All Comments on 'Just Once: A Sequel Pt. 01'

Actually worked in the command center even though I was EM not many of us.

I am one of those who believe military intelligence (along with other intelligence agencies)is an oxymoron.

There is a few exceptions But they are usually stamped out.

Colonel good example. Does he really want to know the truth or just the sugar coated truth.

Quit reading as this was definitely one of worst sequels. Getting drunk really solves your problems. Feel bad from hangover and lost time. In a serious situation you are probably dead

It makes no sense that she wasn’t having a physical affair while he was in Korea. She’d meet him 2 hours before all of her shifts in a hotel. They were definitely doing a lot more than just holding hands and talking.

Ditto what gladventurer posted. Hope part two is just as good

too much talk, too much analyzing and way too long, just get on with the show and burn the bitch, she showed no concern for anybody.

Outstanding. Shows a depth of character and understanding not common in most LW diatribes. Even though still a very painful read, an easy 5 stars.

What a load of psychological drivel! Why would you portray your military man as such pussy whipped individual?

Way too verbose with an excess of in-the-head thinking. That aside, I will reiterate a repeated sentiment regarding the proper grammatical usage of the words ‘of’ & ‘have.’ It’s a small thing that can be forgiven if it’s a slip up, but it occurs way too often and is extremely distracting.

The pop psychology and the repetition of info due to the letter was just excruciating. He came across as a whiney crybaby, which really didn't help. As for the so called friend, so unprofessional and wrong. Her whole throw her to the curb spiel is undone by the mere mention of real paid for therapy. Nothing she said couldn't have been unthreaded by one on one and couples therapy. Sure he may still want to divorce her at the end but she'd not be the person that the bogus therapist friend claimed she'd still be.

Too many words. Didn't get real. So much explamation with the perfect understanding of what's in her head. Removing that and reducing the length by about half and this would be decent.

But... "They were rightfully angry and hurt and said they wanted to cut the bitch off (to quote Phoebe, you could tell she was a sailor) but as mad as he was Rick made them promise not to give up on her and that her behavior was a reflection on their married relationship, not the one with the kids." Uh... bs. That's for them to decide when she brushed them off. First there adults.

He can say don't cut her off because of me, but that's not what they're doing. He shouldn't get a pass either for his affair, but she ignored them too. They're going to be hurt for what she did to them not just what she did to the father...

should be in the non-erotic category

Wow!!! What an amazing story. You really worked within the spirit of the original story - and the continuation of personalities was indistinguishable from the original author IMO. Looking forward to Part 2!!

I thought it was just too much explanation for me. The emotions ran dry. I didn’t feel his pain. The letter at the end was just too long and it attempted to explain everything to the extent that it sounded more like an attorney who was trying the case in court and not a distraught husband. I think you have the makings of a good writer who just needs to make sure that the mood of your story matches the situation.

Just posted my comment, but reading down the other commenters, I must chuckle but agree with much of what EdgeOfSundown wrote, plus add mine to Ruttweiler. IF nothing else, when writing a sequel, the writer should at least flow in the current of the original. In English for you, that means that the current author can run with the story as he or she wishes. As long as the "theme" remains. This was also done in the multitude of "Feb. Sucks" stories, most notably (to me), "The Bus" & Saddletramp1956's versions. There's also a few other good ones. They all start with the original premise then the authors put their own touches.

>>> Similar to many songs sung by others: the best're the songs they make their own. Bottom line: that's what this fine author did. Sorry if that pulls the sunshine out of your day. Ruttweiler also compares the cheating Rick did with what Marcy did. The only comparison, if any, is that she cheated a year or so while he's in Korea. But still, what he did was after losing friends/ co-soldiers, & was 15 min. How is that comparable? Then include what she did with Dr. Scumbag. I suppose you never were in a war (truthfully, neither was I), but it's not difficult to understand momentary lack of fidelity when you just miss being killed. And he felt guilty immediately after!

>>> Rick admitted in his letter he wasn't perfect, but then... Marcy never said a word to him. Nor, when Diedra came calling, did she ask Rick about it, or even Diedra! However, when she spoke of her fears of him being a helicopter pilot, etc., he switched to Intelligence- & then left the military altogether. Miles apart from what Marcy did.

>>> I won't go into the rest of his bitching, 'cause it's not worth it. I wonder WTF you'll write on part 2; I've already looked at it, but Ruttweiler might blow himself up on it. Won't say anything more, except your usage of this & other authors "hijacking" the stories is, like Marcy's letter, just plain bullshit. Bob

A super story, good writing, thinking & story telling. Yes, there's some errors- words & punctuations along the way, but they weren't dramatic in any shape or form. A proofreader, no matter how good the writer is (& you ARE very good!) is always helpful. Keep up the great work! 5 stars from me. Bob

"of" and "have", just a small thing, as noted by others.

You obviously put much good thought and planning nto your version!

In all seriousness Ruttweiler, who hurt you? Did the females in your family make you dress up? Wear make up? Did they give you your first cream pie? I can't imagine any single self respecting male in your family is proud that you're related to them. You and about a dozen others on here really should have been aborted...

A great story which you have tod well but for goodness sake you need to get a good proof reader who understands the English language. Who knows the difference between of and have, or than and then.

Also the use of the word gotten is a sign of a small of limited vocabulary. It is used because the writer cannot think of the words became, received, earned or any number of words that are correct and isused by the under educated classes.

All in all a great story written by a talented author but just needs a bit of polishing. Well done.

To much talk page 2 and 3. Letter too long, saying the same thing over and over. Otherwise a lot of words. I couldn't write as well, but I know when something is boring to read.

… I believe you have an obligation to continue with and extend the original plot, tone, and characters. Instead, you essentially hijacked the story to basically write your own. I’m sure the original author doesn’t particularly care, but if I enjoyed the original story enough to want to find out what happens, reading your story gave me none of that satisfaction.

Oh, sure, you “burned a bitch”. And of course, the “hero“ of our story is completely vindicated in everything he does. He can fall into an open cesspool, and find the most beautiful woman drowning in it. He saves her and she is grateful to him and marries him and bears his children. And she is always perfect and more beautiful than his ex-wife. And younger. And probably has money, although that’s not necessary. Typical LW tropes, so well and tediously trodden there are deep ruts.

HIS own cheating is excused because it was “brief“, and he was understandably affected by his military experience. And he’s a guy. So, there can be no cause for his wife to get revenge.

And of course any revenge she gets must be proportionate. Cause he’s a guy, and the rules are different. If a woman cheats at all, the guy is justified to do anything he wants to her, because … reasons.

If a wife gets finger fucked at a party, her husband is justified in going out and fucking 10 women and rubbing her face in it. It’s dreary, plodding hypocrisy, and the chuckleheads and trolls around here are shitting the place up with their lack of reasoning, self-awareness and sense of justice.

And “authors” like you hijack interesting stories to throw more shit into the cesspool.

Best sequel hands down.

Good story

Ended up 3 star. Got too meandery and psuedo psycho babble.

As for not orchestrating revenge against the scumbag doctor.....really? "Because at the very least you'll always be under suspicion"...methinks any real combat vet could live with that "suspicion" without giving it a second thought.

I'll check out pt2 and see if Dr Scum gets a real sorting out.

Why hate?!

Quit reading. He cheated pure and simple no f******k excuses for IED etc. In service very long especially combat zone expect to get hit and hopefully helmet and flak jacket protect you. I was single so I had sex on R&R. So did some married. Good ones took their R&R in Hawaii with wives. If can't take the life don't make career. Same goes with spouse. Don't marry service person if can't deal with all the shit.

Percentage of cheating. High I believe because most people don't want to deal with real life. USMC only 4 years. Vietnam 2 tours. Volunteer for USMC And Vietnam. Gung Ho then. Didn't want to deal with shit for longer so got out. Plenty of uncles and first cousins also served. Three uncles and five first cousins made careers in Air Force, Army, and Marine Corp. Eight. Know Two were unfaithful others? But they were type to be unfaithful in civilian life. Hard life for most but their choice. Choices have repercussions. Deal with it.

He just sounds like a pathetic fucking wanker

This. This is the most well-reasoned, well-written "ending" (I put that in quotes because you put "End of part 1" at the end, signaling they might have a future together) of all that I've read thus far.

I didn't care for the way it went sideways at the "end" (see above) but I cannot argue that it was thrown together for emotional effect.

Not bad but the letter was too long.. Should've kept it shorter without rehashing the whole episode.

One more point. By definition,a man who gets jollies from watching wifey have sex is indeed a cuck. This the very definition,and writing some stupid contrary statement in yet another attempt to normalize this behavior so,society can continue the downward slide is just pathetic. Just about as pathetic as the cucks who havezeroselfesteem or respect.

Endless waffling. It seems every fourth paragraph we get a statement about him saving th marriage. Useless psycho babble dialog. Endless repetition, including the letter which simply repeated it all. Only part missing after all the crying and saving the marriage was getting wasted in JD or Jim beam. Pretty certain retired intelligence colonels do not behave this way, do not waffleand need other help to figure this shit out. Junk.

WTF! The dialogue between Dr. Angela Bassett (really! Jesus!) and him was only second to the diarrhea of the mouth that was the letter he wrote. Jesus, no wonder she wants to ditch him, A 25 page letter breaking up is pitiful and unnecessary!! She’ll get two pages on and just throw it out and go back to sucking the Drs dock. So stupid!

@njlauren Re: "should of" and "ain't." - The difference is that people DO say "ain't," so writing that as dialog is correct. But people don't say "should of," they say "should've," so writing "should of" as dialog is incorrect.

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Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that because of the common error, that some people now ARE saying "should of," similar to the way that people now say, "I could care less," even though it's wrong.

The ending letter from him was way over the top basically recounting everything we had read. Didn’t need to do that

Way to much psycho-babble. The MC is a soldier, he acts like a girl guide.

Too much of this is writing "Rick" as a "SNAG"...somebody who would blither on with Oprah or DR. Phil about "feeeeelings" and psychobabble. It doesn't fit an Army intelligence officer or normal men. There would be no wondering how to get the wife he had before back or whether he could save the marriage. It would be over. It's very simple. You got to a place any normal man would reach, but the path was too emotionally circuitous. You wrote his as psychologically feminized through much of this. Keep writing.

Good story!

4

A very good story. You really wrote a great story which fits well with the original one.

I can't wait reading the second part, but I feel that it could end here also.

Too bad both she and Dr Asswipe wouldn't get killed by stray bullets.They are breathing air some good person could breathe...

WAY too much dialogue.

Good story, but "olive green" is really olive drab or OD. Proof your spelling and grammar. I gave you 4 stars but it could have been 5.

Too long winded, full of his "feelings ".....

I M G!!!! To long, to repetitive by far! Ended up being just boring.

thanks for your effort, but way too long and no final answer. Divorce papers not served. I would have her served at the airport in front of her fellow Doctors, nurses for humiliation. Never checked hotel floor plans to find out her room and Dr. Trey were adjoining rooms with interior door, also the other 4 people on the team. A "Tin Can" is a Destroyer, a submarine is a sub or "Boat" that their daughter serves on.

This is to my mind the best of the alternative endings to the story of these two who once were lovers. Sensitive, and deeply thoughtful. Well done!

Well your first problem was starting with a story by idiot "Kalimaxos" then to add even more meandering inaccurate psychobabble on top. Result = garbage.

Tedious, a full Colonel who is a hand wringing pussy, pop psychology at its worst. 2** at best. His main counselors are a lesbian and a late 20 something hottie who is in a cuckold relationship; great choices Colonel. Wife is a bitch, Dr Trey is an asshole. Stop hand wringing and get some revenge.

This view of the situation is interesting, while some of the other writers want to leave financial ruin, some reputations ruined and some want to leave broken bodies this ending just leaves her with a letter forecasting a lonely and bitter future. I like this view very much, thanks.

fukin long way fer a short cut poor writer

Way too much psyco-babble for my taste, but overall not bad.

I wonder if njlauren has a background in psychology? I really liked the way he or she interpreted the wife's letter. I liked how he or she systematically brought the reader into Marcy's thought processes.

A good read.

Writing skill is impressive....

As for the story...tooo much build up

Too much information..

Repeatations...

As for the character or i say protagonist..

Thats the true side of humanity...

Unable to accept the reality..

Always giving excuse of love

But in reality....just afraid of being alone...

Afraid that she would live a life happily...but you will suffer..

He isn't in love ....

He is just afraid and jealous..

In reality Love means a Shit..

If u can carry Your weight

Everyone loves you..then its not...

And there are Characters like Angela...

Claims to be all knowing...

But makes the situation more complicated

What a skilled and wonderful writer you are. Your story writing shows you could do this professionally. Looking forwards to more of your work.

LOL Marcy is a shallow upgrader. Pretending anything else. Her partner is almost as nasty.

Such long overdrawn eleborate overkill bullshit writing

Excellent analysis of feelings. Well written. Looking forward to reading the next part. Though I hope Dr Trey gets a LOT of retribution but perhaps not as it was clearly ruled out.

Why would a man parade his story around , especially to a tramp , and every other female he new. Wimp man too the end / So much for that Military training / coward even as a husband/ and you wonder why she had no respect for him !

Did you get a challenge to use as many words as possible that added nothing to the story?

His letter at the end. Oh good grief. Waffle waffle waffle.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to long

Too much deep thought and teeth-gnashing for such a blatant show of disrespect. BTB ASAP!!

I totally agree children should not be put in the middle. However, they should ALSO not be told that what happened was only done to the wronged parent. Or only a betrayal of the wronged parent. It is a betrayal of the entire family. I support a parent not putting kids in the middle or bad-mouthing the adulterous spouse to them. But I just don't like it when it's made to seem like the betrayal is only between the parents. Maybe Rick was not intended to be doing that here, but I've seen MANY stories on this site and also heard things like this often in real life. Anyway thanks for this story and the fact that you take the time to respond to comments! Much appreciated!!! :)

@njlauren, yes, the original didn't SAY that she went into the hotel, but Rick certainly believed it.

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As far as the kids go, I agree with not putting the kids in the middle, and I wouldn't bad mouth their mother, but if they ON THEIR OWN decided to blame her, I wouldn't carry water for!

I enjoyed the story for the most part, but there were a few details that had me scratching my head. That shrink Angela was really hot and heavy on re-enforcing a point about Marcy still in love with him. Then she come out with a statement like "I think deep down Marcy is still the woman who loves you but I don't think the person she is right now can feel that". That's like saying she used to love you, but not anymore. Much easier to digest, and a lot less wordy. But my version doesn't leave a RaaC on the table, where hers does. My next issue is there is no way a playboy like doc dickless is going to be kept on the leash for years without her giving him some. I remember my slut days, and I didn't go for married women, but I also didn't stick around for dick teases. I have a feeling that this will go down to the RaaC direction, such a shame, but I guess Cucks like it that way.

and the follow-up?

BTW, nice dissection by Angela!

Please continue with the follow up of their lives and her recieving the divorce papers etc..

Just wanted to add a note, part 2 was submitted a day after part 1 and it is in some sort of limbo, shows successfully submitted but it hasn't gone anywhere yet. I have a message into Laurel about it.

njlauren, you say that Rick wouldn't burn Marcy to the ground, it's not in his nature. That's because you as the writer have emasculated him. Your bullshit about the kids is just that. Pure bullshit. Marcy the slut just ruined every holiday or family event forever. Not just for the kids but their kids as well. No going for Christmas at grandpa and grandma's place. All the ignorant ass writers who espouse the view that divorce is just between the cheated on spouse and the asshole simply neglect reality.

I'd also have to say that l believe you to be a cheating slut if you're willing to accept that Marcy was showing up at a motel 2 hours before her shift and was NOT fucking someone or someones while Rick was in Korea. Only someone guilty of this same kind of moral rot could not see whats obvious. Does your husband/partner know? Or maybe he's the kind of guy so many writers create on this site, pathetic, weak, spineless wimp. Waiting for the chance to suck some other guys cum out of your rancid cunt. If that's the case, I will have to give more credence to those stories. I'll still avoid them but I will know they're not a complete, sick fantasy.

Pleeeeaaaase, no RAAC in part 2.

blah blah blah,

too wordy for me.

Maybe part 2 will be better

Thank you

What a load of nothing.The next part needs to be a lot better,like the version where he causes them all sorts of problems in Columbia.

ManoBlue3 days ago

Too long and he was having all those wimpy thoughts""........ Damn there are so many people here who I agree with.

A better ending would be. "The next day I began all the activities required for divorce. There truly was no other option. The end."

A much better ending with far fewer words. And it makes sense.

If you can learn to not be long-winded, I think you can write good stories.

I could not enjoy this story due to its wordiness. A bunch of people trying to psychoanalyze a person they have never met is also ridiculous. I do not really see how your continuation advance the story. His letter suffers the same curse. Words and words of speculation that, ultimately, does not add anything to the correspondence her letter started.

A better ending would be. "The next day I began all the activities required for divorce. There truly was no other option. The end."

A much better ending with far fewer words. And it makes sense.

If you can learn to not be long-winded, I think you can write good stories.

The letter at the end was basically a too-long, didn't-read of the whole plot.

Good story the only problem I had was Rick's pussy thoughts of taking her back, Im glad in the end he finally grew a pair. marcy and trey are a scummy pair that need some type of punishment, it would be for their benefit to help them become decent human beings.

Before voting I want to read the whole series. So I'm waiting for the next chapter.

So far it's one of the better sequeles - in my opinion.

Well you are striking a nerve here. Some love it and some hate it. For the haters a story of two or three paragraphs would do it but where is the fun in that?

I thought this was a well written (except for the use of would of instead of would've) story that shows you have a talent for writing and I look forward to your conclusion. I thought this worthy of 5 stars.

I am embarrassed, those of you who wrote about the 'should of' are correct, should of is kind of like ain't, it is used but is not correct.

With the letter I had the same thoughts as others but I see people's points with not using it. I thought it would show that Rick.had crossed the Rubicon with what to do, but as someone pointed out the divorce papers said that.

For one commenter, Korea was his long deployment that caused so much trouble. The IED was Iraq.

In terms of Marcy and the hotel and getting in early, the original story does not say she went into the hotel when she got there,only she arrived early to park.I chose to believe Marcy when she said she didn't have sex when he was in Korea but she went in early to be around Trey at the hospital as they were having an emotional affair. Kalimaxos left that open.

As far as Rick's character goes,he is far from Jessup or the rah rah hard guy. If he was like them, he would have had the PI go ahead and find out what Marcy had been doing and would have divorced her; he didn't because he felt guilty at being away so long. A hard ass wouldn't feel guilty about what he had done with Deidre and even think it was the same thing as Marcy. If he was a hard ass the story would have ended when he was in Korea or the moment he got wind she was cheating in Colombia...but he isn't.

For the person who gave me 1 for an unfinished story, it is labelled part 1 and has end of part 1 in it,so what gives?

With Rick telling the kids this is about him and Marcy he is trying to do the right thing. Of course kids are hurt by the actions of the parents and he doesn't sugarcoat what Marcy did. On the other hand what hurts kids even more in a divorce is being put in the middle of it, used as a pawn by parents, forced to take sides. He is biting his tongue and trying not to use them as a pawn or have them throw away their relationship w her unless they have to.

Part 2 was written at the same time as part 1 so it shares some of the same issues. It is not a page or 2 but should be shorter than part 1. I kept the story in line with how I see Rick. One spoiler, Marcy is punished but it isn't Rick going nuclear on her, he wouldn't, it wasn't his nature.

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Overall an excellent job. I am looking forward to yout first independent contributionl

I gave you one star. I hate unfinished works. If the ending is as as good as the first part you will get a five. Most readers care more about plot and flow than a wrong word placement here and there.

@lujon2019, did you ever hear the expression "it's the journey, not the destination?" Just because stories go from Point A to Point B doesn't mean that it doesn't matter how you got there. Flying from Boston to LA is a completely different story than taking the train, or driving or whatever, and the story is in those details.

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Forgetting the Red Roof Inn for the moment, supposedly Trey is "payback" for Deidre, yet Trey is being offset by Leslie, so won't she STILL need payback for Deidre?

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"Marcy was coming on duty well before her time each day, like an hour and a half to 2 hours." - My recollection wasn't that she arrived on duty early, but at the motel early, with the implication that she was spending the time in the hotel.

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Too much time spent on the dime store analysis with Angela.

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"her behavior was a reflection on their married relationship, not the one with the kids." - Why do so many stories do this? Of COURSE it was a reflection of her relationship with the kids, as reflected in her lack of contact with them.

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You lost the italics on the letter on Page 4.

This sequel does a really good job for us of getting into the heads and hearts of the characters.

Super FANTASTIC end proposal and OUTSTANDING letter!!!! Congratulations!!!!! I would love to read part 2 ;)

Enjoyed the story and look forward to Part 2, however, the letter which simply reiterated information previously discussed was a waste of time.

The betrayed husband's response to the letter is limp at best. His wife just announced that she's gone abroad for a six-week fuckathon with her lover and the husband is flip-flopping about how to save his marriage?

This isn't how servicemen I know would respond. Just imagine Colonel Jessop from "A few good men" acting like this pathetic excuse for a man!

Very nice start! So far, I think this is the best continuation of this storyline out there. I also agree with one of the other critics about your frequent use of "of" when "have" is the correct word. People do talk like this in real life dialogue, but they're not saying "of", they're using the contraction "'ve" to replace "have". For example, "I should've resisted the urge to be a grammar cop", is correct when written but sounds just like the incorrect "I should of resisted the urge to be a grammar cop" :-)

In almost all versions the ied event is korea..... isnt that wrong? Iraq or Afghanistan has lotsa ieds,.... korea has bad food that’ll provide explosive gas. Cant say ive read about kim jon un ieds tho. I just despise that fat little fucker

YAWN, this was at least 2 pages too long and there is more to come?

I enjoyed this part of your treatment of the sequel to Kal’s little story. You’ve taken it in a different direction than most of the others. You’ve maintained Marcy’s narcissistic personality, but taken away Rick’s take no prisoners attitude in reacting to her cheating. I hope that in part two Rick plans something special for both cheaters, especially Dr Trey. Poisonous spiders, or pickled thumbs would be a good start or finish. A very good effort.

Another long and boring story about weak pussy trying to justify letting his slut of a wife get away with treating him like shit.

Awful lot of analysis and regurgitation of it in Rick's letter. Leslie, the Shrink, the PI. A bit too much. Could have been 1/2 as long. Otherwise not bad. 3 Stars.

Blah, blah, blah. Long winded pseudo psychology bullshit! It doesn’t matter why, all that matters is the betrayal. Once you know of it, you get rid of her and move on!

Good first part of a follow-up. I'm looking forward to your handling of when she returns. I think you have kept true to the characters that had any depth to them in the original.

A few details went awry but didn't ruin the story:

"Should of" is not a thing. "Should've" is the thing that sounds like it and is correct, as a contraction of "should have."

The doctor's last name is "Cardosa," not "Cordoza." His first name, for no good reason, is "Tray" and not the nickname "Trey" that people use for the third generation of a name. I think the writer who called him "Platter" was making fun of this weird spelling.

The daughter's name is "Rhonda," not "Phoebe."

Yuck….no way is this a retired Army Colonel. The conversations with his friend drug on and on and felt like lectures. I just wanted it to over because the same things kept being said over and over.

I would highly recommend getting someone to proofread your work. There are a lot of errors that they could help you clean up.

Loved it. One of the best sequels to this story. The writing was a bit rough and stilted in spots but I overlooked that because your version was so much more compelling and deep than what others had offered. Great job. Can't wait for the next part where the bitch will get burned not by the hubby but by the sleazeball doctor.

Some sequels from a different author are hit or miss, this I am happy to say hit and hit hard. Feels like a natural follow up to the original and extremely well written. Glad to see you aren't having Rick accept it even if you understandably had him wondering whether he should. Very glad you are continuing this too, look forward to see how it plays out. 5 stars, quite an enjoyable read.

A lot of psychobabble to get to the right spot. Too much psychobabble IMHO.

Burning her is the only way forward for Rick. Emotional death is the only way forward for her.

One thing though, why do authors here always kiss off the feelings of the kids, and reduce it to “this has nothing to do with you, it is just between me and her. Your mother still loves you”

The truth is these cheating events alway affect the kids, they always wreck families.

So the kids have just as much a stake in what the cheater does as the victim of cheating.

Everyone has a stake in how the cheater deals with his or her marriage, never leave the kids out, they have feelings too.

In situations with my friends the kids if old enough never go with the cheater, the inflicted hurt is too much.

They go with a cheating bitch, if they are young, but will return to Dad when old enough to understand what the cheater did to their family.

Kids are not fools don’t treat them as such in your stories.

Someone put a bullet in this dead horse and end it now!!

Loved it. Well written, yes a lot f dialogue but most of it was really fitting and helped flesh it out.

The letter at the end was nothing but a condensed version of the previous 4 pages. Yes we get her wanted to let he rknow that he knew what was going on BUT, we already knew it all. Could have just did a quick synopsis like "My letter to Marcy essentially spelled out everything I knew and came to know from my conversations with Angela" etc etc.

what drivel

Ok, ANOTHER ending to this story by Kali's intriguing tale. When does it really stop. Again we have Rick TRYING to figure out what to do. He calls someone else who wasn't involved in the original story. Keep to the script. This story is long and drawn out with meaningless dialog with newbie, Dr. Angela, which this version didn't need. I also agree with "whogivesashit" that his letter to Marcy is too wordy, just could have been shortened, didn't have to go over as too whys, who's, and what's happened to the lost marriage. It's over, no background or explanation needed.... This version is fair but added too much going over and over of events. Where is the pain, the revenge against everyone involved, especially Dr. Trey and the bitch, Marcy. The better ending versions of this story has Rick getting satisfaction and divorce. For me, so far, this is 2/5 stars

An amazing approach, best of all I read so far.

You have a good insight into the characters and a good direction for the plot. You get repetitive, however. The concluding letter is pretty much a rehash of the psychiatrist's analysis right down to the Coney Island whitefish simile. You also have a few grammar glitches: "could of" instead of "could've," which is the contraction for "could have." Your instincts are good; you need to work on the packaging.