Just Once... Dishonorable

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I had planned to meet Marcy at the Ambassador all along, just not for the reason that she hoped. I had the divorce documents drawn up and ready for her. I would file under irreconcilable differences and give her the proceeds from the homeowner's insurance if she would agree to return to her maiden name. Everything else was pretty much 50-50. If she refused then I would use her letter as evidence of infidelity and make our divorce a nasty public spectacle.

I waited in the lobby for her arrival. I couldn't remember the last time I smiled, laughed, cried, or felt anything at all. Even now sitting here waiting for her arrival, I refuse to let the emotions in. I knew that if they were released, they would flow out in a raging tumult that would threaten Marcy's safety and my freedom.

She walked through the door looking what can only be described as haggard. Dark circles around her red swollen eyes. The tip of her nose was bright red, probably from being wiped so frequently with a tissue. Her shoulders were slumped and her posture was that of someone completely defeated. She brightened somewhat when she saw me stand from my club chair. She rushed toward me still dragging her bags. She tried to give me a bright smile but teared up immediately when it wasn't returned

"Hi, baby. Thank you for coming. Are you okay?"

"No Marcy, I'm not. My wife abandoned me, my house burned down, and if we owned a dog I'm sure he would have died."

"What do you mean about the house? Our home?! Oh please tell me our home is okay!" She began weeping.

"No Marcy, our home was destroyed when you snuck out of the house to run away with your lover but the house was still standing until a little more than a week ago. It burnt to the ground while I was out of town."

She collapsed onto the floor and wept uncontrollably. And I couldn't have cared less. She was blubbering pulling on my pants leg trying to pull me down to console her. People throughout the lobby were staring at her. There was a mixture of looks, from sympathy to disgust.

"Rick, please. Please help me, Rick. I'm not sure what to do. My life is falling apart and I need you."

"Let's get you up to your room."

"Will you stay? Please stay Rick! I need you."

"Come on, let's get to the registration desk."

She shuffled beside me dragging her bags. We had a brief wait in line but were welcomed to the counter in less than two minutes. She was crying the whole time.

"Welcome to the Ambassador, sir. Are you checking in?"

"This is Marcy Westin; she has a reservation. I would also like to know if you have a room near hers that is available."

"Certainly. Allow me to get Ms. Westin checked in and then I will see if we can accommodate you."

"Ms. Westin, may I see your ID and the credit card you reserved your room under?"

She fumbled through her purse and brought out the necessary cards, "Please Rick, you're my husband. There's no need to get another room. I need you to stay with me please."

She was pounding against my defenses. I'm sure that she would not like what she would find if she opened that door.

"No Marcy, I need a room to retreat to after we finish talking. We're both going to need some space."

"Please Rick, I can't be alone right now. Please!"

"Mr. Westin, I do have a room next door to Mrs. Westin's. Would that work for you?"

"Yes, thank you, that would be acceptable."

I handed her my ID and credit card. "Here is your room key and Mrs. Westin here is your room key. I hope that your stay with us will be comfortable."

"Thank you."

We headed for the 4^th floor; Marcy was still sobbing. I remained stoic throughout the elevator ride and the trip through the hallway. I helped her into her room and went to get a cool washcloth for her.

"Rick, I meant everything I said in that letter. I love you! I still want to be your wife. We can rebuild the house and our marriage. I just..."

"Marcy stop," I said quietly. "Our marriage is over and our life together is just as destroyed as our former home. You decided that your ego and your own fulfillment were more important than what we had together."

"No, Rick. It wasn't supposed to be permanent. Just a little fling so you would understand how I felt!"

"I already understood, Marcy. Let me tell you my story, Marcy. I will tell you everything I'm legally allowed to say. After I'm done then you can ask me any question and I will answer it as completely as I'm allowed to by law."

"Okay."

"As recently as 7 weeks ago, I was truly amazed that we were still married. I was so grateful that we had made it through what I thought were the hardest years. While I was stationed in Korea, someone tried to tell me you were having an affair." Her face cringed when I said this. "They told me about your exceptionally early arrivals to work and having to park at the Red Roof because of the construction. I hoped that it wasn't true and I accepted that I could never truly know without violating your trust. So, I chose to trust you."

"Rick, I..."

"I'm not finished, Marcy. We recommitted ourselves to our marriage and I left the Air Cav so that you could have a little more peace of mind. I joined Intel and I got to be home more often. Then I was sent to Mosul with Deidra. I know that you think that Deidra and I were carrying on hot and heavy while we were over there but we weren't. In fact, if I have one big regret in my life it was the one time I stepped over the line. We were ambushed on our way back to the FOB. We lost 8 soldiers in the attack and I almost died." She sobbed quietly. "When Deidra and I made it back to the Intel hooch we were still shaking as we were coming down from the adrenaline. She hadn't disguised her attraction to me at all. She kissed me and immediately went down on me. I let her and then I did the same for her. About that time the warning sirens went off again and we immediately stopped. I avoided being alone with her after that. I was ashamed of myself. I still regret that blurred 15 minutes. I'm so sorry Deidra convinced you that I had carried on behind your back. It was a bitch thing to do. Other than that one regrettable time I have been completely committed to you. I apologize for what I have done. It was done completely without intention or design. It was a lamentable lack of self-control in an adrenaline-fueled haze."

"Rick, I forgive you. Please forgive me! I did start seeing someone while you were in Korea. It was foolish but I was so lonely. I just couldn't handle it anymore! I needed to feel close to someone. I needed intimacy."

"Marcy, I decided that I forgave you for that a long time ago. It was why I was so destroyed when you abandoned me for Dr. Trey. I can't get past it."

"Rick! We can; I know we can. It's just like what happened before. We just have to recommit ourselves and ..."

"No Marcy, it's nothing like what happened before. Before we were two people living under extreme stress and reacted out of instinct to survive. This is something completely different." I took her letter from my pocket. "This is the most contemptible, hateful thing anyone has ever done to me." For the first time since this all started, tears started flowing from my eyes. "This was an unprovoked, well-constructed betrayal. You planned to abandon me in the arms of a slut so that you could play the part yourself for Dr. Trey. Then you promised to hold on to those memories for the rest of our life together."

"No Rick, I didn't ..."

"I saw where this was going when I first met that bastard and you asked me to trust you. This is how you chose to reward that trust."

"Rick, I just wanted to experience some excitement and danger. You were always off saving the world and living on the edge. I just wanted to try it too."

"I can understand that Marcy, but I never went out with a plan to destroy your love and trust. You did that to us because you wanted a fucking power trip. Even picking Leslie and sending her to me was about feeding your ego. It was your way of showing me what I could and couldn't have. You took what you wanted but now you have to pay the cost."

"What is that you want Rick? How can I make it up to you?"

"I want my last name back. I want a quick and amicable divorce."

"No, please not that Rick. I will be left all alone. I will have lost you and Trey. I won't have anyone at all."

"You'll still have your memories," I told her coldly. "I will have the papers ready to be signed on Monday. You can take them to an attorney and have them checked out. I've offered you half of everything and all of the insurance settlement on the house provided that you go back to your maiden name. If you won't accept then I will come after more."

"Please Rick, can't we find another way? I'm sorry for betraying you and I'm sorry for fucking Trey. I can't be left by myself; I need you."

"Here let me read you something from a letter I recently received 'If you love someone, set them free. And let them come back to you.' The woman that decided not to be my wife for the last 6 weeks wrote that to me."

She immediately started crying hysterically again. "Please let me keep my name. I don't want to lose Kyle and Rhonda too. Please, Rick. I know I messed up but let me have that one last dignity."

"You've heard my terms. You asked how you can make it up to me, this is the only thing I want from you."

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Marcy didn't fight the divorce, just the name change. I had little legal recourse so I had to settle for 2 out of 3 of my objectives. Not a complete mission success but not a total failure. I decided not to go public with the details of Marcy's affair out of respect for our children. They were understandably angry and hurt by the destruction of our marriage.

I decided to leave the consultant game and go back to what I loved: flying. I contacted a few retired military friends who had joined the test pilot program with Sikorsky. I relocated to West Palm Beach and found my happy place back in the cockpit.

The money was decent but after the divorce settlement and insurance payout from the house, it wouldn't have mattered what they were paying. I was back to doing what I loved before I sacrificed it to try and save my marriage. The kids were grown now and I didn't have anyone waiting for me to come home. It was freedom.

Marcy stayed at her job. Kyle stayed in touch with his mom and tried to share updates with his sister and me. Her memories with Dr. Trey were haunting her, especially the one where his head exploded right beside her. Dating wasn't a possibility in her current mental state, but she was seeing a therapist regularly. I hoped she would overcome her nightmares and mental issues for the kids' sake.

I didn't worry about dating or trying to find anyone new. I learned how to live without sex during my deployments and I had no interest in trying to connect with someone new. I was content piloting some incredible technology.