Kevin

They started sleeping together soon after their intimacies. He was going through a hell of uncertainty and anguish ... and bullying and torment. They held each other most nights as if riding out a storm.

He never complained, that was what did it for her. Early on she saw his strength, his determination to be as normal as he could be and she realized she would do everything she could to help him get through it. That's the least she could do.

The sex was a shock. He was 18 by then. They had been sleeping together most of the time when one night he asked if he could put it in her.

Why? she had asked, shocked at the thought.

"I don't know," was all he said, "I just have to find out."

She knew he had a tiny penis, she had seen it many times before, he never hid it, never showed any shame of it and they had never talked about it. It just was.

It was flaccid when she pulled up his nightie. "Are you sure?" she asked.

"I have to know," was all he said, without enthusiasm.

She took it in her fingers and stroked it lightly until it slowly grew to its stunted height. Then she pushed off her pyjamas and opened her legs.

"It was the first time anyone had been on me since I got a terrified Cole Partridge to take my virginity on a shed floor in the back of his cottage. That was awful ... but necessary, this was weird ... but wonderful. I was actually surprised he knew what to do. He was so beautifully innocent then, like she is now, you just don't think she understands a lot of this. But of course she does, not only does she, she understands it from about a dozen different angles." She chuckled. "He thrust at me a few times, I couldn't even feel him in me, then he gave up and rolled away. He just lay there staring up at the ceiling. He had a smile on his face.

"What?" I asked. I couldn't understand his reaction.

He looked at me and grinned. "At least I'm not a lesbian."

We laughed together. I waited for her to speak some more. But that was the end of it. I drove for a half mile before I said, "Do you know what I find so unbelievably sexy about you?"

She looked over at me interested. "My tits? My ass?"

"Your honesty." I drove into the nearest driveway and stopped, unsnapped my seatbelt, leaned over, pushed my hand up under her shirt and seat belt, cupped her breast and kissed her frantically.

She kissed back as fiercely then after a minute pulled away. She was panting when she said, "You want honesty? I'll give you honesty. I want you. There. Do you find that sexy?"

We were back on the road in a few minutes, now in more of a hurry. But I slowed down within a mile and asked the question that had been bothering me since last night. "What in the fuck are you doing hanging out with a guy like me? It doesn't make any sense. You could have pretty much anyone you want. Why me?"

She took her time with the answer. "I kind of fell for you that first night, once I got over the shock that you had just fucked my sister. Karen had talked about you, a lot: you were a terrific guy; understanding; smart; fun; she often used the term 'original.' After I got over the shock that night and we all talked for an hour or so, I saw what she saw in you. You're cool, Jim and caring and real. I was drawn to you. Well, you want honest? You turned me on."

I couldn't see why. I still didn't get it.

"Afterwards, when I was driving home I wondered why. As you've pointed out, you're not exactly my type. I thought a lot about that. I get a lot of opportunities out there. A lot. But who are they? Guys in suits with briefcases. Guys on steep career paths. Guys with wives or mega-properties. Guys my age or older. In other words, guys just like me ... the me I wanted to escape."

She laughed scornfully.

"I've known for a long time I was going to get out as soon as I could, so the last thing I wanted was to date it, or, God forbid, marry it." She thought for a moment. "It happened in the car while we were waiting for Karen. I was a suit, talking legalese to you. You were a young guy who loved and wanted to protect my sister. You were uncomplicated, fun, quick to laugh and entirely sensible. Half way through the wait I thought, Jesus! Here it is! This is the kind of guy I want! A young guy, sharp, fun, a guy just starting out in life. If I could hook up with a guy like this I could lose the last five wretched years and start them all over again. Do it right this time. Live the kind of life I've wanted." She was really getting excited now. "The more I thought about it, and I've thought about nothing else, the more I thought: brilliant! Just do it! If he won't buy in, find one who will. But why look? You're here. Honesty? I'll tell you why I'm being so honest with you. I'm showing you all the goods. I'm trying to make the fucking sale. I want you."

I must have looked a bit bullied ... that's certainly the way I was feeling.

"Oh, for God sake," she said, "don't look so scared. If you don't want me fine, I can handle it, I'm just telling you what I'm feeling."

"I'm feeling threatened."

"Threatened." She laughed in contempt.

"I do."

"You're the big advocate of bushwhacking and what's that but taking risks, going for the gusto? I do it and you feel threatened." She was the master of scorn. "Is that all you feel? Threatened?"

"No."

"What else?"

"You're beautiful, you're smart, you're built, you're sexy how the fuck am I going to handle that?"

"With kid gloves."

"Seriously."

"Dive in, let's dive in together. You're starting your career in September so let's do some serious fucking around until then. If it works, great, if it doesn't will have peddled our asses through Europe, we're not going to be bored." I could feel her looking at me. I could feel the intensity. "Do it. Let's go bushwhacking."

It was a message as much to Karen as it was to me. When Steph took off her jacket she was falling out of her low-cut thin cotton top, the edge of her filmy pink bra clearly visible.

Karen laughed and looked at me. "And to think I could have had those."

I chuckled and kissed her cheek. "You're perfect the way you are." I found I was doing a lot more of this; talking to her as if she was a girl. I could tell she loved it; I was almost fully comfortable with it.

Karen was wearing perfume and was dressed far more girlie than usual. "What's up? Which one of us are you planning on hitting on?" She knew I knew the full story.

She pointed to the dining room table set for four. "I have a date."

Steph's eyes snapped to the table in near shock. "The one from the club?" Meaning the woman Karen brought home a week ago.

Karen didn't quite grimace, but it was close. "A friend of a friend," Karen said, enjoying her mystery.

"You move fast," Steph smiled admiringly, clearly relieved.

Karen laughed, sized up her sister's flaunted chest and said, "you think I move fast."

Steph tittered unselfconsciously. "The new me."

Karen smiled at me. We had talked a few times during the week. I wanted to find out how things went with Fattie, what she got out of it. She wanted to find out how things went with Stephanie ... from my perspective, she had already had Steph's de-brief. She smiled at me because the she knew 'the new me' she had referred to included me.

When Steph propositioned me in the car, I didn't really think she was expecting a commitment from me. I think it was just her way of saying she wanted to give our burgeoning relationship a real shot. I sure wasn't against that, she seemed the real deal as far as I could see and, physically, she excited the hell out of me. I'm an easy-going guy; I like the journey, haven't given a moment's thought to the destination. But why not? I'd give her a try, I'd be a fool not to, and I hoped it would work out but I sure wasn't going to make any commitment to her. Or was I? I agreed to take her with me on my bike trip a week after I graduated.

I was in the kitchen pouring Stephanie a glass of wine when Aundie arrived.

The woman who walked through the door was so stunning it was impossible to believe she could have a prick hanging between her legs. Impossible. And if she did, it would be the only masculine bone in her body. She was gorgeous, almost as tall as Steph but thinner, with long black hair. She is Asian. Maybe Pilipino. I was immediately struck by the aura of the quiet calm enveloping her, unflappable calm as if only she is occupying the space. And grace and confidence, affable grace and quiet confidence and she was emitting an over-powering zen-like peace and kindness. It was quite a package, as much metaphysical as physical. She had me reeling.

And I wasn't alone. Karen was fine, she was herself, unfazed and cheerful. But Stephanie had changed. Literally. A few minutes after Aundie arrived, Steph walked down the hall from the bathroom with her shirt bunched up showing a hint of flat belly but a lot less of her bare chest. I laughed. Aundie had that effect. You just wanted to be proper, on your best behaviour.

But with Steph in the room how long could that last? Aundie sipped water and smiled through our brief, meaningless conversation before dinner but we didn't get through our soup before Steph succumbed to her curiosity and her new, bushwhacking self.

"You know," she said, her elbows on the table framing her untouched soup, "you can't walk in her looking like that," she flicked her long, beautiful fingers towards Aundie, "behaving like that, sitting there beside my sister like that and not have me needing to know everything there is to know about you. I know this is a bit sudden, but could you give me something?"

We all laughed, even Aundie. It was the utter exasperation in Steph's voice.

Aundie paused a moment then smiled and said, "I am, yes."

Stephanie protested immediately. "That isn't what I meant!"

Karen bailed her out. "Aundie's a nurse, Steph, at Grace, in oncology. She's 29, born near Toronto. She moved her when she was 15, fled here."

"Oh," Stephanie said sheepishly.

"Fled?" I picked up on Karen's word.

"I came from orthodox parents. I had three brothers."

There was a prolonged and awkward silence as we all tried to uncode this information then the Bushwacker chimed in again. "Well, the only orthodoxy you'll find around here is love and respect, right?" Then she pressed on, "Did you know I'm going on a bicycle trip this summer? Ya, I'm taking Jim with me, we're going through Europe, France mainly."

Aundie left just after dinner but not before Stephanie managed to arrange a follow-up date where Karen and Aundie would see a movie she recommended. And a further date, to a favourite restaurant.

Aundie was laughing when she left, far more relaxed than when she had arrived. She gave us all a kiss at the door and Karen an additional hug.

After the door closed Karen turned away. She obviously wanted to be alone with her thoughts. So no one spoke as we cleaned up, and when we finished we put on our jackets to leave.

"You're in love." Stephanie was hugging Karen.

"God, I just never ever expected to feel this way."

Stephanie stepped away from her and grabbed my arm, pulling me into her. She had that fantastic beaming smile on her face. "Great, isn't it?"