Kasper's Den Ch. 05

"I love you so much, Kasper. Please tell me you'll come to me, live in my home with my family. You will always be happy in my home... Please promise me," Amir said as he finished cleaning himself. He stood from the chair and tucked his cock away. It was still hard and straining the shorts. He went over to a dresser and got a fresh t-shirt to put on.

"I will. It's the only choice I have and... you're there. I don't want to be without you anymore. I need you." I traced a finger down the side of the tablet.

"It's the best home you have and filled with the people who would do anything just to make you smile, sweet one... And... you need me... and I need you," Amir said.

I washed my hands and brushed my teeth while he did the same. We got into our beds and then Mr. Hamad came in and said it was bedtime. I said goodnight to Amir. He wished me sweet dreams and again lamented that he wasn't there to comfort and hold me. He promised we would have many days ahead of us for that. I laid there in the dark, quiet room and the bad feeling started to come back.

I was alone with my thoughts and they quickly turned against me.

I wasn't ready to be alone. I thought about calling my dad. Maybe he'd regret what he wrote. He was probably just upset with the situation. I felt awful that everyone was being ridiculed for the show I'd gone on. I should have known better. I hurt them all. I hoped they'd forgive me someday. I would try to lay low with the Hamads until everyone forgot about the stupid show. I'd go back home and they'd act like none of it ever happened.

Maybe if I called my dad or wrote him back and said I was ready to go to college and take classes. Maybe if I said I would like to learn the family business and help out. Maybe I could learn to like fixing sewers and plumbing problems. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad and then he'd welcome me and be proud of me.

Dad wasn't all that bad. Sure he said a lot of stuff when he was angry, but he always calmed down and things went back to normal. Lots of parents were like them and some of my friends had it worse than I did. Dad made a lot of noise, but he never hit us or denied us dinner or anything crazy like that. He just flies off the handle and then calms down. It's especially bad when mom gets upset. If we piss her off then he really loses it. That's probably what happened.

I thought about calling Amir back on the tablet, but I tried to just tough it out rather than disobey Mr. Hamad. Finally though, Emerson and Mr. H. came in to get ready for bed. I sat up and pushed up my sleeping mask. They froze and looked at me. I just shook my head. It wasn't going well for me. Sleep wasn't happening.

"Ok, it's ok Kasper. Go get into our bed. We'll be there soon," Mr. Hamad sighed. He and Emerson went to shower and I got into the big bed and waited for them. There was something deeply comforting about hearing them together in the bathroom. The rush of the shower, the buzz of their electric toothbrushes, the smack of their kisses, the gargling of mouthwash and towels sliding against skin... The little coughs and laughs, the din of a couple going through their nightly routine. It felt comforting to know that kind of love existed.

+++

"Today? For reals?" I asked with excitement as the four of us had breakfast around the dining table in the suite.

"Yes Kasper, we will leave in a few hours." Mr. Hamad sipped his black tea and checked work messages on his phone without looking up.

"Finally! I'm over this place," Ali said as he munched on his breakfast plate.

"I have to pack. You bought me so many clothes. I don't even have a bag for them! And Taj! I have to say goodbye to him!" I set down my fork and started thinking about all the things I would need to do.

"Finish your breakfast. You've hardly eaten this week and you're losing weight. You don't need to lose weight. You're already so small, Kasper." Mr. Hamad set down his phone and nudged my plate towards me.

"Yes sir," I said and worked through the small pile of eggs and toast. I ate it all, even the cup of fruit and yogurt with granola. I gulped down my green tea and waited for Mr. Hamad to finish. No one left the table with them until Mr. Hamad excused them. It was an unspoken rule in this family. I was learning them. I bounced my leg with nervous energy and waited for his signal.

"Kasper, don't get so worked up. The resort staff will be here shortly to pack everything. They'll bring the luggage Emi purchased for you. The jet will take us home when we are ready. There is nothing to worry about. I know Amir is anxious to have you back. We will be there in good time," Mr. Hamad assured as he laughed at my energetic frenzy.

The staff showed up just as Mr. Hamad was finishing his last bite of breakfast. It was my turn to set the dishes outside the suite. Ali was grateful that I was included in the chores. I stacked up the plates and the silver lids. I put everything nicely on the tray and then carried it over to the door. Mr. Hamad opened it for me and I set it down in the hall. There was a service worker there dusting a marble table in the hallway. He came to take the tray as soon as I set it down.

The packers put all our things into the bags as Emerson directed them. Everything was folded with perfect corners, the suits were hung in elaborate bags. Everything would make it to Satra in peak condition. I followed Emerson around pretending to help as he directed. He caught on to me though and sent me to brush my teeth so they could pack up the bathroom.

It was so sad seeing everything by the door waiting for the guy with the cart who would take it to a truck for delivery to the jet. I sat on the floor and looked around the suite. It had been a home and now it looked like any other luxury suite, not that I'd ever seen another one.

"I can't believe we're leaving... this feels like home," I said, realizing that I'd only been here for ten days. But still, my world had been rocked, this was home.

"Kasper, you're sad about the room?" Mr. Hamad asked incredulously. He came over to squat next to where I sat on the floor holding my tablet. He looked like he wanted to laugh, but also didn't want to offend me.

"Oh, sweet boy. This is nothing. You will love our family compound. You will have a room of your own in our house. I added on a room a few years back for a home office. The staff has already moved my things into another room and turned it into a bedroom for you. You will love it. I promise. Don't be sad for this, my heart." Mr. Hamad put his hands under my armpits and lifted me up to my knees so he could hug me against his chest. I knelt between his legs and buried my face into his shoulder. He laughed at my sentimental side.

"This is not your home, Kasper. Your home is waiting for you in our kingdom. Amir is waiting for you as well," Mr. Hamad whispered to me. He helped me up to my feet and kept his arm around my shoulder, his hand pressed against my chest as the man came to load our things.

We said goodbye to the suite. Ali handed me a backpack to put my tablet in. I found it was already packed with my toothbrush, snack bars, and other things Emerson thought I might want on the plane. He was a very thoughtful dad. Mr. Hamad let me pick out a small blanket from the gift shop with the resort name on it for a souvenir and nap on the jet.

As we were leaving, Ali handed me a zip-up hoodie. He said it was Amir's, but they both had one in the same color so Amir left it behind. I wasn't cold, but I put it on to feel a part of him. It still smelled a little like his cologne though I may have imagined it. I wouldn't take it off until I got back to him.

At the airport we drove the rental Mercedes right up to the waiting jet. I'd never been in one before. The workers were finishing up loading our luggage into it so we went aboard to get settled.

There was a desk area near the door and then behind that was a small living room set up with seats along the sides. There were no dividers between the seats so they made two small couches with seat belts. Behind that was a table with chairs and then a hallway that held a kitchen and connected to the bathroom.

Emerson seemed at home on the jet. He directed Ali to secure our carry-ons into overhead bins and then went to get bottles of water for us. Mr. Hamad talked to the flight crew and Ali put in his headphones and settled into a seat. When it was time to take off, we all sat down and buckled in. I was next to Ali with Mr. Hamad and Emerson across from us.

A steward guy was with us in the cabin. He was small, but handsome, maybe a year or two older than Ali. He had on a crisp white button up shirt, blue tie, and blue vest with black pants. He handed me a straw for the bottle of water. Mr. Hamad said that sipping it during take off would help my ears with the pressure change. The steward was the last to buckle in using one of the chairs in the dining area.

The take-off was crazy. The big airplane that brought me here from LA was pretty smooth, but the small jet put up a little fight as we zoomed down the runway and then lifted up into the skies. I looked nervously at Ali and he reached to take my hand. I leaned against him and he put his arm around me. I looked over to see Mr. Hamad studying me. I couldn't tell what the look on his face meant. He seemed to regard the way Ali and I were sitting, but I didn't know if he approved or not. I met his eyes for a moment but then looked away.

It went remarkably fast and soon we were up high and zooming over Africa towards Satra. The steward guy was up and moving around. He brought down a panel from the ceiling that turned out to be a movie screen. Mr. Hamad went to a back table and setup his laptop to get some work done. The steward went about pulling down the shades on the windows and a projection system brought up a menu on the screen.

Ali picked out an action film and put on the subtitles for Emerson who was stretching out on the other couch. Ali turned towards me so he could face the projection screen. He laid back and slid towards me so he could stretch out. He grabbed the pillow behind me and put it on his chest then patted it like he wanted me to lay my head against him. I didn't know what Amir would think of that so I stayed sitting up. He just shrugged as the movie started.

The more we got into the movie, the more Ali spread out until he had one foot propped up behind me on the seat back and one foot on the floor next to mine, his legs spread wide. He'd taken off his shoes and had his arms folded behind his head. I stayed in my upright position, not about to cuddle with my boyfriend's brother. Boyfriend? That word had never occurred to me. I guess that's what we were. I'd see what Amir thought. I looked back in the plane and saw Mr. Hamad was typing away on his laptop and across from us Emerson was half-asleep hugging his pillow.

Ali kept "accidentally" kicking my feet with the right one he had planted on the ground. Some explosion or gunfire would happen in the movie and he'd jolt and push on me with his right foot or his hands. He was being playful since I didn't want to lie down on his chest.

Things had changed between us over the last week. With Amir gone, Ali had taken me with him to the gym sometimes or out for a walk so the two Mr. Hamads could have some alone time. He'd warmed up to me a little as we talked and joked, but he still kept me at a distance. I was his brother's boy and not in his area of interest.

Then when I got that message from my dad and he read it and saw how upset I was, tried to comfort me. It changed things dramatically between us. He became more of a protective big brother with me. I wondered about him; what kind of guys he liked, if he was into more versatile guys like Amir was or did he want to be the alpha, was he getting close to me in order to protect his brother's interests while he was away? I knew so little about him. He was a closed book.

I got up to stretch and go pee. I came back and decided to get the blanket out of my backpack. The jet was cold and dark. I was getting sleepy and wanted to find a place to nap. I took the blanket and went behind Ali so I wouldn't block his movie as I unfolded it. I noticed him look back to see what I was doing. I turned my back to him and watched Mr. Hamad typing away at his keyboard. The older man stopped and met my eyes as if wondering what I needed. I just shook my head with a happy smile as a yawn escaped me.

"You're tired, little one? Ali can open the couch for you," Mr. Hamad said.

"Here, Kasper," Ali said. He stood and pushed a button on the side panel. The seat bottoms slid out and seat backs laid flat. It was like a really expensive futon. I slipped off my shoes. The steward came over to us carrying pillows and linens. He spread a velvet covering over the seat. It had elastic edges and was made to fit the seat perfectly like a thick sheet. He laid out a flat sheet on top of that and then a thin blanket.

Ali pulled up the blanket and I slid in. I laid down on the side next to the window. Ali laid next to me on his back and un-paused the movie. I turned on my side, facing him, to watch the movie and hug the pillow. I watched his chest rise and fall as he focused on the movie with his arms folded behind his head. I saw subtle differences between him and his twin brother.

Amir was a few minutes younger, but he was more serious than his older brother. Ali was more playful, less focused on the future. Amir talked about his studies, what he wanted to accomplish in his father's business. Ali liked to hang out in the background more, only emerging when Emerson needed translation or needed something moved, carried, stowed.

Even Mr. Hamad seemed to regard the boys with slight differences. He let Ali be more independent. It's not that he expected less of his eldest twin, and maybe I didn't really understand their relationship at all, but he seemed to treat him with a more hands-off approach than Amir. For his part, Emerson always showered both of his sons with endless affection and praise. They did the same for him. They never passed their dad without touching his shoulder, squeezing his hand, putting their heads on his shoulder, or offering to carry whatever Emerson held.

I was thinking about all this when I realized I had been staring at Ali's face. He noticed, but didn't seem to mind. He had turned towards me and our eyes locked. There was an intensity to his look that told me I needed to get back to Amir soon. His lips curled into a smile. He mouthed "Ok?" with questioning eyes. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. I felt his hand touch my cheek, his fingers run through my hair. I hadn't put it up that day, just brushed it straight.

I felt his body turn away from me and back to the movie. He was making the right choice, loyalty to his brother. I turned away from him too, towards the window with the opaque shade pulled down. I pulled the blanket over my head. It made a dark little pocket for me and I could nap.

The rest of the flight went smoothly. I did a yoga workout with Emerson and then we all had a late lunch.

After we ate, Emerson got his tablet and pulled me over to sit with him to have "A talk." It seemed serious.

He told me about when he was a kid and grew up without parents. He bounced around a few foster homes but never got a real family until he met Ali.

"I had a lot of feelings I had buried deep, Kasper. I only realized them when I got far into my yoga studies. I had held onto them for so long that they felt normal. When I uncovered them I found a lot of anger, sadness. It was just after we had the twins and the stress pushed me into a really bad place. I even tried to leave them. I thought I didn't deserve all this..." Emerson typed.

"Woah," I said. Ali Jr. was listening to something on his phone and Mr. Hamad was into his work. I couldn't imagine him leaving them and Amir.

"Rejection is the worst emotion, especially from the people who are supposed to be your strongest foundation. You shouldn't even have to question their support. It does horrible damage that might not even fully show up for years. Luckily I had Ali Sr., Mr. Hamad to you, who realized I needed help and looked out for me. He loves me more than I ever knew." Emerson looked up and watched his husband with adoration.

I didn't know what to say to that.

"We want you to have someone to talk to while you stay with us. There's a psychiatrist that specializes in this. Ali brought him to work in the kingdom long ago when I needed support. He stayed and fell in love with a Satran man. He's the best in the world. We both want you to spend time with him while you are here. To help sort out your feelings. Are you up for that?" Emerson wrote.

"I guess so. Does he know English?" I wasn't sure about this but he seemed like it was important.

"Of course!" Emerson laughed.

+++

The sun was just beginning to set when Mr. Hamad pulled me over to the window to see his kingdom.

"The university where Amir and Ali attend, the new energy tower built by the Chinese, my family's office tower," Mr. Hamad pointed at the sites as we did a loop around the city. He finally pointed towards a long runway and gleaming glass terminal building to show me the Satra Airport. We packed away the things we'd used on the trip. I folded the new blanket neatly.

"It's beautiful!" I said and looked out over the desert landscape. We buckled in and the jet made a perfectly soft landing on a side runway. He took us over to a private hangar just as the sun was going down behind it.

We came to a stop and the steward went to open the door and let down the folding stairs. As soon as he did that I heard a rumble of feet bounding up them. Amir's face peeked in and then he rushed me, pulled me to his chest, and hugged me tightly.

"Baby," he cooed against my ear as he pressed the air out of me. It was a warm night and he wore a simple black tank top and small grey shorts with matching nikes. His black hair was spiked up with gel and his wide, deep eyes looked at me full of emotion as he pulled away to see me.

I saw Mr. Hamad eye us with approval. Amir went to hug the rest of his family but I held onto the back of his shirt. He took my backpack and then noticed the hoodie I had on.

"Hey! This is mine? I left it?" he asked. I nodded. "Wait, what happened to the drawstring?" He laughed and pointed to the string on the right side of the hoodie.

"He sucked on it while he slept... and when we took off... and landed... I guess your boy likes his pacifier," Ali laughed as we walked to the car.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that." I told them I had a bad habit of chewing on the strings unconsciously when I was anxious. I'd done it since I was very young. My mom always got mad at me and said it was a bad habit like sucking my thumb. I guess I hadn't gotten over it.

"Actually, Kasper, Ali used to chew on the neckline of his t-shirts until he was... 4? 5?" Mr. Hamad asked Emerson who held up four fingers and laughed. Ali's face turned angry and embarrassed. Mr. Hamad put his arm around his son with a smug smile.

"Yeah but I'm 18 not 4... I'm sorry, Amir," I said, but he just squeezed my hand and smiled.

"That is truly fucking adorable, Kasper. You seriously chewed on my clothes?" He laughed then added, "You can chew on anything of mine you want... Well almost anything."

"Amir!" Mr. Hamad lightly scolded his dirty joke. Amir apologized halfheartedly. He led us to an oversized black SUV with a short, wide license plate that had Arabic script on it. He handed his father the keypad and led me to the backseat. Amir put me in the center and slid in next to me. Ali got in on my other side and leaned against the window with tired eyes.