Try the free LITEROTICA WEBCAMS!

All Comments on 'Just Being a Good Neighbor'

by FrumSexStories

Sort by:
Newest FirstOldest First
  • 4 Comments
FrumSexStoriesFrumSexStories8 months agoAuthor

Realized I gave the Male protagonist two different last names, so that's an issue.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen broken shopping cart wheels on the ground. How about never. I’ve seen plenty of bad wheels still attached to carts, though.

FrumSexStoriesFrumSexStories8 months agoAuthor

Yeah, good point. Should've had her push the cart into her or something. Lets go with suspended belief to cover up my bad plotting

reader1000reader10005 months ago

Strong plot, could use more backstory for both of them. And proofreading. Two places with duplicate paragraphs, plus a few other errors. But a good effort with some tension as well.

Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Login
Post as:
Anonymous
Login
userFrumSexStories@FrumSexStories
10 Works
28 Followers
Writing stories with Orthodox Jewish protagonists. My Protagonists will not be only participating in Halacha-compliant behavior. Please contact me with feedback, especially constructive criticism.