All Comments on 'Keep Your Eyes On The Prize!'

Go in. Wake Daddy and tell him what happened. Embarrassing? Yes. Fatal? No. Jail time for Mr. King? You betcha. End of stupid story.

Thank you for your thoughts on the submission. Sorry you're not such a fan of the storyline, but thanks for reading it anyway.

Your other story was noncon, so you know what it is. Why didn't you put this one in noncon? You did a solid job creating the fame hungry idiot. (Melissa would have all the Kardashian sisters' apps on her phone) Kieren was both slick and sleezy. The multiple warnings that slid right past Melissa were almost funny. Being just the set up without the explicit aftermath allows the reader to fill in the blanks according to their own kinks or horrors. That successfully strengthen the story. I can't say I enjoyed it, but I can appreciate it.

Thanks for your thoughts too. I do seem to be having trouble with this area a little. My other submission as you say is in the non-con section, but is a significant edited version of the original one of which I received some feedback that it wasn't sexually explicit enough to really justify being in that section, hence the alterations being made.

I picked the BDSM section for this one as I felt that was a main theme of the story, despite as you correctly say being non-con in this case. Also the subsequent fate of Melissa is implied rather than actually realised in the story, so it might turn out differently for her if I decide to write a further chapter. I've had a few people already enquire if I am doing a follow-up to my other submission which I am already underway with.

I've not written any stories since I was at school many years ago, so I'm learning a lot again with each submission. I do appreciate everyone's thoughts and opinions on them, as critical, but fair comment is no bad thing to receive. I appreciate everyones time in reading and voting / commenting on my submission.

i like the concept & premiss for the story

i like the writing style

..

however both of your stories have problems with believability.

your stories require the reader to suspend any & all common sense

and most of the overtly English / European references do not add significantly to the tales , especially as most of the readers will not be British

..

as an American living in london for the last few years ..

i did get the Towie / Airhead Essex girl / Bimbo

but to most of your Non British Readers this will not have been apparent

.....

please keep writing , because your Story Ideas are interesting & your Writing is fluid & enjoyable to read .. but please work on the Believability of the Plots

...

For instance , with this one you could easily have had your protagonist bundled into a large packing crate / chest & delivered to a private Airfield for immediate

shipment to Eastern Europe for her film debut ..

SouthEnd / Biggin Hill / Manston / BlackBush airports

ALL operate private charter flights / privately owned planes that fly all over the EU

still not totaly believable .. but more so than the threat delivered in the story

.

voted 4 stars because i did enjoy it

and i hope encourages you to write more

Thank you for your thoughts and reading the story. I appreciate your comments and understand where your are coming from in what you say.

I've attempted to allow for the story's to have a basis in reality, but in doing the that the central characters have had to go along with things to an extent to fit the storyline and development of the other characters. Coming into Literorica, I have tried to introduce submissions which are a little different to current ones, but also maintain the high standard too.

I agree that perhaps with both stories being UK based I've perhaps made excessive references to this which people from other countries might not understand. I'll bare that in mind for future submissions where it's not relevant to the story.

Thanks again for your you helpful and encouraging comments.

I liked it a lot. Will there be a chapter 2?