All Comments on 'Kevin's Trip Pt. 01'

Very good. Looking forward to hearing how he escaped and remained hidden and able to start a new life.

Hook is well set. Bring on Pt. 2. Thanks

Love your stories. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Good beginning!

5

I know what happens but I'm not telling... :-) It's good though.

Wow, can a story be less superficial and go so fast. The cheating and a full trial to be found guilty in a few paragraphs. Not much substance in this one.

Not sure where this craziness is going, but don't wait too long to finish it. A lot of time had to pass for the three of them to be arraigned, go to trial and be sentenced so the question of what happened to the husband in the mean time should be (hopefully) interesting.

Rate this after part two. But grad students working on phd’s would not be on a football team. Give u an out on this because Covid gave them an extra year. Pretty short. Would have liked a little more meat. Look forward to next installment.

Great start, I am looking forward to seeing what happens.

I hope that Kevin is alright!

u got me Mr. MattblackUk.

man, only one story that is a non-cuck story today.

and it was a short one.

It was a great idea for a story, but this first chapter was so short. It felt like you rushed it and I'm not sure why you didn't just add the husband's fate onto the end.

The truth in part 2…..OMG!!!!! The suspense is keeping me asleep!

Creative to say the least. PUMA? REALLY? You wrote clearly and with proper grammar. I'd like more detail in the house, and yard. Did Kevin taste blood, did the grass smell sweet or feel cool and damp? I'm looking forward to the next installment.

Cheap cliffhang

Interesting take...

5 stars

Cagivagurl

Thanks for sharing...

Wow! Really?

Mattblack ?

Convicted?

So police didn't continue to watch the Ring video when he got up and left?

What the hell Matt, you can do better than this. Where is your character development, backstory or anything that would make sense of this dogs breakfast of a story?

Only one page for a chapter!

Why not post the story in its entirety if its so short?

Good beginning; set the immediate circumstances up well but...I assume with part 2 there will be more background provided on the wife and her blatant disregard for any security measures against being discovered...and just why she was so cavalier in her disrespect for her husband. Her character (as well as the husband's) are only superficially described. The all-important WHY such a situation (affair/dom/sub action) developed.

Kudos on a promising start. Keep writing.

If they had CCTV footage, they would have seen the husband crawl away.

After all, the same footage showed them dumping the hapless husband so it’s impossible that the body would have moved without being seen.

Ergo, there was no body, no proof of a crime. Simply 2 guys who threw a drunk and possibly violent man on the lawn after being invited into their home to have a consensual romp with the wife.

I’m not a lawyer but there is no evidence of a crime.

Just glad the three cheating shits were gaoled for lengthy sentences.

I hope hubby is in the Caymans living it up.

It very difficult to get a murder charge to stick without a body. The cameras would show the body put out back. So if he survived how did he disappear . And why ? Run ! And hide.

interesting story but a first year law school student gets the charges dropped way down, maybe 1-2 years for assault, without a body. If he shows back up eventually a mistrial will be declared and everyone released.

At 1400 words, there's no need to make us wait for part two.

Read like a newspaper report. Undeveloped story to the extreme.

Honestly ? Sure it's all fantasy, but a little bit of realism is require, since when is it okay to deliver half a page of dot form bits of data get a bit more of a flow we know you can having read some of your other offerings. [fyi no score not even a 1]

Great so far! Please publish part 2 quickly. 5 stars.

So there is a "heavy trail of blood down the stairs and through to the door" which the wife did not see when she came down in the morning? Story just seems totally unbelievable to the point of disinterest.

Nice start! I’ll look forward to the next chapter.

Ugh - Just the shell of a story with more holes in the plot schema than a screen door. You're usually better than this. 3*

Dang I hope you have the next one already done. I don't want wait too long I'm actually really curious what happened to him. Hoping he went on to have a decent life.

“He sailed through airport security at both ends;”. What security is there to go thru at the destination end?

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“Although somewhere deep within her psyche an atavistic instinct enjoyed seeing two real men beating her husband.” No matter what “truth” is revealed in Part 2, assuming this statement in the story is true, Helen got off light!

.

Why didn’t the ex cops security cam record the body either being removed….or getting up itself and departing? Or is that ex cop part of “the truth” to be revealed?

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Gets 3 ***……and only for tne suspense of what “twist” could explain this mess.

Of course, everyone got lawyered up and each tried to blame the other, coming up with fanciful theories that Tony or Mike, Mike or Tony, or Helen by herself, or Tony with Helen, Helen with Mike and Helen, Mike and Tony had gotten up in the night and, somehow, disposed of the body of Kevin.

In Part two will you explain how, Helen with Mike and Helen pulled it off?

Way too rushed.

Okay, I'll hang in for part 2.

you have peaked my interest on this one

a clueless cuck comes home, thinking he has a good marriage and his cheating wife is excited by him getting beaten (to death?) by the two students????

Seriously? "Although somewhere deep within her psyche an atavistic instinct enjoyed seeing two real men beating her husband" ???

Sounds like he was truly clueless about his wife.

Not fond of the teaser-to-be-continued technique

Forget the truth. Fast forward 2 years when Helen is let out on parole. (You know they would not keep a female college professor locked up too long, heavens no!) Kevin watched her release from the driver's side of his car. Yes, he did survive. " Now dear, the fun begins."

OK, now let your imagination run rampant with the terrible, dark, even psychotic plans of revenge going through Kevin's mind and relay them to the reader.

Give a new writer a 3, just because he or she is just beginning. There was little to no meat on the bones of this story. Hopefully part 2 will be better.

Convicted with no body? No. Bled out after being beaten up? From what, a bloody nose? Why was wife arrested? She was tied up.

What a silly story so far. A really good start but totally unrealistic action by a wide who up to this point in the story of e have no idea didn’t actually like her husband.

Matt usually writes a much more compelling tale.

The end of this chapter was very rushed.

1. Too short, and 2. A lousy spot to end it. There was no reason not to.just combine parts 1 and 2 into one chapter.......ugh

Can't wait.

Good start. A little short but still 5 stars.

Too short.

What a tease of a story. Congratulations!

Don't really care what happened. She let two students beat the hell out of her husband, then went right back to fucking them. With any justice at all, she'll end up with her neck in a guillotine and their cocks in the same.

Interesting. I'm looking forward to see where you take this. One point I don't understand - why would Phd candidates be on a college football team? That is normally for undergrads, and maybe for a master's student that hasn't used up their eligibility, but a doctoral candidate? When these 3 eventually do get out of prison, their lives are ruined. They will have felony convictions associated with murder (hopefully Kevin got away and is living life somewhere as). They will be lucky to get jobs as janitors or other low paying, non-skilled work.

Looking forward to see how this plays out.

I can't wait for chapter 2! I hope he is alive and well, happy that the cheaters are in prison! The Cheaters have gotten what they deserved! LOL I love a happy ending! 5 stars to MB great writing my friend.

Thanks for the teaser!

Oh, that was the first chapter?

Never mind…

I’ll give you a 3 for starters but it’d better get more interesting soon.

Nope. Very simplistic. Plot makes too many jumps.

too much squeezed into the last few paragraphs. It seemed like you tired of telling the story. It could be a good one.

Ohhhhhh, you tease! I wanna know what happened to Kevin!!!!

thumbs up for part 2

Somewhat interesting. Sure seemed rushed.

Passed over a few bits that would have made this installment better:

- Notion of a timeline from event to investigation to end of trial.

- Formal reaction of the University regarding their Professor and students.

- Calling someone getting injured in a car wreck "good luck", is a bit off key unless you hated the person.

Three stars, but could have easily been 4 without much more effort.

I’m hooked. Let’s have the punch line.

3* Too many plot holes although this was a decent try at a mystery LW. PHD students and football players are an oxymoron. I used to tutor those low IQ guys.

Anon said: "Read like a newspaper report..."

I'm a bloody newspaper reporter? Whadya want, Chaucer?

Here's some Chaucher:-

And smale foules maken melodie,

That slepen alle night with open eye,

So priketh hem nature in hir corages;

Than longen folk to gon on pilgrimages.

Canterbury Tales. Prologue. Line 9.

Oh! You didn't want Chaucer, either? Oh, well!

Rushed outline of what might be a good story.

Again with this bizarre fetish of posting very short stories and chapters!

Has this infected all lit authors?

Why do they do it?

There are some PhD students who continue to play college sports, including football. Not many, but some.

As if!

Hmmmm... footballers on a PhD track. Not if they are on an undergraduate scholarship. They don't even have a Masters degree, yet. In most states in the US, not sure about in the UK, she would be as legally culpable as her two boy-toys. While murder without a body is difficult to prosecute, but it's not unheard of, especially when a good blood trace analysis is possible. Science, you know. Can't wait for Chapter II! 5/5!!

Imaginative, but perhaps amateurish! Perhaps, because it is possible, but not likely, that MBUK will have Patrick Peters’ elaborately reported (but miserable) communication deficits tie into a totally unpredictable explanation of Hubby’s fate! Which will also explain the Lucky Fuckers’ decision to lie about Hubby’s deposit in the bushes instead of on the lawn!

I believe that many (or all) US states allow for Habeas Corpus to be satisfied with clear evidence of a descendant’s loss of critical body-parts (such as half a skull plus some brain cells … or a lot of blood!)

My money is on the neighbor who is a descendant of Dr. Frankenstein and who walks her dog past Hubby’s house every evening.

I hate to break the news but PhD folks barely know football exists. And football players at best can spell phd

I'm not sure this story can be saved, it's so scattered and all over the place.

Thank you, Mr. Black. Looking forward to part two. Randi.

Given your history I will wait to rate the finished product. Thanks for the effort.

A very interesting story. Why was there no video of the Hudson leaving the scene?

Not much "there" there.

So far-So good. 5 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Lightning start Matt, bring in part 2 ASAP please

Lol. Now I know what the low score is about. 5 stars

... For such a short story, why did you feel the need, author, to tell us twice what Detective Ford thought of the two jocks? You know we got it the first time around, right? Anyway...

Except for this annoying writing mistake, 'can't really judge, at this time, this story til we get the full picture. Hopefully, we readers won't have to wait too long to get it.

Soo the cctv was able to show that they dragged him out but not what happened to him after? The cameras just stopped rolling after the kids went back into the house?

Yeah... Aite

Bag of rocks

Had to laugh at your humor. Thank you! 5 BIG ONES!

Why break up a story when part one is only 1300 words? And when that short, it seems purposefully a tease, esp. when part two is not posted next day. Splitting chapters should be more a courtesy to readers, and not an inconvenience.

"...we left him on the lawn" and "...dragged behind some bushes" don't really align. I suspect a planned set-up with an assist from the ol' neighbor retired officer.

I think a chupacabra got Kevin. Waiting for the conclusion. Three stars ⭐️ for this one.

BTW : football players aren’t usually aren’t PhD candidate material.

So there ‘s security footage of the husband being tossed out of the house, but nothing of what happened to his body?

Looking forward to the next chapter

This wasn't worth the time to read.

Well it sure was fun. Im going to guess that only part of the shrubbery was within range of the CCTV cameras of the neighbors. Otherwise, it would fall apart.

GREAT story!!!!!!!!!

Please, send part two soon 😉👍

Interesting..... Murder (?) mystery

Eagerly waiting for the next part....

Yeah right…..football players who are PHD students. And doing cocaine. How about them being models and firemen as well.none of those things go together. You tried to add too many unrelated details that defin do not fit.

idk feels a lot like u wrapped up the marriage part which that type of fuck up in a marriage needs more 1 page for that makes it seem like the marriage was just a byproduct which means this story is in the wrong cat. guess we will see in next chapter but with all the other in prison doesnt seem like theres any LW in the story anymore

Footballers doing drugs while working on their PhD...

Wife laughing while watching those two beat her husband half to death, but then freaking out about it when she can't find him...

They called the police while the house is full of drugs and a massive blood trail leads through the house...

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I get WHY you wrote those parts in. You needed the wife to be a bitch, but increase the readers sympathy with the MC. You needed them to call the police while the house was full of evidence, so they'd get a satisfying punishment. But I would prefer it to make at least SOME sense...

Think before write

Wife's a slut that had 2 students fucking her. However, she did nothing to stop their savage beating of her husband when he came back early from his work trip. They leave drugs & all types of evidence for the cops to find? Granted, some would be found, but there doesn't seem to have even been a clean-up attempt. And for taking drugs during that sorry escapade, when they're research students? And they're dumb as rocks, according to the police?

---> It's a strain to believe all that. Perhaps if the story wasn't so short & had more explanations on things, especially the relationship between wife & the 2 students, the story might've been better. I tried reading part 2, but stopped. Just outrageous Sci-Fi, which with some changes, should've been a different story. 2 stars on this one. Bob

Actually all three went from being a professor and PhD students to test subjects in behavioral, drug and deviant sex studies.

Oh so silly but fun