Just Beth

"No problem, the girls aren't babies anymore and one way or another we'll all survive." I said, talking out my ass not having a clue how it would affect our daily lives but hell, she deserved it, didn't she?

At first there was more than a little traveling involved because she had to meet with a whole new group of customers. Instead of them being only local, the new ones were multinational and sometimes had marketing offices in more than one location. After the first three months we were all whipped. At times Beth would leave on Monday morning and we wouldn't see her until Friday night. We would all talk on the phone but it wasn't the same. In the months that followed the travel became less, but she was always gone at least one night a week. She was stressed, yet had that look of satisfaction on her face.

"I nailed it," she said, beaming and laying a big kiss on me as she ran through the door jumping into my arms. "They loved my layout and asked if I could come up with one for the new line that's coming out after the first of the year," she said, kissing me again. "Isn't that wonderful?"

"I knew you could do it. Why don't you sit down, have a glass of wine and tell me all about it while I finish making dinner." And that's what she did in the greatest of detail. I was interested, but it didn't mean as much to me as it did her. I can't say it went in one ear and out the other, but I didn't press her for details. I had my own problems every day, and I was trying not to burden Beth with them. So after time it seemed that we no longer talked shop when we came home and only dealt with the issues that directly affected our little family unit, which turned out to be a big mistake.

Plaque, that's what they become. Little pieces clogging up the pathway between us. A missed dinner here, a weekend of conflict, lovemaking put on the back burner, and problems dealing with our two daughters, they all started to add up. When Beth missed our summer vacation due to a work related emergency and when I forgot our anniversary unkind words were spoken by both of us. When we argued about whose job was more important the gap started growing larger. The good morning kiss was the first thing I noticed disappearing from our normal morning routine. When I did make an effort to track her down and give her a kiss before I left the house, it felt like more of an imposition instead of something to look forward to. Like I said, resentments and disappointments accumulated like plaque in an artery imperceptibly choking out intimacy, the lifeblood of our marriage. The little snips and pot shots became almost a daily thing and no matter what we did, it wasn't getting any better.

"Hon, we need to talk," I said, sitting in bed waiting for her. She was going out of town tomorrow and something she told me to do didn't get done causing a little tiff earlier in the evening.

"I thought we did that earlier tonight," she said a little too sarcastically for my taste.

"Drop the attitude, I said I was sorry," I replied in an apologetic tone. "Beth, we seem to be arguing all the time now and over the stupidest things."

"Steve, you're the one who usually starts it, not me," she said in a defiant tone.

"See what I mean? We don't talk anymore." I pointed out to her. "We go from issue to issue until one of us takes offense and then we start to argue about it. It makes no sense."

Beth had her own point to make. "I used to try and tell you how my day went but you weren't interested. You also stopped talking to me about your day. It was as if we had nothing to talk about but stuff that went on here and that seemed to always lead to an argument or fight between us."

"Why don't we make a pact that we take ten minutes a day and talk about our day to each other. This way we stay attuned to how the other is feeling and why," I suggested.

"Whatever," Beth replied with a sigh.

"See what I mean? I make a suggestion and you shoot it down before giving it a chance."

"All right, we'll try it when I get back from Chicago, anything else?"

"How about some alone time for just the two of us?" I threw out.

"Steve, if you haven't notice, we have two little girls roaming the house at all hours of the day and night. As soon as we shut and lock the door they want to know what we're doing in here. You want to explain that one to them?"

"How about if we get away, just the two of us. My mom can watch the girls and you and I can sneak away, eliminate the distractions, and reconnect. You know, like we did before we had kids."

"That might work. We can leave our cell phones, computers, and the like in the car. Set it up and let's just do it." She was now smiling for the first time in a long time.

We didn't have a quickie that night but took our time and made love for a change. We had gotten out of practice, but like riding a bicycle it all came back. I made sure I showed her how much she truly meant to me. They say women need to feel cozy and loving to have sex, but guys use sex to access those feeling to give them back to their partner. Right now I was feeling cozy, warm, and in love with my wife.

When I called the next morning and set it up for the following weekend, I probably should have first checked with Beth about the date, but she did tell me to go ahead and set it up. I was still feeling that afterglow of what had been a great night of lovemaking and just went ahead and booked a room at a romantic bed and breakfast.

"Steve, I can't go this coming weekend. Carl and I are planning on working late Friday and if necessary Saturday morning to get a project completed. Look, we might be done Friday but I can't be sure. I wish you had asked me before you went ahead and made all these plans." She was right but it didn't set too well with me. Carl, Carl, Carl, I was getting sick to death of hearing her boss's name by now. I pouted like a stupid little kid, which started another argument about how important her job was to her and how people were counting on her even if I didn't think so.

You know, men can really be stupid sometimes. When we stopped arguing I took it as a good sign. Hell, our relationship must be improving because even though we weren't talking any more or any less, we were no longer arguing. I didn't find out until much later that was a bad thing. Beth, it seems, had kind of given up in one way, believing what was the point. She wasn't getting anywhere arguing with me so she just stopped.

Slowly over time the gap between us had gotten bigger and wider to the point where one night I tried to remember how long it had been since we'd made love and couldn't remember. That was like getting hit in the face with a shovel.

When I asked her if she wanted to fool around that night, the look I got wasn't priceless. It was like I had just asked her for one of her kidneys.

"I'm really not in the mood tonight. How about I give you a rain check?" I wasn't to be deterred.

"Well then, how about one of my famous back rubs? You used to always ask me for one of those." I said with a big smile.

"Steve, I'm tired and just want to get some sleep, if you don't mind." But I did mind.

"I'll bet your shoulders are all tensed up. Why don't you sit in front of me and I'll give you a neck rub to get rid of your stress?"

"Steve, I already told you, I don't want a damn back rub. What, are you horny and want to get your rocks off? Why don't you go in the bathroom and do it by hand? For Christ's sakes, please leave me alone!" she shouted at me.

"Fuck, where in the hell did that come from?" I thought to myself as I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I wasn't going to hang around for another outburst. I looked at her, grabbed my pillow and headed out.

"Steve, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she said, but it was too late. I was already across the hall, shutting and even locking the damn door of the guest bedroom.

"Steve, let me in. I'm sorry, please let me in." That didn't happen. You can say a lot of things to a guy, but when you reject his advances and basically tell him to go fuck himself—well, you're hitting way below the belt. I didn't get much sleep that night.

Thursday morning was chilly for it being a mid July day both outside and inside the house. Beth said she was sorry for saying what she had, but added I should have left her alone after she told me for the second time to back off.

"Don't worry Beth, I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."

"What do you mean, if that is what I want?" was her immediate reply.

"Take it anyway you want."

"What are you going to do, pout?" She asked in a condescending tone of voice.

I quickly retort back with a "fuck you" and was out of there.

My crews paid the price for Beth's comments. Even though they only screwed up a few little things I jumped on them with both feet. The only problem was I ended up apologizing to them all even after they told me to go screw myself, or to get myself laid before I came to work tomorrow morning. I knew that wasn't going to happen.

I got home early and had dinner on the table by five thirty. I waited until six and then my girls and I started eating. Beth came bounding in at six thirty-eight while we were clearing off the table and putting the dishes in the dishwasher.

"You didn't wait supper on me?"

"Why? I didn't have a clue how late you were going to be so we waited until the food started getting cold and then ate without you."

"You know, we do have a microwave," she spit out at me.

"You know, you do have a home and family," I shot right back at her. "There are leftovers in the refrigerator," I said walking out of the kitchen.

"I'll fix my own damn supper."

"Suit yourself."

I knew she was going to be pissed, and I normally would have waited dinner on her, but tonight I was making a point. A stupid point but a point nevertheless. I was sitting on the bed, in the guest room, reviewing a bid on my laptop when I noticed Beth in the doorway.

"Are you done sulking yet, or are you going to keep making me pay for not giving you sex last night?"

"You really don't get it, do you? Can't you see what has happened to us or don't you even care anymore? When was the last time we spoke nicely to one another or even had a conversation without one or the other of us giving the other a cut or cheap shot ending up in an argument?" I asked looking at a confused Beth.

"You started it with your juvenile reaction to me being tired last night."

"Forget it, I give up." I said going back to my bid trying to ignore her.

"So, are you going to sleep in here now?" she asked in a tone that said she was itching for a fight.

"Weren't you the one that asked me to leave you the hell alone? Well, I'm doing exactly what you asked, nothing more nothing less."

"Good, maybe now I'll get some sleep at night without someone slobbering all over me." I was hot now.

"Well, you can't be talking about me, it must be your new boyfriend," I said getting up and shutting the door in her face.

"Stephen Moore, you open this door immediately," she yelled beating on it with her fist. "How dare you accuse me of cheating? You open this door right now." She began kicking at it. I didn't open the door but she was persistent. Beth came back three times that night checking to see if I had unlocked the door. I hadn't. I was no fool or wasn't one any longer.

I tried to sneak out the following morning but she was up waiting for me.

"You really expect me to believe that you actually think I'm cheating on you? Where in the hell did you get that hair brained idea? Steve, sometimes I don't have a clue where your mind is at."

"At least I know you don't care, so that's a big relief. Why don't you go out of town for a while and give us both a break. You can tell your good buddy Carl what a horse's ass I am and then he can tell you what a saint you are for putting up with me." Short, straight, and right to the jugular.

"You really are an ass, you know that?"

"Yes, and at least yours for not that much longer," I said walking out the door into the garage. She followed me out to my car. I got in locked the door, started my car, and left her standing there in her fuzzy pink robe. It wasn't two minutes later that Beth was ringing my cell phone. I didn't have anything more to say to her.

************* Steve was right. I was talking to Carl about my marriage. I should say we were both talking to each other about our marriages. Carl was married to a real shrew who didn't work and all she did was spend his money. Carl took every out of town trip available just so he wouldn't have to go home and be with 'HER', as he put it. He would tell me how lucky I was that I had this great husband and family.

I don't know why Steve thought there was something going on with Carl because he was always the perfect gentleman. He would open my door, buy my lunch when we were out of town, and did his best to mentor me in dealing with demanding customers, which was how most of them were.

When Steve and I started to have issues, Carl always had a suggestion on how to resolve the matter. He told me to negotiate from a point of strength, this way I wouldn't have to settle for anything less than what I wanted or deserved. And believe it or not, it usually worked just like he said it would. Steve got used to me traveling and working late. When he started playing golf on Saturdays I did my own thing. No one was going to dictate to me anymore.

My success grew right along with Carl's. When he got a bonus, I got a bonus. When he picked up a new customer, together we both went out of town to meet them. We were a team.

I knew there were problems at home, but didn't all marriages have rough patches? I was always busy and stressed out due to the crazy demands of my customers—nothing was ever good enough for them. I couldn't understand why Steve didn't understand and just back off until I wound down? I guess maybe because I never talked to him about it. Hell, we never talked about anything anymore.

In the beginning we were a team especially after Linda was born. What happened? I know we each had our own work issues to deal with but now we were dealing with them alone. Perhaps we each didn't think the other would understand. At least that is what I thought. And I knew if Steve couldn't understand what I was dealing with at work, Carl could. He was there with me through it all and knew exactly what it took to get the job done. Hell, if I needed to work late he was there with me every step of the way offering up ideas that we could try. He had become more than just my boss, he was my good friend.

When he and his wife separated we'd talk for hours. He told me it was the job of my husband to support me, not try to bring me down.

Last week was bad to say the least. We had to redo an ad a customer had rejected and Carl was a wreck because his wife had served him with divorce papers. I was stressed to the max and Steve wanted to fool around and wasn't taking no for an answer.

I lost my temper and snapped at him. It really wasn't him I was angry at, more so the whole situation I was in. I felt like I was being pulled in every direction. Work, Steve, the kids, I was at my wits end. Then Steve and I had a huge argument and for the first time in our marriage, when I wasn't traveling, he didn't spend the night with me. I was wrong and tried to tell him but the following morning he still wasn't in a good mood and we started in at it again. Everything was coming apart at the seams, and I felt like my brain was going to explode.

When I eventually got to work, I was sitting at my desk and just lost it.

"Carl, I need to take a day of vacation, a sick day, or a damn personal day today," I said with my eyes wet with tears.

"Beth, you okay?"

"No, I'm not," I started to say when the tears started rolling down my cheeks.

Getting up, Carl pulled me into his office and shut the door putting me into the seat in front of his desk, looking for that box of Kleenex he had somewhere in his office.

"Here," he said handing me two tissues.

"I'm sorry Carl, I just lost it. Steve and I had a big argument last night and again this morning. I said some ugly things to him and I don't even know why."

"He probably deserved it. Doesn't he understand you're basically running your household not to mention the work you're doing here? He just doesn't appreciate you the way the rest of us do," he said giving me a hug. "It would serve him right if you kicked his ass out."

"Carl, I don't want him to leave, I just want it to go back to when we were happy."

"Take it from me, when a marriage starts to go sour like yours, there's no going back. If he doesn't want to do it your way, fuck him. You have to look out for number one because no one else is going to."

I looked at Carl hovering over me and realized one thing—I had to get out of there.

"Carl, I'll be back tomorrow. Nothing on my desk is that hot that it can't wait for twenty-four hours. I'll see you in the morning."

He was still talking about something as I rose and made my way to the door.

"Remember, don't let him push you around, stand tough." With that statement I was out of there heading for home.

**************** "If you piss off one more of my crews I'm going to have your ass, you hear me?" Jill demanded coming into my office holding her oversized coffee mug. "I'm serious, for the last two weeks you've been a bear around here and I don't need to contend with another Greg. With Greg, I can give him a little and he's happy as a lark. With you, well, I'm not giving you shit, but I might have to call Beth and have her ball your eyes out or something," she said with a smile, I wasn't smiling at all.

"All right, I'll back off a little."

"A lot," she snapped back. "Are you and the misses having problems?"

"Nothing more than normal it seems lately." I said tossing down my ruler. "It just seems lately we can't get it together and we're always fighting about something or another."

"Steve, you both work full time and deal with deadlines every week. I know it's hard, but the two of you need to leave work at work when you shut your office doors. Taking it home with you will do neither of you any good. Hell, when Greg gets out of sorts I just remind him that we're in this together and if he wants to go it alone to let me know. You may think he's a hard ass, but he's really not, at least not with me. We built this company up together, however we both know what's really important. So when it comes to us or this company, we pick us first."

"Maybe I'll pick up a dozen roses and a fancy card on my way home tonight."

"Then what are you going to do tomorrow? Candy, jewelry? How about the next day and the day after that? Steve, you can't buy your way back into her heart. Greg tried that years ago after a really ugly fight, and I told him he didn't have that much money. One rose and a little note will be a good start, but only a start. For the next twelve days bring her a single rose and a personal note. I don't care how big an argument you've had, that should break the ice. If not, you've got bigger problems than the two of you can handle on your own." She was right, what did I have to lose?

The last hour of the day I struggled trying to come up with some cute little phrase but they all sounded trite, like some stupid cliché. Finally I just wrote one line and headed for home stopping off at the flower shop four blocks from the house.

Her car was in the garage and dinner was all ready on the table when I walked through the door into the kitchen. When our eyes met I wasn't sure which Beth would be greeting me tonight. The kids were in the kitchen asking me who the flower was for, grabbing at it and the little card.

"Girls, give your dad some breathing room and go wash up for dinner," Beth said still keeping her eyes on me.