All Comments on 'Just a Glimpse'

It's extremely wordy. Yes, adjectives are important, but too many becomes tedious. Your sentence structure is absolutely horrible. You end sentences in the middle with periods? Example: (Divine blind faith thats all they have left. If your sharing that tangible leg of the triangle with others.) It should read; Divine blind faith, that's all they have left if you're sharing that tangible leg of the triangle with others.Here's another one: (Then it can only be shared in balance, one to one. If one looks out of the greater circle to see another. Or even inside the circle, as a triad, to see another.)

It should read; Then it can only be shared in balance one to one if one looks out of the greater circle to see another, or even inside the circle as a triad to see another.

Also; I applaud your attempt to do something a little different but a single viewpoint soliloquies gets boring real fast. I'd try to write another using the more common first or third POV and watch the sentence structure.

He rocks! Or is that she?

Bobsflop and systech the usual duo favoring the shit every day. I'm sorry but I could not finish, this was just one long winded boring piece of drivel.

Better than most of the tripe that gets posted here.

It's so refreshing to come across a meditation like this. Every two or three books I read, I'll set down the usual pablum and turn to the likes of Richard Russo or Michael Chabon. Thoughtful, well conceived, beautifully written - and brave. Thank you for sharing your gift.

I like the idea behind the story but I think it would benefit greatly from proof reading and editing.

He can run for a while, but eventually she will find him. Then she will apologize to him and he will be forced to go through the rest of the pain that he has only put off. Running away is never the way to handle anything. Face it, face the truth, look at the wound and clean it out, bind it, heal and move on. He is only postponing the inevitable and letting an infection set in the wound.

Sure, there are a slew of grammatical and spelling errors, but if you think about it for a second, although he used their instead of they're, for god's sake, they read the same, so just read it and listen and all the errors become invisible. Get over it.

The story itself was an unusually thoughtful of the feelings involved in the discovery of betrayal. Excellent story.

This wasn't a story...Just a man's thoughts...Nowadays no one can hide forever, not even Bin Laden was! So I have to agree with @sugna: This is all but over. He didn't have really learnt his grandpa lesson: Yes he had to live with his guilt, but that guilt showed every time he was with his grandpa, or was going to meet him. In the case of his wife he ran away she wouldn't have to look at him when they meet casualy, didn't have to see his sadness. So in the scale of 1 to 10, this wasn't a 5, but a 2...However well written and his thoughts and believes clearly explained. 3*

Completly enjoyed the story from his point of view. Thanks for the novel story. I must say that it does seem like only half the story was told, but I guess that was the point Duh! (Sorry a Homer moment). Great potential for a follow up sequel from her side of the coin. Thanks for sharing

with out facts and closure. TK U MLJ LV NV

Interesting idea. I don't think it was completely successful. I did start to skim. Then I would stop and read for a little while, then start skimming again, then stop to read, etc.

This could use a traditional narrative for the second part, if there is one. Where he realized that through his job or family she would find a way to communicate with him. Probably find him.

A second part would allow you to develop both characters. Give the reader an emotional investment in your protagonist.

Thanks for the read, JayDiver.

AMerryman

now give me a glimpse from her pov.

Excellent writing and expression of emotions, well done.

Please continue writing. Maybe from her point of view would be interesting.

Sorry but no. 80 % of the story wasn't needed. Just his internal whinny monologue. Also the whole running away she will never see me again. What's up with this. I tried running away once. I was like 8. Since then I grew up.

And different. I like different. But, each and every case of someone being unfaithful is different, some can handle it and some can not.

When a wife one loves has an affair, it can run the gamut from a deliberate and drawn out thing to a moment, perhaps nothing more than a passing wind, meaningless.

In my case, finding out was a confession, and there was no giving or even taking. Just a moment of lust, loneliness, weakness, a bit of alcohol to lower the resistance, and then it's over.

There is no taking back that moment.

Next came her guilt, an admission. Knowing the probable reaction, knowing the pain both caused and felt.

Following that is the evaluation of the truths, does one wish to cast everything aside for a meaningless moment? Then one must seriously think of one's own basic weakness.

We humans carry flaws.

So much enters into the mix, but one truth stays and it stays for all time.

That is.. the pain.

How much of that can a person handle?

Everyone is different. Some stand and fight, some curl up and quit, some run away. Some can come to accept, hoping there is never a repeat.

In my case, I did all four, not in that order.

Will any of that ever completely heal?

The answer is, no, of course.

Good job with the emotions,

Thanks,

MGM

Quite deep and well-written story about the sudden death of a marriage, and the way one man decided to face it and let it die. Not your usual Literotica story, that's for sure, but I liked it. I gave it a five even though there were spelling mistakes a spell checker would have corrected easily. Quite talented writer, no questions about that.

In a branch you don't deal with......?

I guess you've laid out a state of mind/marriage as you see it. It's also apparent you have absolutely no clue regarding alternative lifestyles.

But explaining it to you would be like trying to explain vision to someone who has been blind since birth.

Anyway decent writing but I couldn't read it through. 3*

I prefer btb but this worked. 5

But without a followup about the wife actually tearing herself apart with guilt, this is the kid from "A Christmas Story" fantasizing about coming home blind from soap poisoning.

Excellent imagination! Different perspective.

I try to overlook some grammatical and spelling mistakes. However, this story begs for an editor.

Keep writing, you show promise.

I had to re-read parts of this story to relate the latter part to the earlier part, but it was well worth the effort. (The sudden switch, with the real-life image of the younger couple embracing being related to the '50's calendar picture, was the part that threw me off track in the flow of the story.)

The use of pictures to illustrate the narrator's belief system was the part of this story I really appreciated. Those firmly held beliefs then drove the behaviour described in the latter part of the story.

There have been comments recommending that the author now write a follow-up story from the errant wife's point of view. I think JayDiver is a talented author but, if his own beliefs are reflected in this story, he would have to be more than just talented to understand how the wife character could behave as he believes she has.

The story showed those beliefs to be so strongly held that no consideration could be given to an alternative explanation of Kat's behaviour. Tall Dark and Handsome was the candy and she had succumbed to temptation. Considering the image, innocent alternatives may be improbable, but the possibility never entered his mind.

A story well worth thinking about.

Lue

will you please write a story after all your comments are not that great and i'm sure i could use a laugh.

Actually, I think I'd like to hear Kat's point of view, also.

Normally, I think a story doesn't work well without dialogue, but your story was the exception that proved the rule.

It worked really well.

It was a good read so far and I can understand a lot of what he is thinking and going through, the story just fills unfinished and that there is more to be said. All in all it was very good.

Reading this story was like having someone tell me how to build a clock instead of telling me what time it is. His initial point was that some times you can read a relationship by just a quick look. Got it! Yes, the writer believes he is an artist and writes in word pictures, but some time artists use to much paint.

Complete. It needs no more.

Thank you

I enjoyed the story, it was different, but incomplete. I found it to be similiar in feel, though different in the telling to "The Cost" by qhml1. Her penalty is she does not get to love him any more. Her actions took that right away from her and that the anguish within herself would be far greater than any he could place upon her. I agree that it was somewhat wordy. You were too descriptive in places and it dragged. I admit to pushing forward in a few places to see what where you were going because I was getting lost in the imagery you used. Please do continue though, I would really like to hear the wife's thoughts and the results. Maybe even a little of the thoughts of "tall, dark and handsome." What if any does he care of her pending divorce. Does the husband sue, does it impact any of the characters at work. You did not mention the husbands job that I recall, though I might have missed it. How can he "disappear" financially long term. One error I thought was his going to a branch of bank they did not use, but accessing a safe deposit box to get bearer bonds. How?

This plot is weak, he leaves only takes half ,who is punished more. Take it all and disappear if you can. But how is that possible , you have to change you identity get a new ss number. New name . Or leave in a hole and end your life I think not. Your a business man ,you give that all up. For what. You are punishing yourself for doing no wrong. Makes no sense.

Foolscap is right. Perfect as written.

It's a bit on the weak side.

I know I'm being picky, but I really like sentences with verbs. Without them, I usually have to read that "sentence" over again and waste that time and mentally lose my place in the narrative.

Also, and maybe I did skip some words because I was frustrated, but if our hero did not see wifey doing more than hugging and kissing, can he really be sure that she has begun a full affair--so sure he abandons his life? Also, why does he have to kill the rest of his life because of her?

But this story was an entertaining dish.

And so, so true. I chose the same route, run. He may not have thought of it as running, but it is. My plan was to gain my revenge by taking myself away from her. I would never be there to hold her hand when she felt bad. Comfort her when a parent died or put up with her screams when she gave birth to our children.

I simply stared through the bedroom door, home two days early, took a photo and forwarded it to my sister and then left. She didn't see me while on her knees, her face pushed into the pillow and her eyes closed. I set it as my screensaver and left it sitting on the kitchen table with my wedding ring on top.

Without my wife knowing I knew, there was plenty of time. Taking my old restored '64 Chevy truck, our only vehicle paid in full, I drove away from my old life. A stop at our bank, taking half minus one cent, I drove away.

It's been seven years now. My brother works in law enforcement and keeps me up to speed. She was devastated and in denial for the first year, yet unable to explain the photo on my phone. After that, my little brother would call when he thought she might be getting to close finding me. My wife wants to reunite, rebuild our lives and swears to my family she made a mistake.

Yes. And the ramifications are that she no longer has me. I sent word back through the grapevine that she was my past and to build a life without me.

Because I would never be in hers again.

But she continues to look.

lead to extraordinary -- yet wholly understandable -- perceptions. Revelations, rather. Well-conceived and courageously executed!

Quite a perspective . . . I really enjoyed this. And for those who said she'd eventually find him . . . I don't think that was the point.

She will find him, or maybe he'll even contact her for some reason, legal or otherwise . . . that 'contact' is not the point. Maybe she'll be excited and relieved at that contact, but it will be short-lived. She'll realize that her husband, the man with whom she shared a life and faced the world . . . that man is gone forever. Now he's someone else, his heart s broken and forever changed. The marriage is dead . . . he is no longer truly her husband and partner in life . . . the bond is broken. Apologies and entreaties will fall on the deaf ears of a person she doesn't really know. She'll see that, and realize that now she's just someone he used to know.

TOO WORDY? Only if the reader is an idiot

I sympathize but the narrator was so attuned to his wife's higher ethereal side, he missed the cues regustering on low end of spectrum where his wife wanted her butt smacked hard, hair yanked back and called demeaning names. That's what the cheating spouse was probably getting at no - tell motel. I'm not deriding the poor guy. Been there, bought the accursed t-shirt. Lesson learned.

Cue some Elvis on Spotify and get over it. Elvis Costello that is, not the fat, drug addled one who died in despair on toilet after first wife bailed . I'd actually like a sequel where lessons are learned and applied. Rhein1 wrote some wonderfully crafted stories in this ' poor betrayed bastard ' vein, but he rarely showed the recovery process that should happen if character has requisite grit to get by in a cruel,cold world ( or so it seems in immediate aftermath ).

Some of the phrasing was awkward and cringe-worthy. I can see how you felt you had to make his thoughts fit the "cerebral" description, but you couldn't qjite pull it off.

It's not the wife's POV on the cheating itself that's intriguing so much as her reaction to his response. He thinks she'll be wracked with guilt and will desperately search for him and agonize if she can't find him and convince him to forgive her, but...?

The premise is that he saw all in just a few moments, in the picture that she and Romeo set for him in the parking lot. He saw it all, and he knew all that he needed to know. She had turned away from him and her marriage before she embraced Romeo, and in that active decision to turn away she ended their marriage, their bond, their relationship. The Romeo she turned to is irrelevant. He knows she betrayed him, he believes he had no warning or indications, so he will come to realize that this Romeo may not even be the first, and will very likely not be the last. She has, finally, completely revealed herself to be unfit to be a loyal loving trusted wife, to any man. Her facade of virtue and principles has crumbled as she looked into his eyes, and saw the reflection of her cruelty and vicious betrayal in his eyes. She will never forget his look, those eyes, the moment she killed his love and devotion. The moment she killed her husband's soul. I saw and felt all of that in your clumsy but profound narrative. You can hire editing. You can't hire profundity.

But, how they move forward is entirely an open question. He presumes she will live forever in guilt and remorse, while he spends the rest of his life, doing what? Devoting his life to somehow making sure she lives the rest of hers in guilt and remorse, spends the rest of her life looking for him, seeking his forgiveness, seeking a reconciliation? Dream on. She somehow justified her betrayal in her own mind. She will eventually justify finding a new lover, a new relationship, a new sucker? Or she may use this pain and loss to grow up, to actually become a real woman of principle and ethics. She may learn her lesson. What will be sad will be that while the first husband bears the pain of teaching her this lesson, it will probably be another man who reaps the benefits of her now mature faithful love and devotion.

But it doesn't have to be. We all have options, and choices. In these stories I am always reminded of Esther Perel's advice to broken couples: "Today, in the West, most of us are going to have two or three relationships or marriages. And some of us are going to do it with the same person. Your first marriage is over. Would you like to create a second one, together?"

There is always a sequel.

Thank you for your time and talent in writing this story. And thank you for having the balls to allow anonymous comments. I hope mine is worth your efforts.

Complete, he is so attuned to his wife, he knows exactly how she will react (reminds me of "Words" by jezzaz). And everyone who thinks this is "too many words" is just an idiot.

Although I disagree about loving more than one, about what the one can give this is superb writing. It forever ingrains in the reader what marriage is to this writer.It shows how he would come to the rational behind his actions leaving his wife. It shows pain so clearly no reader could not have empathy. I think about marriage and sex a bit differently. And, I would in no way leave without confrontation with her and him. I would try to find revenge against him. For her I would want her to know what indifference feels like although that may take a while. After that revenge thru a life lived well. Want to end by saying that even though I disagree with some of the thoughts and actions this writer wrote his truth so well with so much feeling it is lowly scored even with the 5 I gave it. Thanks for using your talent.

Too much too soon. The internal dialogue was too much. If you want to write a paper on marriage then do that. If you want to write a story that's different. It would have worked well if you stretched his thoughts out. Had action happening and insert his thoughts in. A little at a time. The story would have been much better. I like the ending. Using her love and guilt as an anchor.

The narrator assumes that the wife would be devastated by his disappearance and that the agony would be long-term. I suspect not. She may be initially devastated, but based on her actions as described, would not be in that state for long before finding someone else. He's assuming she loves him as much as he loves her. That assumption is really faulty based on her actions. Since he didn't have a clue about her infidelity, who's to say tall, dark and handsome is the only one during their marriage. He's throwing everything in his life away based on his relationship with his wife to go and do what? His best reaction to the betrayal would be to stay and find someone else who strongly shares that belief in the sacred circle. The wife paid lip service to it but her actions showed just how weak that belief was. A life well-lived with someone else would be the best revenge in this case. He took the cowards way out with his decision to just disappear.

Everyone, from the author to the commenters, are thinking too much. Our betrayed husband did what he had to do. For the cheating wife, life as she knew it is no more. A sequel with dialogue would be a wonderful thing. Consider it.

Five Stars

Running has come up in many a story here before. The usual arguments come up every time along with accusations of cowardice.

I'm a runner. I've told my wife if she ever cheats I will just leave her. I know her well enough to know that would be her greatest pain. Not knowing where I am, whether I'm well and the fact that whatever support she got from me is gone forever.

Its worse than if I died. She knows I'm out there NOT wanting her in my life, not caring if she took her meds, giving her foot rubs...you get the point.

Why stay and let her try to justify her decision to cheat? Fuck her!

She knows that is how I would handle it.

If I was the cheater, I know the punishment I would be subjected to. Trust me it wouldn't be pleasant.

The story was difficult to read at times with the word formatting, but over all I think the author gave us what was intended.

I'd like to read wife's POV and see how he does with it.

It was good reading the mind of a man being cheated on by his wife, lover and best friend. All his thoughts and emotions while giving his version of how he handled it. I would like to believe I could just walk away but my rage would most likely take over. I most definitely would have attacked him for my own satisfaction and leaving is ok . He only took half but in this day and age it would almost impossible to not be found by a person who really wanted you. My pride and ego after attacking him would then lead me to making a problem at their job and telling everyone in site that knew us especially his wife if he was married. Totally immature I know but some satisfaction after they humiliated him and tested his manhood. The cheater deserves all the pain you can inflict on them especially when they are being loving in their marriage like all is ok . It's phony ,sneaky , liars like that with ice in their hearts until they get caught that feel entitled to do what they want. Cheating is a very thought out act with excitement and fear ever the drunk thinks about what if I get caught but unfortunately in my his society the higher percentage of couples are cheating. Many will never get caught but a good majority will and the trickle down effect on the huge amount of people it effects. First kids, immediate family, all the friends who don't know how to act or interact without hurting the other one. Families are forever changed daily and on special events and holidays . It's a major earthquake that you hope never having to experience. Her side would be good to read but it will be loaded with excuses of why she did it and how meaningless it was . Many stay together but how I don't know. Without trust how could you stay. They work together also so who would leave the job. What would he have her word never again. In their situation with no kids why bother to work it out her live obviously wasn't as strong as his. With kids I can see riding it out with no care for as long as you could. Drain the money , show her no real love , gestures gifts etc. for as long as you can. Find a girl who might be ok with seeing you knowing the situation. When the kids are older than just dump her or him they'll deserve it. Sounds hateful but I think that might be my game plan.

Thank you for the thoughtful story. On balance the concept was good but the execution was not as strong as the concept. Some of the writing mechanics made it a bit hard to read, but it was worth the effort.

The world is a pretty big place. I am thinking you can run and hide from a remorseful spouse if you really want to. It requires some smarts, fair resources and a family who won't rat you out. Yet, a bus ride across town, cash for motels, and a new laptop is not exactly like looking for a needle in a hay stack in the longer term. If you are staying in town, then you are doing so for business, relationships, or connections that the remorseful spouse surely knows about.

Is running a cowardly choice? Is more information needed before a decision can be made? Depends. Mostly depends on who you are and what you believe.

I think you meant to portray the tortuous windings of a mind muddled by catastrophe. The fact that I had trouble following you at times indicates how well you succeeded. Like others, I'm interested in the wife's perspective: I wonder if her thoughts are any clearer? I also like the distinction you draw between "loving" and "being in love:" it's an important one, even if your narrator can't express it very well.

Thank you for writing.

This story, here on Literotica, compared to 98% of the other stories in LW is like a Master' painting hanging in the National Art Gallery in D.C. compared to an elementary school hallway covered with 3rd grader's drawings of their latest field trip. No comparison.

Incomplete sentences, lack of proper punctuation and misuse of words drove me crazy. A common mistake among writers on this site is the improper use of there, their and they're. You misused all three. I encourage you to revisit verb conjugation. If you're (your) going to use pluperfect make sure it fits. I liked the story, but as I said it drove me up the wall.

I don't know how I missed this the first time around.

I thought of a different teacup analogy. If Grandmother's fine china teacup is accidentally dropped, it can be glued back together and put up on a shelf to be admired, cracks and all. If it is thrown down on the floor in anger, it will always be a reminder, and can only be thrown away.

I'm always amazed at the "good" wives, who are distraught at the loss of their husband but still risk that loss by cheating!

???? It's either really good or really bad, I can't tell.

Love it. Very well written and presents a new perspective. No negotiation, no discussion or mediation. A brutal and sudden end to a good marriage.

Your job your life ends because your spouse cheats, settle up with her, confrontation and explanation, then cut all ties with her off. Running solves nothing .

A total waste of time!

I could read along with the nameless protagonist in this "glimpse" and can follow the logic of his thinking. Some of the comments think he's a wimp, some think he did the right thing, some are annoyed at him for running away when she's at fault, some want revenge... I think that all responses are appropriate...for certain people. You can't say that there's a right way to react to this and a wrong way. All I can definitely say is that the author should learn a little more about the English language and about sentence structure. It was very distracting to this reader to have a sentence broken into two parts with a period placed between them. It took something away from the flow of the language which was the major strength of this vignettte. 4*

Your story is good, no it's great. A simple analygy of what is important. Thanks. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟.

He knows she can't reconcile her self-image with her actions, without his forgiveness. The absolute worst punishment is to deny her forgiveness. Perfect - and it's not 'running away', because he's executing a plan. Any violence, confrontation, or material punishment like taking all the cash, or putting her out on the street, would only allow her to rationalize that he's cruel, neutralizing her guilt. So he left her with the pain that he felt during those moments in the parking lot. He left her with exactly what she deserved: half of everything material, but zero of his emotion.

He's making so many stupid assumptions that I had to laugh. He's basically leaving everything to her. She'll get a divorce, sell the house and move on with all the assets. By disappearing he made it easy on her. (Besides even a dumb PI finds him in 2 seconds with him taking bearer bonds and a black credit card.) She'll carry no guilt and won't morn his leaving for even an hour. This was badly thought out drivel. What kind of pussy just walks away? The only consequences were the ones he paid. Badly done.

It seem anonymous doesn't get it again. Lost cause I guess. She killed it, now live with it. As far as fighting over procession's, not worth it. just take what you need and move on, just like he did. Its all irrelevant.

and he thinks he knows his wife. What an idiot! His long drawn out explanation or in his own mind excuse is totally delusional. She made her choice and chose the other guy. So she has already replaced him and he made it easy for her. Her cheating makes it very clear that she has no respect for him. Cheaters are selfish by nature and only care about themselves. Now she can be the victim to all her friends and family and play the "my husband abandoned me" card. She loses nothing. I can see him wanting to get away and start over but in the way he did it leaves her free to be with her lover and pay no consequences. Pretty sad if you ask me.

I enjoyed it. He did something that she can never receive from him. Forgiveness. She will want it but never get it. He was fortunate because he can start over. He has his business and assets and no children. Well played. I realize there is a part of me that wanted her to be publicly humiliated, but this is good as well. She now has to lie down in the bed she made.

concept that she will be hurt by his leaving because she is such a good person. And will be able to see that she is to blame for the dissolution of their marriage and therefore be unable to continue on without his forgiveness. Nah. If she thought herself a good person and she knew that good people don't do what she was doing, if it was indeed a bad thing to do, then she would have to convince herself that what she was doing wasn't all that bad or that she had been given reason to do it by some outside source, in order for her to do it. And if she had reason or it wasn't a bad thing to do after all for whatever reason then she wouldn't have any problem at all living with what she had done. If that is all you got for revenge you might just have to live with the fact that you are the only one who is going to hurt in this mess. But I agree it was well written and though somewhat stilted, an enjoyable read. I find that I gave it a 5 on my first read and stand by that rating after my second read.

I still love her and I know she still loves me despite the fact she's having sex with someone else.

Pathetic and delusional claptrap!!

Wake up dude. She doesn't give a rat's arse about you or your marriage.

Except to your own personal hell hole that someday has to be climbed out of.

...intelligences by claiming it is a style choice.

It is, in point of fact, bad sentence structure and therefore, bad grammar.

Stilted falls far short of the almost jerky-jerky feel your over-frequent use of periods where commas rule, gives this piece a rough texture. Not halting, not troubled. Stumbling.....

Don't get me wrong, it's a good story, even if narrated by a too introspective character. I'd suggest that we got his philosophy and position within four paragraphs.....but he went on and on, almost rehashing the thing....waiting, observing, preparing, until she saw him and he could dump his wedding band and phone for maximum dramatic effect.

But, and I explain here why I like this story, I relate to his solution. He saw her and observed her with "Mr. Tall, Dark and handsome....and too slick", then she saw him and her world (excuses, rationalizations, self delusions, self respect, if she had any) came crashing down as soon as she saw and recognized her husband standing close enough to see perfectly, if not hear some of what they were engaged in.

That he dropped the tokens of their lives and managed to disappear from a parking lot, comes off as a pretty good trick....seeing as how most parking lots are wide open affairs and short of crawling between cars, he'd have the devil of a time making past the seekers without being seen and followed.

But OK, let's accept that for now.

He spirited himself away on a bus.

I guess I wish the story had a second chapter to explain what he did next.

It would be interesting to compare notes with my own experience.

This story has an eerie resemblance to the end of my prior life. That I survived mostly intact is somewhat a tale of its own....maybe someday.....

Anyway, I'd suggest you "cut to the chase" about 9 paragraphs sooner, next time the deep philosophizing but bites. It doesn't serve you as well as you might like.

Oh, and wouldn't a follow-up story be nice? Especially in this case, because the response to wifey's infidelity was rather unique for this forum.

Finally, walking away (bless the BTB crowd) to a plan is far more reasonable and potentially devastating than any retribution you might dream up. And if it isn't, she wasn't worth the trouble it would have been, anyway.

Thank you.

The views are very well scripted. I only WISH WISH WISH you people would believe in getting an editor as your attempt at the English language is terrible.

Words mean things. When you misspell a word or use unnecessary conjunctions or run-on sentences, you change the MEANING of the very critical idea you wanted to get across to the reader. In this case it is a tragic loss because I think you have a very good story to tell.

Good luck next time

She won't be hurt by his leaving.

If you are going to run away take everything not half!

Your are a idiot who has fantasy dreams that aren't anywhere near true.

The reason she had someone else is because a wimp like him cannot hold onto a woman.

You have a fine writing style, really. These commenters would give Shakespeare pause. Some of the technical comments on grammar and punctuation may be worth some review. But the thoughts and expressions in this story are good and entertaining.

Please?

First time round I gave it 2 *, I now think that was a little high. I found this very hard to read which is not how fiction of any type is supposed to be. It can be funny, light, dark, clever, stupid But it should be easy & enjoyable to read. NOT so this tale, I think you missed the mark with this story. 1 *

Lots of smart, effective writing here. But a man with this type of tortured idealism is just the type to misjudge his woman. She probably wanted some hot, hard, nasty sex that he would never have even considered. His head is in the clouds and she is getting her arse paddled red and fucked hard during her long lunch breaks at the Tic Toc Inn on the outskirts of town.

The other red flag is the breathless tone of this author's writing. You can just see his wrist turned against his forehead with the classical angst-filled, upturned eyes staring into the heavens. Speaking of painting and images, half of this fever swamp of flagellation looked exactly like renaissance art.

And the thought of her wasting half of her life searching for him is a truly bizarre self absorbed fantasy of the highest order. Maybe a weak-willed year of craigslist ads, ha ha, while she treasures that well-used feeling she gets from her loverboys. Supply room horsing!!! Ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

That's a first impression. Maybe a second reading will find more to praise.

Married that long then just a glimpse is all you need. A glimpse is all you need to know she is fucking or going to fuck him. That she will betray a life long mate just for some hot cock. Jay accurately describes the sense of loss he feel. Great story thank you and hope you have a follow up

Very deep and dark. A glimpse into his mind. The writer can make his character any way he chooses. The abstract part on marriage was poetic. Good job.

While a very good story, your usage errors made it less than excellent. When you wrote this you didn't know how to use "it's" and "its". There are many places to learn about correct usage, including right here in the How To section of Literotica. If you haven't yet learned how to use those two words, your writing will be much better if you do so.

You may be a good writer but I have never liked stream of consciousness. Which is what I think this is. I prefer a much more pedestrian story with a plot a dialogue. Nevertheless, it must be well written based upon some of the comments.

anon.1

Not clear exactly what the husband saw but in the end he punishes himself not his wife. The story assumes that she is a normally good person who had a fling with a player. Husband is convinced that she loves him and that his love for his wife is stronger than ever. Husband is convinced that the player is just looking for a quick fuck. If all of that is true, husband is giving up his life; wife, work, friends and everything he knows because he thinks his absence will punish the wife. She will get over it. If he doesn't come back she will convince herself that it was his fault she cheated - he drove her to it. Her life will go on. She will find another while husband fucks up his own life trying to hide when she won't be looking for him.

On the other hand, if husband confronted the wife there could have been reconciliation. If not he could have popped her belief that she was such a good person. A better punishment is for him to show her that he could do just fine without her.

Thanks for your work but I only gave this a 3.

reasonable man

Ludon said what I think. Very interesting monologue. Well done!

As powerful as the portrait you describe, this piece provides profound insights that deserve reflection. I am a "closet" Grammer Nazi. However, the content of this forced me to judge this a "5".

I would have enjoyed knowing a little more about what he saw, and more about the wife. But still a good flash story. A full treatment in what happens in both lives would be really interesting.

Author, I sincerely hope this is your last attempt in the Loving Wives category. Because I consider this one a dismal failure.

90% of infidelity and the pain it causes goes on in the mind of the wounded spouse. Those who want to watch are voyeurs. This is the pain of betrayal and the self-destruction that it causes.

Great idea. Well thought out. Well executed, except...

Man, get yourself an editor who knows what they're doing. Your work is easy enough to proofread, and spell check, and grammar check. Helping you to make it flow more smoothly is truly where the 'action' is, however.

Don't get discouraged by my feeble attempt at constructive criticism. Also, keep in mind that I rated this 5*

PLEASE ignore the notorious LW trolls, and continue to contribute to LW, so that all of us can watch you grow, and enjoy the output.

The wife’s view after he is gone. We need it!

Need editing, but good stuff.

If he hasn’t known anything prior to this glimpse in the parking lot he needs more info. Is it a close friend who told her he just got engaged, got her a promotion, whatever. Yes, most likely it’s what he assumed, but for a marriage of someone he truly loved is most likely good enough?

I understand his stance, cause most likely it would be mine as well. But a major decision like this he needs more info. Plus, he should love himself more than he wants to punish her. Eventually for him to heal and move on he is going to need lots of answers from her. If he is planning his future in that one instance just with the mindset of hurting her as much as he hurt him that’s not a healthy mentality in the long run for him.

NO EDITING NEEDED

Yes, there are some flaws.

But the plot is original and colorful.

Nice job!

Top ratings from me.

But your character is a pussy.

He will live with his hurt over the years, never knowing as the author plays this ending of the story. But maybe so will she, if, if, if her love was as he believes it was. So the ending inconclusive as to the lack of hard closure, yet.....

What wonderful telling of the thoughts and feelings. Therein the power of the story.

very convoluted. looks like u were trying to make a story a poem or a poem a story

so far from the more simplistic (though enjoyable in their own way) fare in the LW genre. Thank you.

Platon is much more thrilling...

I love the sense of finality that the protagonist possesses buy as we all know life moves on. Perhaps a continuation only from her perspective would well received?

Nicely done...

But, why does he believe that Kat will be feeling the guilt he 'hopes' that she will?

She is fundamentally a good person,, how can he be sure of that after this episode?

So, therefore, she will feel the loss, feel remorse.... seems a bit unlikely that she will see herself as paying for her indiscretion for any length of time.

Good story though. And well written.

I enjoyed that

A story told by internal monologue is about as hard to write as it gets. I've tried it and I don't think I did this well. This is an excellent story. Well done!

This story I've re-read a couple of times, it's superbly written and grabs the read with just 2 short pages. You can feel what he feels, know what she is feeling. Not much more say.

Well written, but wordy, more philosophical than entertaining. Five stars though, I got through it, enjoyed it. But would have been much better to have been explained in dialog. Of course in this story he's alone and not talking to anyone. Remember though, no matter what my ctiticism is, I know this story is way better than anything I could write.

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One thing though, he got the bearer bonds from the safe deposit box in bank branch they don't use? Wouldn't the safe deposit box be in the branch they normally use?

5 stars - I like this one.

Just thoughts and feelings.

This is what's missing from 90% of the LW stories.

Please keep writing.