Julie Ch. 07byKKHowling©
It was well after midnight when Julie finally conceded that if he was going to come, he would have arrived by now. She wanted to be angry at him. She definitely felt stood-up, even though there really hadn't been any real plans between them. But it wasn't anger, just disappointment. Tomorrow she would be flying home and there was no telling when she would see Greg again. How long she would have to continue to wait to experience that feeling again?
What exactly was that feeling? Julie wasn't entirely sure, but she knew that Greg loosed some spirit in her that was not encumbered with the inhibitions that normally governed her. Whether it was an "inner slut" or a previously undiscovered submissive side or something else entirely, Julie didn't know. But that spirit didn't want to go back into its cage. Julie didn't want it caged. But if Greg was the only man who could coax it to the surface, and she wasn't going to see him for some indefinite period of time...
There was no anger. There was disappointment, but more, there was a feeling of loss. She had just discovered the most incredible, exciting thing in her life only to have to say goodbye to it. And without knowing when or if it would ever be back.
Julie eventually fell into a fitful sleep. She awoke in the morning feeling completely unrested. Thankfully, all she had to do was get to the airport and get on a plane today. And Tony could drive.
Julie still couldn't believe that Greg hadn't come back last night. She was a sure thing. And, modesty aside for a moment, she was hot, tight-bodied and was willing to do whatever he wanted. Anything for him and his long, thick cock!
How could he show such indifference?
Maybe he hadn't. Maybe something had happened. That got her to wondering if Tony had made it back from the game last night. What if they had been in an accident? What if...
Almost as if in answer to her question, the phone rang. She answered, sounding a little more morning-voiced than she anticipated.
"Hello?" she croaked.
"Hi." It was Tony. "About twenty minutes in the lobby?" he asked. Julie squinted at the alarm clock. Crap! Was it that late already?
"Uh, yeah, okay," she agreed, still not sure how she had slept so late. "Twenty minutes."
Thank God she wasn't going anywhere but the airport! She'd never be ready to go in twenty minutes if she had to do more than take a quick shower and throw on some comfortable travel clothes.
As she went to jump in the shower, she noticed something. On the floor by the door was the bill. Peeking out from under it was something else... a small white corner of... she looked closer. It was the room key.
The bastard had been outside the door! He had to come to the hotel to drop Tony off, obviously. Julie assumed that he had never gotten out of the car. But apparently he had. He had been right here and still hadn't come in? Why the hell not?
Julie felt some storm of emotion brewing. Was it rejection? Was it just the acuteness of him having been so close and then walking away? Julie knew she couldn't have walked up to the door of his room and then left without... anything.
It was a sobering. It showed in stark terms just how little Greg needed Julie. He was telling her in no uncertain terms that he had other places to go to get what he needed. She, on the other hand, had no alternatives. It was one-sided and that was a huge problem for Julie. She was too much her own woman to let herself slip into a situation where a man had such a big advantage over her.
On the flight home, she and Tony talked more than they had on the way out. Mostly it was shop talk, recapping their meetings and reviewing what they would have to do upon their return. But Tony did talk a little about the night out at the game.
Greg was apparently a very good host and was, it seemed, more entertaining than the event itself. As he had with Julie, Greg had related amusing anecdotes, told jokes and just generally gotten everyone loosened up and having fun. It seemed that wherever he went, everyone had a good time. The idea irritated her to an irrational extent.
That in turn annoyed her still further. That she should care that he was out having a good time with the guys instead of in her hotel room sounded just a tad possessive. Julie told herself that there was no way she should give a shit what he was doing last night, if it was hanging out with the guys or fucking the cheerleaders one by one. He wouldn't care what she was doing and she couldn't afford to care what he did.
But that wasn't the way she felt, was it? This was a new kind of problem for her. Fortunately, it would be a while before she had to confront this situation again. She was unlikely to do more than call or email Greg any time in the next few weeks. That would give her time to think, clear her head and get herself together.
* * * * * *
That Friday night, Julie and Gary met for dinner at a restaurant, as was their routine. She followed him home and they lounged on the sofa, sipped wine and watched a movie together. When they went to bed, they had sex. It was the same sex they always had. Certainly, it wasn't bad sex. But Julie couldn't help thinking how it paled in comparison.
It bothered her that, during sex, she was more preoccupied with comparing than feeling guilty. She should have been consumed with guilt and she wasn't. She should have been horrified that she was thinking of Greg while Gary was laying between her legs, but she wasn't. And she should have been ashamed that she was once again faking her orgasm with Gary.
After he came, they kissed and snuggled for a few minutes before he drifted off to sleep. Julie could only lay in the dark and think about the sex she didn't have. Gary, for as loving and attentive to her as he was, simply didn't have the key to the cage. The cage that held the side of her that Greg had released.
It had crossed her mind to let at least some of that sexual energy into her lovemaking with Gary. But she couldn't. It didn't seem... appropriate. Gary probably wouldn't understand. He might even get worried. Or at least confused by the sudden change. In any case, Julie couldn't bring herself to introduce a change like that. It needed a catalyst and Gary just wasn't it.
She quietly slipped out of bed and down the hall to her PC and opened her email. There was, of course, nothing from Greg. She toyed with the idea of sending one to him and even got as far as typing a subject line before stopping herself. How would it look if she sent him an email around midnight on a Friday night? Pathetic, that's how.
It wasn't like he didn't know he had the upper hand here. Why reinforce it? Why admit that she knew it?
But how else was she going to find out why he stood outside her hotel room door with the key in his hand, knowing she was waiting in bed for him, and chose to walk away?
Julie tried to envision a fantasy scenario where they were in a hotel room together and she refused his advances until he explained himself. And when he did, when he told her the reason he had left without entering, she would send him away unsatisfied as a punishment for taking her so lightly.
It was what she should do. Refuse him next time. Not be taken for granted.
That plan, of course, had its own failings. First, it would mean she wouldn't get fucked. That in itself was likely to jeopardize the plan. She had willpower and self control, of course. But did she want to deny herself something so good and likely to be experienced so seldom? Second, it would drop her lower on, if not completely off of, Greg's list. That was an asinine thing to worry about. She should never in a million years let that be a reason. But what if, in making her point, she ruined any possibility he would ever be with her again?
She could picture that smirk on his face when she made her stand. That smirk that said she was going to get the worst of the deal if he turned around and walked out. It was infuriating to feel at his mercy. Especially when she didn't need to be, did she?
But what were her alternatives? She wasn't in a position to go looking for another man. It was already a huge risk Julie was taking with Greg. And there was no guarantee that she'd find someone that made her feel the way he did on the first new guy. How many men was she prepared to sleep with anyway? None, of course.
Which meant she was stuck with Greg and doing it his way. She would simply have to prepare herself not to expect much. When and if he came to her, she would have to seize the moment, enjoy it to its fullest and not worry about when the next time might be. She didn't like that. She didn't like that he had the control. But she was determined to take what was offered with as much dignity as possible. She wouldn't throw herself at him, wouldn't beg. She'd just make the most of any opportunity Greg gave her.
With that less-than-satisfying resolution made, Julie deleted the email she had started and went back to bed. It was a long time before she fell asleep.
* * * * * *
Over the next few weeks Julie had intermittent contact with Greg. Several emails a couple of phone calls and a conference call. But no emails from his personal account and no personal banter when they spoke on the phone.
It bothered her that he didn't even acknowledge what he had done. Was this how he kept women he had already been with away? It would stand to reason that if he was always out looking for something new, he wouldn't want to be crowded by women he'd already had. Is that all she really was now? A woman he'd already had?
Why else would he not say something, anything, that acknowledged that they had been intimate? They had had sex, damn good sex at that. Didn't that deserve something?
Greg was polite, professional and friendly with her at all times, but there was nothing in his tone or words that even hinted at their nights together in hotel rooms. It wasn't really a cold shoulder, but it felt like one. Julie had spread her legs for him, gotten on her knees for him. They had more than a work relationship. But no one would ever know it by their conversations.
And maybe that was by design, she wondered? Maybe that was to protect her? Possibly. Certainly, she had the most to benefit from his discretion. But it didn't feel like something he was doing for her sake. It felt like he had done her and moved on.
Fortunately, her new job was quite demanding and didn't give Julie much time to dwell on the issue. There were details to be ironed out from her meetings at Greg's company, deadlines, reports, more meetings... It was a whirlwind around her most days.
And that was how Gary's birthday crept up on her. She already had his present. One of them anyway. She had bought a month ago. She had seen it, knew he would love it and snapped it up immediately. But there was still the matter of his 'other' birthday present.
Julie was never very oral with Gary or any boyfriends before him. Maybe three or four times a year she would go down on him and not stop until he came. His birthday was the one day of the year that he was guaranteed she would suck him off. Today was Tuesday and his birthday was Thursday.
They actually had a routine. They would meet at home after work and they'd have a glass of wine and she'd sit him on the sofa and give him a small present to open. Afterward, she would get between his legs, undo his pants and suck his cock. Poor Gary got a full blow job so infrequently that he never lasted very long. Five minutes later, Julie would be spitting his seed out in the sink, rinsing with mouthwash and then going back to snuggle with him on the sofa for a few minutes. Then they'd go out to dinner and maybe a movie, depending on how they felt. When they got home, another glass of wine while he opened his big gift. Then they'd go to bed and have sex.
At one time Julie had found the predictability of it reassuring. It felt good to know each other so well. To know your part and be able to relax and enjoy it. And Julie honestly did enjoy pleasing Gary. She just didn't get excited about the prospect, like she had with Greg.
And now, that quaint, well-defined routine filled her with a sense of anxiety. How would it feel to get between Gary's legs after she had knelt before Greg? How would Gary's almost apologetic demeanor compare with Greg telling her to do it? How would her body react to having Gary in her mouth after the wetness—and orgasm, even—that she had experienced from having Greg in her mouth? How would it feel to spit out Gary's cum after she had swallowed Greg's?
The act itself didn't concern her. Gary was easy and she didn't need to do anything special to please him. He would cum quickly, letting her get on with the rest of the night and its routine. In bed she could lay there and let him do as he pleased. She had been faking most of her orgasms lately and, if need be, could fake that one too.
The anxiety had more to do with what thoughts would go through her head and, more importantly, how she would feel. If what was so exciting with Greg seemed like a total chore with Gary...? She didn't know how to finish the question. Its implications were potentially dramatic.
If there was nothing about sex with her husband that made her feel like she did when she was with Greg...? Again, there was no conclusion to the question that didn't scare her.
Thursday morning Julie was once again busy enough at work to keep her worries about Gary out of her head. Until she got an email from Greg. It wasn't from his personal account and it didn't have anything personal or suggestive in it. All it said was that he and two other people from his company would be visiting a company near Julie's next week and, while they were in town, they wanted to stop in and check progress at her company.
Greg was going to be in town. Would he want to see her?
How rotten was it that she got this email on Gary's birthday? She had misgivings enough about tonight, how she would feel about it, what thoughts would go through her head. Now she had to think about Greg being in town next week?
Wondering if he was going to set up a rendezvous with her?
When she arrived at home that night, Gary was already there. Julie had been hoping to get home first and have a little wine to loosen up before he got there. It was ridiculous that she was feeling uptight. She was going to give Gary his birthday blow job. Why was that suddenly stressful?
She would understand if she felt guilt or something more along those lines. But the truth of the matter was, she didn't seem to have any remorse. She was just nervous about what she would discover about herself. Not that she expected any surprises. She knew what she was going to feel. And, more importantly, what she wasn't going to feel. Going through with it was only going to confirm what she was already quite sure of.
That it was Greg she wanted to be with. Not her husband.
Gary greeted her when she walked in with a glass of white wine. She took it, clinking her glass to his and taking a sip. Then she kissed him affectionately.
"Happy birthday, hon," she said, smiling at him, her hand behind his neck, fingers splayed in his hair. He grinned back and kissed her again. He knew what was coming, but he hid his enthusiasm. Julie knew he loved it when she went down on him and she knew he wished she'd keep going until he came more often than she did. But he would never come right out and say it.
Would it change anything if he did? Maybe. Or maybe not. Gary telling her he wished she did it more often was not even a pale echo of Greg commanding her to suck his cock. Gary would never be able to say something like that. So blunt, so forceful. So masculine and dominating.
And frankly, did Julie even want him to? It wouldn't seem natural for him, that was for sure. And it also wouldn't be the Gary she loved and married. Gary acting like someone else or even Gary genuinely changed wouldn't work either. They had a relationship based on him being who he was for so long, a change like that would be like starting over again. And if she was going to start over again... There was another thought she purposely chose not to pursue to conclusion.
Julie took another sip of her wine, then set it down and went to get Gary's small gift. It was just a couple pounds of gourmet coffee beans, but Gary loved gourmet coffee so it was a gift that couldn't miss. Especially considering what he was expecting after opening it.
Julie took her time getting the present and joining him in the living room. He was trying to pretend he was interested in the gift, but there was a child-like twinkle in his eye. It was there every year, Julie knew. She had always thought it was so sweet that he got so worked up.
But this year it just seemed... well, sad. Almost pathetic. He was like a puppy about to get a new chew bone or something. There was suddenly nothing erotic about it for Julie. Another man had told her to get on her knees and suck his dick and she had. And it had gotten her so damn hot!
Gary's embarrassed, poorly concealed enthusiasm was pathetic by comparison.
After he opened the coffee and gushed over it, Julie gave him a big smile. The big sultry one she used for special occasions like this. She slipped to the floor between his legs and undid his pants. A moment later, his erect cock was out and in her hand.
He was a nice size and shape. But there was no comparing him to Greg. Gary had a nice dick. Greg had a long, fat cock.
Julie gave him the special smile one more time then took him into her mouth and started bobbing up and down on him straight away. Gary moaned softly and shifted on the sofa. His breathing quickly got thick, heavy and in minutes Julie could feel him getting ready. A moment later, he burst in her mouth. She slid her lips up and down a few more times before letting him drop from her mouth. She flashed him that smile again then, without a word, she stood up and hurried down the hall.
When she reached the bathroom, she closed the door and spit the contents of her mouth into the sink. She swished some water around in her mouth and spit that out as well. Then the mouthwash.
Julie wasn't sure why she was going through all of this. Was it habit? Routine? Or was there simply nothing about Gary that made her feel like she should swallow for him? Greg's towering manhood demanded it. Gary's didn't even meekly request it.
Later that night, Julie was once again laying in bed with Gary snoring softly beside her. They had gone to dinner, come home and opened his present. Then they had another glass of wine before going to bed. They had, as was their routine, had sex. It wasn't bad at all. Probably because Gary had cum just a few hours earlier. That and he was a considerate lover, doing what he knew how to make it good for Julie.
But she hadn't cum. She almost had, but just didn't quite get there. It wasn't really fair to Gary. Before, a night like tonight would have been great for Julie. Or at least very good. Now, she was lost in a world of comparisons and the only thing she could see was what she didn't have. It was totally unfair.
It wasn't like she wanted to feel that way. That's just how it was. Those nights in bed with Greg had raised her expectations and it wasn't possible to just erase them from her mind. True, this was a problem that, had she been the faithful wife she was supposed to be, never would have arisen. Now that it had though, what could she do?
It was another tough night getting to sleep.
The next day she had almost forgotten about Gary's birthday. It was sad, but true. In the brief moments when her job wasn't demanding all of her attention, her thoughts wandered to Greg. He would be in town next week.
Would he make arrangements to see her? It was likely that, if he was in town to visit another company, he would be dining with them. But what about after dinner? Or before?