Karma

Karma- a brief history.

To appear in "Reviews and Essays". Something new for me.

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This is a story of enlightenment. It goes back quite a ways, so I have been told. You know of Karma. But you don't know of Karma. You only think you do. Many people speak of her and 'quote' her, or reference her. She is described in many ways, but the most common is 'She's a bitch.' She agrees, that sometimes she is. At other times, she feels maligned, stating that it's not her fault. People, for the most part, bring it on themselves. Or possibly, it's just 'bad luck'. She said she will let you be the judge.

It starts at the time of what is described as the beginning of time, or 'the Big Bang Theory' if you will. Get the picture??

However you refer to Him, the Divine Intelligence in charge (God, Yahweh, Allah, Vishnu, Jehovah, Adonai, El Elyon, The Holy Trinity, you name Him and He has heard them all. He really doesn't care. Humans are the ones who get hung up on 'titles'.) And before you scream at me, 'He' is strictly a narrative euphemism. God is non-sexual, ladies, so don't go getting bent out of shape. If you talk to Him, He listens. He doesn't always say yes, and that pisses some people off.

I often pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary (even though as Catholics, you're not supposed to 'pray' to non-Gods. But if you get God's mom on your side, well, you know, it can't hurt....)

As the universe 'matured', things started to come together. Karma was getting a feel for her role in the world, such as it was. In the beginning, she didn't have much to do. A supernova here, planets coming into being over there, some galaxies forming, you know. The lady was getting a trifle bored. Kriyamana agama Ramakrishna, Vartamana, I know I got the names screwed up because she was tossing them off matter-of-factually and giggling all the time. She loved the fact that the ancient Hindus 'adopted' her and brought her 'spirit' into their pantheon. So Karma she became.

Anyway.....

Then the Lord (remember Him, or Her, or IT??) decided that it was time to up the ante, and so He made Man. It was the fourth or fifth shot, and He finally got bored with the project, so He let it run. Not His best effort, but He figured it would 'mature' in time.

I mean, who puts a 'playground' right next to a 'waste disposal site'?? But Man was a whiner and complained that he had no one like himself to share his existence with.

'I'll fix him. See if he likes putting up with her.'

And God created Woman. There's a screen title in there, somewhere.

God was getting bored, so He charged Karma to look after the Garden, as He referred to it. She was overjoyed, and took to walking and speaking with Adam and Eve (bet you didn't see that coming) and trying to be the 'Earth-mother' to them. She thought she was doing a pretty good job, too. Adam was a straight arrow, honest, hard worker, (he tended sheep), and always there for Eve. He was happy.

Eve, however, was a bit ditzy. She always wanted something better. Bigger. Fancier. (????) Sorry, ladies. It started then, and you have been cursed with it ever since. That's when the original 'snake' slithered into the garden, and the seduction began.

This was the original cheating. She did it on God. All He asked was "Don't eat the apple!!" Not like 'Don't fuck anyone else (WHO??), don't cheat on your spouse (?), don't run off with the kids, don't, don't, JUST DON'T!! And she cheated on GOD, For God's sake. It puts all the stale excuses to shame, all the lame-ass reasons. If it's wrong, just don't do it. Everything else is bullshit. There are no reasons, no excuses, no justifications.

Karma couldn't get back from the Crab Nebula in time and couldn't stop the damage. She showed up just as stupid Adam (Yeah, guys, I know) was chucking the apple core into the dirt, with a shit-eating grin on his face and a leering look at Eve's naked breasts. Karma was furious. Why do you think the Devil/snake has to crawl around on his belly for the rest of eternity? But that's all she could do. The damage was already done, and The Archangel Raphael had just shown up with the eviction notice. It was the beginning of Karma's long and increasingly arduous existence.

Editor's Aside: When I was in Jesuit Military High School, Brother Hannigan, our R/E teacher, posed this question once. "Assuming the story of creation is 'accurate', and Eve tempted Adam with the apple, how do you think it would have shaken out if Adam had said 'NO'? Food for thought.

But I digress. God had other things on His plate.

That's when I arranged for a sit down with the ubiquitous Karma. At the White Castle on Route 9, in Linden, New Jersey. (Hey, my story. Deal with it!)

She told me a lot. Everything she thought we, as human beings, would like to know. The metaphysical discourse took about 37 minutes. Strictly cerebral, and my head was pounding. But I remembered it all.

AWESOME!! Just not entirely accurate. My memory of most, that is.

Then we sat and talked. And talked. And talked. About four hours later, the assistant manager finally asked us if we had somewhere else to be. So we left, got in my car, and drove to the Hudson River, and parked.

There we sat till the wee small hours of the morning, talking about life in general.

She had chosen the appearance of a slightly Oriental-looking woman, tall (5'10''), with long black hair, long, trim, muscular legs, high cheekbones, a dusky complexion, and eyes as black as coal. Deep, bottomless, and swirling, you could get lost in them.

This is what I learned from the Hindu being of destiny.

People bring 'karma' on themselves. Consciously or unconsciously. What you put out there, you get back. Cheaters especially. It just seems that they (cheaters) get all the publicity. She told me that she very seldom hears of the good things that transpire from her presence. She liked to think that she had a hand in evening things out. Not always, but she tried.

As time went on, her responsibilities increased. Unfortunately. People just never learned. Lancelot, Attila the Hun, Napoleon, Nero, Henry the VIII, Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Mao Tse Tung, Uncle Ho, Tojo, Nixon, Clinton, Trump, De Santis, Vladimir Putin, it just keeps going and going. She usually just lets them do themselves in. She takes small consolation in the good that happens. She never tries to interfere, just lets events unfold and goes with the flow. Sometimes, however, she 'tweaks' things a little, or sides with one person or another. The last time, she told me, was in Australia, when she summoned great white sharks to help a poor mother out. But that's another story....

Karma is complicated. She longs for a good outcome for all human endeavors, but she knows it won't happen. It makes her a tad melancholy. She says she is getting worn out and often thinks of ending her existence. Not suicide per se, just quitting. But she doesn't know how. She, like most of humanity, is looking for peace, closure, and an end to strife. So she goes through time searching and trying to make things right.

The problem is people. The more humans in existence, the tougher it is to make things work smoothly. She knows this, and it really irks her. It's the human factor that screws things up. So Karma moves about the world trying to keep order amidst the chaos.

She is a spiritual being without real physical substance. She has no monetary wealth because she doesn't need it. When she needs clothes, transportation, or accommodations, she just wills it into existence. When she's finished using things, she just leaves or discards them., or they simply cease to exist.

She has immense mental powers and can conjure all sorts of things or events to her beck and call. It is why she is so good at her job-letting 'luck' and fortune take their toll. Not always what we want. But that's why it is called fortune. Or misfortune. Or 'luck'.

Or Karma.

So that's part of the explanation of Karma. She is out there and she is watching. And listening. Not necessarily acting. Because as she says, she doesn't have to. We can screw it up all by ourselves. Or make it right. It's all up to us. So try to do the right thing. I know this will go down wrong with a lot of people, or maybe you'll get a good laugh out of it. It's OK. I don't mind. (Too much.) Just know that YOU are responsible for everything in life. The good, the bad, and the Karma. Don't try to shift responsibly for your actions. She's watching.

Thank you for reading.