All Comments on 'Jugs Ch. 01'

Really great! Nice to read and so well told.

Please give us more.

Old theme, but a nice variation and well told. Not just 'I see your tits, lets fuck' but a nice build. Language is a bit stilted but I'm sure that it will loosen up in future writing. Keep writing, a great start.

First, present tense is lame. Not as lame as writing in the second person, but still lame.

<p>Two: up through the "slumped over in the car" bit -- as far as I got before feeling compelled to comment -- I didn't find myself engaged in the least. A story is more than a recitation of facts; to have any hope of drawing the reader in, some sense of *feeling* must be conveyed.

<p>I'll read on, and if it turns out things improved beyond those first 500 words, I'll take it all back. Except the part about use of present tense being lame.

Okay, I don't know what the "Two Things" commenter was talking about. Last I checked, verbs ending in "-ed" were past tense. Either there's been a revolutionary new grammar rule in the past twelve years, or he's commenting on a different story. Or he doesn't know what he's talking about. Since the first option is highly doubtful, and his second paragraph renders the second option invalid, the third is the only one left. Dude, get off your elitist high horse; as much as you want to pretend it's something more, this is a porn site. If the story gets you off, it's done its job. Anything more than that is icing.

<p>

This story was fine, not the best, but at least above par. I hope it gets a "hot" rating soon enough. It was well-written, and it built up anticipation and tension with yearning, teasing, and several close calls. The sex scenes weren't rushed which made for a good payoff. The dialog flowed well, conveyed proper sentiment, and didn't get overly clichéd. It could be tightened up a little, though. Pay closer attention to how people talk, especially on TV where they have to say a lot in a little time. The theme may have been a standard, but when hundreds of thousands of incest stories exist, there can only be so many situations before they start getting recycled. This situation is more believable than the tired, old "mom and son stranded on an island" theme. How often does that happen in real life? Really?

Yeah, there were a couple of paragraphs toward the beginning that were told in present tense, but it didn't take anything away from the story and I'll bet you catch it next time. The story itself was very well told, and I think you're pretty good at this. I especially liked the way you masterfully captured the transition of their views of each other. The way they both "suddenly" discovered each other's sex appeal was a nice touch.

Why in the hell are they reading stories on LIT? I thought it was just outstanding!

Man i have got 2 words for this stuff :awesome and hats off . This stuff made me send my first feedback for any on this website after reading over 1000 stories. Keep the good work going.

In M/S Word 2007;

Pages = 13

Words = 12,792

Characters (no spaces) = 51,518

Characters (with spaces) = 64,309

Paragraphs = 1

Lines = 617

Get a life...

Dude what's it matter? It's his story he can delete any comments that he wants it's not against any copyright laws because if it was there wouldn't be a delete option and besides the fact that we are all looking at incest stories I don't really think anyones going to take it seriously so quit your bitching and enjoy the god damn story! If you even TRIED bring it up to an authority figure they'd probably call you a sick pervert and mock you for looking at something like this. Think about the situation next time before you try being big and tough and tell people what they can and cannot do DUUUURRRR

All I can say is wow, I wish I had an older sister to exspereance at lest Something close to this

Feels like coming back home.

Great story. Thank you

Good premise.

But sex happens much too abruptly.

Needs much more preliminaries/foreplay before actual fucking and sucking happen.

Needs dialog throughout each step of the touching and feeling.

Four stars.