Karl and Scott (Ch. 04)

We slept.

Man, after the past 24 hours or so I don't know how we could've done anything but sleep. Karl and I were both well and truly spent; and for good measure, I think I had overworked a whole group of muscles I didn't even know I had. More than that, the feeling I had spooning with him as we slipped into oblivion gave me an overwhelming sense of peace... of being safe.

Of course, daylight's first beams got our blood flowing again, and the touch of our bodies brought our dicks to full attention. We both knew that our time in our private love nest was drawing to an end--Karl had to work at the computer lab that afternoon and I had a shit-ton of projects I had put off for far too long. But for the moment, we had each other, and had enough testosterone flowing in our blood to kill a pod of whales.

For all that, we didn't throw ourselves into wild, throbbing, throw-em-down-and-fuck-em sex... it was like we were savoring each other. Even with all the intensity of two sexed up guys going after each other, it was surprisingly sensual. I think on top of all the other lessons we had learned that weekend, we were really coming to an understanding of foreplay... especially man-on-man foreplay. It was very different from my experiences with women.

At one point I had Karl flat on his back, with me pleasuring his entire torso with my tongue, leaving his rock-hard cock anxious for attention. Whetting his appetite. Sitting between his legs, I pulled his leg up and forward, bending it at the knee and dragging my tongue on long, sensual licks up and down his inner thigh. Karl sighed in deep contentment. Playful, and curious, I tried something new. I continued to flex his leg, working my tongue down past his knees, to his ankles, and finally to his feet. Staring him dead in the eye, I slowly worked his foot to my mouth, and then focused my oral attention on his toes, suckling them as if they were his cockhead. I don't know what he was expecting, but he let out an explosive burst of raw joy that almost sounded like a laugh... not of being tickled, nor of finding humor in the situation, but simply not believing his good luck. His eyes weren't flashing need, but some other emotion I couldn't quite name.

As we went on, our foreplay became less focused as our patience ran thin. Finally Karl grabbed me out of bed to put into play an idea he had been brewing about for some time--he wanted me to fuck him in front of the full-length mirror on one of the walls, so he could watch the action take place from a variety of angles.

Who was I to deny him anything?

He stood in front of it, braced against the wall with his outstretched hands. I slid behind him, working that sensitive spot on his neck while I greased up his hole, and slowly slid inside him. FUUUUUCK I loved that first moment of penetration. I reached around and worked his cock with my right hand, while sliding my left across his nipples, teasing them. Lightly pinching them. He leaned into me, matching my undulations as I slowly began thrusting.

And Karl--brash, outgoing Karl--dissolved into absolute putty. He pleaded with me to fuck him. Whimpered for my cock juice to fill him. He had completely surrendered to the fuck. The weird thing is that it was all so masculine... or maybe that he was so fucking masculine, even in surrender. This was all so unexpected to me... a completely different perspective on masculinity. I... can't explain it.

And truthfully, at that moment I had no interest in explaining it. I just wanted to feel it. To spend my last chance fucking him with all my being. After a long rush of long-dicking him, I needed more. I pushed down on him to get him on all fours, and dug in for deep, fast hammer strokes. Fuck, I loved doggie. I could fucking pound him from that position, drawing out animal sounds in both of us. His ass was fucking mine. Slamming my hard cock into him like that, I could drive away all other thought. All other confusion about what may come. There was nothing but the jackhammered collision of my cock and his greedy ass.

I wish I could have lasted forever. I wish that glorious friction would have gone on, that the sounds of our bodies slapping together and our animal cries would have lasted into a new night. But my rough play in his ass drove Karl past the point of no return, triggering for Karl a cascading cumshot that triggered mine too. A grand finale that left us both deeply satisfied.

And after. I leaned down over Karl, so that my chest met his back. My hand below reached around, grabbing not for his dick, but running open palmed across his hairy chest. I could... feel his heartbeat, the long slow gasps as he caught his breath. His tight hole instinctively contracting and constricting around my cock, which was starting to soften but was still hard inside him. Connected in the most intimate way possible. But other sensations stayed with me, too... the intimacy of our skin touching, reacting to each other. His natural scent filling my lungs. The taste of him as I gently kissed his neck. All of him. Karl.

After such a climax, the rest of the morning was, by definition, anticlimactic. We showered together, but there was almost an elegiac silence--the shower made it hard to talk, and we fell into wordlessness as we gently cleaned each other, readying ourselves to go back to civilization. And I could tell we were mentally starting to remove ourself from this magical weekend as we increasingly lathered up ourselves, not each other. I chuckled bitterly, inwardly as I only now put on the change of clothes I had brought for the weekend. After a weekend of naked sex, clothes felt... scratchy.

Conversation, which had flowed so freely, also took a nosedive. With only the blandest of banter, we stripped the bed and threw everything into the washer... I'd stop by the house later to finish up the laundry. We gathered up everything and hit the road back to campus.

We needed to talk, and this was pretty much our last chance. I have no idea what I thought about the weekend. I mean, I loved the sex and all things considered would have cheerfully jumped into the backseat for another round right that very minute... I mean, cruise control would take care of everything, right? But there was far more to this than sex. And even if I knew what was going on in my own head, I had no idea what was going through Karl's. I was grateful that in driving, we were both pretty much stuck staring straight ahead... it made it easier to talk to him if I wasn't looking into his eyes. Those eyes.

"So." I began. "Back to civilization."

"Yeah."

Pause.

Pause.

Pause.

Great. This was starting off well. "So.......Do you... have any thoughts about what... you know... happens now?"

Karl let out a short, somewhat humorless chuckle. "That's the million-dollar question, isn't it?" There was another pause.

At this point, I was starting to get irritated. That wasn't fair, sure, but I'll own it. God knows my own thoughts were in a jumble. But one thing that was standing out was a feeling of connection with him. That we had just had something incredibly important happen. Maybe something incredibly rare happen. I guess I was hoping he'd at least acknowledge that part. "Did you like what we did?" I asked, with a tone that might have had a bit too much angst.

"Well, yeah. Yeah!" Karl responded, slightly defensively. "I mean.... Shit. If I'm honest, I'd have to say that was some of the best sex I've ever had. Like, I didn't know sex could even be like that."

Pause.

"And?" I asked.

"Well, what about you? Did you like it?"

"Of course I did!" I responded. "I mean, yeah... you're right. I didn't know sex could be that good."

Pause. I pushed a little more. "Karl, I get the sense you're thinking hard about something."

"It's hard. I always leave the thinking to you," he said mordantly. "It's just I don't even know what this all means. I've... always seen myself as straight. Never even questioned it. Always saw myself as marrying some great woman and settling down with the kids and job. I mean, that's who I am. I mean, I don't ogle guys in the showers. I'm not checking anyone out or anything. I'm not, like... you know, fantasizing about other men."

"Did you ever fantasize about... me?"

The car suddenly got very, very quiet.

"I don't... I don't know."

"Huh?" I responded.

"It's not like I was... fantasizing about you. I mean, not really. But I... Ok. I might, I mean... I have sometimes wondered. I mean, not wondered. I might have thought that... fuck. Fuck. Ok, there were times where I thought I felt something... more towards you."

"What? When? How long have you been..."

"Fuck. Ok, ok. Last year... remember at the very end of the year, when we both had loaded up our cars and were getting ready to head home for the summer? We saw each other and hugged good bye. And it was like hot and we were sweaty from packing, and anxious to get going, and we hugged. And I... didn't want to leave. I didn't want you to leave. I... it's like, I never had a guy friend like you. And things were just so great. Even if we were sweaty, sore, and everything. So fucking easy between us. And I just wanted us to keep hanging out, and being together... and I felt it all, right here," he said as he thumped his fist right over his heart.

"You've had feelings for me since last year?" I responded, wildly thinking through the implications.

"No, no, no." He cut me off. "I mean, not really. I mean, that's part of why I never said anything. It didn't mean anything. I mean, not really. Or at least I didn't think so. It wasn't serious. I'm not really gay, and I didn't think you were either. But.... Fuck, I don't know."

Absolute, undiluted silence.

I sighed. "If it helps any... I think there were times I felt something about you, too. More than once, actually."

Karl whipped his head around, staring at me in wide-eyed shock. "You're shitting me. Seriously?"

I thought long and hard about what to say. To be honest with him... and maybe more important, to be honest with myself. Finally. "The weird thing is those feelings bubbled up at weird times, usually in response to something... small. Like when you dove for a frisbee and it was like masculinity in motion. When you burst out laughing at a stupid joke I said. It was never some big Hollywood Movie Moment with some orchestra music swell in the background. And I think that's why I was able to write them off. And I've never had feelings like this for another guy, so I had no... idea what they felt like. No idea what to do with them."

"I didn't know," Karl said simply. He sighed deeply. "I thought I was just being... you know, a no-account horndog. I wouldn't have ever said anything to you. Hell, I wouldn't have ever said anything to myself. But... maybe... maybe there was something... there. And it's been staring us in the face all along."

It was my turn to sigh. "I guess that brings us back to the million-dollar question. What do we do now?" I let the question hang in the air for a second, before pushing on. "I mean, here we are at the end of the year. The end of college. I've planned on moving away this summer. I'm starting grad school out east in the fall. You're staying here and starting that internship. We only have a few weeks. A couple months ago I was all set to be moving ahead with Liz, and thought that that was going somewhere. And holy shit I still have to somehow finish my honors project, survive finals and... you know, actually graduate."

My sentences had slowly been picking up speed as I went, and I finished in a blast of speed verging on desperation. Karl was staring ahead, middle distance. He may have nodded grimly. I continued on, with something that was weighing on me. "I have loved everything we've done. It's not just a 'no regrets' kinda thing, but really loved it. But I don't think I could be like in a full-blown relationship right now, let alone start one right now. Not with anyone. I don't know where my own head is about any of this... and I'm way behind where I need to be with my big project. With everything... it's going to be a hellish few weeks as it is."

"Our timing sucks, that's for sure," he replied flatly. "And I hear you... I'm at make-or-break time, too. If you need time, if you need focus, I can understand." He paused, and I got the sense he was steeling himself, gathering strength before going on in a rush himself. "But I also think if this thing between us has been staring us in the face this whole time, finally throwing us at each other... there might be something there. Something real. And it would be fucking stupid not to realize it."

"You're right," I conceded, unwinding ever so slightly.

After a moment, I jumped in again. "Look, we don't have to make some kind of formal decision... not right here, not right now. And I don't want to get you sucked into my world of overthinking things." Karl smiled. "This is all new. Let's just... agree to take things as they come. Not say anything to anyone. No one knows... no one has any idea. Our secret. We'll just take it one day at a time. Survive the next few weeks. No pressure. Casual, and cool. That work?"

Karl breathed out. "Casual and cool." The silence that followed no longer felt oppressive. "And just to say it out loud: This weekend has been amazing. All of it, not just the sex."

I smiled a crooked smile. "But especially the sex?"

Karl looked at me and responded with an impish smirk of his own. "But especially the sex."

At this I laughed. "Jesus Christ, man. You are a horny fucking pervert. You know that?"

"Pffft. Everyone knows that."

The rest of the day, and next few days generally, were an unpleasant collision with reality. I wasn't just hyperventilating when I laid out to Karl everything I had going on, and I know he was in crunch time, too. I was lucky that my dorm was a single--a bad experience with a asshole of a roommate cleared up any interest in sharing a room if I didn't have to. Without another roommate, I was able to cut out all the noise, all the distractions, and get ready for the final few weeks of school.

Of course, the lack of distractions gave me plenty of time to think about Karl... and brood about what was going to happen between us. In truth, I could've used his proven ability to snap me out of a spiraling train of thought... but of course he was the thing my thoughts were spiraling on about. Everything I thought I believed about myself--my sense of self, my identity, my expectations, and my plans for the future--were telling me I should not get any further involved with him. Walk away. To just enjoy what we had and not dig any deeper.

But... I couldn't stop thinking about him. And not just the physical stuff, just... him. All of him. The way he made me feel. His easy grin. The way he got my stupid jokes. The problem was that all my reasons for not getting involved with him were intellectual, generic, big picture, and abstract. My reasons for wanting to be with him, however, were close, personal, emotional and... overwhelming.

It was further complicated by the fact that in those first few days back, we barely saw each other in the daily run of our lives. And when we did see each other, we were always with our friends, and so hyper vigilant of anyone catching on to what had gone on between us that we basically avoided each other. It all added to the frustration, the confusion. It was all just so much bullshit.

As the week neared the end, I was feeling well and truly sorry for myself, and aggressively working on my honors project mostly out of frustration. Out of the blue, there was a knock at the door, and perhaps a bit sharper that necessary, I shouted at the closed door "What?"

Karl opened the door and came in.

Fuck.

Ok. Cool. And Casual. We're cool and casual. Coolandcasual. "Hey man," he said, with a... look on his face, which somehow managed to read as nervous, expectant, hopeful, hesitant... and very interested. Fuck. Cool and casual. "Am I bothering you?"

How could that fucker look so fucking... good? He was wearing shorts and a T-shirt, coming from something active, with his skin vaguely flushed and the hair at his temples slightly wet with sweat. Sweat stains on his shirt. Looking... alive, in physical glory, and hot as fuck. I sat up sharply, locked my eyes with his and welcomed him in... with a tone in my voice that was so desperately trying to be cool and casual my voice was almost brittle. "Hey. No. No... no bother. What's... up?"

"Oh, cool!" Karl brightened, rubbing his meaty hand along his sweaty neck. "Yeah... it's just that, well, Rick and I were, you know... just out playing.... Well, we were playing... before. We're not anymore. I'm just here. I mean.... Shit. Anyway. Um, since I was... you know, in your neck of the woods...."

I had no idea what else he said. My body was reacting to him, both physically and emotionally, in ways I could barely understand. My stomach had butterflies--fucking butterflies!--and I was awash in sensations. Fuck, Scott.

Cool. Casual.

I was cool as a fucking cucumber as I slammed into him, my mouth mashing against his as if I was sucking my last breath from his lungs.

In a way, it reminded me of our first kiss, that fateful night nearly a week ago. It was way past "passionate" into deep into "raw hunger." My hands somehow locked the door behind him, then were everywhere, feeling him, wanting him. I ran my hands through his hair, caressed his face as I kissed him, felt the muscles under his clothes. His were doing the same... free from any care or concern, just taking me all in. I pulled back enough that I could wrench his shirt over his head, and went back to exploring him with my mouth, with long sweeps of my tongue down his neck and across his chest... kissing him, suckling him, tasting him.

He returned the favor, lifting my shirt over my head and diving him for his own oral assault. I clenched down hard to keep from gasping out his name. We were going so hard, our breath had already fallen into gasps, as we overcompensated for our time apart, in desperate need to feel each other again.

I spun him around and sat him down hard at the edge of my bed. Still working his chest, I moved down in fearsome determination. I violently opened the button and zipper of his shorts, and as he lifted his butt from the bed removed the offending garments, flipping them to the side.

And I fucking sucked him.

Primal hunger. Hormonal overdrive. His dick and my mouth made up for lost time. His hands raked by back, neck and shoulders as I went down on him, and he started lifting his hips up rhythmically as he tried to fuck my mouth. I still couldn't go all the way down on him and gaged, but immediately recovered and used my mouth and hands in combination to set his dick aflame.

God, it was fucking hot.

When he couldn't take it any more, his hands grabbed my shoulders hard and hoisted me to my feet. I was fucking pissed--I wanted more of his cock. But with one quick move he similarly wrenched my shorts and underwear down, and slammed his mouth down the length of my rock hard cock. I threw back my head in a silent scream. Fuck it was good.

He was just as frantic in his sucking as I had been--he knew exactly how bad I needed it, and gave it to me hard. The intensity of his sucking, the power of his mouth as he went down on my was throwing off my balance, and I was quickly becoming unsteady on my feet. Karl was not going to be denied, however; he grabbed my hips and set my ass down on the side of the bed so he could resume his oral assault on my dick. As he worked me, he slid my shorts off entirely so he could better spread my legs. I silently panted out a mental prayer for what I hoped was coming next, and Karl did not disappoint.