Just Beth

It took just five steps to bridge the gap between us. I handed her the rose, gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and mouthed the word 'sorry.' With her arms around my neck the floodgates were opened and we just stood there in the middle of the kitchen holding one another.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Megan asked standing there looking up at the two of us.

"I'm just so happy, that's all."

"Grown-ups do that all the time," Linda said to her sister sitting down at the kitchen table.

"Let me get rid of my briefcase and I'll be right down," I told Beth prying her head off my wet shoulder.

Looking at the rose, she opened up the card. 'You mean the world to me' was all it said on the card. The tears started again.

"Well, how are my girls tonight? Did the two of you get into any trouble today?" I asked coming back into the kitchen and dishing out the food.

"Megan didn't make her bed this morning, but I did," said a beaming Linda while Megan stuck out her tongue at her sister the tattletale.

"Well, maybe you should have helped her. After all, you are her big sister, aren't you?"

"Yeah, you should have helped me," Megan piped in now looking smug.

"I think you both need to help around here. You know your mother works very hard and needs all our help."

"Mom, I can make cereal for breakfast," Linda said shoving a huge piece of pot roast into her mouth.

"I think I can handle breakfast, but thanks just the same," she said still looking at me. We never exchanged a word between us at dinner. The kids filling the void talking about what we should be doing this weekend. We all watched Pirates of the Caribbean in the living room after dinner.

When the movie ended, with the minimal amount of horseplay and tickling, I carried two bundles up the stairs to their room, one under each arm. I wasn't going to be able to do this much longer because the girls were getting older and heavier. I struggled up the stairs. With the girls in their pajamas, I gave them each a kiss and told them their mom would be up shortly to tuck them in. I guess a couple more tickles wouldn't hurt. I riled them back up while they hid under their covers to get away from me.

"Two wild girls waiting for you upstairs," I told my wife when I passed her on the stairs heading towards the kitchen.

I finished up in the kitchen and got my stuff ready for Thursday's meeting. Did I have any plan for later tonight, especially where I'd be sleeping? Not really but I wasn't going to start out in the guest room like I'd done last night. I may end up there, but I wasn't going to be driven from my own bedroom without a fight. Fight being the key word.

Beth was still in the girls' room reading them a story when I went by and looked in on the way to our bedroom. I laid out my clothes for tomorrow and slipped into the shower to get the grunge and sweat off me.

How had we let things get this far out of hand? I couldn't lay all the blame on Beth because in reality I was just as guilty as she was. It appears that when you don't talk you can't solve your problems. Well, I wasn't going to stay silent any longer. I may piss her off and have her yell at me but at least it would be a start. She was already in bed when I walked into our bedroom.

"I'm not having an affair, you've got to believe that. I would never do that to you," Beth said waiting for my reaction.

I looked at her, dropped my towel and put on the shorts I normally slept in.

"I didn't really think you were, but I wouldn't have staked my life on it. Crazier things have happened to married couples."

"Whom, may I ask, was I supposed to be having this alleged affair with, anyway?"

"Well, the name Carl comes to mind, after that I wasn't sure." At this point I decided not to get in the bed with her just yet.

"Carl? Carl, my boss? Steve, he's over ten years older than I am and married."

"I thought you said he was getting a divorce?"

"Yes, he is getting divorced, but he's still married right now. You thought I was cheating on you with a married man? You really must have a low opinion of me right now. How about the mailman or our parish priest? Why didn't you come right out as ask me?" She was now starting to raise her voice a little.

"Think about it from my perspective. We stop arguing because we've stopped talking about anything important. You basically cut me off sexually and for the last two months, when you were out of town with Carl, you never even bothered to call me at night. You can't imagine what was going through my head."

"Your fingers weren't broken and you could have called me to see if I was in my room at night or shacking up with CARL," she said over-emphasizing his name.

"I thought about it a couple of times, but if I'd called and you weren't there I probably would have gone nuts and done something stupid. And then when I had found out I was wrong, I'd probably have fucked it up even more between us. So I just waited for you to say something," I explained to her.

"Listen to us, you were waiting for me and I was waiting for you and we kept growing further apart by not addressing it. I don't love Carl, I love you. He's just a good friend, that's all. He was just someone to talk to when you and I weren't talking"

"So instead of talking to me, you talked to your good buddy, Carl? What did you tell him? Everything? Did you tell him that we no longer have sex? Did you tell him I told you to back off when you got on your high horse? Did he tell you I was an ass and that you could do no wrong? When was all this taking place? Over intimate dinners and drinks?" My voice was crackling and getting louder with every question I peppered her. Was she discussing the most intimate details of our marriage with her new friend, and her boss, no less?

"It wasn't like that, I didn't tell him everything," I looked at her when she said that. Her eyes were telling me she was lying. She had most likely told him at lot more than she should have.

"Jesus Christ, Beth, how could you?"

"Steve, please keep your voice down, the girls will hear you."

"What great words of wisdom did he have for you? They must have been something really spectacular being that he didn't even have the where with all to save his own marriage. What did you tell him? That our marriage was in the toilet and you had your hand on the lever. I'll just bet he told you to flush, didn't he?" I didn't even have to wait for an answer, it was written all over her face.

"What was next? He was going to console you and maybe the two of you could ride off into the sunset? I can't believe you were that naïve or were you just that unhappy in our marriage?"

It was bad enough that she was opening up our life and marriage, but the fact it was to her damn boss made it even more demeaning to me. Predator was the first word that came to mind.

"Look, I know we have problems that need to be worked out, but what kind of advice can a person in an unhappy marriage give you? We need to work on our own problems and not when we're both tired and stressed out," I told her. She looked at me. "I suggest we take the time this weekend, just the two of us to talk about our issues. You write down your issues and I'll write down mine. Maybe with clear heads we can come up with a few good ideas. But no more third parties." I was insistent upon that.

"I'll tell my mom we'll be dropping the kids off for the day on Saturday, she won't mind. Steve, you have to remember I do love you."

"All right with that out of the way we both need a good night sleep, I know I do and in my own damn bed." That, at least, brought a smile to Beth's face. We kissed, cuddled, and held one another until we fell asleep.

"We can do this," I thought to myself driving to work on Friday. "I know we can."

"Well?" Jill said standing in my doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Well what? I gave her the rose but we still have a long ways to go."

"Steve, I didn't say one rose was going to solve all your problems. All it was supposed to do was to ease the tension."

"It did that, but we still got into it."

"Well, when you bring another one tonight she'll see you're serious and after the tenth one, she'll see you're not giving up. It's a small gesture but a good visual one. Remember the card is essential." I thanked her again and was warned about easing up on the crews.

On Friday, when Greg said something about Saturday, I informed him that there wasn't a chance in hell I'd be in the office tomorrow.

"I've got something planned with Beth that can't be changed." He pissed and moaned, like always. I could hear him grumbling all the way down the hall until he closed his office door. My marriage was worth more to me than a few hours of overtime on a project that didn't need to be completed until Wednesday.

Once again I got stuck on what to write on the card. "I love you' just wasn't going to cut it because it was so overused. I needed something that would get her thinking about us. I smiled when I came up with exactly the perfect phrase.

'**********************

"I hope you gave him hell last night," was Carl's opening line to me. He followed with, " I'll guarantee he doesn't know how good he's got it with you."

"We're working on our problems, but right now I need to stay focused on my work and finish the Kemp Foods layout," I said hoping Carl would take the hint.

"Well, let me know if you get stuck. I'll be in my office if you need to talk," he said walking away.

"Thank God," I whispered to myself going back to the layout. When Carl offered to take me to lunch I told him I had brought my lunch and was going to be working at my desk.

By four thirty my layout was almost done. I compared the last three ads I'd done and this one was the best of the four. I printed all four out and pasted them on my display board. I was making notes when Carl walked in.

"What do you think?" I asked Carl watching him studying them all.

"Color is a little muted and I probably would have gone with a different shade of blue, but it's good nonetheless. I think they'll be quite happy with it." Carl turned around and looked at me. "Got any plans for this weekend?"

"We're going out as a family Sunday. Saturday, Steve and I are planning a little alone time." I kept what I told him short without any details.

"Just remember what I told you," he said passing me a piece of paper. If it gets too tense you can call me on my cell phone and I'll come over and pick you up."

"I don't think that will be necessary."

"You never know. My wife and I got into some real dozies and she even tried to rearrange my face with a lamp and cutting board. The bitch is now doing everything she can to latch onto our savings. She is even going after my damn 401K. I should have dumped her years ago."

"Well, Steve and I are no where near anything like that. We just have a few issues that we need to talk out and resolve this weekend," I replied putting all my stuff away and getting ready to leave.

"Don't be too sure, that's what I thought six months ago and now look where I'm at," Carl said trying to stretch out their conversation.

"Well, Steve still loves me and I know we can work out even the toughest problems."

Carl gave me a look like he wanted to say something but stopped short after opening his mouth. "I got to go, have a wonderful weekend," he finally said almost running out of my office.

"Carl is getting weirder and weirder every day," I thought to myself. "But I don't know if I could hold it together either if Steve and I were going through a divorce." I grabbed only my purse. This was the first time in a while I would not be taking any work home with me over the weekend. We needed this weekend to be without any distractions. I only hope that Steve hasn't made any plans.

**********************

I left the blueprints on my desk and headed out. "Have a nice weekend, Jill," I said, passing by her office.

"Remember what I told you, and for Christ sakes leave that temper of yours at the door. You hear me?" She sounded like she was scolding one of her kids.

"I hear you but I've got to get my butt in gear and hit the flower shop before it closes." I waved and was out the door jogging to my car. I picked up my rose, bought two bottles of wine, and a six-pack of Corona. I didn't have a clue what we were having for supper tonight but I bought a French Silk pie for dessert. I was going to do my best to make everything perfect this weekend.

The last ten minutes of my drive I went over my list of issues. There were only five and they weren't issues exactly, more like suggestions. I didn't want to appear confrontational but needed to somehow get my points across to Beth.

"Daddy's home," my girls yelled at the top of their lungs. "And he brought us a flower again," Megan said trying to grab at it as I put all the items I'd bought on the counter.

"Honey, this is for Mommy. Why don't you give it to her for me?" I handed the rose to my daughter.

"Mommy this is for you," she said running over to her mother who was standing by the sink watching the commotion.

"Did you buy this for me?"

"Daddy did, I don't have any money." Beth gave her a kiss on the top of her head.

Beth smelled the rose. It was sweet and would get even more aromatic when it totally opened up. She cut off the end of the stem and put it in the same vase with the one from yesterday. With that done she opened the small white card. 'If it's a boy I think we should name him David' was all it said. She smiled. It brought back memories from the first night we met. We had come a long way in one aspect but were at a crossroads and needed to resolve some issues if we were to go on.

"We can do this," I heard her whisper to herself putting the card and envelope in her back pocket.

"Hon, I'm going to change clothes. Give me ten minutes and we can have dinner

A tuna noodle hot dish with potato chips crumbled on top was a fast and easy dinner. I wasn't a big fan of casseroles but it could be made the night before, and we'd get two dinners out of it not to mention that the kids loved it. I watched her and she me all the way through dinner. I had to threaten the kids twice that unless they cleaned their plates there would be no pie for dessert. They glanced longingly at the luscious chocolate pie staring at them from the counter all through dinner.

Beth walked over to the counter where I was standing getting ready to cut the pie and whispered quietly to me, "Don't give them a big piece or you're going to be the one to have to calm them down from their sugar high." I heeded her warning cutting the girls a small piece of the pie each. "And don't mention that they're spending tomorrow with my parents or we'll never get them to bed tonight." She was right on that one.

By nine o'clock, the dishes were done and the kids were in bed hopefully asleep. Beth and I were sitting in the kitchen winding down having a glass of wine.

"How was your week?" I asked in a concerned voice starting out our night.

"Hectic as always. Sometimes I wish we'd win the lottery and say the hell with everything and everybody else, but since that's not going to happen I guess I'll just have to learn to live with it."

"Why don't you go back to working with the in house accounts? You didn't seem to be stressed out all the time back then."

"Steve, that job is the low one on the totem pole, it's a damn entry level position. The only reason I did it before was because of the girls being young and not in school. This is what I went to school for, this is what I've trained my entire life to do. I can't just walk away from it because it's a little tough or stressful," Beth said getting agitated. I could tell her blood pressure was starting to rise.

"I'm not saying quit, I'm only wondering what it's worth?"

"Your job has stress and I'm not telling you to quit." Beth replied.

"I'm not saying quit but there has to be something less stressful."

"Yeah, if I want to be a damn secretary. You know yourself everyone wants everything yesterday and at half the cost. We'll just have to learn to deal with it without killing each other."

"We'd better, because what we're doing now isn't working for either of us. Look, let's start by comparing notes, maybe that will give us some insight." I didn't know how right I would be.

I brought out my list while Beth dug hers out of her purse. We exchanged lists. She had a list of ten items but only five dealt with her work. More help around the house, being more consistent in dealing with the girls, leaving her alone for a period of time so she could wind down, not bugging her for sex every night, and the two of us going out by ourselves once every other week. The ones about work mirrored mine almost identically. Stress in the job was the big one for both of us. She wanted to make sure I respected the fact that her job was as important as mine. Most of the issues were the same ones we'd been arguing about for the last couple of years.

"Steve, I don't discusses our problems with everyone," came a sharp criticism about one of the items on my list.

"Who else besides Carl do you discuss our problems with? Your sister and please, don't tell me your mother," I was almost pleading about this time.

"No one!" was her immediate reply.

"Why don't I believe you Beth? You have all ready told me that you have discussed our marital issues with Carl, a stranger. Are you saying you haven't said a word to anyone else? Were you and Carl comparing notes to see which one of you had the crummiest marriage? I have to say I am glad to see Carl won this competition."

"It's true, but Carl isn't a stranger."

"All right, Beth, what the fuck is Carl, pray tell?"

"He's my boss and a good friend." I became immediately uncomfortable.

"A friend with benefits?"

"What benefits?" Beth answered.

"You know damn well what I mean," I said in probably too loud a voice.

"I am not sleeping with Carl, for Christ sakes. I never have and never plan to, so get that through your damn thick skull. Do you hear me?" she shot back, her eyes burning two holes through my skull.

"Okay, where do we start?" She took out a pen and pencil and started making notes.

A half hour cooling off period when we got home, ten minutes to discuss any problems we'd encountered during the day and NO MORE discussing our problems with anyone other than the two of us.

"Going out every other week to reconnect won't work, it has to be more often than that, at least from the get go. I propose a date night every Wednesday. It will start after the girls are in bed and go until ten thirty. We can rotate who's in charge."

"In charge?"

"That's right. The one who's in charge gets to plan the night and the other one has to go along with it, no questions asked."

"I don't know, how about if it's something really weird? How about if you want a threesome with another girl?" I gave her the look. "Well, how do I know what you could want to do with a free pass?"

"We'll make an agreement that if the other person has a problem with any planned activity they don't have to go through with it. In other words, you won't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. Come on, what do you have to lose and maybe you'll enjoy it? Also, no working weekends unless it's an absolute emergency and I do mean emergency, not just an excuse to get caught up."

There were a couple of small points about keeping tabs with the other when traveling and an hour and a half after we started we were done, at least for tonight.

"Who get's the first date night?" she asked.

"Since it was my idea, I'm going to give you the first shot at it on Wednesday. Maybe we can finally take the time to get close again," I said smiling for the first time that night.

Things were nice but not as great as it had been in the past. After so many months of conflict, I think we were both a little apprehensive. Don't get me wrong, it felt good to have my wife in my arms not to mention in bed with me, but we had a long ways to go to repair the damage. I did make sure to give her a rose each day along with a catchy phrase.