Just Get Over It

"I needed to Sean..." She said with her voice quivering, "...I mean I HAD to wait until he was older. I had to wait until Jimmy was old enough to handle it. I knew one way of the other you'd be very unhappy. But I couldn't ruin his childhood with my betrayal. I just couldn't Sean. You have to believe I never meant to hurt you, or our family, even though I knew the truth may destroy us."

"You may be right about that." I whispered bitterly.

That statement shook her. She spoke so softly it was hard to hear.

"I knew that bastard would never be responsible, certainly he'd never be a father to Jimmy. Not like you Sean. I knew you were the man for me almost the first time we met. Since our marriage you've been the perfect husband for me, loving, hard working, faithful, responsible. I love you so much. I knew Jimmy would have a wonderful life with you as his Dad. The alternative was trying to squeeze support out of that lousy bastard Rita was with. I knew he'd never step up."

Megan lowered her eyes and didn't speak for a minute. The room was so quiet I could hear the clock ticking in the other room.

"If my math is correct." I sighed, shaking my head. "You must have been fucking him right after our honeymoon."

"It...it was a few months afterward."

"You still fucking that asshole?"

Her eyes narrowed and she scowled as she snapped, "Absolutely not. I had sex with him a few times and got pregnant with Jimmy. After that I didn't speak to him and never let him touch me again. I haven't seen or heard from that jerk since Rita and he divorced."

"I guess I have no choice but to believe you."

"Its the truth. I never want to see him again."

"You want to tell me about it?"

Megan exhaled as if what she was about to say was very difficult.

"I'd rather not Sean."

She took a few deep breathes and said, "But I will if you want."

"God this is so hard!" She suddenly cried. "I've been thinking and planning this conversation for so many years. The sorry details won't help one bit and I know you won't be happy hearing them. But I won't lie to you. And I won't hide anything from you ever again. I owe you that much."

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the sordid details of her affair. I was barely holding it together hearing her shocking confession. But I asked one question that was digging into my soul.

I bit my lip and asked a question that I hated to ask, "Now that I know Jimmy isn't mine, at least not biologically...is Susan mine?"

I felt my heart pounding as I waited for her answer.

"Dammit. Of course she is Sean." She said with an edge, adding. "Considering the situation, I don't blame you for asking. Let me show you something."

Megan stood up and went into our den. I heard her opening some drawers and she returned a moment later with a folder. She lay two documents on the table, next to the DNA results.

"I had both Jimmy and Susan checked." She informed me soberly. "Those are DNA tests for both our kids. I had them done several years ago, even though I already knew the results. But I had them both checked because I knew when we had this conversation, this question would eventually come up."

Megan pointed out a couple charts on the pages. She had a relieved look on her face as she told me, "As you can see Sean, Jimmy has a different father as you now know. But this page proves that Susan is yours."

It suddenly hit me how long she's been preparing for this confrontation. I felt like a chump; an ignorant, unsuspecting chump. I was totally off balance now being expertly played by a cunning, slick talking adulteress. Much like I felt about her asshole lover.

I always knew Megan was an intelligent, calculating, determined wife. I never suspected she could be so cold and manipulative.

"And let me assure you Sean that after my terrible mistake with...well, after my affair, I've been completely yours. I haven't cheated, or had any inclination to do so with any man. I spent a lot of time praying for forgiveness and hope that God with forgive me. I prayed you could too. I tried to make amends to you and our family by being the best wife and mother possible. I hope you feel that I have, even if we can't get past this."

Suddenly her brave exterior cracked. Her red face broke into tears and she began to sob as she ran out of the room. I know it was hard for her to come clean, and I appreciated her honesty, finally. But it didn't make me feel any better.

I gazed at the papers on the table sadly. At least Susan's mine, I thought. Then I angrily snorted and mentally slapped myself. Jimmy is mine too!!!

"Damn that bitch." I cried out loud. "I love him!"

My tears fell fast now. I sobbed for a few moments. How did I feel? Might sound weird but I was less angry than just numb. Mixed with a perverted sense of relief. Sure my wife was a cheating bitch. But at least all my suspicions were verified now. Now I wouldn't have to wonder over and over, did she cheat, didn't she cheat. Now I knew the truth. But the truth hurt, big time.'

Should I throw things around the room? Punch the wall? Attack my wife? Hire a hit man to kill my cheating wife's lover? My mind was spinning. I felt a little nauseous and couldn't think.

I went to our bedroom and found Megan sobbing on the bed.

"I don't know what to say." I said softly.

She turned her head. Her eyes were red, filled with tears.

"Oh Sean. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. Please don't hate me."

"I really don't know how I feel." I told her truthfully.

"I know I'm a fool and did something terrible." She said through the tears. "The only reason I didn't tell you all this time was to give our son the life he deserved, and a father that loved him. I would have admitted my sin eventually. Please believe that. But as a mother I had to give Jimmy his childhood with a father that loves him and would teach him to be a good man. I was afraid that wouldn't happen if I told you before now."

"I guess you didn't trust me then. You're right though. I don't know how I would have reacted back then. Nothing made me happier than when you gave birth to our son, my son. I was the proudest father alive. It was my dream of my life and you gave it to me. So I guess both Jimmy and I received the benefit of your deceit. I can see your weird logic. But you might be right."

"Oh gosh Sean. I was caught in a dilemma. I loved you but I had to do the best for our son. It was the only way I could imagine at that time. Keeping this secret from you was the hardest thing I've ever done. It was a nightmare to hide this secret all these years."

She sat up in bed and grabbed onto my hand tight.

"Please Sean. If you can somehow open your heart and forgive me...for being such a silly fool, I'll do everything in my power to help us through this. Anything! I mean it. I'll never stop loving you, and I know Jimmy and Susan won't either."

"Please." I said, pulling my hand away. "I can't think about the future right now. I hope you understand that. This has been almost overwhelming. I need to absorb it and figure out how to sort this out."

"Okay. That's only fair." She said, regaining control of herself. "I just want you to know that if you see it in your heart to forgive me, and let our family stay together, I'll do everything I can to make it up to you. We all will."

"What?" I blurted out. "We...?"

Megan's face suddenly went pale and her expression froze. Her eyes were saucers as she watched me nervously.

"What?"

"We?" I repeated. "You said we. Does anyone else know about this shit?"

"Well...I had to tell Rita." She reluctantly admitted.

"RITA! Oh shit. She knows about this?" I cried in disbelief.

My wife's head lowered for a moment. Then she looked at me with pity.

"I didn't tell her right away." Megan said softly. "But she noticed Jimmy's looks changing as he grew older. She knew her husband was a slick talking Romeo and suspected I might be vulnerable to his line of bull shit."

"So she knows? Everything?"

"Yes." She squeaked. "We got drunk one night when Jimmy was around four. She began crying to me about Reggie's affairs and how she knew he was cheating on her, but wouldn't stop. She asked me straight up if I had done anything with him. I wanted to lie but I couldn't."

"So you told her about Jimmy." I stated bitterly.

She kept speaking as if she didn't hear me. Her eyes were staring into space and she was speaking in a slow, monotone, as if reciting a speech.

"I admitted that I fooled around with him before we were married."

"My god Megan!" I cried in despair. "This just keeps getting worse!"

Well, they weren't engaged yet and we hadn't become exclusive either. I went out with them a few times while I was still in school. Rita got drunk and passed out on a few occasions and Reggie and I were alone in their apartment. With Rita unconscious, he came onto me. He is a good looking guy and I was flattered by all the attention. I admit I gave into his constant flattery and pressure and we had sex a few times."

"That was before we were married?"

"Yes. We were just starting to date. I was ashamed that I had betrayed my own sister, but it was too late at that point."

"So you told her that?"

"Yeah. I hated to. But we were both drinking heavily and the liquor was like truth serum. When she asked me about Jimmy and if Reggie was the father, I admitted he was. I told her that I was angry with you for leaving me when we had that family reunion, a few months after our honeymoon."

"Christ Megan. How could you be so stupid. That guy's a sleaze bag!"

"I know that now. He and I went out that night. I just wanted a night of fun and to have a few drinks. Rita wasn't around for some reason and I was pissed at you. We hadn't been going out very often anymore and I missed my irresponsible lifestyle, I mean going to all the parties and the clubs. He took me dancing, got me drunk and fingered me in the club. Then he took me outside and banged the shit outta me in the back seat of his car. I'm sorry Sean but that's what happened."

"I knew it had something to do with those training trips." I said dryly. "I knew you were upset with me. But I never suspected you'd cheat on me, especially with a jerk like him."

"I was stupid and drunk and regretted it afterward."

"But not enough to stop."

No. I did stop. I didn't want anything to do with him after that night. He kept on calling me. Every time you left town he would hit on me behind my sister's back. The guy's a born cheater and was relentless."

"So that's when he knocked you up?" I asked, not sure if I wanted the answer.

"Yeah. I was smashed like I said. But not so drunk that I didn't make him use protection. Of course he had rubbers in his pocket. He probably knew he was getting in my pants. When we got into his car, I made him put one on before he fucked me."

"So how did you get pregnant?"

She lowered her head shamefaced and said, "I was pretty drunk and it was late so he took me home. Once he got me into the bedroom he fucked me again. I don't remember much about that one. The next morning I demanded he leave. But he wouldn't go without fucking me once more. I finally gave in and let him, just to get him out of the house. When he finally left I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life. I jeopardized my marriage to you and my relationship with Rita. I just hoped no one would find out about my stupidity.

"So if he used condoms how'd you get pregnant?"

"He used condoms, but apparently one of them broke. I didn't know it at the time and thought I dodged a bullet. You came home, we made passionate love and I vowed I'd never fall into that trap again. I had strange sensations a while later and started having morning sickness. I took a home pregnancy test when you were traveling, and found out I was six weeks pregnant. I was furious. I called him up, cursed him out and never got near him again."

"So that's how it happened." I whispered dejectedly.

"Yes. That night when Rita confronted me, I told her the truth. She was so angry she hit me and I had everything I could do to fight her off. I don't think she spoke to me for a month after that. When she confronted Reggie about it, he admitted we fucked and she divorced him."

"I thought she caught him with a neighbor's wife?"

"That was the story we made up. By that time it was years later and Jimmy was around four and I already decided not to tell you the truth. Rita understood my problem and promised she wouldn't say anything to you. We made it part of their divorce that Reggie had to move away and never come back to receive favorable treatment in the divorce. I've never heard or seen him since and neither has she."

"So the truth finally comes out. You and Reggie the asshole fucking." I spat out bitterly. "No wonder he treated me like such a chump. He knew my son was really his and was probably laughing at me the whole time. He knew you both turned me into an unsuspecting cuckold for years."

Megan studied my face intently.

"I'm as sorry as I could be Sean." She said. "If I could go back in time, I'd never do anything with him. I never would have gone out drinking with him and let him seduce me. A drunken night of sex with an asshole has been a sin hanging over my head all these years."

I was numb. This was too much information, and I felt exhausted. I got up from the bed and walked toward the door.

"Please don't go." She pleaded. "I want to help you Sean. I really do. I need you with us, we all do. You have to believe me. I only did it so Jimmy could have a decent life and have a great male role model to look up to."

She sniffled and whispered, "And I need you too. I know it won't be easy to get by this honey. But I want you, so bad. I need you. I tell you I love you and I have for all these years. I know you might not think so right now. But I do."

"So Rita knows the secret. Shit." I cursed angrily.

"I had to tell her. She kept pressuring me like she already knew. I wondered at the time if Reggie had told her already and she was testing me to see if I'd be truthful with her."

"Anyone else know about this? I hope not."

Suddenly Megan's face turned even more pale. She lowered her eyes and began to sob into the sheets.

"Oh shit. You told somebody else?"

"My parents." She sobbed.

"WHAT? My god Megan! What the fuck were you thinking?"

"It wasn't me!" She exclaimed. "Rita told them. They noticed how tall Jimmy is and how much he resembles her ex husband. You now how she is. That woman couldn't keep a secret if she tried. When Mom asked her about it, the truth was written all over her face. When I heard I was furious. I made them promise not to tell you and they agreed. I said I'd tell you when Jimmy was a teenager. They thought that was wise and we've all kept quiet about it all these years."

"Anyone else know you're a slut? Or just your whole family." I sneered.

Megan flinched at my insult and squeaked, "...no..."

"Well, that's something I guess."

"Only Rita and I, Mom and Dad, and you now of course. But I think some other members of the family are suspicious. How can they not be. Jimmy's getting taller and looks more like Reggie every year. I'm sure he's going to suspect something even if we said nothing. That's why I was definitely going to tell you in a couple more years. I was going to tell you first, and then figure out how to handle this so he doesn't feel angry. I've been hiding this secret for him Sean. I only did what a mother would do to protect her son. You have to believe me."

Then she fell back onto the bed and bawled her eyes out. I could still hear her sobbing as I left the room and went out the front door.

It was overwhelming, unbelievable. I was in shock as I drove around the town in circles trying to think straight.

I had to hand it to my clever wife. I had no idea about anything. She would have made a great spy in another life. If Mrs Cooper didn't give that damn test to Jimmy, I still wouldn't know a thing.

I was so conflicted. I hated her and I loved her. I can understand her reasons why she thought she couldn't tell me. But I wish she had trusted my love enough to come to me. Of course I might have tried to kill that SOB that fucked her. That would have landed me in jail and as Megan predicted, would have ruined our family when Jimmy was still an infant. Not only that, we never would have had Susan. How could I resent what she did to save our family. I hate her. But I love her. Shit I'm mixed up.

I went to a diner and ordered some food. I was hungry but didn't eat much. I kept thinking about what happened to my wonderful life. God I loved my son. He's such a great kid. And he is MY son, not that shit head's, no matter who's sperm created him.

All sorts of thoughts were swarming around my head. If Megan was so good at keeping secrets, how could I trust her. Was she telling me the truth about her fidelity over the past ten years? Maybe there were more skeletons in her closet she hasn't told me. Has she cheated more than she admitted? Was she still cheating on me? How would I know if she was?

It took several hours for me to get back to my home. It didn't feel like a home anymore. But where else was I supposed to go? A lonely hotel? Shit.

When I got there I saw two cars in the driveway and Megan's car in the garage. I walked in the house and found Megan and her sister on the sofa. Paul and Norma Grady were sitting in chairs next to them. They were drinking wine and there were half filled glasses on the coffee table. The DNA papers weren't there.

Megan had been crying and it seemed they were all trying to comfort her. All four heads turned in unison and shot me pitiful looks as I entered the house.

"Oh shit." I whispered with resentment. They couldn't give me one day to process this information without butting in.

Paul stood and came over with his hand outstretched.

"Listen Sean...we're all real sorry about..." He started to say before I cut him off.

"Yeah. I'm sure you are. So am I."

I went into the kitchen and got a glass of water. I could hear hushed conversation in the living room. After a moment Megan was standing at the doorway.

"Sean, can I talk to you honey."

I didn't look at her.

"Mom and Dad want to talk to you. They understand what you're feeling."

"I doubt that."

"They are as sorry as I am how this worked out. But they want to help us get through this."

Paul stepped around the corner and said, "I know this is a bad situation Sean. But you've been a great Dad and I don't want to see your family suffer son."

I answered harshly, "Yeah. Right. Turn the other cheek. I know your religion. No divorce right? Cause God won't approve of it. I'm just supposed to accept, forgive and forget. How do I forgive the cheating, and the lying."

"We can pray about it." Paul told me. "We can get some counseling for you and Megan. Things can work out."

I knew I was too angry to speak to him. I should have just shut up and left. But my mouth began moving and I couldn't stop.

"How about you Paul? Will God forgive you for lying too? How about your wife and your lying daughter? All these years you've been laughing at your poor, dumb son in law. What an ignorant fool he is. He can't even keep his wife faithful. He should just keep his mouth shut and raise the shit head's kid, right?"

Paul was startled by my verbal assault. He looked at me with an expression of disbelief at what I said, as if he didn't expect it. Megan's face twisted into a sob and she went back into the living room crying.

I went out the back door and stood on the deck. It was nearly an hour before I heard them leave. They probably didn't know what to say to calm me, and I didn't either. I guess they got the hint. Leave me alone for a while. Give me some time to get through this with my sanity.