so my little dark cubby hole between two shops on the Strip wasn't so much in the shadows anymore.

"Oh, so you don't talk then, huh?"

"Oh, I don't talk first, that's all, so?"

"I mean, I just now approached you first and then spoke first, so, the way I see things, the sequence is in alignment, so?"

Well, shoot! Well, wait.

"Well, fine, but my first response, after my first response just then, is that I used to work with your sister, Nancy, so."

"I mean, many people have worked with Nancy at the grocery store, so, I don't even know what that means then."

"Oh, well then, I never worked at the grocery store with Nancy, but I did work with Nancy back in school when we teamed up and sold hair barrettes and scrunchies out of her hallway locker, so?"

"What? Jordy? I mean, Jordan?"

"It's good to see you, Milton. Did you still want to approach me first then, hmm?"

Huh, he did. And Nancy and I made pretty good money with our enterprise, so.

"So, Jordy, just for the record, this isn't our first approach, right?"

Guys, right? They always look for the technicalities!

"Milton, technically, no, but since, well, the slate wiped clean after the last school bell rang and nothing really happened anyways and that's that! Anyways, so, you are a SUV guy now then, hmm?"

"Jeez, get uptight much, Jordy?"

"Vroom, Milton, vroom away!"

Vroom, cruise, vroom, cruise, vroom]

And with Milton referring to me as Jordy doesn't imply anything, folks! But it rolled off of his lips nicely, so that was fine. I mean, with him asking me if I get wound up super tight all the time wasn't fine, but whatever, I guess.

And I only got into his SUV because that's not something that just happens to someone like me who lives in shadows and under the radar and not because I wanted to dis Chet back. It actually bothered me that Chet might see me with someone.

"Pull up next to that candy cherry red hot rod at the red light and beep your horn, Milton, okay?"

[Vroom, beep, rev, text, text, text]

"Hey there, hey, squad! Jump into the back up Milton's roomy SUV ladies and I'll fund a 15 minutes shopping spree at the Petite Mini Skirt Shop just up the Strip and this is a time limited offer, so?"

[Hot rod doors start flinging open, air kisses are flying, petite girls are trotting and Chet looks dissed]

"OMG, vroom, Milton, vroom a U turn and vroom away quick!"

[Vroom, squeal, U turn, vroom, cruise, vroom]

"Park behind the shop, Milton. 15 minutes, girls."

[Huh, Milton is in the clouds, SUV rear door opens, Milton gets three shoulder taps]

"[Tap, mwah] think of baseball, Milton, we need 20 minutes."

"[Tap, mwah] don't stare at the alley window displays, Milton, we need 20 minutes."

"[Tap, mwah] wait until Jordan slurps your drizzle, Milton, we need 20 minutes."

Well, the Prissy Petite crew girls didn't have to run down the list from the playbook like that as they each slid across the rear seat to exit the SUV, but Milton was going to get it, if he wanted it.

Also, guys, right? They always want it. I mean, hair, makeup, action, right?

[Oomph, sloosh, oomph, gasp, oomph, slurp, oomph, suck, oomph, gasp, gag, sploosh, gag, ooh]

"You little liar, Jordy! Or is this, aha, aha, aha, what you learn living in the shadows, hmm?"

"[Gasp, inhale, gasp] are you complaining or being my secret for tonight, Milton [gasp, inhale], hmm?"

[Hand gestures of pushing down answers that question]

"Aha, aha, aha, carry on, Jordy, carry on."

[Oomph, sloosh, oomph, gasp, oomph, slurp, oomph, suck, oomph, gasp, gag, sploosh, gag, ooh]

"OMG, OMG, ooh, oh, I can touch your body, right, Jordy?"

[Wrestles shorts open and pushes them down, all without missing a beat with the lessons learned from living the quiet life in the shadows. Which may no have been a good idea]

"OMG, ooh, look at this piece of cake then! [Squeeze, squeeze] Which I hope to have before too long, ooh, uh-oh, oh, argh, ooh, oh, ooh, OMG, long live what goes on in the shadows!"

[Oomph, sloosh, oomph, gasp, oomph, slurp, oomph, suck, oomph, gasp, gag, sploosh, gag, ooh]

"Alright, alright, alright, you win, Jordy, alright, alright, argh, argh, argh, oh, oh, ahh, ahh, ooh, ahh."

[Gag, swallow, gulp, gulp, swallow hard, gasp, gasp, gulp, gulp, ooh, stop, oh, gasp, slurp, gulp]

Well, sucking a guy off is not as easy as a piece of cake! But I like how he liked my cakes and it was pretty exciting to expose my slices of cake in public, albeit in the alley behind the Strip where nobody could see, but it was exciting just the same. Oh, and my cake had undies frosting, so, stop thinking that I went bottomless in the alley! Not that something like that might be the next step or recipe.

And someone should post on Chang just how long it takes to get your breath back afterwards! I mean, that was exhausting, so I flopped that way gasping for air and Milton flopped the other way going all "ahh, ahh, ahh" and stuff and someone needs to point that out!

[Whoop]

"Not decent!"

"And can't catch breath to get decent!"

[Weep]

"Then you did it right, Jordan."

[Weep]

"Tee, he, we're naked in the dressing room!"

[Weep]

"Together since we're so prissy and petite."

[Weep]

"Private setting photo attached."

Well, I still couldn't catch my breath. LOL and then even more!

"Ahem, the Prissy Petite crew said something about finishing things up then, Jordy, right?"

Oh, oh, I did that! Living quietly in the shadows doesn't mean I don't know about things.

[Oomph, ooze, oomph, drizzle, oomph, ooze, oomph, suck, oomph, drizzle, ooze, gulp]

"Ooh, ooh, sensitive, sensitive, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, oh, better than taking a shower, Jordy."

"[Clears throat] well, so, Milton, well, maybe we can have the other sex someday then. That wasn't exactly easy, but it was comfortable being with you then, so, well, I don't know what to do next, so?"

"Well [mwah], let's start with you putting your shorts back on, slowly, and then let's worry about taking the Prissy Petite crew back to Chet and his hot rod and then, well, can we just go back to your place then, hmm?"

[Wiggles shorts back on at basically normal speed for inside of a SUV]

"What? Tonight? Two types of sex in one night?"

"The sun will still come up in the morning, I promise, Jordy!"

[Weep]

"Cash us out, Jordan."

Hmm, so, devious plans just come to someone that quick then?

"[Mwah] wait here, Milton, I need to duck inside and pay up."

LOL, no, I had no plan of skirting out of the front door of Petite Mini Skirt Shop and leave Milton hanging behind the shop in the loading dock area. I mean, life outside of the shadows wasn't that bad.

[Rear door chime jingle, jangle]

"OMG, Kerri, Merri, Terri, holy neon short mini skirt snap!"

"Ahem!"

"And of course, OMG, Sherri, your personal shopper selections per client are always on point! So, bah, bah, bah, erm, um, erm, Milton will take you ladies back to Chet to continue with the Car Cruise, so?"

"Oh, do we look like we need help getting a ride literally anywhere then, Jordan, hmm?"

Hey, I lived quietly in the shadows up to that point, so what the hell did I know, right?

"Kerri, is your mini actually changing colors as you shift back and forth then, hmm? Also, just how does that foot pivot pose work then?"

"Oh, our minis have a neon photochromic strip along the bottom, you know, right where our thighs start becoming visible, so?"

And then I figured it out. Since the human, the female human body, doesn't come with a dotted line to define the transition point between the end of the thighs and the beginning of the hips, that's why the clothing designer sewed in that neon flashing strip of photochromatic material. It was the dotted line! Or the "X" that marked the spot, either way, minis rule!

"Alright, pervert, that's enough gawking, especially since Terri is going to marry you in four years."

Oh, that seems like something that should be in my calendar, right?

"Anyways, since you did the other thing right, apparently, take these nine bags, three with the outfits that we originally wore tonight, plus two bags each of other new outfits and have Milton drive you home, where you will safely store our old and new clothes and do what comes natural in nature then, okay, Jordan? And because we got new matching undies tonight, you can wash our original outfits then, so?"

"Chang-Ching! I mean, I'm ready for your "Pay Now" account, Jordan, so? Enjoy the Car Cruise Prissy Petite ladies!"

[Front door chime jingle, jangle]

[Screech, crash, squeal, thump, side swipe, bump, screech, smash, smash, squeal, crash]

"What just happened here, Sherri?"

"Oh, Jordan, you're still a guy and based on your shorts, you're switch back, back switched turned on and the sun will still come up in the morning! Any other questions? And if that's four, well, you just come back some evening and we'll see how you look in a pleated skirt then, okay?"

Oh, that went into the calendar!

[SUV rear tailgate lifts. Praise those foot swing switches on tailgates. Bags ruffle and shuffle]

"Tee he, well Jordan, you opened your mouth and promised the Prissy Petite crew a free 15 minutes shopping spree, so, tee he."

"Hush, Milton! It was still worth it! Now, erm, what do I have to do to delay having bed sex with you tonight, hmm? And I'm not saying that wouldn't happen, but there are dietary rules to be followed and I wasn't expecting anything and well, name it, Milton!"

I mean, that's clearly posted on Chang!

I mean, guys, right? They are always up and ready for another blow job!

But as a "tee he" back to guys, LOL, it's all ooze and drizzle the second time around in the same night, so, tee he, it was so much easier!

And at his risqué request, yep, we didn't need the alley for all of the fender bender commotions up and down the Strip for the Prissy Petite crew looking for a ride in the Car Cruise!

End Jordan 01