Journey to the Abyss Ch. 01

My heart was pounding as I walked up the three flights of stairs in the old apartment building. It has obviously been built in the late 1950's before more modern building codes were enacted. The staircase was wide and solid. The paint was a drab green. I reached the third floor and opened the door into the hall. Aromas of ethnic cooking filled my nostrils as I slowly walked down the hallway looking for apartment 321. I stood for a moment anticipating what was in store for me on the other side of the door......

This journey began some time ago when I was searching the internet for some information on "bond discounts" for an engagement I was hired to do in my capacity as a CPA. I am not a great typist having never learned "keyboarding" techniques in school. My fumbling fingers punched in letters approximating what I was looking for and one of the links came up "Bondage - Erotic". Not on point, but intriguing none the less. I had a few minutes so rather than dealing with the matter at hand, I clicked the link. Up came images of naked men and women in various restraints, blindfolds, gags being attended to by wicked looking people intent on inflicting pain and torture. Surprisingly, my cock began to get hard and there was a noticeable throbbing in my loins. I looked at the pictures for a few minutes (probably longer....) before closing the page and getting on with my work. The matter, however, was committed to my subconscious for follow up later.

I worked late into the evening and managed to complete the analysis and email a draft to my client. I had already let my wife know that I would not be home for dinner, so I took the opportunity to go back to the "bondage" search. I had to keep suppressing the images while I was working, but now that I was relaxed I felt that I could explore without restriction.

I was surprised to see how many sites there are devoted to sexual and erotic bondage. WOW! A whole new world opened up before me and I was amazed at how it was affecting me. While looking at the images and reading the stories, I could image myself being the subject of the these scenes. I even found videos where the hapless male was being teased, tortured and humiliated by both men and women. While sitting at my desk alone at the office, I not only had a raging hard-on but I could feel pre-cum oozing from my cock. Holy crap, I thought - is this "normal"?

I packed up to go home, shut down my computer (after ensuring to clear the cache and history!) and left. While driving home I was acutely aware of the bulge in my pants and still wondering why I found the prospect of restraints and torture so appealing. I never knew that i had such a "dark side" to my sexuality.

My wife had dinner waiting for me, heated it up and sat with me while I ate. We made small talk about the kids, her day, my day and the news. All the while, I had visions of the images I had seen in my subconscious and tried to push them back. We watched an episode of the latest Netflix series we're following and got to bed about 11pm.

I had a fitful night trying to sleep while envisioning myself tied to one of those "X" frame contraptions, blindfolded and gagged while having clamps on my nipples and my cock and balls teased, tortured and abused. At some point I must have fallen asleep and when I woke up, my pajama bottoms were completely soaked with what seemed to be about a quart of semen. My wife was sleeping peacefully, oblivious to the drama playing out in my head.

I resolved to regain some semblance of my life before tripping over the "bondage" thing and for the next couple of weeks, did my best to not think about it. I felt it was a very unhealthy direction to go in and foresaw only disaster at end of the road. But I could not completely ignore the feelings and periodically had to log on to the sites to catch a glimpse. I justified the activity as mere voyeurism and had no intention of getting into the scene. Certainly my wife and our friends would never understand the whole BDSM thing.

Over the next few weeks, I found myself spending more time learning about BDSM, strictly from an "academic" viewpoint. I read articles about the pain/pleasure continuum, the domination/submission paradigm and the role of a professional Dom or Domme in the exploration of one's sexuality. There were also some very good explanations about how BDSM does not involve traditional sex (no oral, anal or vaginal penetration) and the view that many have about whether participation in the activities is "cheating". So I resolved to find out more about myself over the next short while...